Newbies Nest

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Good Morning, Nesters!!
Awards time!!!! Will 3J please step up to the microphone?
It is with GREAT pride that we are able to bestow upon you, this major award for Excellence. 4 months in OUR world is HUGE!! This award is given in honor of Lav's dear babies....the Stella Award! For 4 months of unending sobriety!!!

:chick:

This goes to the chick that makes it look easy!! I'm not going to mention the 4 week vacation you just had....(jealous) but we are so glad you're back! You really HAVE given back and I hope you continue to do so. Thank you for making this a better place!! So when is your actual quit date 3June2013? You might consider putting that in your signature line so we can keep up with it. :H:H:H Well Done!! We are so proud of you!

Ican, you won't find a soul to ridicule a fall to AL around here. If there were prizes for falling I'd have the Collector's Edition! I'm serious, I tried for a solid year! It was NUTS and I felt like a total failure. Lav kept picking me back up and telling me to shore up my plan. She'd ask me what got me? It was stupid what would catch me off guard! (the day had a Y in it?) I just wasn't committed. I was giving in to the spoiled child and every time I did it gave him power and took it away from ME. Trust me when I say we understand....this is a bitch. BUT YOU WILL GET IT! Once you get over a really rough edge you get stronger and the reasons get weaker. I actually found (upon refection) that the reasons that I thought were mounting up, were really just excuses that AL was making for me to cave. Normal people get speeding tickets and they don't drown it in a bottle. Normal people have unexpected guests that show up without calling and they don't yield....it was just me LOOKING for excuses. Now I don't let myself get away with stuff like that. NO MATTER WHAT AND NO MATTER WHO. Period. It's not negotiable anymore. Makes it a lot easier. I don't give myself that 'out' anymore. There is NO choice to make. NO means NO. That helped me. We are all pulling for you!! If it stayed so hard, none of us could do it!

Rahul, I could go pull out a couple of your posts after you started drinking again if there is any doubt in your mind that you can moderate. You were in the pit of despair...your life and your family's lives were suffering. Once you accept that you are an ALK, things get better, not worse! Why continue to torture yourself? Accept it and move along into the AF life and ENJOY it! Don't look back, there ain't nuthin back there but despair and pain. I checked. Plus, the drinking doesn't improve it gets more intense...you drink more and feel less. It's an awful cycle. Protect your 6 days like an interest bearing savings account!! It will grow and you will prosper! Protect your investment...it pays really good dividends!!!

Friday is just another day....The only thing we deserve at the end of this day is to FEEL great and sober! No Guilt/Shame/Remorse!! I had to learn to reward myself with other things (just like Lil Beagle said). AL is NOT a reward it IS the punishment!! Stay the course, everyone. We're all right here with you! We can do this together! Byrdie

[rebirth]

Newbies Nest

Rusty!! Its so nice to reconnect with old cyber friends like you. I havnt been back in years..so much has happened. Send me a pm as I would love tyo hear from you too xx

BCP- I always love hearing stories such as yours. Well done on your AF period. That's amazing! Maybe I can do the same but one step at a time. Got to get through this weekend first...

3J- Well done to you too! Massive achievement!

Byrdlady- So true what you wrote. Very inspiring. Thank you. Its just one excuse after another to drink. 100% commitment is the key to success.

[NoSugar]

Newbies Nest

little beagle;1564365 wrote: . And I will say this (the no sugar people will be on my case) I go to Dairy Queen and get a Georgia Mud Fudge blizzard. It's used as a last resort but it really works for me. Drinking al is impossible after that.
.

Hey, LB - no judging should be going on around here .

I think everyone should do whatever works for them to kick this beast out of their lives.
It doesn't mean you aren't ever going to retire that tool - at some point, you'll no longer need it. (But keep it on a shelf where you can get to it quickly if you ever are tempted to drink!).

My main tools at the beginning were hanging out on MWO and treating myself like I would someone I loved who was ill - I pretty much didn't do anything that I didn't feel like doing unless it was an outright mandatory responsibility.

I can't say I loved myself very much last winter, but I acted as if I did and the longer I stayed AF, the more I regained my self-respect and -confidence. I still like to be on MWO and think it is extremely important to stay connected and I continue to try to be kind to myself but I'm no longer staying in my protective cocoon.

When I've hit rough patches, I've immediately connected on MWO. I guess that would be my suggestion for you, Ican, and I know you've done it before - I've seen your posts on evenings when you were fighting that battle with AL. But last night I don't think you posted until it was too late. Maybe deep down you didn't want to be talked out of drinking.

Please, no matter how desperate you are feeling, make the commitment to come here and post before you take that first drink. Tell us (really, yourself!) what is so awful that drinking will improve. Even if there is no one here to respond, the break in the action that you give yourself, and the thinking needed to present your argument for drinking, likely will be enough to stop you. Plus, odds are that your pro-AL argument is going to look pretty weak to you in print.

Hang in there Ican - I just know you can do it and as long as you are willing to come back and try again, there is hope. I'm so glad you didn't slink away. :l

[lifechange]

Newbies Nest

Byrdie, as always, right on-I always get so much from your long posts. Good reminders from someone who's been there and done that! I'm so happy to be at the point where not drinking is "easier" than having to deal with the consequences of drinking. I think ANYTHING is easier at this point than dealing with those consequences--and for the first time--on the farm!--I thought about sneaking a glass or 4 of boxed wine (gross!) 'cause of stress and wanting to escape, and my mind immediately jumped to the after-picture. That's all it took and it was over-- is that what it's like when you exercise the muscle?

Ican, I really feel for you--:l we all do-- and you are doing the best thing in the world by continuing to come and post. You aren't giving up! You can--the only thing I wanted to add, is like Lbeagle said with lighting a candle and saying a serenity prayer, sometimes it really helps me to read something spiritual, something that reminds me that a greater power does exist. That life is so much more than we perceive at times. I don't know, but it helps me- it seems like almost each time you've made it to around a week-? is that right?

I saw Elvis checking in again and Kailey and Londoner-- how are you all doing?

Gambler, I had to pull out the Prophet after your first quote and it was great to have on this little trip-it was only 4 days, but it seemed like a month with the amount of "stuff" I had to work through. I picked up and read, Speak to us of Giving... which was amazing to read and exactly what I needed in the moment. So I thank you for bringing him back into my life..

Lav, I want to be a farmer in this life! I just haven't yet figured out how to do it. On October 1st, 9 little chicks hatched and I had to think of you. That mama hen was so fiercefully protective of her babes. Good mama!

I don't know what else to say-- I'm between worlds right now. Still trying not to be too rash with decision making. One step at a time. Baby steps!
Welcome to any Newbies I haven't met-- and a big Hello to any Nesters I missed! This place was popping this week...

[lifechange]

Newbies Nest

Great post, Nosugar! I like the part about doing for yourself as you would for someone who is sick-- I think we really need that level of care at times and instead of giving to ourselves and graciously receiving, we jump on the negativity wagon. I know that's what I've done-I'm so stupid, I'm so weak, I'll never get it, I've wasted so much time, and on and on and on. Actually we need to CARE and look out for ourselves-- I also liked the "acting" part-- I feel like I've done that a lot the past month. When I read back on my posts I sound strong and sure of myself for the most part-- but I was pretty proud of myself and sighed a sigh of relief when I actually made it to 30 days!! Now I REALLY feel more like I wanted to and struggled to such a short time ago.

[Icanwithoutacan]

Newbies Nest

Thanks all! NS you are probably right. I prob didn't want to be talked out ... It's weird bc in the morning I felt so strong and sure in my sobriety.... I have a problem with wanting things to be perfect and feeling like it is my responsibility to make it so .... But bc I know that's impossible I end up not doing anything and start a cycle of overwhelm etc.... Anyway yesterday it hit me around 1:00 and I was so tense when hubs got home and he commented on how I was tense bc I hadn't done what needed to be done... Well no shit! Anyway I just broke down crying .... And then drank ..... Makes no sense bc it didn't help me get anything done ....opposite really. Anyway hubs wasn't being mean just wrong words at wrong time and I had been beating myself up all day ... Then I let AL come beat me up more

Thank you for all support ... I like serenity prayer and candle idea
I think if I write problem in black and white then work on realistic solutions that may help too

[NoSugar]

Newbies Nest

Hi, again, Ican

Our brains are complicated! Your rational morning brain isn't the one in charge later when you're upset or angry, overwhelmed, mad at someone; just responding to what is going on.

That is a completely different part of you and it is the part that, if you needed to run away from an actual threat, needs to be in charge. While not doing something perfectly or a pissy husband aren't life and death threats, it is natural to want to escape from them. So you drink.

That is why the real, rational, morning you has to have a set-in-stone plan for the emotional, I want to get out of here you to put in place without having to think about it. That part can't "think" - it just responds. Those of us here on MWO found a response that seems to work well in the short-run but turns out to be so self-destructive.

You have to figure out how to do your own intervention when that happens. Light the candle and pray. Meditate. Post. It has to be something your primitive, fight-or-flight brain can handle so it can't be complicated.

:h NS

[Dottie Belle]

Newbies Nest

Morning all,
Beautiful day here....summer is hanging on a little longer and i am ready for fall.
Dropped off 1 doggie at vet to get her teeth cleaned...breath was realy bad...doggie breath...
We have many errands to run..dh is down in the back but he is the passenger today. Good excuse for me to drive..will visit dad while we are out.
Friday is just another day....
Dottie

[rebirth]

Newbies Nest

Lets be strong today. We can do this!

[Further]

Newbies Nest

Day 5 for me. Had a tough time yesterday not stopping at the store on the way home, per my usual routine. I kept thinking, I could just have one or two. Who am I kidding! If I could do that, I wouldn't feel like shit so often. So, I made it, barely. Just focusing on how good I have felt this week. Man, I wish mj was legal, it would really help. But as my mom would have said, wish in one hand, pee in the other, and see which one gets full first : )Oh well, I need to get some things done. Hope everyone has one more good day!!

[rebirth]

Newbies Nest

Further - going through a similar struggle at this precise moment. I would have had a glass of wine by now. This is tough. :-/

Gonna have a long relaxing shower.

[NoSugar]

Newbies Nest

Hi, Rebirth

One option (that I love!) is going to bed early and enjoying falling asleep, not passing out.... being able to read in bed (and remember)... I was extremely tired and cold for the first couple weeks anyway so going to bed early served all sorts of useful purposes!

Just hang in there! Friday really is no different than any other day. Once you are done with AL, all of the days are truly yours!

All the best to you, NS

[lifechange]

Newbies Nest

How is everyone this lovely evening?

Further, good going yesterday! Do you have a plan for this afternoon/evening? Funny saying your mom has-- sounds a bit like Byrdie's, Hope is not a plan!

And how are you, Rebirth? We're about the same time zone--I'm just an hour ahead. What are you up to tonight? I got hungry with all the crock pot talk earlier and made a huge chilli (without the crock), then watched a very silly movie with the girls. Now I'll be around here for awhile-- famous last words! Usually I fall asleep just immediately after saying those words.

How are you holding, Ican?

Thinking of you all and hope to see you--

[broken halo]

Newbies Nest

Hi Nesters!

It's been a particularly busy week for me, I haven't posted as much as I like to as a result. Day 90 yesterday I think, or was it the day before? I have lost track.

Rebirth, nice to meet you, well done! Ican, keep trying, you can do this.

A couple of things I want to mention to those that are struggling. Make a conscious effort to change your thought processes about AL. You really aren't missing anything other than misery and heartache. Make a list of what you can gain by being AL free and what you will actually lose. I know what I have lost. Hangovers, impaired judgement, making an arse of myself, overspending , being ill, embarrassing loved ones as well as myself, the list goes on and on. So does the list of what I have gained, that is endless and precious to me

The other thing I want to mention is the science thing.

I have felt really good since giving up AL, really good. My life is so much better now than it was before, I feel like I am dreaming sometimes. But not 100% of the time. Sometimes I feel low, under the weather, a bit shaky, overwhelmed, emotional. But so do other people, people who aren't alkies or even drinkers.

Everyone struggles at times, and it doesn't always have to come back to the fact that we used to drink, or are trying to get sober. Being alkies, we first and foremost think a drink will fix things, but we know that's not true.

Life has challenges for drinkers and non drinkers alike. We just have to learn to deal with them without making them worse by giving into AL' s seduction.

I know it's easier said than done, but thanks to the long timers here, I took that message on board and it really helped me. I hope reiterating it might help someone else, that's what this place is all about

[Justme223]

Newbies Nest

Hi all, I've recently had a very bad experience with alcohol and realize it was the main culprit. I'm ready to take control and take my life back. Day 3