Newbies Nest

[available]

Newbies Nest

Oh Cat would it not be lovely to be normal and have the one and not the other 99 that go with it.

Its so hard to have two sets of rules for a teenager to go by. God they find it hard with just the one set of rules. I would not let him go to his mothers, god some women should never have children at all i reckon but it is his mum i suppose and he must be confused about it all. Kids just take so much time and effort and if you see them helping themselves then you want to help but when they dont you just think why should i bother when they are not.

Bite the bullet and try again with him, the end results if you get through are so worth it and you will know that without your help he would be like his other brothers. I am lucky with my kids that they all are kind of "normal" except for the one lol, we always have to have one.

A hug says a thousand words Cat and then theres the discipline. I tell my son constantly that i love him but i wont tolerate his behaviour and then i walk away and fume and want AL. Know how you feel and he is 25 now.

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

CONGRATS to all the award recipients today!!!

available, glad you survived your weekend.
I am pretty sure that I have no quits left so I avoid the temptations, blow off the mind chatter & just protect my quit. It's what I have to do & I'm OK with that

Cat, I have to ask you - why do you think 'a glass of wine' is going to help you? Honestly, it won't change anything or improve the situation with your stepson. I'm sure you already know all that because you are here on MWO looking for better alternatives. You need to honor yourself & be proud of your 14 AF days! A 16 year old can be managed provided you find his weak spot. With my kids it involved their freedom, the car keys, anything that was important to them at the time
How about doing a bit of bargaining with him? He improves his grades & you will allow him _____(something important to him). Be creative, be positive & be loving - it works!

Wishing everyone a safe night in the nest!
Lav

[gambler]

Newbies Nest

Good Hour Fellow Nesters

available;1568278 wrote: thank you all so much for your support, i do appreciate it more than you guys will ever know and I hope i have not let anyone down.

Now i have so much reading to catch up on. Its not worth being off here and missing out on the action.
Im pretty sure I know how you feel Available. Im happy to hear you sounding positive and your overall sense of being in your type is very reassuring. I dont think you can let any of us down so dont worry bout that.. keep things positive and keep things up including your chin..

Cat Belle;1568296 wrote: Ok everyone-needing some help here. Ok.....breathe

Hello Cat..sorry I cant really help out on the family front. Its a hard thing for anyone to go through. My brother at 16 was like that to our mother. One day the step dad took him to the floor and all I could do is run down to the barn and cry. Its a bad deal but you have your AF life thats takes priority. Sure a drink or 3 could help for a short time ( 20 minutes tops ) then after things get worse. Without being on top of your game you could do or say things that you might regret. ( sorry I had a better way of putting this before the page messed up and lost my whole post ). I feel for you but Im confident you will pull through.


So today was yet another great day. I would go into greater detail ( again ) but I just had my whole post wiped out due to a new found sticking key on my trusty keyboard. So good news that I found my posting problem but bad that I had a real fun post about to get entered into the archives. But now its a bit overdue for my bedtime so Im going to chalk it up to today was a special day that was meant to be for just me and my boys all to ourselves

A quicky is that I switched up cooking to some great deep fried chicken that was wolfed down until we were all full..then about 5 minutes later I switched things up with dessert which was a home run. We packed in so many fun things and we didnt even have to make an effort about it.

Anyways I gotta put my hat away for the day..

Wishing everyone a safe and AF week ahead.

Dave

[Samstone]

Newbies Nest

Cat
Imagine that you are totally content with who you are without any aid of an outside influence or altering of yourself. The things you think you need in order to relax do not exist because you are happy with who you are. Even if the outside is full of the BS that truly seems to be there, the booze is only a temporary mask, usually filled with remorse and regrets, not to mention usually a good dose of guilt.

You can either handle the booze or the booze handles you. My Grandpa use to say "what good is just one drink". You just gotta be honest with yourself because booze is the great deceiver.

The more you fight the urge to drink, the more you're thinking about it. The less you think about the urge to drink, the less you have to fight it and the more it becomes the norm to be without. Acknowledge the fact you don't drink and be glad that you can handle the situations in a sober, rational fashion. Acknowledge your freedom.

best
Sam

[Londoner]

Newbies Nest

Well, October has been the worst month for me. I have drunk every Saturday of the month.

I feel like I have ruined myself psychologically, physiologically and financially.

I feel selfish. I don't want to interact with my family or friends. I just want to curl up into a ball or watch programs online. I have lost motivation to work. I am missing workouts again (which is a very bad sign).

I really have a problem now. And it makes it that much worse as no one close to me is really aware of my problem. They don't know that I go out getting as drunk as I do and out partying for up to 24 hours at a time.

I need to make this my rock bottom. It all stems from that first drink. That brings out an alter ego. I lose all concept of reality the more drink I pour down my throat. I end up places I should not be. I end up doing things I should not be. My expectations of myself are not in line with my reality. And that is not a good place for me. It brings on the guilt. Reality feels like a blur after a binge session.

I need to give myself 4 weeks of no going out at all. Solitary confinement as it were. I need to restore the hormonal/chemical balance in my body that allows me to be truly happy. The guy that smiles for real, and does not force smiles to give the illusion that all is well.

I am even selling a ticket for a really big night in a couple of weeks, as I know exactly how that night will end up for me - 'just one' will be turning into begging the others to come out partying after.

(excuse the shouting, but it helps) I AM FED UP OF SOUNDING LIKE A BROKEN RECORD. I AM FED UP OF LETTING PEOPLE DOWN ON HERE. I AM FED UP OF GOING ROUND IN CIRCLES. THE ONLY WAY I AM GOING TO REACH MY GOALS IN LIFE IS IF I STOP DRINKING ALCOHOL FOREVER.

I am going to use the solution orientated approach to get myself out of this rut. Forget the problem and concentrate on the solution.

- There are about 78 days until New Years.
- I am going to print off a calendar and put habits in each day - work, nutrition, exercise, sleep, no drinking etc.
- I am going to make each day is good as possible.
- I am going to tell my friends that I cannot do these nights anymore. I may lose a few friends for a while, but that will let the kind, caring & friendly (the real) me emerge.
- If I live a life in line with my expectations, in 78 days I will have the best New Years ever.

Sorry for the long post, but I really have hit a low this weekend.

[available]

Newbies Nest

Hi Londoner you sound pretty low so i hope you are okay. It is such a battle giving up AL but you realise the positives which is a good thing.

That first drink is all we need really to start the downhill roll. Oh to be normal and have a couple and be happy instead of a bottle and then the second and then to wake with horrendous hangovers, headaches, sweats, shakes, diahhorea, dry wretching, the list goes on. To wake up sober without any of the above is wonderful as you know. It is just getting there and starting day 1 and then the next. I dont think about never drinking again, I cant, but i am an alcoholic and I know i cant drink normally, I would love to be able to do that. Normal is not drinking and drinking and then blacking out and not remembering, not being the real us. Its horrible and we know it but we keep doing it until we hit rock bottom.

On your list you need to put coming to MWO everyday. I think that is a total must also. If not for here I would not be doing the days that I am. I noticed you have done 5 weeks so that is a good sign that it is totally possible to claim your life back from AL.

You can do this.

[broken halo]

Newbies Nest

good morning Nesters. Gosh, it's a beautiful Autumn morning here! I slept for a full eight hours (mad dreams tough!) I do feel a lot calmer today, even though I have a lot of explaining and consequences to face with work, finances, and last but not least, family.

I am meeting my sister for coffee this morning, which will be a start. I'll phone my boss, then later today I am going to go the gym with my daughter, definitely going to find a meeting tonight.

Londoner, I am sorry you are feeling so bad. I can relate so much to those feelings. What we have to do now is concentrate on what we can do to prevent it ever happening again.

Sam

You can either handle the booze or the booze handles you. My Grandpa use to say "what good is just one drink". You just gotta be honest with yourself because booze is the great deceiver

how true, and I am sick of that beast kicking my arse!

Cat, listen to the advice you've been given, please. That one drink will only lead to misery. And please stay close here.

Gambler, glad you had such a wonderful day, and I am sorry you lost your post!

Hope everyone is feeling as safe and strong as can be this fine day.

[noodle]

Newbies Nest

Hey everyone :h Just a mega quick drop by as we've had a wicked storm today which put our power ot for much of the day and night - it's just come back on so much to do! All good, feeling better - nice to go to work not feeling like death today Always a plus!
Thanks so much for the congrats - very proud of myself, and those who are plodding along with me - love being in your company for your encouragement and kind words :l
Still got a weird pain - think it's where my pancreas should be - is that a sign that it's either shriveled up and agiven up on me or maybe after a week without booze it's maybe flushing something out and starting to work properly? I dunno - I've had it before after a bender, but it's not that bad this time around. Ah well, hopefully it will sort itself out. cat - hugs to you and thinking of you luv xx
thjanks so much Lav, Byrdy and of course me wingman Kailey - heading off to my favourite part of the day - BED!! Just loving getting in there all pampered after a hot shower and body scrub with a lovely moisturiser on, and curling up with my book and my brew! Best bit bar far in this sober life for me! Anyways, luv you all, oops, Londoner, keep strong and like the plan, we've all gotta start somewhere, even if it's again, some people nener make it to starting, so be proud of your commitment and determination, we are all here for you x We've all got more than a few day ones in the bank, I'm just keeping trucking, it will work one day - pretty optomistic it's gonna work out fine THIS TIME xx
Sorry if theres anyone I've missed luv to all xx:h See ya tomorrow xx

[noodle]

Newbies Nest

I know - MY SPELLING - Jesus it was better when I was blind drunk!!

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

Good morning Nesters,

Hope everyone had a safe night in the nest!

Londoner, sounds like you have had enough - time to kick AL out once & for all! Stick to your well thought out plan & welcome in a happy & healthy new year with the rest of us

noodle, keep taking good care of yourself. It's not likely that your pancreas is causing pain, perhaps your gall bladder is inflamed. I went through that myself & it subsided on it's own. I stayed away from high fat & spicy foods & of course AL Have you talked to your doc?

Wishing everyone a great AF Monday!
Lav

[Clicket]

Newbies Nest

Good morning nesters - I am not awake yet...but yesterday was a good day. Much writing to do a bit later when I'm more conscious. Good night's sleep last night and no "thermal" issues !

[rooniferd]

Newbies Nest

Londoner, I could have easily written your post. All it takes is one drink to set me into party mode. I stop caring about my responsibilities. It's all about the buzz at that point! And you know the ironic part? I start on these benders feeling like I deserve them because of all the stress I encounter in my life. But the benders are precisely what's causing most of the stress. I don't know about you, but it takes at least two weeks to get back on track for me. Those two weeks are so painful and SO NOT WORTH THE NIGHT OF DRINKING (and sometimes other drugs if they are around).

Another thing you mention is friends. I'm 32 days sober now, and I am really starting to accept that many of my "friends" are really just drinking buddies. I've tried to remain friends with a woman named Cathy and even go sit at the bar with her (while I drink NA beer), but we get to the point where the conversation goes no where. I can see the buzz taking over her, and suddenly we are going down separate paths. I look around me and feel out of place. And you know what? She knows I've quit drinking, yet she still insists we meet at the bar (as opposed to a coffee shop or somewhere). That alone is a big red flag. That relationship is heading south very quickly.

I guess the real take away here is to really think about your friends and if they are good for you. When you hang out with them, do you consistently do harmful things? If so, then that's a problem.

People always told me that if I ditched those drinking buddies, new sober "healthy" friends would eventually come along. I still believe that, but it doesn't happen overnight. In the meantime, I am learning to cherish ME TIME. I need to learn to love myself again, and it sounds like you do too.

We can do this. If I can do this, you certainly can! Come go with me! Life can be so beautiful without the beast!

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Good morning, Nesters!
Lots of activity in the nest over the weekend, good to see everyone checking in....looking for Diet Coke and Rebirth...hope you both are doing ok! Please check in when you can.

A busy week ahead, I am so thankful to be facing it with all the mental marbles I have!! As some of you know, I've been on the Sugar free challenge and may I say that it HAS BEEN a challenge. I'm on Day 5 and starting to feel human again! This morning, I was toasting my bagel and thought about blobbing it with jelly like I've been doing forever....I had a choice to make, so I decided NOT to do it. I am so glad I did. Sometimes you just have to make decisions without over thinking them. I will be able to post Day 5 loud and proud over on the roll call. It's all about the choices we make and which voices we listen to. If it's out to kill us, don't listen to it....that's all I got today!!

Make it a great AF week everyone!! Byrdie

[Londoner]

Newbies Nest

rooniferd;1568621 wrote: Londoner, I could have easily written your post. All it takes is one drink to set me into party mode. I stop caring about my responsibilities. It's all about the buzz at that point! And you know the ironic part? I start on these benders feeling like I deserve them because of all the stress I encounter in my life. But the benders are precisely what's causing most of the stress. I don't know about you, but it takes at least two weeks to get back on track for me. Those two weeks are so painful and SO NOT WORTH THE NIGHT OF DRINKING (and sometimes other drugs if they are around).

Another thing you mention is friends. I'm 32 days sober now, and I am really starting to accept that many of my "friends" are really just drinking buddies. I've tried to remain friends with a woman named Cathy and even go sit at the bar with her (while I drink NA beer), but we get to the point where the conversation goes no where. I can see the buzz taking over her, and suddenly we are going down separate paths. I look around me and feel out of place. And you know what? She knows I've quit drinking, yet she still insists we meet at the bar (as opposed to a coffee shop or somewhere). That alone is a big red flag. That relationship is heading south very quickly.

I guess the real take away here is to really think about your friends and if they are good for you. When you hang out with them, do you consistently do harmful things? If so, then that's a problem.

People always told me that if I ditched those drinking buddies, new sober "healthy" friends would eventually come along. I still believe that, but it doesn't happen overnight. In the meantime, I am learning to cherish ME TIME. I need to learn to love myself again, and it sounds like you do too.

We can do this. If I can do this, you certainly can! Come go with me! Life can be so beautiful without the beast!

Rooniferd. Snap. I am exactly that way. It normally takes 2 weeks to sort myself out. My hormonal profile is shot to pieces at the moment. I know my dopamine levels are whacked from too much alcohol, sugar and RD's. My sleeping pattern is poor. My testosterone is not great. I generally fell crap, like I did about 2 months ago prior to my first longer spell of living a good life.

I have cancelled a night in a couple of weeks - that I had been looking forward to for ages. The problem is, once again my brain will associate that night with alcohol and that will lead to RD's. If I had been 3 months clean, I would have had the confidence (and hormonal profile) that would have allowed me to enjoy the night AF.

I am realising that slip ups are slip ups and they do not define us. Life is one strange journey, and we are on a lump of rock travelling through a massive universe. AL makes me selfish, and I hate it. I cannot connect - it messes me up for, as said, at least 2 weeks.

So it's good to hear I am not the only one with problems like these. Life is good when you can interact with people on a genuine level - without the need for AL.

[Kailey]

Newbies Nest

Good morning! Londoner, I'm sorry you are feeling so down. Once you put your plan in place you can be in a place of hopefulness and pride in literally just a few days. I hope that's the path that opens for you.

I am so glad to be waking up on a Monday morning knowing I am starting my 9th day sober. I'm starting to believe this is it. I have an out of town conference on Thursday and Friday this week with co-workers, which could have been a real challenge, but fortunately a bunch of us at work have started another challenge today - 30 days of Paleo. That will make it a lot easier to explain not drinking. At least for now.

Speaking of work, I need to get ready and head out the door. I hope everyone has a great day.