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    Cat Belle;1568296 wrote: Ok everyone-needing some help here. I have thought that day 14 would be easier than this. In fact the last few days have benn awful. Most at the point of 4pm and after. Cravings, mind talk, crying...I literally have to jump and go outside, or run and eat a donut...or two. I'm very restless. I can't go to sleep at night, and when I do it's for no more than a few hours. I feel like I may jump out of my skin.

    My stepson is coming home tonight from his mothers house, after having been there for a week. My stress level is steady going up. It is an understatement to say that there is always drama where he or his mother are involved. He manipulates and lies as though he can't help himself. It's as though he would rather tell 10 lies about minor things, and stack them on each other, when telling the truth would be easier and likely not end in punishment. I just don't understand it. His grades have gone in the toilet since staring to spend more time with her, he has been suspended from football because of grades, and has missed two days of work and been late while at her house. He is the youngest of my husbands three boys.

    The older two were just recently (July) released from jail for armed robbery, committed by the two of them together...at a pharmacy.....for drugs.....to sell. And that was just the cherry on the top of the trouble that they have been in. It is very hard for me to understand how this happened. Knowing my husband, how he loves them, and that they were taught right from wrong.

    Oh god, I am rambling. I think I was trying to give a little insight to my life- BLAAHHHH! This has been pretty much full throttle for 4 years now, only now I can't drink to avoid it / cope, however you want to phrase it.

    Ok.....breathe
    How would waking up with a hangover after a drunken binge make this situation better? Drinking at the problem isn't going to solve it. Drinking is the problem. I hear your frustration and pain. Drinking will only make it worse and interfere with your ability to be fully present for those who need you.
    10/14/13: I am truly grateful for another day in this amazing life. I'm sober and mindful of every moment.

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      Newbies Nest

      7:51pm and I didn't crack open that beer yet - I want it so bad and have all day. Today's been rough. Only two more hours till bed time and thankfully, there's the voice and a new big bang on tonight to distract me. My partner and roomie have been the best support system anybody could ask for. I've broken down several times today and I know they must be sick as hell of it - but have been nothing but compassionate. I don't want to let them down. I swear that right about now that's the only thing keeping me going on my course.

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        Newbies Nest

        Good luck with Playstation thing Dave
        I don't even attempt to hook any of that stuff up myself ~ I just pester anyone else I can find to do that stuff :H

        I hope our UK contingent is OK tonight.

        I have a long day of grandson watching tomorrow starting around noon. I almost feel like I could use an assistant just to help with the younger guy. He's 2 1/2 & insists on being called 'Beast' - no kidding :H

        Wishing everyone a safe night in the nest. Don't forget there's a ton of butt Velcro around here somewhere, help yourselves!!!

        Lav
        AF since 03/26/09
        NF since 05/19/09
        Success comes one day at a time :thumbs:

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          Newbies Nest

          3June2013;1568870 wrote: Hey there nesters! Just now home from my weekend camping. I need to catch up but before I forget, so nice to see you broken halo and london. The mere fact that you are here means you want to do it this time. We will never judge, we will always be here for you. Stay close!

          Urges will come and go, but how we handle them is the key. Trying to understand what is triggering you helps. I also try to remember the lies, (READ ALCOHOL LIED TO ME) , the fact that AL is a poison and has no place in my body. I remember that the advertising makes it all look so sophisticated and so glamorous, then I remember the movies I've watched, people puking their guts out, peeing their pants, slurring and staggering. There's no glamour in being a drunk.

          So I plod along, day by day and month by month. Getting through another first (big family dinners this weekend - Canadian Thanksgiving - usually a huge trigger), knowing there will be stress, celebrations, parties. I don't enjoy drunkfests any more. When I first quit drinking I thought oh what if I get boring? But the fact is, they got boring LOL.

          Well I didn't mean to ramble so, let me go and catch up with you all and I'll post some more!!
          I have to agree with you Canada (sorry - not sure if I should call you "No alcohol" or "3June"). I did not enjoy my drinking frenzy this weekend at all - and I do drink like I'm frenzied. I didn't have fun - I wasn't sophisticated or elegant, witty or vivacious - I was often embarrassed by my loud and drunken friends, yet kept drinking. I don't think I've ever been so aware that I was not having a good time. There is no 'draw' no 'reward' in drinking - its just feeding the addiction.
          10/14/13: I am truly grateful for another day in this amazing life. I'm sober and mindful of every moment.

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            Newbies Nest

            Butt Velcro?

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              Newbies Nest

              Clicket;1568897 wrote: Butt Velcro?
              I think it's to help hold your butt in the nest. Sorry you are having a rough time. I think it was No Sugar that told me "you'll never wake up in the morning wishing you had a drink last night". It helped me string together several AF days.
              10/14/13: I am truly grateful for another day in this amazing life. I'm sober and mindful of every moment.

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                Newbies Nest

                Good job clicket! Not sure what Butt Velcro is either, but let's ponder that instead of beer!
                Reflect upon your present blessingings, of which every man has many; not on your past misfortunes, of which all men have some

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                  Thanks so much Nesters. LOL - OK, I'll focus on BV (code for butt velcro)

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                    Newbies Nest

                    Thanks everyone for the kind words and support-

                    Today was a much better day - not many thoughts of AL that I can remember. That was a nice change after the last 4-5 days, they were a real bitch. I realized today that I was probably over emotional due to my aunt visiting - the one that visits all of us girls! Ladies, I'm sure y'all can identify. LMBO! Sorry fellas!! On the upside, I got a lot of sewing done today, and that was very relaxing, except for the 10 or so times I screwed up the bobbin......I laughed about it though, really hard. ))

                    You were all right, having "A" drink, (yeah right) would not have solved a thing. I would have been terribly disappointed in myself, said things I can't take back, and broken a promise to myself....I can keep going. I knew all this, but I need to vent and have reinforcement from you guys. THANK YOU GUYS!!

                    Clicket, hang in there and stick close. There will be many hard days ahead, but good days too. It is doable!

                    @ Samstone- what you said resonated in me, thank you...

                    Night yall
                    Catawprint:



                    "It takes a lot of courage to release the familiar and seemingly secure, to embrace the new. But there is no real security in what is no longer meaningful. There is more security in the adventurous and exciting, for in movement there is life, and in change there is power."
                    -Alan Cohen

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                      Newbies Nest

                      Hi guys, having a bit of trouble sleeping so I thought I'd check in. I am glad I did, I got the chance to post to the wonderful byrdlady's 1000 days thread! What an amazing woman. :l

                      My sleeplessness isn't bothering me, I was kind of expecting it, but it's good thoughts that are keeping me awake, not bad ones, so that's good. I am going to have a calming tea, read the threads for a bit and go back and read if I can't sleep.

                      Clicket, Cat, glad you both are okay!

                      I'm strong, loved your post. There is nothing fun or glamorous about frenzied drinking, and that's what one glass leads to for me.

                      Lav, I'm with you, I wouldn't know where to plug what! Have fun with your Grandson.

                      Dave, please try not to electrocute yourself! Your son is going to be so delighted, it's great to hear how happy you sound

                      Stay safe and strong people. We have an excellent role model in Byrdie, let's really appreciate her on this special day!
                      Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it! ~ Goethe

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                        Howdies Nesters ..

                        Well I got the thing hooked up Finally. I had one slight problem that I probably could not have done any better drinking. I got things set but the damn controller would not work without it plugged in ( supposed to be wireless ). So I took it back and the guy looks at me and suggest that I should CHARGE the thing before I can use it ! Well Ill be damned..you have to charge things with batteries :H . Funny thing is I am extremely adept at electronics ..

                        Anyways I just got done eating so I didnt have any time to read the last 2 pages. Im gonna have some catching up to do probably Wed. after work ( tomorrow is Birthday time ) . Yes I will be sure to tell him that you all said happy B day :thanks:

                        Byrdie .. looks like you've been spotted .. but you have to wait just like my boy

                        Love ya guys ..

                        Dave

                        PS. oh yea.. has anyone seen Ican lately ? Ive been missing her..
                        Progress lies not in enhancing what is, but in advancing toward what will be. - Khalil Gabran
                        AF: 9-10-2013

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                          I'm Strong and in Control;1568886 wrote: Ever notice that the voice that tells you to go ahead and have just one drink is the same one that calls you a drunken pig the morning after??? :H
                          Love, Love Love this! What a great thought!

                          Welcome,DreamThinkDo. Posting on this thread may be the most useful thing I've ever done to help me stop drinking. It's made a tremendous difference. I had a few short false starts right off the bat, and the BAM! It has just clicked! I expected endless struggles that just haven't materialized (yet?). I have been at this for years on my own with virtually no success, and now I feel like I'm flying through the days.

                          This morning, my husband left a note on my bathroom mirror that said "I'm proud of you, keep it up!" It just melted my heart. He struggles some with drinking, and could stand to slow down, but he has that elusive off switch I could never seem to find.

                          I need to wrap this up, but am keeping those of you who are struggling in my thoughts. Never give up!
                          You had the power all along, my dear.

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                            Newbies Nest

                            Hi there nesters, day 9 is coming to and end, and looking forward to those double figures tomorrow!!! Pains and all that seem to have subsided - I think that 3 day binge of junk food did me absolutely NO GOOD whatsoever! At least it took my mind off other things Last two nights have brought CRAZY dreams - last night sat up bolt right making a weird hacking noise which frightened my poor hubby to death - woke up with him pounding my back whilst I'm screaming - thought he was beating me up - lols. turns out I was choking (in my dreams) on this huge joint of beef (I don't eat meat so I reckon there's some weird significance there). Oh fun and games. Then I went ice skating and it seemed so vivid - twirling and jumping - like the bloody Olympics - woke up with my legs all tense and feeling knackered! God knows what tonights gonna bring - bunjee jumping? Byrdie - fantastic, and like I said before - such an inspiration:h gonna head off now got heaps to do, welcome newbies - common advice is read and post as much as poss. - advice that seems to work. You won't be stuck for help, advice, encouragement or just shoulder to lean on.

                            I'm strong - totally agree - I am picturing myself, in the cold harsh light of day after two bottles of wine, and wanting more, and it's not pretty - just sad, boring, ugly, repetative and downright embarrassing. Things I have said and done whilst under the influence make my skin crawl with embarrassment. Your words have summed it all up - when I think about that wine, I know what will happen, and that image is keeping me going. I think it was Alan Car who's book said - "you will never meet an attractive, wealthy and successfull alcoholic" (myabe not in that order, but you get the drift), SO TRUE. Facing up to just being an alcoholic is the hardest bit, that accepted, we know what we need to do. Not that it's easy - no way, but trying so hard, and I'm pinning all my hopes and beliefs in the promises of better times and life to come, and that's all from you great people on here - so thanks heaps xx:h

                            Lav have fun with your Grandson - special times :h (Beast? bless!!)

                            Dave - funny how men are just GIFTED with these things eh? I'm guessing anyone will be lucky to get on it before you've finished "testing it all out" for a good few hours (after you've got yer batteries) :H

                            Cat - so glad things are in control, some lessons are bloody hard, but lessons all the same. Thinking of you x

                            After all that, i'm going, as I said a long long time ago, in a galaxy far far away.........
                            See ya tomorrow - luv u all heaps! :h

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                              Newbies Nest

                              Hi all. I'm back. Guess what? Nothing changed and I didn't become a moderator .... I got in a great big fight with my husband Saturday while I was drinking, I am gaining weight daily and I am sneaking and lying about drinks ...... Yes, alcohol is awesome .... NOT.... My goal is to remain sober for remainder if October .... That will give me the magical 13 that Byrdie talks about.... Congrats to Dave kailey Byrdie LC avail min star and all other milestones reached.

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                                Newbies Nest

                                I'm Strong and in Control;1568886 wrote: Ever notice that the voice that tells you to go ahead and have just one drink is the same one that calls you a drunken pig the morning after??? :H
                                I'm not sure that it is in the same voice. I think it is the charming addicted voice that seeks nothing but pleasure telling you to take a drink. It is the rational part of your brain that has to deal with the consequences that is lashing out in the morning.

                                It seems to be that split - and the almost constant, vicious internal battle - that tears us apart
                                and makes us hate ourselves.

                                The only sure way to silence the addicted voice and be at peace is to quit giving it what it needs to live.

                                You aren't a drunken pig and you deserve to live at peace with yourself. We all do.

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