Well I made some unhelpful choices and am now back at day one. It is what it is. I need to learn from this. I went to the health food shop at lunchtime and bought some kudzu as mine that I ordered online hasn't arrived yet. I know it isn't a magic bullet, but I think I need to help myself here and use whatever tools make this more manageable.
I am in a pickle. I love to drink. Obviously, or I would just stop, wouldn't I? But I hate the insecurity and anxiety and the bloatedness and loss of self-respect, and shame... And I know this just gets worse. I do know that. I've been fighting these demons off and on for most of my adult life, and it's only sheer luck that has prevented me ruining my whole life through thoughtlessness and drunkenness.
I felt it was significant that at church the other day I was doing the reading and it was an Epistle about not indulging in drunkenness!!! I read it out with the blush of gin still rosy in my cheeks from the night before... And then did it again that night, and had a major misunderstanding with my husband because of drink (and totally couldn't remember anything about what I'd said or done) and then found this place...
So I have a long way to go. I know that. Baby steps...
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