Newbies Nest

[TJAF]

Newbies Nest

I wanted to add my two cents regarding my experience at day 90. I could never articulate the struggle as well as Nanette did in a recent post...that post is a classic and should be bookmarked for all to see.

At 90 days my brain would like nothing better than for me to drink again. It whispers to me all the time, sometimes louder than other times. I was recently hosting a party with a whole bunch of alcohol laying about and at one point I had an almost out of body experience and could see and feel myself reaching for a glass of wine when no one was about. Last week PAWs hit me like a ton of bricks and I fought off headaches, minor tremors and lightheadedness. It only lasted for a couple of days but it was a reminder nevertheless. What keeps me going is the fact that my stomach doesnt hurt all the time, my head isnt pounding and I dont have the constant memory loss. My liver doesnt feel like it is the size of basketball and my gall bladder and pancreas are behaving as they should. I stoppped having hangovers per se a long time ago but I can now hit an afternoon where I'm not suddenly lightheaded feeling like Im about to pass out. Most importantly I dont have to lie anymore; not to my wife, my Kids, my boss and my Doctor! Folks I really dont drink anymore.

Long and short of it is that while I still experience some nasty side effects related to my 30 years of drinking it is short lived and the postives really do outweigh the negatives.

Hang in there folks it really does get much better!

[Starfish1]

Newbies Nest

Hi Sweet Friends :l

As is the usual case, my weekend was overly busy and unfortunately, my "MWO" time was limited and I apologize for that.
I am sorry that several folks are struggling, but so happy to see these struggles being addressed/discussed openly here with those that really understand/care and are committed to help.
As many of you may recall, I just blew an eight month sober streak :upset: and I truly believe that one reason is that I stopped posting. You see, I mistakenly believed that I was the only one that was struggling after having so many months under me belt...and I also did not want to post my struggles because I was afraid of discouraging the others who seemed to be "breezing by", but were not quite so far along.
It may not be the best for a "newbie" to worry about the temptations that may lie ahead, but it IS Important for everyone to be prepared for those temptations that come after several months- and to have a plan to overcome them.
I must say (and I know this will sound strange to some) that I don't believe complacency has ever been a problem of mine. Neither do I deny the fact that I have a drinking problem, and I know for a fact that I can't moderate.
I am undoubtedly an alcoholic and I know full well that if I allow myself even one drink, I will not be able to stop...but somehow, I have had 2 horrible relapses over the past eight years. One was after three years of sobriety (that relapse lasted 4 years) and Thanks to MWO, this last relapse (after 8 months) only has lasted four months (Only, I say, because I am comparing it to four years!).
I hope I am not rambling here....I just wanted to add my 2 cents of experience and to encourage all of you to keep fighting the good fight, keep posting, keep being honest and listen to those who are beating this addiction.
One day, I will post more of my thoughts on the Relapse in Retrospect thread, but for right now, :l to all those struggling and :l to all those providing support!
:h Star

[Dottie Belle]

Newbies Nest

Hello all,
Hot water heater at rental house went out so we get to sit and wait for them later today to replace. My folks did not do good upkeep on this house. But they were old and dad was not handy at all and the Alzheimer's didn't help at all. Glad he is at the LTC and is being well taken care of.
So this blows my day but the sun is out and life is good sober..

[broken halo]

Newbies Nest

Good afternoon nesters

Thank you Star and TJAF, your posts are really helpful and thought provoking. For me to relapse again would be a horrifying prospect. I have accepted that I cannot drink, moderation is not an option for me because it is impossible for an alcoholic to moderate their drinking.

I was at the Doc's this morning, he had run a whole bunch of blood tests and I was pretty terrified that I had done some lasting damage. I am happy and relieved to report that everything came back normal.

I heard something pretty interesting at AA last night that might help those who are struggling. The guy was addressing newcomers to the group and he urged them not to lift that first drink. He went on to say that sure, we might get cravings. Cravings never killed anyone. We might be uncomfortable, but being uncomfortable never killed anyone either. But alcohol will kill you. Alcohol puts us in danger, every time we drink.

I know that's true for me. I don't want to put my life in danger any more.

[K9Lover]

Newbies Nest

Nanette - Thank you for the inspiring post! You are sure setting a good example for the rest of us! :l

Londoner - I agree that it was too soon for you to go out (you know that now, I'm sure). You regret drinking and are paying for it. You asked why you can't just be normal? Well...what is the "normal" way to drink poison? None of us have figured that out yet. Please stay strong and remember how awful you felt. As BH just said, a craving won't kill you! Ride it out and fast forward through the buzz to the awful hangover.

I hope you're all doing good on this Monday morning. I am hoping to hear something this week about my interview that I had last thursday....I want SO BAD to go to the Police Department! Keep your fingers, toes and eyes crossed for me! :danthin:

[Honeysoup]

Newbies Nest

I have been on this site forum so many many times. I always say I am ready to give up the wine because I hate what it does to me. I am making a list of why I hate it:

1. Its making me fat - seriously since I started drinking wine about 3 years ago I have put on 35 pounds. This is probably caused because after I drink my bottle to a bottle and a half then I go straight for the fatty foods - hot dogs, pizza, tacos, eat a row and a half of oreos then pass out in bed.

2. I can't remember anything past a certain point - when I get up in the morning feeling like crap I struggle to remember what I ate before I went to bed. I have looked through the garbage and the freezer to see if it will give me a hint to what I had eaten. So dumb!

3. My husband hates it...but he has his own vices that I hate too so I don't know if that is justifiable.

4. Setting a bad example for my kids.

5. If the kids want to go somewhere I always make the friends parents drop off and pick up so I don't drive with them in the car. So if they don't have a ride then they don't go.

6. I'm on anti depressants so it makes it 10 times worse...I wonder if I would even need them if I didn't drink.

7. Friends don't really like it when me and my husband show up because they never know what were going to do. usually we get in a stupid fight

8. I work full time and I am taking 13 credit hours to get my bachelor degree online...so, you would think I would be smart enough NOT to be drinking while I am listening to my professor lecture online. then I have to re watch it so I remember what the hell we are supposed to be taking about.

9. A couple weeks ago I felt my lowest and tried to take a bunch of xanax to end the pain...didn't work! How dumb!!!

10. Money - why waste so much money poisoning myself???

Bonus to be sober
1. Weight loss motivation
2. Good example for my kids
3. Feel better
4. look better
5. good grades
6. save money
7. look forward to the morning sun
8. take better care of myself - go to gym, take time to wash my face before bed, make sure my lunch is packed and ready to go to work, etc.
9. More energy
10. Sleep better


So that is my rant...I don't know if I will stick to it...because I have tried and it just don't stick. I am at the end of my rope. So sick of the craving for it and knowing the best part of my day is when I am home in my recliner drinking my wine. That is so sad, I mean, if I saw other people like that I would be discussed. I can see myself just getting deeper and deeper into a repetitive rut. Please GOD take this awful feeling away...

[Cat Belle]

Newbies Nest

Hey y'all!
Quick check in, everything went fairly well with dinner and my stepson last night. Whew!! Got up this am and finished sewing pillows for the couch, then made a little monogrammed tool belt for my grandson. Time to get started on the christmas sewing projects! Check in later! Hope everybody has a good day!

[Starfish1]

Newbies Nest

Glad your meeting with the stepson went ok, Cat. You had my mouth watering, girl, when you published your menu! That was hard work, but I know it was good!

Honey- :l so good to see you back. You have made a great list of reasons to quit drinking. I would also like to mention that you should try your best to stick close to the MWO site (newbies nest in particular) and read, read, read and post, post, post. It really helps! Visit the toolbox again and while you're at it, take a look at the "You know you're and alcoholic when...." thread- that always sets me straight!

Just take it one day or one minute at a time, Honey. When you start fantasizing about that nice glass of wine in the evenings....just roll the film forward to the next morning :upset:- you don't want to go there anymore!!!

Stick close :l

[Luckyflower]

Newbies Nest

Hi all.
Day 12 today. So So proud. I was really struggling this weekend. Man, weekends are tough. The cravings were there although I knew I wouldn't drink the cravings were there. It's my second AF weekend and I need to get a plan for the upcoming one because I did not go out again. I think I am still fragile with the going out part. I don't want to be isolated but I rather do this for now than go out and drink due to temptation. Wishing you all an amazing AF week. Thank you all for posting. I keep on reading, posting less but the reading really helps. You are all an inspiration.

[NoSugar]

Newbies Nest

Luckyflower;1575156 wrote: Hi all.
Day 12 today. So So proud. I was really struggling this weekend. Man, weekends are tough. The cravings were there although I knew I wouldn't drink the cravings were there. It's my second AF weekend and I need to get a plan for the upcoming one because I did not go out again. I think I am still fragile with the going out part. I don't want to be isolated but I rather do this for now than go out and drink due to temptation. Wishing you all an amazing AF week. Thank you all for posting. I keep on reading, posting less but the reading really helps. You are all an inspiration.

You should be proud of yourself !

I pretty much hibernated last winter during the first many AF weeks. I didn't feel too great so it wasn't a burden to do that. You are smart not to isolate yourself but it also is good to stay away from any temptations. I guess it is a balance but whatever you do, if you can keep your quit as your top priority, things will sort themselves out.

Of course you should only post when if feels right but it seems we really get the rewireing of our brains done by reading, writing or typing out our thoughts, and by simply not ingesting alcohol. So, please post when you can - we want to hear what you have to say!

All the best, NS

[Starfish1]

Newbies Nest

Great work, lucky!

[Eloise]

Newbies Nest

Honey soup- just worry about getting through the day without wine at this point I would say.
Very honest post, quite courageous of you to put all this in writing.
Doesn't matter how many times you have to "try again."
What matters is that you do it. Good for you!!

[K9Lover]

Newbies Nest

My dear friend Honey,

I'm sooo glad to see you back here. I was thinking of you the other day. I know how HARD it seems to imagine your evenings without wine. I thought I'd never enjoy my evenings beer-free...and I mean NEVER! It's hard as hell in the beginning, I won't lie, but each day and week it gets easier. Believe me, if it stayed that hard forever, I doubt any of us would be succeeding. I could easily identify with all your "hate" reasons. Most of those applied to me too. And your bonus points sound great, I am currently enjoying a few of them (still working on the others).

Honey, please stick close to us. Tell us what's going on when your cravings are at the worst. I will give you ways to contact me if you want. I know you've been struggling with this for a while, and I really, really want to help. :h

Hang in there my friend!

[Londoner]

Newbies Nest

little beagle;1575017 wrote: Complacency. That is one of my biggest worries. I have so much to lose if I ever drink again. Staying close to mwo and the nest is my biggest defense against that monster al. Thank you Nanette. You make it clear that letting your guard down is disastrous for us.
Londoner I feel for you. How many times I have felt completely suicidal from chemical imbalances of the brain. I am going to take the gloves off for a minute. Stop going out and putting yourself into those situations. That is what I had to do. Drop all "friends" who live that lifestyle and get to know yourself and enjoy your own company. Spend time with people who live a sober life. They will help you by the example of living day in and day out without drinking and drugging. I'm sorry but if you feel anything like I use to someone needs to say it. We are here to help. Drink extra fluids and rest. I hope this hangover passes and you really make it this time. Last day 1.
Lav thinking about what those chicks would look like. What a funny picture! Glad you had a great Sunday.
Hope the weather gets better for you Bhalo.

Thanks

The problem is not with my friends, but myself. I feel am a liability. You see it is me who will go onto to the after hours clubs by myself whilst they go home.

Maybe 50 percent of the time I will go out after a normal night with a friend. I think I am the bad influence. I feel guilt, like I am living a second life. No one really knows what I get up to. I cover it with white less. Not my friends, my family or my Co workers. I guess my expectation of myself is not in line with my current actual self. And that leads to an unhappy me.

I drink because I have always been more of an introvert.

The body is okay today. It is just my general sense of worth that has taken a hit again. I am going round in circles, again and again. Spinning wheels. Each restart is getting progressively worse. Further and further away from my end goal.

My post drink posts are always deeper. I need to keep these in mind and sort myself out once and for all.

:thanks:

Edit: one thing I must say is I never crave alcohol. I have the one or two stupidly and then I just cannot stop. Auto pilot ensues

[Samstone]

Newbies Nest

Where the heck did that Byrdie lady go to???