Newbies Nest

[Honeysoup]

Newbies Nest

Day 5 here...I was skeptical about taking my AB last night, I was thinking in my head if I quit taking it, by next weekend I should be able to have some of my delicious wine. Well, I won cuz I popped the pill.

I have been having the worst sugar cravings...chocolate, donuts, caramel...sugar, sugar, sugar. I am trying to lose some weight and making myself go to the gym but I didn't make it on Tue or Wed...I plan to go today after my counseling appt. I secretly hope she is going to tell me...go ahead...drink the wine...hell with your schedule you deserve it. But unfortunately I am sure she wont.

Happy Friday!

[Dottie Belle]

Newbies Nest

Morning all,
Didn't sleep well last night..stayed up too late then tossed and turned..so I have a headache and am grumpy....but I am NOT hung over so that is a plus...
Going to visit dad today then Costco and out to dinner with friends. Hope I feel better by then.

[K9Lover]

Newbies Nest

Happy Friday Nesters!

ODAT - Can I ask a question that you can feel free not to answer? What happened between your earlier post last night about getting comfy in front of the TV, and then your post this morning as being day 1? Just curious, and I think that it will help some newbies to see how tricky this beast really can be!

Honey - I am so glad you TTFP (took the f&^%ing pill)!! It's not easy, but you know it WILL get easier. If I can throw my 2 cents in here for a minute...stop thinking of it as "your delicious wine"...that makes it seem like you are depriving yourself of something. Instead view it as the poison that it is...it steals your money, time, energy and makes you do things you regret. What's so "delicious" about that? Everytime I think of my "beloved" Bud Light, I get a flashback of my Cellmate Diablo....that's where Bud got me!!!

Remember, a craving will never last as long as a hangover, and you will never wake up in the morning wishing you'd drank the night before.

Now get out there and have a great sober weekend everyone!!!

:yougo::yougo::yougo::yougo:

[K9Lover]

Newbies Nest

p.s. Star - I am having trouble STAYING asleep lately too...wonder what's up with that?? I am awake at 3am (thankfully no GRS Bros!) but then I toss and turn until 6:30. What should we do about this problem???

[odat1234]

Newbies Nest

halfway

K9Lover;1578129 wrote: Happy Friday Nesters!

ODAT - Can I ask a question that you can feel free not to answer? What happened between your earlier post last night about getting comfy in front of the TV, and then your post this morning as being day 1? Just curious, and I think that it will help some newbies to see how tricky this beast really can be!
:

Ok course you can K9, on my way home i was driving by the "exit" you know the exit that leads to the liquor store and real quick my brain said "you have been left all alone tonigh, son gone with dad, he doesn't love you or need you, daughter gone with friends, she doesnt love you or need you, you cant handle those feelings and being aline without vodka so exit NOW, go buy a friend" so i did.....wow that was as real as I've been in a while. Its true though, i have no one. My hubby hasent been my friend in 15 years maybe more and through our marriage, one by one, anyone with a brain left because we are that bad when we are together, my poor children, and then the guilt and the bilks and all of it come crashing down....and then, half way through the first drink it stops, no more mind chatter or worries. And im good for 2 drinks but by the third i start saying mean horrible thing to my hubby whom i resent. I dont want to do that i dont want to be mean to anyone. Anyway that is what happened. Maybe more than you wanted to know.

[Starfish1]

Newbies Nest

That's the same way it happens to me, ODAT....doesn't take a split second. It's tough! It's like your AL brain takes over and there's no stopping it. I think the best thing to do is to plan in advance just how to handle that beast. Maybe if you eat a nice snack right before you leave work, you won't be so tempted. I know that helps me! Also, is there any opportunity to take a different route home from work? It's tough not to let habit take over and just drive to the same old spot you always get the drink.

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

K9Lover;1578129 wrote: Happy Friday Nesters!

ODAT - Can I ask a question that you can feel free not to answer? What happened between your earlier post last night about getting comfy in front of the TV, and then your post this morning as being day 1? Just curious, and I think that it will help some newbies to see how tricky this beast really can be!

Honey - I am so glad you TTFP (took the f&^%ing pill)!! It's not easy, but you know it WILL get easier. If I can throw my 2 cents in here for a minute...stop thinking of it as "your delicious wine"...that makes it seem like you are depriving yourself of something. Instead view it as the poison that it is...it steals your money, time, energy and makes you do things you regret. What's so "delicious" about that? Everytime I think of my "beloved" Bud Light, I get a flashback of my Cellmate Diablo....that's where Bud got me!!!

Remember, a craving will never last as long as a hangover, and you will never wake up in the morning wishing you'd drank the night before.

Now get out there and have a great sober weekend everyone!!!

:yougo::yougo::yougo::yougo:

What a great post, K9....Amen, Susta.....when you keep giving AL power it becomes too great to defeat, when you look at AL for what it is and what it does TO us, it helps.

[Wine-no!]

Newbies Nest

Hello Nesters

Day 48 - it's whizzing by now!

I noticed Allan is counting in weeks on the roll call an it inspired me to look back in the nest until this time last year and through Christmas.

Protect your quit people!!!!!

Happy Friday xxxxx

[K9Lover]

Newbies Nest

ODAT thank you SO MUCH for such an honest post. I know exactly what you went through. I've been "this close" to home and suddenly my car changes direction and I am in front of the Speedy Liquor...of course telling myself "this is the last time, tomorrow I start over...." yeah, if I had a dollar for every time I said that I'd be sitting on the beach and not stuck in this cubicle.

Being honest is half the battle IMO. When we lie to ourselves it makes it so much easier to deny the problem. So kudos to you for just putting it all out there...it is what it is right? Now you know what triggered it...sadness, lonely, feeling unwanted/unloved. Next time that feeling comes along, maybe you can go do something for yourself. You had the whole evening to yourself...a nice mani/pedi would have done wonders! Or maybe just some window shopping. Anything to get through the blasted witching hour.

Keep up your good work, I KNOW you can do this! :h

[Luckyflower]

Newbies Nest

16 Daysssss

Hello dear nesters.
It's me the "cheap" poster. I had already mentioned I do not post much but read your posts every day, a few times a day. I am happy to hear about everyone's progress and to have you all in my life. I know for a fact it wouldn't be my 16 AF day without you. I had tried by myself in the past and it never stuck.
It's the start of my 3rd weekend and I am so happy to report that it does gets easier. Last weekend was tough with the cravings but not today. I know exactly what I am doing and drinking is not on the menu.
I treated my self this week to a wall sticker and hung it on top of my mirror. It says: "BE YOUR OWN KIND OF BEAUTIFUL" and that's exactly how I feel lately. Beautiful and sober.I look at myself in the mirror and I am not ashamed or disappointed of myself. I can look me straight in the eyes and smile. I feel so calm to be out of the AL loop. The rushing to buy, the postponing things to do, the avoidance of social events so I can stay home and poison the crap out of me. This is not happening. I feel alive and relaxed at the same time.
I am wishing you all a wonderful AF weekend. :jumpwow:

[NoSugar]

Newbies Nest

Well, LuckyFlower, if your posts are going to be so uplifting, we might want to hear more !

Actually, we do! But not just the upbeat ones - everyone should speak up whenever they need to. All kinds of posts can be helpful to others, as well as to yourself.

It sounds like you'll be having a great weekend - enjoy!

[Luckyflower]

Newbies Nest

Hey No Sugar.
The reason I'm "CHEAP" is really cause I do not have much to say. Reading most of the posts feels like I had written them myself. I guess I am just getting used to having you all in my life and don't always know what to say. I am on the site all the time and when I'm not I am thinking of you. It feels like we know each other although we had never met. I promise to share more with all sorts of emotions although I didn't experience any downs at all just crazy cravings on my 1st and 2nd weekend.:h

[Dottie Belle]

Newbies Nest

Get out the butt Velcro....talk me off the ledge....between my dad and my husband I want to run for the hills......aaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh

[Sake123]

Newbies Nest

Good Day Nesters! I wrote this in my journal but am posting here too. Just in the off chance that someone out here is having one of those days...The best advice I was given and will send back this way is to WAIT. If you're having intense cravings...just wait. Give yourself 24 hours. Always just give yourself that 24 hours. Can't thank you all enough for the support I have gotten here. Yesterday was a very dangerous day for me. Today is better, and I am thankful, to say the least!!
******

Yesterday was the closest I have come to drinking since I quit 58 days ago. I couldn't for the life of me figure out what was going on. I mean ALL rational thought went out the window. I felt possessed! All I could think of how glorious a drink would be. There were no thoughts of the aftermath, no rational thoughts of how alcohol really effects me. How hard I've worked, the goals I have, the hell that I have been living in for years! I had these delusions that it would be wonderful, fine, great! And NOTHING was getting in the way of my one track death march plan to get drunk!!!

I woke up this morning (ok..not morning, NOON!!!) Yes, I slept until noon!! And while I feel pretty icky (have a sugar hangover - damned Halloween) I was so relieved and thankful to remember that I have one more day sober!!!

After hitting the neighborhood up for candy with my daughter and husband, we stopped by the store. My husband grabbed a bottle of whiskey and headed back to the cart. The look on my face must have been a cross between horror and a maniac poised to kill him! He went to put it back and I told him it's ok...buy it. He said no and then I was arguing with him to buy it! He didn't. But I really was looking for any and all reasons to drink. And when I made up my mind to drink on the trip, then I started thinking... that's 5 days from now! That's too long!! I want a drink tonight!

So, someone told me to start to retrace where these feelings might have started and why. Well, on Wed night my brother came over to my house and we had an argument. My brother can make me madder quicker than anyone on earth. He knows how to push my buttons and I fall for it every single time. Anyway - I think that may have been the trigger. Unpleasant feelings were bubbling up in my and that may have manifested into the strong desire to drink.

The good news is I feel back to normal now. Well as "normal" as I would describe myself.

Today I look at the facts, I read the first few journal entries in my diary. As much as I would LOVE, LONG, PRAY AND HOPE that I could drink and have it be just fun, it just isn't the truth. Alcohol is nothing but poison for me. It was destroying my body and my God given right to thrive and enjoy life. I still feel that I have a long way to go toward being a healthy person. But for me to let that poison back into my life is suicide. It is making the choice to kill myself. Because that's what alcohol was doing. It was killing me.

[odat1234]

Newbies Nest

Wow sake123- just wow. Beautiful post and good job! I can't do the wait for 24 hours, i can wait 1 hour then one more hour and so on. The drive home is my worst time. Things that work is not carrying money to work, not even change in my car, no money, and goung a different way home and eatting and drinking a coke on the way home. I luke to stop by nothing bundt cake and get a baby red velvet bundt cake and eat the whole thing on the way home. I am defiantly to full to drink if i do that. Other things i could di is go to dinner or to the gym. Thanks guys.