Newbies Nest

[sanchez]

Newbies Nest

Moss - so sorry for your troubles last evening and sorry for not chiming in, but glad you made it through.

Still nothing from Gamble/Dave or CDev. I just PM'd them, as I'm sure many of you have to ask them to find their way back if they need to. Has anyone heard from either of them? Let's just hope for the best in that they're busy but still in control.

Have a great AF day everyone - will check back in later today or tonight. Lotsa chores calling my name today!

[Londoner]

Newbies Nest

Hey guys.

How's everyone doing?

Berocca has saved me today. I can actually function and am not suicidal.

Need to build one day at a time again.

[Icanwithoutacan]

Newbies Nest

You are 100% correct as usual Byrdie.... Finding another way... I WILL escape AL

[Dottie Belle]

Newbies Nest

Morning all,
Sun is out so I am hopeful that I can finish up the garden and put it to bed for the winter.
Lots to do inside too...just never ends..but now I can do it hang over free...

[Dottie Belle]

Newbies Nest

"Instead of being disappointed about where you are, be optimistic about where you are headed.

Dream, Dare Do.... It's All Good!"

This was in my morning motivator email this morning..think it applies..

[some-dumbass]

Newbies Nest

hi Nesters,

I've been away for a while, drinking again predictably, & getting myself back into a bad place

I'm going to need to taper for a few days, but I really need - & want - to get AF, I just can't keep doing this to myself

anyway, I'll pull up a branch & soak up some wisdom

SD

[NoSugar]

Newbies Nest

MossRose;1580092 wrote: Sorry for the incredibly selfish posts earlier. I was feeling weak and fragile. It was an unhappy day. I did fall asleep. I just needed to escape my feelings. Unfortunately, I am now back up in the middle of the night. Tomorrow is going to be rough. But the alternative would be worse. Thank you everyone. I pray that one day, this gets easier - that my first thought when upset isn't to pour myself a drink.

Ican - don't feel bad. We are all struggling. But you came right back. Good job.
Hi, MossRose

Your post this morning made me think of 3 things that seem to be really important about how MWO works (or doesn't).

1. You opened up about what you were dealing with and how hard it was for you not to just say to hell with it all and escape into oblivion. That is exactly what we need to do if an online support group is our only or most easily accessible tool to not drink. You posted before you drank - that gave you a fighting chance! It is great when people who have decided to drink come back the very next day and try to get back with the program but what you did makes so much more sense. Even if you had failed, you would have been using MWO in the only way it can possibly work.

2. You gave other people a chance to help you. There were several people who were online when you were and responded immediately. I imagine several people sent you PMs. I can't speak for everyone but I suspect this is universal - there is no way after what I wrote to you that I was inclined to think, to heck with it, I'm gonna have a drink. I was writing to you but in doing that, I was reinforcing for myself what I believe about this addiction and what has to happen for most if not all of us -- no drinking no matter what, even when someone treats you as horribly as your ex treated you. You may have helped someone who really needed it last night by opening up and allowing them to help you.

3. What you did was not selfish and you don't need to apologize. Feeling like you behaved poorly when all you did was honestly post what you were feeling and needing to apologize when you don't meet the high standards you've set for yourself are part of what got both of us in this mess, right? There is no need for people-pleasing here. Clearly, none of us are perfect.

This fits in with what ICan said:

Icanwithoutacan;1580074 wrote:
I realize my biggest trigger is my obsessing over whether I am liked or good enough or anyone is unhappy w me ..... Today I woke up really obsessed about this re: my husband

He didn't give me much reason.... I tend to read a lot into little things and catastrophize most things But anyway that's the deal

I think so many of us here are like that. I know I am/was (trying to change!). We don't need to impress one another or try to hide our faults. We are fine as we are; we are enough.

That is why a few people I met here are truly among my best friends - they know more about me and I about them than any of my 3-D friends - we know a lot of the bad parts as well as the good and still love one another! I have never taken that risk before.

So, MossRose, please give yourself a break and keep doing what you're doing. If some of the people who repeatedly have to start over would model themselves on you, I think we'd have more successes around here.

I'm glad to know you just as you are :l.

[Honeysoup]

Newbies Nest

Here I sit hungover and sick wanting to smack myself in the head and I am so ashamed of myself. I was only one day free from my Antabuse I puked so hard and to top it off my toilet overflowed...puke and toilet water all over the bathroom. Several hours later and my head is still pounding, anxiety through the roof and feelings of shame and guilt. Also having difficult time breathing...I just really don't want to be sick anymore.

I was sober for 6 days and when I think about those six days I was happy. I actually liked being with my husband and I didn't wake up feeling tired, sick and depressed. Why did I screw that all up for a bottle of wine. And I called into work again because I felt so horrible. I met with a physiologist last Friday and I hope she can give me some magical advise to keep me sober.

[Honeysoup]

Newbies Nest

Byrdlady;1580427 wrote: Good Morning, Nesters~!
A quick fly by this morning....
Congrats, MossRose, on coming here first and protecting your quit!! GREAT JOB, that's what this place is for!!!

You know, what I can see so clearly now (that I couldn't when I was in the throws of it) is that the goal here is to NOT feel the compulsion to drink...right? To finally break away from the NEED we have to get zoned out...to DEAL with our feelings and situations, right? Here is an amazing truth: If you feed this thing, you own it. The only way to break free of addiction is to STOP feeding it. We have to learn other ways to cope with life....betrayal, heartache, loss, celebrations, the whole 9 yards. As long as we keep turning BACK to AL, it's ours to keep....you can trust me on this one! I DID it. It's the whole Pavlov's Dog thing....positive reinforcement. You have to change to break this dam cycle...You MUST find another way to cope. Is it easy? NO. Is it do-able? Absolutley! I look at the long termers on here and they have heartache and tragedy and celebrations and they find other ways...that means I can, too...and I have! We just tend to take the path that we know and that is EASIER at the time. In retrospect, it's not easier at all...it's 1000 times worse, we just can't see it.

We are now officially approaching the holiday season. If not now....when? There will ALWAYS be an excuse for us to drink. BREAK the cycle or you will remain on the hamster wheel. Just deal with the days one at a time....each situation as it comes and you can do it. Don't give up your quit for anything...NOTHING is worth it. My quit comes before ANYTHING OR ANYBODY. It is my foundation and without it, everything else crumbles. I will NOT lose one more day of my life to AL! Byrdie

Hi Byrdie - This was perfect for me...I just wish I had read it yesterday before I started pouring the wine again. This is exactly what happened to me and I wish I would have saw it...

"We just tend to take the path that we know and that is EASIER at the time. In retrospect, it's not easier at all...it's 1000 times worse, we just can't see it"

I know I can do this...I just need to believe in myself and believe that I am an alcoholic and realize that it is poison to me and I can NOT drink it. why is it when I have a few days under me I think I can drink? I didn't NEED just wanted it...just like chocolate only I can put the candy bar back down by not my wine glass....

I'm so frustrated with myself - I wish I could take it back and still be at day 7 instead of day 1.

[lifechange]

Newbies Nest

Byrdie! What an awesome post! Damn you're good, girl-- always right on with what everyone needs to hear!

and NS! Beautiful reply to Moss and Ican:h I feel exactly the same way! EXACTLY! I just can't express myself as well as you...

Honey:l big fat hugs to you. I know exactly how you feel and I'm so sorry. It seems like, for whatever reason, we all have to take our own rocky path and find out for ourselves that AL just doesn't work for us. I can't tell you how many times I was in your position (as were almost all the people here!). I know it seems horrible right now, but you have proven to yourself once more that it doesn't work for you, and that's good! Now it's time to ride out the discomfort, keeping a small part of the feeling present (we musn't completely forget!), and begin again. You've proven you CAN do it and these next 6 days will pass quickly. Stay close and take care...

[lifechange]

Newbies Nest

Pavati, your Notes on Day 1 was wonderful! A joy to read and inspiring for us all! Really nice to have you here!

Welcome back to BV (is that ok? I always forget how to spell your whole name!) Stick close and post, read and post some more.. Do you have a short term plan in mind? Or better yet, written down?

SD, I refuse to believe you are really a dumb-ass! It's great that you are back and finding a way to change your life. You said you are going to taper-- for how long? What is your plan? I think it really helps to write it down and share.. Making connections with the people here is what has kept me going. And even if there are days when no one responds to me personally, writing it out helps me to be clear. For myself-- Jump in!!

[broken halo]

Newbies Nest

Hi everyone. A flying visit from me. I've had a busy day and am off to a meeting shortly.

Hugs to those that are struggling, I'll have a good catch up on posts later.

Londoner, I swear by berocca, it's great stuff. Hugs to those that are struggling. I am worried about a family member who has confided an addiction to me, (not AL) it's given me a lot to think about.

Big hugs to all that are struggling, stick at it and stay close to MWO. :l

[Londoner]

Newbies Nest

Icanwithoutacan do you think that is a common theme amongst us that struggle with alcohol- that we obsess over the negatives. And worry what others think too much.

[Dottie Belle]

Newbies Nest

Been working in the yard for the last 3 hours...garden has been put to bed for the season and the yard looks pretty good...I am tired...the doggies were running around the back yard having a ball...they are asleep and so is dh...life is good..

[little beagle]

Newbies Nest

Dottie so glad you sound good. You are enjoying your af life. Good for you!
Honey so sorry you are feeling so bad. Just get back in there fighting.
ICan yes. I do think many of us try to please but fall short of the mark in our own minds.
Londoner take care and just don't give up.
Mossy you are inspiring. Thank you for fighting and showing us how it's done.
Welcome newbies. Stay close. This place is amazing. It had completely changed my life.
Have a great mae everyone.