Newbies Nest

[Dottie Belle]

Newbies Nest

Afternoon all,
I know that when I stay away from my support boards I isolate and that is when I get into trouble. I can make a thousand excuses for why I have fallen in the past and they seemed so valid at the time. I am glad I have come this far but it has been anything but easy. So many pressures and family stuff that I have I am really surprised that I am still here with all u folks and still not drinking..for me this is a process and I am still learning but am feeling so much better that I want this to be my new normal.

[istym4me]

Newbies Nest

Honeysoup-Let go of what others think about you. From where I sit reading, I read concern, not drilling. It's great you have been so busy! That helps keep the boredom from being an excuse. I want to be busier. Trying to make that happen now, planning a trip and applying for jobs, signing up for classes. It might be too much at once but then I can always back down some.

I do know from my past experience also that I could certainly drink and then BS my way into feeling justified for lying to myself and to others about drinking.

I will not drink today. I know this. It's a great feeling.

[Honeysoup]

Newbies Nest

Sorry - still a little moody and sensitive I guess bc I am trying so hard...believe me it took everything I had not to go out Saturday night, but I didn't and I was so thankful the next day that I didn't. I am just living day by day...I have learned not to live for the future because I have had to many disappointments...I want to surprise myself and be good to myself and I am so thankful for your honesty...I will try to stay closer to the nest and check in at LEAST once a day...you all are the BEST and true SURVIVORS!

[eriegirl]

Newbies Nest

Elvis, saw your post and it inspires me that you are not giving up! I see my dr. Tomorrow and hopefully my meds, so I will just be 2 days behind you. Hearing your story I realize I should pour what is left tonight. Byrdie has some great suggestion. Will probably be posting a lot now. You can do it. We can do it. I feel like I know so many of you already. I finally told my sister today and just broke down crying. It is hard to say at first. I am not ready to tell anyone else yet but my mwo family. Congrats to so many of you.

[istym4me]

Newbies Nest

I bet it did take a lot not to go out Saturday Honeysoup. I felt the ting-pull just reading it. I can feel the addiction right now. I feel it first in my scalp, just a slight tingle, not quite anxiety yet. It's not scary. What's scary is how often I caved to just a little nagging tingle even when I didn't want to. I know I will get these off and on all day until bad time and then they will start in again tomorrow at about noon and then disappear pretty much after 4-5 days.

THEN the real head games start! Such fun. I want to make fun of the head games so that they loose their power. I already had to move the nice wine glasses. Yep. Day 2 and moving glasses.


How is everyone doing?

[istym4me]

Newbies Nest

You know, we do owe somethings to some people in our life but I am not sure we owe much more than- "I think I am going to try not to drink for a month" Or YOUR version of what you would like to say. We don't need to set ourselves up to feel like a failure by saying more to others than we are ready to commit to or articulate anyone other than ourselves.

" I am not ready to tell anyone else yet but my mwo family. Congrats to so many of you. "

That being said. Ha! I wasn't going to say anything to anyone until after I made it passed day 3, completely day 3 into day 4. IDK way but that was my conviction. I have been over heard twice though so the cats out of the bag. I have now told, 4 people that I am going to not drink for 30 days. I want a break and feel the need. That's all I said so far. THEY certainly know the rest, I don't want opinions.
I grew up with no support, with much bullying and belittling... I now keep myself safe from that kind-of barrage. Although, oddly, my brother sent some very, very mean hurtful texts and I only here from him a few times a year. So why these came now is a mystery- ONE I won't dig into. He can't hurt me.

At my age, I can't believe I still deal with childhood abuses. I am kicking that to the curb.

(Slight headache here...) Need more water and some fresh juices. I press my own juices.

[eriegirl]

Newbies Nest

Thanks istyme4me. I am sorry to hear about your brother's texts. Maybe it is a test of your strength or maybe the dam devil trying to win another for his side. Our problem may be genetic but thr DD (dam devil) is hard at work. If you made it through bullying you know you are strong. Kick the DD to the curb.

[Honeysoup]

Newbies Nest

Istym4me ? I am sorry you are going through such a rough time today?nobody deserves to be treated like that. You are very fragile right now and need to remain calm. Try and do something nice for yourself that makes you feel good like a walk, bubble bath, make your favorite meal or watch your favorite movie. If you can, just shut off your phone. You need to focus on you and not what is going on around you for at least a half an hour?thinking of you!!!

You can do this!!!

[Willow23]

Newbies Nest

Evening folks, can't believe I'm here at the end of Day 5. Day freakin' 5 man! It's gone pretty quick so far and I'm feeling pretty happy just now, but I'm sure that could change very quickly and there will be hard days ahead sometimes.

I feel very 'clean'. Not in a mental sense so much but more physical. When I'd had a skinful the night before, I would still always drag myself into the shower/brush my teeth several times/spray myself liberally with deodorant and perfume before leaving the house - but I still always felt kind of icky. Paranoid that people would still somehow smell it on me - maybe sometimes they did, but no-one ever said anything. It's nice not worrying about that now.

I'll be on and off here this evening, plus have reading to do and some TV to catch up on. That's another thing - I don't have to watch things twice over as I can concentrate the first time around!

[Elvis]

Newbies Nest

eriegirl;1583900 wrote: Elvis, saw your post and it inspires me that you are not giving up! I see my dr. Tomorrow and hopefully my meds, so I will just be 2 days behind you. Hearing your story I realize I should pour what is left tonight. Byrdie has some great suggestion. Will probably be posting a lot now. You can do it. We can do it. I feel like I know so many of you already. I finally told my sister today and just broke down crying. It is hard to say at first. I am not ready to tell anyone else yet but my mwo family. Congrats to so many of you.

Thank you!

Pouring can be tough, especially the first times. But while I might have wished I hadn't done it at the time, I never end up regretting it later or the next day. It's a little victory to finally be able to pour, but sometimes that's what we need, baby steps, to see the progress and keep us going.

Posting on here is amazing. It took me a while to figure that one out. Everyone said it, but I was too stubborn to believe it. I know I don't post as much as others, but I do try to make an effort to post daily in at least the Roll Call thread, and when I have access to a computer, at least skim the Nest and other JSO topics to see how people are doing, and if I can share a story that might help someone.

It also took me a while to finally share with my wife I had a problem, and yes, there was a lot of crying involved, but it was the best decision I made. She has been very supportive. A huge weight lifted off my shoulders, and she's been working with me to accept things I can't change and find alternates to relieving stress. I really haven't told anyone else, but it always makes me feel good to tell someone who's seen me drink before that I don't drink, or watch me order iced tea or juice or soda.

Best wishes to you! Stick with it, there are many examples of people on this forum who are success stories in the happening are are much happier and healthier for being AF!

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

Good afternoon all,

I had a free moment so I thought I'd check in

I just want to mention something to Honeysoup.
I'm glad to hear you are getting some AF time on Topamax. But you may find it difficult to remain on the drug for any length of time - it has side effects as well. Very commonly people C/O 'Topa Dopa' where they have great difficulty concentrating. You mentioned you were taking some classes so you should be aware. Here's a link for you:
TOPAMAX Side Effects

[Elvis]

Newbies Nest

Willow23;1583805 wrote: Elvis - you're right, I think it does become different over time. Because I've been on and off for the past couple of years, I feel like I'm more prepared now compared to when I first started. I know what to expect more, what my triggers are, to have a plan in place if I know something is likely to set me off - whereas before I would just hope I would be ok. I still don't like to think about 'forever' as it does freak me out. But I am generally in a much better place than 2 years ago. At least you know that you can go 27 days and next time you'll be prepared for it x

I'm not minimizing 27 days in any way, but I've done longer, so I know I can do it. And I know I will do it. One thing I will do is never give up.

I too am in a much better place than I was 2 years ago. Actually 2 years ago I was moderating and doing okay at it, but moderation is a lot of work and a lot of energy. I always said moderation was another full time job with all the counting and daily and weekly limitis and pacing yourself and calculating BAC. Long story short, multiple attempts at moderation didn't work for me, but I needed to try to know for sure. But yes, I'm in a much better place now, and certainly a much better place than I was a year ago.

"Forever" still scares me too. I worry about big events that are off in the future such as gatherings and parties and holidays. But if I'm worried that also tells me I need to put a better plan in place, or if it's too much, just politely decline and say no.

[available]

Newbies Nest

Morning all,

Thanks for the congrats and today i am exhausted still and taking it easy.

Gambler, the wedding had 100 people, 70 Italians and 30 of us. Too big if you ask me but too small by their standards. My son-in-laws mother said yesterday that it was an Italian wedding that no one had had before and I said that is due to my daughter organising it and not letting them take control. I wish their were just 10 of us but it was so good to spend time with our family. Did you post b4 on how to put damn pics on here?

Lav, I wish my mother would understand the importance of family and be happy. My daughters father who gave her away is not her biological father but he has been in her life since she was two and loved her like his own. Why my mother chooses to still be bitter is beyond me. He was not a good husband during our marriage I agree with that but I could have done much much worse. I must mention that her biological father has not seen her or my son for oh 15 plus years. She likes him. FFS give me grace i say.

Just a note by the way on checking in on here. I have constantly tried to post here even though i have been drinking AL. I knew that if i did not then goodbye all the hard work I had done. Slowly but surely i would have been back to one bottle, then two bottles, then hiding the bottle in my bedside drawer then spiralling out of control. No one has ever judged me or put me down during this period and that has encouraged me to stay. So today I am day 2 AF and god it feels good. I know I cant moderate for an extended period of time and i dont want to.

[istym4me]

Newbies Nest

Wow, so much to digest!

Available- I am day two also. I have a little bit of tension going on!! I was drinking every other day about 1 1/2 bottles of wine. The witching hours are upon me. There was a big pull to drink a few hours ago, so I went out to run some errands. I could have easily bought the wine that I do not have in the house, but oddly, didn't even think about it while I was out. Now, back home and no wine here. I consider beer and hard alcohol a bigger poison than wine. Wine, especially, organic is healthier. Okay, day 2~

Elvis, earlier today I decided to give up everything that felt like I would surely fail and decided to go with, today I won't drink and I really want to go 30 days. It seems like a lot less pressure.

Willow, Hoenysoup-

I never worried about the smell. I don't like perfumes etc... so I think those people stink! Someone mentioned wine or liquor in a container at the movies, I have done that and smelled people that have done that. Gave me comfort! Ha! Not alone...
I am ignoring the texts from my bully brother. His remarks are so absurd I just can't internalize them. A few of his friends contacted me a few years ago- I booted his butt off my facebook and they wrote to say, they had hoped he had grown out of the bullying. It made me feel somewhat better, it's not all in my head but I feel sorry for him. If he can call someone many horrible names and then turn around and bully them and call them more names, HOW badly must he feel about himself?

I will be planting a few plants tonight, taking and shower and quite possibly even a bath! My plan is to come back here and hope that I don't feel like I need to run to the liquor store! There are 5 within 5 miles...

Going to clean the bathroom, but out some salt candles and get ready for the 5 oclock - where is MY FING WINE TIME!!!!

[broken halo]

Newbies Nest

Hi guys. A quick check in for me, it's been a very busy day! Thanks for all the nice things re my 30 days! I was out for a meal with my daughter and niece tonight, it was lovely!

Elvis, try not to think about forever right now, one day at a time! You will do it my friend.

Available, it's good to see you on day 2, well done. :l

Hope everyone's day is going well, almost bedtime for me!