Newbies Nest

[sanchez]

Newbies Nest

Sorry you're feeling so down Moss. Here's a hug for you:l. Hopefully you can let it go and move on. A friend used to tell me to "do not let others live in your brain rent-free". They probably don't give it a second thought. But when you're such a caring person we tend to replay things over and over and reword what we said and all the while they're sleeping like a babe or moved on. Try to relax and get some sleep. Chamomile tea sure helps me.

[Myluck]

Newbies Nest

:upset:Thank you mr. Vervill!!!i

Moss - sending some positive vibes to you! You be strong!!!

All - just to let you know I am posting of my iPad and this is why I have some typos sometimes so sorry. You all probably think I am an idiot! Lol- I just looked back at some of my posts and OMG! lease:lease:lease:

[little beagle]

Newbies Nest

Myluck you sound so wonderful. Af is a great lifestyle and I am so glad that you are enjoying it.
Mossy I hope you feel better soon.
Halo I'm sorry for you. I think the important thing is to never give up.
Mr. V very insightful. I enjoy reading your posts.
3June sounding great.
I have to admit that I have thoughts of drinking. Staying close to mwo keeps the reasons I choose not to drink fresh in my Mind.

[istym4me]

Newbies Nest

MOSS &HALO- thanks so much for posting.
It's touching to read the vulnerability, sad to know you are hurting but it brings people together when they normally wouldn't join when/if someone shares like you did. It reminds me that more sober days are better than less sober days. Maybe your journey is adding 1 more day each time. Maybe with that you try to enlist someone that also makes sure you have one less drink each time. A hard job but I bet someone would offer to do it. I have often wished this for myself and I am talking with someone so that IF I decide to have a drink ever again that person is with me. Might be a bad plan but it's a plan. As others have said, don't beat yourself up. It's done, it's over- start over. A thought to ponder. Some very intelligent people use the phrase, What's the pay off? Or what are you getting out of it? Maybe what 'we' get out of our guilt is that self-loathing feeling and self-shit talk... in that case it's easy to protect ourselves and fight back. Don't let yourself BULLY yourself. Fight back. Tell yourself you deserve to get right back to quitting again and give yourself a pep talk for doing so, it could end the guilt cycle more quickly. YOU do deserve to be sober a few more weeks. You do not deserve to call yourself names or think of yourself as a failure, no-one is a failure, we are always and forever works in progress. Nothing and no-one will ever be perfect. (Except our babies, of course. ha!) :l:l

Willow- go to sleep. LOL LOL

NIGHT ALL. :h

[Pavati]

Newbies Nest

Hi, Everyone:

I am checking in. There is a little family drama going on in my husband's family which has caused a little tension (not between us). Everything will be ok, but a certain family member is VERY hard to deal with and doesn't get it. My husband has learned how to just shut down around him when he gets like that - very passive aggressive and "right" all of the time. I used to try to engage with him but have given up, too, and just let him pontificate. He's in the process of a break up. We'll see what happens.

Part of my "finding myself" again this past two years is not letting what he says and does cause ME anxiety and worry. I can't control anyone else - I can only control my actions and reactions with people. This understanding and acceptance (ironically, the AA serenity prayer in a nutshell) has greatly eased my anxiety, depression and insomnia - lifelong afflictions as the middle-child-peace-maker, always trying to find ways to make people like me. We can't control others. What a relief.

I'm sorry to hear you're blue, Moss. I get that way, too. The sunlight does help, and of course exercise and good eating. I have cut back on the candy at work the past two days (thank goodness I think people's Halloween supplies are dwindling) and I feel SO much better.

Way to go, Willow.

My husband is off the phone now - have to go check in. Stay safe in the nest, all of you with thoughts of giving in. I think that No Sugar's advice is great - try to remember to post here BEFORE you go astray. I will try that myself when the time comes...

[Pavati]

Newbies Nest

PS Little Beagle - I am not sure how to do it, but occasionally Byrdie, Lav, K-9 or NS will pull up someone's original post of desperation when they first joined here as a reminder not to go back. Maybe you could dig up some old posts as a deterrent?

Also, sorry about your bad day, Byrdie. I hope those 1s and 0s behave better tomorrow.

[DreamThinkDo]

Newbies Nest

Day 32

MAE Nesters

Coffee, anybody?

Lovely day here: clear blue skies

Have a lovely AF Thursday, everybody.

[broken halo]

Newbies Nest

Good morning Nesters. Thank you for the coffee DTD :l

It's just after 6.30 am here, cold and dark and a busy day ahead. I don't have time to read back and post individually, but here is the gist of what I am thinking this morning. I am thankful to be waking up sober. I have a busy day ahead at work, then family stuff. I do not face the day waking with guilt, shame and remorse. All because I did not drink yesterday.

My thinking is not chaotic, I have no paranoia, I slept well without sweating, or shaking. I will eat a good, nutritious breakfast without throwing up or feeling nauseous.
I don't feel fearful or anxious about getting into my car and driving to work still over the limit from last night. I'm not afraid of people at work smelling alcohol on my breath. All because I did not drink yesterday.

I am promising myself all of these gifts for tomorrow as well. I simply will not drink today, no matter what life throws at me. I will not make it ten times worse by poisoning myself with alcohol to numb my feelings. Instead, I promise myself I will deal with life, feelings and emotions as best I can, sober. If I find that tough, then I will reach out here and I also have phone numbers of friends from AA.

Hopefully it won't come to that, but if it does I have a plan, and that plan is communicating how I am feeling before acting on it.

But ultimately I plan to enjoy my day as much as possible. I wish everyone a happy, (dare I say joyful?) and peaceful Thursday. Give yourself the gift of sobriety today my friends. No one to my knowledge has ever regretted it! :l

[lifechange]

Newbies Nest

Good MAE lovely Nesters! I missed you all the past couple of days-- I think I have at least an hour of catching up to do in this busy Nest. A busy Nest is a great sign-- people changing their lives.
So, with that... DO, thanks for the delicious coffee. Much nicer to sit and drink quietly and with your company. Just wish I had something yummy to go with it.

Bhalo, thanks for that inspiring post! Let's dare to say joyful!!:h

[Willow23]

Newbies Nest

Wowser, I'm glad DH is home today - I eventually fell back asleep and didn't wake up until 9am! DH got up with the kids which is great as I have been so tired this week.

Another beautiful day here, but cold. Day 8 for me. Now that I've got my first week under my belt, I'm going to see about starting to eat a bit more healthily, as I've been stuffing down crisps like no-ones business this week in order to help with the cravings. We'll go shopping later so that I can pick up a bunch of nice fruit to make fruit salad with and some veg and hummus too. Need to get back exercising too. My BMI is 23 so not overweight but I wouldn't mind dropping a bit - hopefully not drinking alcohol will help with that too.

Hope everyone has a great day, be back later x

[lifechange]

Newbies Nest

What a great group of people posting here on a daily basis! I missed lots of milestones, just in 2 days!

Willow, I'm so happy to hear about getting those first 7 under your belt! Well done-- jumping on the health wagon sounds like a great idea. I've definitely noticed a difference since I've started paying more attention. What's BMI, again? I've forgotten. How old are your little ones? I've got 2 girls, almost 9 and almost 12-- what a joy they are!

DO!!!! I missed your 30 days-party! Congratulations and well done. I sure enjoy meeting up with you each morning for coffee! And now that Dave's (a man of many talents, we're learning-- looking forward to seeing what else he's got up his sleeve!) always bringing the baked goods, we're set to go..

I'Mstrong!! I know it's just One day at a time, but amazing how they add up, isn't it? Actually an important lesson to learn about all those little things we always want to begin-- just do it, eh? And soon enough, you CAN do it! Well done on 30 days+. It's so nice to have you here. Such honest words coming from you and a witty sense of humour.

Istym, Hi! I'm glad you made it over to the Nest! You've been busy posting, thinking about everything, posting again. Keeping on top of the game, figuring it out! I'm all with you on healthy foods (I love lentils!!) and No sugar--as well as on rewriting my life-- at least parts of it. It's exciting to be on this journey and good to have you here.

Big hugs to Moss:l! I hope you're feeling better. I'm also a worrier-- learning how to let go of things that I can't change. Not to dwell. It sure isn't easy sometimes, is it?

Avail, friend!!, so glad the wedding was so successful and that you're back with us here.
and Elvis!! glad to have you back with us!
And Erie.. like everyone has said, ODAT..
Halo!!:l Glad you're right back with us!
and ICAN!!

Dottie! Sorry to let you down!! In a couple of weeks, we'll be in the same time zone for awhile-- actually then you'll be reminding me what day we're on!!

A big shout out to Jvo and Myluck(you sound fab! keep enjoying the euphoria! I'm still waiting for the real downer.. scary cravings.. so I AM ready, just in case),Mr Vervill, Sanchez, Pavati, LBeagle, Lav and Byrdie-- Hope your days are perking up. What's that saying about not having more than 2 bad days in a row? I sure hope you aren't proving it wrong??!!!!

A wonderful day to you all...

[Willow23]

Newbies Nest

LC, my daughter is 6 and my son is 4. So both quite little still really. I love being around them - DD was very unhappy during her 18 months at school, so I decided to homeschool her. DS was due to start September but he wanted to stay home too so that's what we did! Both are beautiful, bright children - I had some worries in the past that my drinking behaviour might have affected them, but I don't think it has. I hope not anyway. I'm glad I've started the AF road early in their lives in any case.

We are off to a local town after lunch to do some Christmas shopping and visit the cathedral to light candles for my grandad, nan and aunt - we lost my grandad and aunt within 6 days of each other back in 2011 and my nan last December on her 90th birthday. Guess how I dealt with it? Yup, I got drunk. Completely stupid and I know my nan especially would have been quite disgusted with me. I'm not a Christian, it's more of a remembrance thing.

Nearly lunchtime here so got to get everyone fed, then we're off. Talk later y'all.

[MossRose]

Newbies Nest

Good morning all and thanks for the kind words. I'm in a dark and scary place right now. Not sure the nest is the appropriate venue for this. I don't want to bring a black cloud to all of these lovely posts. I can't elaborate, too embarrassing and traumatic, but lets just say, that I did something incredibly stupid...publicly. I will say that it involved my NPD-ex-husband and FB if that gives you a hint. Now, I have validated to hundreds of people that I am the crazy woman he has made me out to be. And maybe I am. I have always suffered from anxiety, but in the last couple of days, it has spun out of control. Barely functioning. I wasn't always this way. It's like my brain has been rewired or something. My counselor says that after years of intense physical and mental abuse, I suffer from a form of PTSD. Drinking was my way to self-medicate the pain, but of course, it only made things worse. I thought I had it under control. Obviously not. I'm still doing impulsive and damaging things, even when I'm not drinking. I think I'm hopeless. The urge to drink is overwhelming. I just want to run away and hide. Guess I'll try to reach out for some help today, although I doubt it will help. Well, I guess I just did. I know this probably sounds melodramatic and attention-seeking and for that I apologize.

I just don't know where else to turn. I feel completely alone with some very ugly thoughts. Thanks for listening. xx

[Myluck]

Newbies Nest

Or Moss, hugs!!!! So sorry you are going through this... The only suggestion I have (and this works for me) is to try to move in as this is already done and there is no way of changing it. So try to move on from that situation and try not to dwell on it. Sending some of my positive vibes to you

[Willow23]

Newbies Nest

Oh Moss, I don't know what to say. I'm glad you've reached out to us here, you know we'll listen.

Please, please don't ever feel alone. Come here, talk, even if it's what seems like rambling. You'll be able to read back through sometime and that can really help. Once you're feeling better (and you will) you'll be able to look back and see how far you've come.

This is just your brain thinking things, it's not you. I had severe depression when younger and it was horrendous. What I learnt though was that it wasn't me and I wasn't really thinking those bad thoughts, it was just that my brain needed to get better. I can't remember if there's anyone close to you that you talk to? Like someone who you'd trust to sit with you?