Newbies Nest

[Loveless]

Newbies Nest

My son is 3 years old still very young but he is smart and I think he is starting to figure out that I'm different from the other mommies....I feel like such a horrible person and mother because I am constantly drunk/drinking aorund him...which makes me depressed...which then makes me drink more....I do not want him to grow up to be like me or his dad, and i dont want him to resent us either....I need to beat this thing before he figures out whats going on

[broken halo]

Newbies Nest

Loveless, Jellybean. I want to reach out and give both of you a big hug. I am close to tears reading your posts. Drinking in the morning and then throughout the day is a very sad and lonely place to be. I have had two, week long 'episodes' where I did just that and I never want to go back there again. I felt so alone and so terrified.

I'm Strong suggested calling AA. I would urge you both to do just that. Talk to someone and see if it helps. They will know exactly what you are going through and they won't judge you. I reached out to them when I was at my lowest and I have never regretted it. I started going to meetings, meeting people face to face who knew exactly what I was going through has been a fantastic help to me. There is no commitment, the only requirement for AA is that you have a real desire to stop drinking. But just picking up the phone and speaking to someone who truly understands might help you, whether or not you want to go to meetings.

My heart goes out to both of you and I really hope you can find the strength to overcome. There is hope. :l

[jellybean1970]

Newbies Nest

Change the I need to I will. Keep going. Is he in nursery or anything? Plan something to do with him?

[Loveless]

Newbies Nest

halo,I've considered AA before but I was worried about the religious side of it and i was also worried because someone i know went there for her drinking and she said that once she went there after relapsing and they basically put her down/ shunned her about it....maybe its different depending on which group it is though......jelly, No he isn't in a nursey or anything like that because I have been home all the time on disability. I would love to go out with him and do something fun, I've wanted to for a while now, but I was always drunk before noon, so I never could for fear of embarassing myself or doing something stupid. My husband just doesn't get it. He is an alcoholic I think too, but he gets drunk on weekends and on some nights, he has never felt the need to have a drink in the mornings and I tried to hide it from him for as long as possible (even started drinking vodka w/ orange juice so he would just think it was juice for breakfast, but eventually caught on because he never saw me eat anything and eventually smelled the glass after id leave).

[jellybean1970]

Newbies Nest

Thank you Broken Halo. I'm hoping I've broken the back of it as still nothing so far today and I'm ticking off my lists. Today I found the shakes went after about 40 minutes, I haven't been ill or heaved and I haven't had a panic attack so I'm doing pretty good. AA here a bit of a non starter as I live in a remote village, have lost my licence and phone line not brilliant. My 22 year old son is being supportive and today is sending me texts or calling every couple of hours. I know I'm not ready to make it through a whole day but hope to be in the next few days. I was where Loveless was 6 days ago so know she can do it This place is changing my life! Since my last post I've mopped the floors. The kids won't know what's hit them when they get home! Oh and for the first time in 6 months I've drunk something other than AL/coffee/cola. Taking milk thistle and loads of vitamins too.

[broken halo]

Newbies Nest

halo,I've considered AA before but I was worried about the religious side of it

I'm an atheist loveless, so are a lot of people in AA. You don't have to believe in god. I have been at meetings where people have been drinking beforehand, also many people leave the fellowship[ and come back. I haven't seen any shunning, quite the opposite.

When I phoned them I figured I had nothing to lose, I was out of control and desperate. More than anything I wanted to stop drinking, as it was controlling my life. You don't have anything to lose by making a phone call

[broken halo]

Newbies Nest

jellybean1970;1586777 wrote: Thank you Broken Halo. I'm hoping I've broken the back of it as still nothing so far today and I'm ticking off my lists. Today I found the shakes went after about 40 minutes, I haven't been ill or heaved and I haven't had a panic attack so I'm doing pretty good. AA here a bit of a non starter as I live in a remote village, have lost my licence and phone line not brilliant. My 22 year old son is being supportive and today is sending me texts or calling every couple of hours. I know I'm not ready to make it through a whole day but hope to be in the next few days. I was where Loveless was 6 days ago so know she can do it This place is changing my life! Since my last post I've mopped the floors. The kids won't know what's hit them when they get home! Oh and for the first time in 6 months I've drunk something other than AL/coffee/cola. Taking milk thistle and loads of vitamins too.

It sounds like you are making real progress, jelly. I really wish you both well, however you decide to do it, let's get it done! :l

[jellybean1970]

Newbies Nest

Loveless, my ex was alcoholic too, in fact it was his influence started me drinking in the day. He was different though, would drink wine or V&T with lunch, have a nap and be fine then more in the evening, rarely got drunk. I on the other hand get drunk quickly, always have. Until I got done for DUI with his daughter in the car I was a very senior manager in education. The DUI was due to his ex spiking my drink, I would have been well under otherwise and it was after that it all spiralled out of control. I used to run nurseries etc so if you want some ideas of stuff to do with your boy that you can do at home, easy and cheap that will help his development, improve bonding and give you something to do them PM me and I'll help put together some stuff for you. One of the things on my first days list was to stay sober enough to look over my DD's homework with her. It helped. Despite being on here all day I've achieved more in the house than I have done in the last 4 months. !5 minute slots is working! Off to wash out the conditioner and scrub my face as meeting the ds from school train in a couple of hours. How many drinks now then Loveless? What are you drinking?

[Loveless]

Newbies Nest

ok then perhaps I will give AA a try. I was just always worried that if you weren't AF you weren't welcome, but I'm glad to hear that it seems like that is not the case. I would be so proud of myself if i somehow managed to go until noon without drinking, but i just cant do it until a see my doc about the physical symptoms. Yesterday morning my son saw me pouring a drink with my hands shaking and he said "no mommy, no". It very nearly broke my heart and I cried. I do not wnat to hurt him anymore....I want to be a mom he can be proud of...


so far I have had about 1/2 a bottle of sake.....still better than usual though... .

[Pavati]

Newbies Nest

Good morning, Nest:

Lovely and Jellybean I am sorry to hear about your struggles but glad that you are supporting each other. Someone once posted a web page with steps for home tapering off alcohol. I just found it - here it is.

I'm off to work. Lifechange, thank you for that post - sounds like a wonderful day.

Happy Monday, all. GWAWK.

[jellybean1970]

Newbies Nest

Better than usual is progress so be proud! Wine has always been my problem, big breakthrough this week has been to swap 1 wine for a beer and alternate. Could you try it? Are you drinking it straight? Can you dilute it a little? I found even tiny reductions made a difference to how I felt next day and I mean I've gone from glugging ffrom the bottle at 6.45 while my daughter is in the shower to stop the shakes to still nothing yet at 15.09. I hear good things about AA so worth a try, anything is worth a try! Check out that tapering link from Pavati it is sort of the model I've been using. And thank you Broken Halo I'm trying the best I can.

[istym4me]

Newbies Nest

Jelly Bean

You are doing great by cutting back. Years ago, I said "I have never drank in the morning" So on vacation since then a few times I have indeed drank in the morning. It's a totally weird thing, a much quicker blast to the brain. I think it's a smart thing to try to avoid morning drinking and get your craving or witching hour to a different time of day. Did you get hurt when you fell down the stairs?
It is great your son is checking up on you! Sounds like a great kid. I hope he doesn't think you would purposely harm yourself. For me there is a fine line from sharing with my kids and making them feel partly responsible for me and my actions. I have to tell them that I am a separate being from them and what I choose to do is NOT anything they are responsible for nor does it make it an EXAMPLE of something they will do. I am not teaching them by example NO matter what BRAINWASHING society has decided to GUILT ME (and them) with.
Do you have an arsenal set up for drinking other than alcohol drinks? Lemon water seems to be of interest here. Or a mixture of lemon water, cayenne and real maple syrup. I like it, so refreshing.

WILLOW
I have no right to be mad at your husband. I am though. I want to ask him if he thinks getting mad will make you feel worse or MAKE HIM FEEL BIGGER AND BETTER THAN!! Seriously, you went 10 days without drinking. CONGRATS TO YOU!!!! You then drink only once in 11 days! That's huge! This is not a failure of anything and I am sure you can go another 11 or 7 or 15... good for you! I am curious and do hope you post about how it feels today and tomorrow if you are deciding not to drink on those two days. Is the pull to drink just as strong again on the first few days, or is it a little less strong... you know? Willow- you don't need more guilt and an non-supportive partner. Getting angry at you is not supportive, does nothing positive or productive and puts you in the mind-set of not being worthy of unconditional love. Gotta say... your post got me riled up! YOU DID GREAT!!! YOU ARE AT LEAST changing and evolving and looking at life in different ways. I wrote a post about how our spouses or significant others may act as WE go through OUR journey. This is OUR Journey not theirs. They are on the outside looking in, they can't feel our angst, our needs... they must be open to understanding what it is we are going through or they will not be able to support us in any productive way.
Through my life experience, I have found that people that PICK ON others are often just really unhappy with themselves. Ask him if he would have rather you drank everyday for those 10 other days. Do not let yourself be bullied. Okay. I need to deep breathe and calm down. I have that mediation link to open the last few days that I have not done. I will be doing that this morning and sending you good vibes for you to keep in your mind- you only drank 1 in 11 days! WOOOOOWHOOO!!!!

Lovely We changed your name for you.. I hear the song ISN'T she Lovely Nicola...when I type it. I hope you like your new name. I hope you can actually feel that even though 'we' don't know you we truly, honestly care about you. I don't have to KNOW you to feel everything you have lived through and are going through. I know the feelings of feeling stuck, out of the main stream, the outside looking in and wondering if you will ever feel a part of something other than 'this'. You have it tough, I can not tell you YOU CAN DO THIS. You have multiple addictions and I have no experience in how those will play off of each other. I saw a few other people posting over the past week or so with multiple addictions, it seems they didn't hang around long. YOU have hung around ... you are sticking it out a bit, you are connecting to people that do care about you and send LOVE your way. Loveless no more We can take nothing from you, we can't USE you and not one of us will berate or belittle you.
I tried to read back- Why Japan? That's exciting, scary, intriguing...

ALL
it's great to see interest in the healthy recipes. Sadly, what I put up on here is pretty much my recipes! I don't measure things out. I don't make the masks or body scrubs the same way every time. Right now pomegranate is in season so I put that in my scrubs and juices. I might add more coconut oil in the drier months than I do in the wetter ones. I get my base clay from NOWfoods, found in most health food stores. AT one time I could order this by the gallon size. Right now I am in the smaller containers but hope to get the big one again soon and make it in bulk to give out to friends etc... If I get to that point again soon, I will post about it. Mailing it out can be pricey though. I did a few mailings last month to friends and well, it's a financially tight period in my life for me. (I seem to be always able to afford wine though! )

Dave Read you whole post, thought someone had written it to you! Ha! You changed everything! You could do great things for your body by steering away from processed foods. Those yogurt cups or pudding cups are truly just poison.
I am increasing my probiotic intake- someone else on here is doing lots of fermenting, it's a great thing to keep your gut healthy and it is now being researched on how it can actually change your brain chemistry! NPR had a short segment about it this morning.
SWEATING HOT yoga poster- MYLUCK Potassium will help you sweat. Back in the 80s a woman that worked at my club told me to start eating bananas. It works! Seriously works. It's one thing that is almost instantaneous. Eat a few bananas a day to start, 2 and then cut back to one if you want. Increasing all fruit is a great idea to detox, and you want to sweat while doing hot yoga or those toxins are not coming out. You might want to try to warm lemon water too, it doesn't have to be just i the morning.
Lav Smoking did not work that way for me. I quit 26ish years ago. I have since(not recently) smoked a cig or a drag here and there. I get HIGH from taking a drag of a cig. It was weird for me to realize that cigs do indeed have a mental effect that seems to go away once you are a regular user. I will never go right back to smoking. I smoked heavy, heavy for years- from the age of 10ish just goofing off til I was 22+ took 3 years to quit completely. I can honestly say, I will never be a smoker again. So maybe an addiction is an addiction is an addiction isn't quite so simple.

OH MY GOSH!!! THERE ARE # MORE PAGES now! Ahhh... going to try to read and catch up.

[Loveless]

Newbies Nest

sorry about that guys, had to run out for a few minutes but im back now.

I was in japan before and i just feel so at peace and happy when i am there. I feel like im supposed to be there....

[istym4me]

Newbies Nest

LIFECHANGE That is such a great post. Good for you. You have proven that not drinking can be a positive influence, not that bad habits are always the ones to be passed on or copied!

Lovely Does your son have a passport? Would you two go alone? Do you have any kind-of support system there? How far from radiation fall out would you be? Thyroid cancer has already spiked more than 50% in children there. Or let me rephrase that, 50% of children are already shown to have thyroid cancer. I would not go there. It's not what it used to be. We won't be given all the information either so it's probably a much higher rate and if thyroid cancer has taken such huge leaps, all other cancers have too.
You choose to drink saki- is that from your time in Japan? I was wondering how a 22 y/o gets stuck on SAKI! I used to sip fukiplum sometimes. I only drink ski when out for sushi. I have never actually bought it in a store and brought it home.
I am trying to research RA ironically- look what came up! IT's been our topic here often over the past few days- I have cured my Rheumatoid Arthritis and I am helping others do the same - Topix

Basically ginger root juices, lemon and real raw honey drinks... it's about consistency though. You can start diluting your saki with real ginger root shavings and fresh squeezed lemon juice. Anyhow. I just started researching it. I knew it had to be something to slow or end inflammation in the body.

[jellybean1970]

Newbies Nest

Lovely post Istym4me.

Yes I hurt myself as have no carpet, bruised hip, foot and eyebrow, thankfully no black eye this time! Kids are supportive, they know it is not them but me. Son actually threw the ex out, told he was a rather rude word etc. I've only once considered harming and avoided doing it cos the kids helped me through (not that they knew that was what I was thinking). I've been on water and lemon which I like but mostly it is just doing something. I;ve gone from a high powered 80 hour a week job to sitting on my bum all day everyday on my own. my kids are awesome!

Willow I too was angry at your husband, I think you are amazing, keep going every day AF is a triumph!

I love the change to Lovely it should stick. As for multiple addictions, my friend was like that, she beat them all by doing one at a time. Lovely you are here, so you are trying, just keep on trying!

Sweating- god I wish I could stop! I'm changing clothes 2 a day as I get soaked.

Lovely - what is different since Japan? It can't be just the place so maybe you can find your trigger?

Off to meet DS from the train now as she has a 2 mile walk in the dark - the price she is paying for my drinking.