Newbies Nest

[istym4me]

Newbies Nest

Headlamp Elvis!

Thanks for posting about moderating. This is a SITE about Moderating and there are new people coming here daily- SO I thought it prudent to get some chat about that going.

Is there a MODERATING THREAD? I thought I looked for one... I will check again.

Another thread I thought might be useful is a MULTIPLE ADDICTION THREAD.

Good Morning all- Most of you are into the afternoon! I am having morning coffee now. Trying to pretend there is sunshine!

[jellybean1970]

Newbies Nest

Isitym4me you are dead right on the beating self up thing! The ex used to criticise my cooking, clothes hair, driving way of life etc yet I still hankered after him. He criticized my drinking when he was drinking 3 times as much as I was then a couple of glasses girl. I sucked it all up! I ended up doing the same with drinking. How did I go from a capable professional woman, coping with a high powered job, kids, a dying husband in hospital 100 miles away with daily visits after work and caring for my kids after the death to where I am now? Beating myself up and letting others do it too. My kids have taught me that!

Lovely Rosetta Stone is good but expensive in the uk at least. Not sure about where you are but our local library has DVD courses you can borrow for free which are good. My 13 year old has god herself to gcse standard in mandarin using these. I think story times at libraries would be an excellent idea too. If you are on disability I'm assuming funds are not limitless? You can make paints, dough, beads etc from household stuff and your boy can join in too. I'm not sure if you can send attachments to pm on here but I can send you loads of stuff. Every trip to the park, every activity will help. My sons friend just came round to arrange some pick up of my daughter he is doing to help me out and he was like wow the house looks better! He's one of the few who know about the DUI etc and it made me feel so good! No judgement just noticing something positive. Off to clean out the under stairs cupboard!

[Willow23]

Newbies Nest

Hey all. Just about to start cooking a (very) early dinner. DD has her Rainbows group on Tuesdays so I need to feed the kids before she goes, otherwise they'll be so hungry by the time we get home.

Also looking up tattoo designs. I have 3 already but DH said he'd buy me a fourth for Christmas ....

[DreamThinkDo]

Newbies Nest

Lovely, here's an interesting link - not to Rosetta stone, though, but lots of ideas. Maybe taking up a new hobby - that doesn't have the association of "done while drinking" - may help.

https://www.mywayout.org/community/f9...ing-53608.html

Isty, I'm going to have my afternoon coffee just now - as soon as I've been to the shops to get a fresh pack. The Nesters seem to go through coffee at an alarming rate:H:H:H

[Loveless]

Newbies Nest

I am getting a tattoo for christmas aswell!what you gettin? i am getting a cherry blossom branch on my upper right arm to cover all my hideous scars it will be #7....i have avoided getting any recently because alcohol thins the blood and makes you bleed alot more, and i could never control myself long enough to get through the appointment sober. i am looking forward to getting back to all the things i used to love before al took over, but i am worried about a few things...my husband, mainly. he also has a problem, although he doesnt drink in the mornings or get shakes and seizures like i do. but i am worried that he is not ready to quit and that it will be more difficult for me because of it...also, i can never stick to the goals i set...even this morning when i went for a walk with my son....we went as soon as we got up (the only time ive been sober lately) but even so i still had to have a few before we left to keep the shakes at bay and brought some with me...the shame i feel 24/7 is starting to become unbearable....but i am scared that if i go cold turkey before i see my doctor i will die, as one time before i ended up in the ER after having a withdrawal seizure.....i am so scared, but optimistic....andi am never giving up.

[istym4me]

Newbies Nest

LOVELY You have so much in your system already. I would think you should subtract something before adding something back in.

I have the issues of WINE being my best friend, that best friend wants me to pour a glass of wine to- Water the plants, take a bath, go fold laundry, put on a movie, write a post, light a fire, use a pretty glass. YOU HAVE TO START DOING a few things without a drink to get through the thoughts that YOU have to have a drink to do these things. Try cooking breakfast tomorrow, without a drink. Have OJ instead. I make fresh oj a few times a week, I was having it daily for months and months. APPRECIATE how the OJ tastes and be grateful for IT. MAKE THAT BIG in your thoughts. You really do have to add more in to take away the thoughts of your needing or wanting a drink to do these simple everyday things. I am sure that many men needed a drink to go into the bathroom with, more-so than women.
I took a bath the other night and brought no wine with me. What's funny about that is, I don't like wine in hot water but had convinced myself that I really wanted to bring it that time! I watered plants 3 times since being AF this time, the plants lived, I lived through watering them without a glass of wine in my hand or nearby. I danced! I danced all over my house WITHOUT wine! That was huge. HUGE! I usually only do sloppy drunk dancing. I am sure that my X liked that part of my drinking.

Can I be pushy a bit? let's see a list here of things that pop into your head that you would like to do. Start off with attempting to forget that you can't do them if you are drinking and just wrote them out on this thread. I can guarantee it will be next to impossible for you to learn Japanese while drinking! Just the thought of what that would look like if I tried to learn a language while drinking or drunk cracks me up! It would be put on the cds, listen, take notes, drink drink drink... forget about the lesson completely, go off do stupid shit... wake up the next day, look at notes and think WHAT THE F*CK is that? Listen to CD from the beginning and realize my notes are of no help at all, start all over again! I just went through 170 hours of courses. I know what that looked like if I poured wine and sat down to GET TO IT! I had to modify and not drink until I was done with a class or two then I drank and BTW I did finish and did pass the courses, but I would never have done so IF I poured wine and then sat down. I did that just a few times before realizing I could not learn while buzzed.

Your Dr appt is in 7 days. Keep modifying, keep cutting back. Write down your drinks as you go. Take the advice given about cutting your day up into segments, maybe 15 or 30 minute segments, try to get your to do list to go with your time frames.... daily accountability 'graph' and show your Dr that you have cut down, tell her your goal of quitting and that you don't want to have seizures etc... these seizures is where the realmofcaring came into my thoughts. Did you look that up?

[ToMyHealth]

Newbies Nest

Hey, Lovely and others who watched that Dr. Phil show - I was gone yesterday so did not see it but had seen the trailers and was very interested. It repeats the next day. I went for a walk this a.m., being sure to be back in time to see the repeat. Thought it would be on at 11a, but I see it's noon.

Also, I ordered Leaving Las Vegas from Netflix so thanks for recommendation.

TMH

[Loveless]

Newbies Nest

Leaving Las vegas is a very powerful movie. it is about a man who has lost everything due to al and has hit rock bottom and goes to las vegas to basically drink himself to death (which he thinks will take a couple weeks), he meets a prostitute and pays her to spend time with him and talk to him for the remainder of his life, but she starts to care about what happens to him....very touching, i cried pretty much the whole time.

[istym4me]

Newbies Nest

JellybeanIsitym4me you are dead right on the beating self up thing! It's got to be part of our own payoff. If we don't feel worthy of better, it makes it much easier to stay right where we are. My heart aches for you and your kids. You are doing great! It's got to be so hard to just say enough... and realize you have to taper off. There isn't a quick fix but there seems to be a quick dive into what we need fixing now. I say quick dive, ha! , I have been drinking for 35+ years.

Now, I need to pat myself on the back. I have been through some crap. Badly abusive childhood, a father that drinks more than anyone should be able to physically survive doing- he took off when I was 6 or so to come back in and out of my life even til this day, a mother that was condescending and a moderate binge drinker(a few times a year- I would take care of her when she did this) she was verbally and physically abusive also.. My brother was a bully, still is obviously. My sister is bizarre, in need of love but making sure she destroys all in her life. She just can't be consistent or honest. Okay, I just went astray but my point is I had never had a support system, never. My husband was the closest I had come and I have to wonder how messed up he must be! He doesn't over indulge often... a handful of times in all these years(30i). That old mentality of healing the child within seems to be an over-whelming and apparent need here. If we list some of our problems, as adults we should be able to deal with them, find a resolution but we look down into a bottle and abuse ourselves. That's how we have learned to deal with almost all aspects of life, through abuse. That has to change. I use meditation sometimes but I am also using self talk more and more.
Right now with alcohol, I keep saying "Wow you are doing good!" YOU did the housework and cooking without drinking! You got through another day and you didn't need to drink! YOU DID GOOD. I even told myself I looked nice yesterday. (I rarely hear compliments... so I am giving myself them that I might hear if I had a lover or an engaged significant other )

The libraries do have language tapes and cds! Lovely What are the scars from?

[Loveless]

Newbies Nest

((hugs)) you have been through so much and you are so strong. I am sorry you had to go through all that...I had some hard things happen in my life too and i feel like i never learned how to deal with things in any other way than drinking/using drugs/hhurting myself.....but salvation cannot be found at the bottom of a bottle......

I have scars on my arms and other places on my body from when i was younger i used to cut myself, and also i have some scars from "trackmarks" from injecting opiates before i went on methadone and quit them...just more things for me to be ashamed about....

[istym4me]

Newbies Nest

LOVELY,

That whole long post was directly to you. Break it up in segments if you need to or break it up and PM me with your thoughts on it.

Do you like your hair? How about your eyes? How did you do during pregnancy? Did you curb your drinking? Is your son healthy? I am trying to come up with some affirmations.

Can I give you a warning? YOUR husband may very well not want you to ever get healthy. Be prepared for that. It may not be something he would articulate. Many times people in our life want us to remain 'seemingly below them' if you show strength it gives them more reason to make sure you feel badly about something. Why doesn't he help with his son?

[istym4me]

Newbies Nest

Let's lump your addiction into ONE thing. YOU did all of them to cope with a life that was tough stuff. YOU shouldn't pull each and every thing you did out and make it something other than what it is, it's part of a WHOLE. Don't give each drug, each drink power- make them smaller. Do you know what I mean?
I think they all have the same causation. So they are all ONE problem. When I was a teen, I used to sit for hours and bang my head against the wall crying. I guess that was pre- cutting for us oldies! (I am not OLD! I never think of myself as old!) But back then I had never heard of cutting. I think media can be thanked for much of this crap being bigger than it would be if it weren't publicized.

My point to bring up SOME of what I went through as a kid is because NOW it's all ONE thing to me. It's my childhood. It sucked. I try to pick out pieces that were good now and truly concentrate on those. I teach my kids(taught my kids) about the little things I liked about my childhood. I spent a lot of time in the woods, I taught them to climb trees, hang and swing from the larger vines that come off of some of them, I taught them names of certain trees and plants and what they are good for- how I learned that? I believe in the NATURE HIKES and walks we did in elementary school and into highschool. Nature hikes in school, does that even exist now? I remember in science we went once a week! But with those early learnings I spent more and more time away from my abusive household by heading to the woods. Are there any little aspects of childhood that you want to teach or show your son?

[Loveless]

Newbies Nest

During my pregnancy is pretty much the only time in my life that I managed to stay sober, the only time I messed up is the last couple months i had a glass of wine here and there, but my son was born perfectly healthy (thank god, because i dont think i could have forgiven myself)

yes, that thought has indeed occured to me. i am not sure what i would do in that situation...he does help with our son, just not as much time as he spends on videogames and dirnking....but it is frustrating...i just hope that he does not try to drag me down.....

i dont really remember much from my childhood....everything is a blur until about 13....

[istym4me]

Newbies Nest

Willow I had such a great time when my kids were little. I was always busy, we did nature hikes almost daily, I made sure they experienced things I would have never, ever dreamed as doing when I was a kid. You are doing terrific things with and for them. I had your drinking pattern back then. I drank every 3 or 4 days. I did not drink 2 bottles of wine then, I drank a 6 pack of light beer and sometimes 2 8 pack ponies. (puppies- little 8 oz beers-they were fun! ) I remember the very night I drank my first whole bottle of wine. At that time I was still just drinking every 3-4 days but had switch primarily to wine, beer filled me up to much then. Anyhow. I drank a whole bottle of wine and the next day I got up and could NOT function. I thought my head would explode! I was going to call my MIL to come take care of the 4 kids so I could go check myself in somewhere! I laid there until I convinced myself that I was not going to have brain matter all over the walls, got in the shower and ignored that I had drank a full bottle of wine. I didn't continue to keep drinking that amt. at that time. I GOT PREGNANT AGAIN! So, my drinking didn't escalate for a few years after that.
Here is my justification- I had more and more life crap come down on me. I am sure that my metabolism sped up and that my drinking was flushed through my body at a much faster rate. My intake increased over the next few years, even going to ever day at least 1 and 1/2 bottle a night with NO ill effects for the next day. I did that for 7 months, my life was in fast forward then. I abruptly stopped my life, up and left it. Truly, walked away taking with me a few kids and just drove. I never did go back. My drinking slowed down to every 2-3 days and down has settled at every other day with a few weeks AF here and there.

I used MWO to get through a hour on the nordic trac and to purge. Sorry and THANK-YOU ALL! :0

[istym4me]

Newbies Nest

Lovely Feel him out. Start asking for little things here and there. Hey, ____ could you please go pick up these books from the library or drive us there. BTW there are video game to check out from the library! Maybe, a family outing is in order!
One of my Drs told me to have a few glasses of wine during pregnancy. He wanted me to relax because I had lost my first two in my third trimester. I kept having nightmares the next one would JUST FALL OUT!

So glad for you and your son he is healthy. A small amt of alcohol is not going to hurt them. After having my 'first' baby, I had a German nurse- She said DRINK BEER! DRINK BEER, you need lots of breast milk! lol