Newbies Nest

[Samstone]

Newbies Nest

allankay;1590123 wrote: Londoner,

this strategy worked well for me so far.

Another memory that keeps me on my toes when I thinking hhmmm what's wrong with having one, is the reminder that it took so long to work myself up to the point to quit. I "quit" so many times that I know if I go back, it will be a long stint before I stop again. My repeated stops are a waste of time and energy, I just don't. PERIOD. In any event, it helps.

Londoner you are doing it! Alan, good on you

[Tess-2]

Newbies Nest

Yes, Sam, a memory that I pull from the archives when I begin to fantasize about a drink is crawling down the hall toward bed, pausing to puke, and then stopping to lie in the muck because I couldn't go any further -- and I really didn't care. Pathetic!! And yes, I had to be needlessly sick for a good, long time before I found a way to quit.

I just started reading The Problem of Pain by C.S. Lewis.

[broken halo]

Newbies Nest

Tess-2;1590151 wrote: Yes, Sam, a memory that I pull from the archives when I begin to fantasize about a drink is crawling down the hall toward bed, pausing to puke, and then stopping to lie in the muck because I couldn't go any further -- and I really didn't care. Pathetic!! And yes, I had to be needlessly sick for a good, long time before I found a way to quit.

I just started reading The Problem of Pain by C.S. Lewis.

I did that too Tess, on the bathroom floor. Then crawled along the hall and got a glimpse of myself in the full length mirror. Horrendous.

[Overit44]

Newbies Nest

Good morning friends. It's been a long time and no, I have not been on the wagon. Nothing terrible has happened, thank goodness, I've just forgotten why it was so important and wonderful to not be drinking.

So glad to see some old faces here.

[broken halo]

Newbies Nest

Overit44;1590174 wrote: Good morning friends. It's been a long time and no, I have not been on the wagon. Nothing terrible has happened, thank goodness, I've just forgotten why it was so important and wonderful to not be drinking.

So glad to see some old faces here.

Welcome back Overit, glad nothing terrible happened and it's good to see you here!

[Tess-2]

Newbies Nest

Hi BHalo - There's nothing pretty or romantic about being drunk!!

Hey Overitt - Good to hear from you!!

I'm going to take my upright and sober self out for a walk.

[K9Lover]

Newbies Nest

Welcome Back Tess and Overit! Glad to see you both!

[TJAF]

Newbies Nest

Elvis;1590074 wrote: GWAWKY MAE!

It feels wonderful to wake up on Monday morning well rested and refreshed, instead of holding my head in my hands and mumbling to myself and going through the motions to get myself dressed and out the door on time. Though I did oversleep 10 minutes, oops!

Thanks for the advice. I probably will just shrug it off or tell a white lie to whoever asks when we go out Saturday. I forget that I have been around this group multiple times when I was moderating so they've seen me on non-drinking days before. I've been able to avoid the question with some distraction, or a little humor. So I'll come up with a few one-liners by the weekend, not worry about it, and enjoy my AF night out.

Wait a minute how can you be Elvis and not mumble to yourself ( thank you very much)

[Elvis]

Newbies Nest

Thangyuh. Thangyuh vurry mudge.

[gambler]

Newbies Nest

Howdily Hi and Gwaky Mae Nesters !!

I returned home a little bit ago and I had to take some time for myself to 'take it all in'. So..do you guys want the story version or just the bullet points ? .. Well seeing as you love my stories I will go that route.

I woke up feeling not at all that rested and very stressed out. After a quick shower and a cup of joe ( and about 10 chain smokes ) I got my suit of armor on for the big meeting. I did turn out pretty GQ in my duds and I thanked God my fair AF complexion. I had some time to Over think things again before my departure so I quickly looked in Nest for some support and calmness ( Thank you ALL for the well wishes BTW ! ). Walking out the door was freezing in dress pants..brrr. Well I got to the courthouse and sat down til my lawyer got there. Forty five minutes later my wife and her lawyer walked out of the elevator. As they passed by I noticed a very serious yet exhausted expression on her face. She never looked at me directly. Finally my own lawyer arrived and all about 60 seconds went by when her lawyer came up to us and handed over their response to the counterclaim. As we sat there and read page after page I could no longer believe what was being said. Complete and utter lies ! Not attending soccer games..or birthday parties .. stuff like that. I sat there in Shock and disbelief. Telling my lawyer about the untrue claims being set forth he turned to me and said "I've seen this type before." then proceeded to tell me how we are going to do this that and the other. It was only a few minutes later when they called us into the hearing room. I was now in a state of anxiety. But this room was different then what I was expecting. We entered a small room with space for us and then across was a bench with a Mediator ( Not the Judge ) and two others. She then pressed the go button and off we went. She basically asked us what we were seeking. My guy started to claim that there was a problem in the paperwork and that they didnt get it in time ( they only got it Friday ). He then said it would be no problem for a continuance and for us to come back next week. My guy said this !! Im looking around with a WTF look . No..no no no Im thinking. The mediator asked her lawyer if he wanted to continue and Luckily he said yes. Phew ! After asking another few questions ( and both lawyers didnt seem prepared ) the mediator basically asked my wife if there is any more time that she was willing to give other than the every other weekend deal. She said "NO" and then the Med. told her that she could not withhold the kids from me like she has been. She then turned to me and asked if I would be ok with every other Friday,Saturday,Sunday nights plus Every Thursday night for now. I agreed ( I didnt want to push my luck as thinking she basically just "tested" my wife for the willingness to cooperate ). Not realizing exactly what was being said by the mediator I guess I accepted another Mediation hearing that would hammer out a "parenting schedule"..for a $500 fee. So her and I have 30 days to come up with something on our own ( which would drop the fee to $150 ) or were headed back to court and more lawyer fees. The Order was entered and we all walked out of the chambers after which both of Our guys pulled each other aside. I dont know what her guy said but mine told me that now we have to do this that and the other again. I told him to send my a copy of everything and that I had to goto work. We shook hands and I left.

So thats what happened guys. My boys and I have every other Full weekends. I drop them off Monday mornings and also Every Thursday after work and overnight. This is of course for now but Its something I think "we" can work on.

So it just so happens that her and her lawyer..and myself got on the same elevator leaving. As we got off I asked If we could talk for a moment. She reluctantly agreed. As I spoke to her ( and I could see her anger ) things got more and more in Focus. She was pissed at me and my counterclaim, and I was reacting to her and her first claim. You see..Just a small amount of misinformation and miscommunication from both of us and our lawyers lead us Both down the path of Severe mistrust. So while she was saying "No thats not right" to her guy..and I was saying the same thing to mine..we never said anything to each other. Leaving us with the Idea that we were each trying to 'take the kids away" from each other. It was in the end ( and after a few tears from each of us ) a great relief. I would dread to think how things would be if we didnt Stop and speak. While she still does not trust me and I can understand this..and I dont fully trust her..we both have a Lot more trust for each other than just a day ago. As I sit here and write there is such a burden lifted from my soul. Things are much clearer now for all of us ( yes we already told the boys ). She is even ready to have me write up a parenting plan with at Least what we have in the Order. This is a sign of compromise that I have been yearning for from the beginning. Im going to have the boys All of Thanksgiving ( thurs-monday morning ) and then 2 full weeks during Christmas and New Years ( My birthday ). We also agreed that we will be willing to cooperate with odd ball days during the week from time to time. Im getting a bit long here now ..but quick question. I was thinking of asking her to add Tuesday dinner time ( either every Tuesday or ever other ). That would leave the final Order with Every other Full weekend + Thursday overnights + Tuesday visitation. Does that seem fair ? Im just bouncing this off the Nest wall to see what you think.

I want to thank everyone so much for everything again. All of your support and kind words have helped me more that you know. :l :h Bless your hearts !

Oh..one more thing. This is now going to be a moment of AF truth for me. Now that I have some relief and the battle has subsided, I will find out how much of my sobriety is due to the fear of me loosing my kids..or if has been a choice for myself. Im getting the feeling that its a bit of both. Im in no way thinking of or planning on drinking again. Its just that Im a bit curious of what kind of fortitude I will have without that fear..

Dave

[Willow23]

Newbies Nest

Dave, I'm so glad it went well and you'll get to see your boys more. Really great news. Re the extra visitation on Tuesdays - I don't think I'd ask for that right now personally. But hey, I've not been through divorce and I don't know what your kids want/feel about it. I'm just thinking that if they're with their mum Monday night, then dinner time with you on Tuesday, then back at mum's Wednesday, overnight with you Thursday and then Friday, Saturday, Sunday if it's 'your' week ... it seems like a lot of to-ing and fro-ing for them. I hope that doesn't upset you. But like I said, it's what they/you/your ex all feel comfortable with.

What I DO think though is that you're a great dad. You obviously care and love them so much, a lot of parents could learn from you, that's for sure!

[DreamThinkDo]

Newbies Nest

Dave, mainly good news despite the miscommunication! As I was reading, I wondered whether it wouldn't be better to ask for an overnight stay in the early part of the week - but, if you can pull of an additional weekly/bi-weekly overnight stay ... brilliant!

I wonder if you're not overthinking your motives/reasons for quitting? Does it really matter why you quit? To me, the important thing is staying AF. But then, fear may be a positive force.

Again, I'm so happy for you: it's not a perfect arrangement, but could have been a lot worse, not so?

[istym4me]

Newbies Nest

It's all too often the story that attorneys are not prepared. I think you would have been fine to say, you would like full custody but are willing to go 50/50.

Oh, a wonderful holiday for me coming up, court case on the horizon and a sick kid in bed... my head is pounding! HAPPY NESTING NESTERS!

[istym4me]

Newbies Nest

Willow

'Fuck you jackass, I'll show you'. Badass Willow is out to play!

Seriously, the amount of times he's said he wants me to quit drinking - I wonder if he secretly enjoys having a reason to talk down to me.



There is no secret. He is not as supportive as he would like to make out to be, he will be supportive about your quitting while you are drinking and then use it when you are doing well. It's part of the dynamic. He is afraid he will loose you and you will figure him out. (Yes I know this! lol I do!) I brought this up in a rather cryptic way before, this subject- what our significant others really feel about us drinking. It's just how it is, our drinking keeps us vulnerable and in line to make their passive/aggressiveness less remarkable. Good on you for the BADASS but it's truly hard to feel okay with the treatment the more and more you get sober. It's eye opening to realize just how much crap you take because you drink MORE than them.

[Willow23]

Newbies Nest

Nah, I'm generally quite laid back and I have a lot of patience with people. But when I lose my temper, I LOSE my temper! Ha ha! Anyway, he's behaved himself today and not mentioned it once so I think it got through to him just how pissed off he made me.