Newbies Nest

[NoSugar]

Newbies Nest

Talk to Broken Halo about AA! She has found that adding in face to face meetings has made a world of difference. I like reading the MWO AA thread - all the posters are so kind and supportive to one another. I'd say, use any tool you can find!

[little beagle]

Newbies Nest

I think a good support group is key to winning this battle. If it is AA or mwo...what works for you. I have someone I am accountable to in the real world as well as online. That has kept me successful so far. I have also watched others around me struggle and keep slipping because they refuse to get help with their problem. That is what I have been dealing with this past weekend and today. The fall out from hubby slipping up on his addiction. He refuses to seek a support group. And I am frustrated. Now he has 2 additional pairs of eyes seeing this and I worry that this could be a huge problem.
Oh well. One Day At A Time. Right?

[clockworkorange]

Newbies Nest

yes i was thinking that it might be nice to talk to people in the same situation, but im a little afraid to at the same time.

[NoSugar]

Newbies Nest

CWO, it seems scary to me, too, but those who have taken the step seem to be very glad to have done it. Perhaps you could talk with some of the people on the AA thread.

Little Beagle, I'm sorry your husband got off the good path he was on. That must hurt you very much. You've been such a rock for yourself and your whole family. I hope you lean in here for support whenever you can :l.

[gambler]

Newbies Nest

Thank you Lucky. Funny you should mention the "behave in front of the boys" thing. I just got back from their boy scout regatta race ( little one came in 2nd place..he is 7 and got beaten by a 10 year old by only 6" ). The mother actually invited me to sit next to her..and I did. The residual feeling of tension was there but not bad. As I was on the way home and made a self notation recording stating that we should be keenly aware of our behavior around the boys. Whatever our problems may be in the future should be completely left out of the boys lives. They love us both equally and they really need that "family" feeling more now than ever.

Dottie Belle;1590376 wrote: Ventured out to the grocery..what a ZOO.....aaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh but we survived.
I hear ya DB. I live very close to a Mall. The traffic around here is already starting to suck. I do have my 'annual holiday alternate route home' ready to go . Oh..yea its supposed to snow an inch here. Really cold and windy outside. Whats not to love ?

Myluck;1590378 wrote: Dave - good news! I hope your plan is going to work out! This proposal soubds good to me, but I of course gave no experience in this kind of situation.
Thanks Myluck and I do appreciate the sentiment all the same . It was just something that came to mind..not much thought went into it..but at least there is now cooperation enough to even entertain such an idea.

broken halo;1590379 wrote: Dave, so glad you had a good result. I would leave the agreement as it is at the moment and let the boys get used to it first. Also, keep that channel of communication with your ex open. I'm so happy for you. And your darling sons get to spend quality time with you as well as their Mum. :l

I hear you BH and thank you. I understand what your saying..but its not really much more than what I had before. We were getting EOW (every other weekend) but without the sunday ON (over night). We were also getting Thursday but without ON. So we got a total of about 4 hours more a week in total. So in a way they are already used to it and dont like it. What we did gain however is she can not prevent this and more importantly now Its a given set schedule that we can look forward to. We really should get something together ASAP so we have a chance to "work the kinks out" of our final plan before the 30 days are up and it goes to a mediator. It also shows initiative and willingness to cooperate on our part. We still have to go before the Judge sometime in the future for her approval. Having the Court decide a permanent solution and what is best for "the family" is IMO a worst case scenario. The channel just opened by leaps and bounds..Your right..keeping it open is something that we are going to have to do. As far as Mum goes..well I dunno. Im beginning to see that I have more "quality" time with them. I have a bunch of "Our time". No schooling..no tired from working all night long..no siblings parties or special gatherings to attend .. etc. I know that some of that is due her own choices and lifestyle .. but still ..I kinda feel bad that she really doesnt get a whole lot of One on One time. I know the boys would like more time alone with her. Its going to be a challenge for her to find that time. Im thinking aloud now..but Im trying to do whats best for Everyone..not just myself.

Lavande;1590382 wrote: Learning to relax & be grateful for your sobriety takes work but it can be done. Be kind to yourself, everything will fall into place

Kind of ironic isnt it Lav. For so long that is all I wanted and I now have an opportunity to do just that.. but now I have to Learn how to do it.. I never expected that one coming :H. Hey..at least the Ride isnt over eh

Hi CWO .. I agree with Sugar .. use any tool that works. Try it and see how you feel about AA. Take whatever you can wherever you can whenever you can.

LB sorry to hear about your hubby ( I dislike that word..but you gals seem to use it with affection..so its ok ). I hope it doesn't cause too much trouble for either one of you. Man.. this AL crap sure does like to destroy everything in its path.

Sorry for yet another long post. I will try to break them up a bit in the future..keyword being "try" ;-)

Wishing and thinking everyone well and warm thoughts.

Dave.

[DreamThinkDo]

Newbies Nest

MAE Nesters

Mountain water coffee again - and plenty of it, so help yourself! Not sure what LC has made for breakfast

It's a beautiful day here - think it's going to be quite hot, but I'm not complaining!

Enjoy this AF Tuesday

:l:l:l to all

[DreamThinkDo]

Newbies Nest

gambler;1590314 wrote: After 3 months of constant thinking and reacting (sometimes overreacting) and so on.. its so just quiet now. Almost uncomfortable silence. "Now what" kinda thing. Time to get used to the Peace and quiet.
And then you have to do all the mental work. But it can be done . Just don't give up anything you gain.
Dave, I also have those "Now what" feelings you mentioned - the mental work, as NoS calls it. It's almost as if the foundation has been laid, but with only a vague mental picture of what the completed structure is going to look like. Not sure how to approach this next phase...

clockworkorange;1590398 wrote: yes i was thinking that it might be nice to talk to people in the same situation, but im a little afraid to at the same time.

Clock, ditto what NoS said on AA - and remember everybody is there for the same reason. That said, I prefer the facelessness of this site - some people need that, other people need human contact. Perhaps go to a few AA meetings in your area, and if it works for you, good; if it doesn't, we're still here. And nobody can force you to go to AA or anything similar. But try it out first, then decide.

[lifechange]

Newbies Nest

Good MAE, everyone!!
Thanks for the mountain coffee, DO! Lovely. Today the kids had crepes with apple sauce and cinnamon, peanut butter and banana or raspberry jam. There are still a few left, if you like. I had the usual!

CWO, Great job on getting through the 2nd day. I have to agree with what the others have said. The AA thread is here is really good--such thoughtful, helpful people. And I've had decent experiences with going to meetings. I don't go now because I've been ok with MWO, but if I felt I needed the face to face again, I'd go in a heartbeat.

Dave! Glad to hear about your success yesterday--I was thinking, what about the agreement you have and then adding Friday over night (instead of tuesday dinner) to the equation everyother week-- when you have weekends.? Then it wouldn't be so much back and forth. You will find a good solution, I am sure.

I am running out the door to the dentist this morning. ughhh.
hugs to you all!!

[DreamThinkDo]

Newbies Nest

Ta LC, I'll settle for the kids' leftovers, if you don't mind :H:H:H:H

[Willow23]

Newbies Nest

Morning all, hope you're all well. Feeling revved up and ready to go today! DH is at work and we always get more done when he's out of the house - otherwise he's a distraction, ha ha. Lots to do this morning - Science, Maths, Literacy and maybe some Home Ec/Nutrition if we have time. I also need to do some planning as although we don't 'officially' do Thanksgiving here in the UK, it never hurts to be grateful for everything. So I'll do the history of Thanksgiving with the kids and I'd like to give them some traditional food too. Maybe not the 3 grains of corn lol - but the turkey etc. What other foods are eaten?

Day 9!

[istym4me]

Newbies Nest

Gravy, stuffing, corn, green bean casserole, rolls, cranberries, apple cider...

[Willow23]

Newbies Nest

Green bean casserole? I'd eat that, they wouldn't. Sweet potatoes? So is it basically like a big roast dinner?

[broken halo]

Newbies Nest

good afternoon nesters

Gosh, the last few days have been really busy for me! I'm off work this week for Christmas shopping so today I am going to take things a little easier. A wee trip to the gym, a meeting and I am going to meet my daughter from work and get her cat back home to her (I was cat sitting while she was in Rekjyavik.)

Trying to catch up on all the posts here so here goes.

LB, so sorry your hubby has had a slip, he was doing so well. With someone as strong and supportive as you are behind him, I am sure he will be right back on track. Big hugs to you dear friend :l

Dreamy, thanks for the coffee, I need it today. I hope your day is as sweet as you are!

Clockwork, I would indeed recommend AA to anyone who is struggling with AL, I was always very sceptical about it till I actually went! The only requirement for AA is a desire to stop drinking, that's it. If you don't want to go alone, call your local helpline and someone will meet you and take you to a meeting. I have been overwhelmed with the support I have received and the good friends I have made there already. Is it day 3 for you now? Well done!

NS, LC, Willow, so happy to see everyone posting and sounding so positive!

Dave, didn't the wee one do well in the regatta! I totally agree with what you said about you and your ex being aware of your behaviour around the boys. Seeing you two get on and being civil to each other will have a massive positive impact on them. Thank you for sharing your thoughts with us, your posts are always a delight to read.

So, I am going to do my best to relax and take it easy today, that's not something that comes easily to me but I'll give it a go! I'll be here on and off.

Hope everyone has a fab Tuesday :l

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

Good Tuesday morning Nesters,

Awaiting the arrival of whatever precipitation we're going to get. The rest of the country has been hit with snow & ice - think it's going to be rain & high winds here.

Willow, I have the special pleasure of making all the usual Thanksgiving dishes dairy & gluten free. Takes a bit of planning but can be done

Wishing everyone a great AF Tuesday!
Lav

[Myluck]

Newbies Nest

Good morning fellow nesters!!! I hope the day today will be good!!!! So sorry Little Beagle to hear about your husband slip, but you right - one day at the time. And you are strong! Didn't slip right next to him! I am proud for you.