Newbies Nest

[JimBeam911]

Newbies Nest

Good afternoon. I hope everyone is beginning the week in good spirits. Fluff, congratulations on your 7 days! If you're like me, now that the weekend is behind us it should be a bit easier to abstain during the week. There's something about Friday and Saturday nights (totally psychological) that is intimately associated with alcohol, in my mind. You're also dead correct about the joys of waking up with a clear head and a well-hydrated body. I've actually been sleeping less hours these past few days but wake up so incredibly rested, it still surprises me. But pleasantly so

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

Hope you are all well

JimBeam, good to see you! You will find your sleep improves in time......took quite a while for me but it was worth the wait. Improved sleep, no night sweats & all that ugly stuff.......
You will learn to fill your Friday & Saturday nights with healthier pasttimes & actually enjoy yourself, honestly.

Wishing everyone a safe & cozy night in the Nest - I'll leave the night light on

Lav

[TranqWilly]

Newbies Nest

Jane, Sky, Little Owl, join in. We all have something to share. We know each other largely because we've all been in each others shoes to some degree. No one judges - Just helping each other is what it is about. Welcome!

Jane - you're right. That is a fantastic post on the Long Term Abstainers forum. The following line really hit home for me...

"Similarly, if I’m unhappy then that is something I need to work on. It’s all up to me. This is my way."

Kind of like Lav's post about 'Choosing to Feel Good' from yesterday. When I began to understand that I can't count on someone or something else to make me happy; and cannot blame anyone or anything else if I'm not happy; When I realized that I'm responsible for my own happiness, it became easier (but not easy) to make better choices for myself.

Fluff - a week is great! A huge milestone! Way to go!

JB - yep weekends were hard for me at first. Now I really enjoy sober weekends and even prefer them to the ones when I do have some drinks. I'm getting to really like having a clear mind and a healthier body. Sounds corny huh? But I mean it.

I'll give a quick version of my story too. I found MWO in August '09 and am glad I did. I read the book, used the supps and cds and was amazed that I was able to go 30 days af pretty easily. I was always a binge drinker, but spent some years drinking everyday, but recently mostly just weekends. I also found the Newbie's Nest when Lav invited me aboard and I'm glad I did! I don't know when you stop being a newbie -- maybe I just don't want to grow up. Ha! After 30 days I chose to try to moderate, which I define as being af 99% of the time. I'm not sure I'd recommend it. Like I said above, I'm getting to prefer being sober to drinking.

Take care all.
tw

[Jolie]

Newbies Nest

Tranq,
I'm gonna have to agree with you on preferring sober to drinking - went 18 days AF then decided I was okay to mod limiting myself to only 2 glasses of wine a night. Well the weekend came and it turned into 2 1/2 Friday and then 3 on Saturday. Didn't like the way I felt on Sunday morning so . . . back to AF for me. Trying to make February totally AF - like a lot of us out there I'm sure. Bought the L-Glutamine yesterday - hoping I'm taking it correctly. Searched through the threads - 4000 - 5000 mg per day sound right? I bought the powder and am mixing it in with my hot tea. Is there a particular time of the day that is better or worse? Did not want a drink last night.

To al the newbies (Jane, Little Owl, and whomever else might be reading, welcome and always remember no one judges you here - support and care is what you will get. Everyone have a great Tuesday!

[fluff]

Newbies Nest

Day 8 for Fluff! One full week completed so check that off on the calendar!-It's a cold morning but I'm sober, happy, clear-headed and not regretting anything!
Hi Jim, Tranq,Lavande, Jane, Hippy, and Jolie!
Jolie-I saw you went to the moderation group-glad you're back! Sometimes it takes a few times of " moderation" to see that it doesn't just stay at one or two glasses-my experience, anyway.
Hope you all have a super, sober day!
Luv, Fluff

[Hippy Chick]

Newbies Nest

Hi Fluff, Lav, Tranq, Jolie, JB, Jane and everyone else popping in.
Nice to see you back Jolie. Isnt it good to know that you stopped after the weekend knowing where you were heading and before it got out of hand. Well done.
I'm with Tranq. I have to stay AF cause I cant moderate. There is no way in the world I would be able to stop at just a couple. I love that feeling of alcohol going to my head. And if I cant get that feeling there is no point to drinking.
My husband is back now (YAY!) and is not drinking so that makes it easier for me to stick at it. Although it doesnt really bother me him drinking. The only thing I feel is sad that I cant, not cranky that he is/can.
Starting to get to a point where I am not constantly thinking about drinking/not drinking, which is a good place to be. Have thought alot about the damage I have done over the years - to people, to myself. The embarrassing, shameful things that are done during a blackout. I know I cant change anything so I just need to accept what is done and move on. But that is the hard part - forgiving myself.
But onwards and upwards.
Take care everyone and thanks for saving my life.
Hippy

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

Good morning Nesters,

Jolie, glad you flew back to the nest! Jusy find your twig & hop on

Tranq, I've been here exactly one year now! I know I'm not a newbie anymore......just not sure if/when I should take flight!!!! For now - I'll keep coming back

Fluff, you're a good girl!
Hippy Chick, if we could go back & erase the dumb stuff we did when we were drinking......since we can't, let's just keep looking forward. The future is looking great!!!

Greetings to JB, Jane & anyone else who pops in today.
Happy Groundhog Day!!

Lav

[NewGirl2010]

Newbies Nest

Day 33

Hippy Chick;799907 wrote: I love that feeling of alcohol going to my head. And if I cant get that feeling there is no point to drinking.

Me too. Once I talked to this psychologist who was utterly confused as to why I couldn't have just one. I was utterly confused as to why anyone would stop at just one!

Haven't posted for awhile as I was holidaying. It was a completely AF holiday and included copious amounts of exercise and health food. I even lost three pounds, which puts me at -13 since News Years Day. Alcohol sure made me fat. I'm at day 33. Something that I am noticing is that my hormones seem to be regulating and my thoughts seem clearer. I think I am able to think things out better. Anyone experience this?

What a lovely journey. I feel like I am living again. Having drinking dreams though and this sick feeling in my stomach pops up once in awhile warning me that there is this demon inside me that wants to get so stinking drunk again.

[NewGirl2010]

Newbies Nest

Speaking of dumb things... How do we stop the self loathing that comes with these memories. I feel like a complete moron sometimes. Basically anything I have ever done in my life to embarrass myself has been due to drinking. God I hate those thoughts!

[Little Owl]

Newbies Nest

Hi,

I feel embarassed too about a lot of the things I've done too. I don't want to be know as the drunk person any more. One of my work friends was talking about me being "mullered" on saturday night. I guess it will take a while before I'm known as the sober person. Eventually those embarrassing things will fade into the past.

I can't do moderation either Jolie. I tried it at the weekend as it seems you did. It didn't work!

It does seem a lot of people have started with February. We will all support each other! Its good to have a cosy nest to fly back to that feels nice and safe.

[Hippy Chick]

Newbies Nest

Morning everyone.
Newgirl - glad to hear your holiday went well. And no alcohol! Thats fantastic. Good to know a holiday without it is possible. Gives me hope. How incredible that a pyschologist cant understand addiction. Maybe he was in the wrong job!
Lav - dont even think about leaving... You are such a grounding force here in the nest we would be lost without your wisdom and insight. Please stay. You too Tranq. I need to hear all about how sober living is done properly. About how there is a life without AL. And a life that can be lived happily.
Hey Fluff - isnt it great to wake up and not regret anything. That is a real bonus of waking up each day. (Just waking up is even better.... often thought I wouldnt wake up one day - not now though).
JB, Jolie, Jane - if you fly in, have a good day or night whichever is the case.
Take care. I am off for a massage and a pampering session at the hair dressers. Survived the seven week school holidays so time to treat myself.
HC. x

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

Evening Nesters,

Hi New Girl & congrats on your 33 AF days, great work

Little Owl, good to see you too! I haven't even tried moderate drinking because I'm 99% sure I'd fail - miserably! Just decided early on that it would be easier in the long run to stay AF.

As far as forgetting the past.....it is going to take time I think. We've been discussing this topic on one of the Monthly Abstinence threads. It is also going to take time to convince the people around you that you have changed. Your actions & behavior will convince the others, eventually. We need to be patient - all good things in time

Waiting for more snow tonight, unfortunately. It's very cold here.
To all those yet to check in I'm wishing you a warm, cozy & safe night in the nest and the night light will be on of course!

Lav

[JimBeam911]

Newbies Nest

NewGirl2010;800187 wrote: Something that I am noticing is that my hormones seem to be regulating and my thoughts seem clearer. I think I am able to think things out better. Anyone experience this?

I can't attribute this to 'hormones' in my own case, but yes, I have noticed an extreme improvement in the clarity of my thinking/decision-making. In particular, I've noticed that I have much more motivation to undertake the typical mundane tasks of daily life, whereas while I was drinking, I had little motivation to do anything. In less than 3 weeks AF I am once again becoming immersed in my favourite non-drinking leisure activities, a stern reminder of how much time I wasted while getting drunk. I have had some strong cravings, but signing on here and looking at my drinking history honestly and carefully has helped out a lot. Currently I am just wrapping up day 17 AF, something I have accomplished on only 3 other occasions over the course of the past 13 years.

[TranqWilly]

Newbies Nest

Hi everyone!

Jolie - L-Glutamine? I'm not sure on dosages - I only do one capsule a day (1000mg). But the label on my bottle says 2 capsules 2x/day, so 4000mg doesn't sound outrageous. You might check the 'Holistic Healing' forum - I think that's where the supps are discussed.

NewGirl - "How do we stop the self loathing that comes with these memories."

There are a lot of ways to look at this, but the way I've come to understand myself is by realizing that I (we) never woke up one morning and decided to f-up my life with al. I didn't really choose to become dependent; it just happened. The reason it happened is because I didn't know any better. Ignorant sounds harsh, but it isn't - it means I didn't understand how to deal effectively with life, feelings and everything else. The key is to understand is that given all the circumstances, my life could not have been any different - if circumstances were different, then perhaps I would have had better ways to cope. Guilt, blame, shame really don't solve any problems - like Lav says, leave the past in the past and let it help guide your future. Sorry if I rambled...

Way to go NG on the af holiday and 33 days. Health food and exercise too. Wow. You've been good! Yay!!!

Hippy - "How incredible that a pyschologist cant understand addiction. Maybe he was in the wrong job!"

Unfortunately, I think a lot of them are in the wrong job. I'm fascinated by how the mind works, but dumbfounded with some of the things these people come up with to explain it.

"Take care. I am off for a massage and a pampering session at the hair dressers. Survived the seven week school holidays so time to treat myself."

Now you're talking - that's how sober living is done properly. Treating ourselves with respect, health and wellness. My massage is Thursday night.

JB - day 17 - a common theme here is how unbelievable it is that we can do this here when we haven't been able before. I thought maybe it was the supps and cds, but folks are going af without those too. I wonder what really makes all of this special?

Hi Owl, Jane, Fluff, you guys are still rockin'!

Take care.
tw

[Jane Thompson]

Newbies Nest

Post for weds 3rd feb

Hi all - tranqwilly. newgirl, little owl, JB, fluff, lav and hippy chick - love reading your posts: can't tell you how much it helps! (you probably know!). Most of you haven't got to Weds yet, so good luck when you get there - I've been thinking about 'stuff' and this is my contribution for the day - love to know your thoughts:
It's my birthday tomorrow and am feeling humbled and happy because one of my girlfriends has organised coffee and a get together. I feel unworthy of the friends I have. They don?t know about my other life, the one where I sneaked drinks, forgot things they had told me, was too wrapped up in myself to remember their birthdays. I could always hide my drinking ? I would just pretend that I?d be hanging out for drinks on Friday, and no one would know that Friday was just the same as Monday, Tuesday, Weds etc.!

Thinking back over my adult life, I have never really had intimate friends, because there has always been a part of me that has to stay secret, has to deceive everyone else, never get found out, so I have kept people at arms length, even when they think they know me. I moved to Australia 5 years ago (from the UK) and have made some amazing new friends ? but I have felt a fraud in that they think they are getting to know me, but they are not getting near the pathetic, addicted heart of me - and I couldn?t bear it if they knew the truth. Maybe that?s one reason why I seem to be at a point where I really have to stop the addiction ? not many people have the chances I have had for friendship and support, and I can?t go on feeling that I am deceiving people who have been so welcoming and open themselves.

When I haven?t been drinking for a few days (like now), I begin to feel I can lift my head up and really look at people ? when I?m toxic and hungover, I find it hard to hold someone?s gaze ? it?s not just the tired, worse-for-wear eyes, but it?s as if I don?t want them to see inside me: see the mess that?s there. I love the feeling of being able to look at someone without feeling I am giving my dirty little secret away. It makes me feel strong. Does anyone know what I mean?