Newbies Nest

[gambler]

Newbies Nest

Hey hey Nesters

Mimi .. just saw your post and really felt for you. Yes these feelings can slam on you pretty hard but its the bounce back feelings that you get after pushing through it. Oh yea.. I have been curled up on the floor alone..thinking..and the feelings were excrutiatingly dark. You must realize though that AL is really screwing with your ability to think and feel clearly. Its not you..so dont take it personal or be too hard on yourself about thinking like this when you get through it..ok..:l Stay close and keep posting.

I was going to tell you guys about my S.M.A.R.T. meeting that I just attended..but its really not exciting. Oh..and I have not eaten yet so my pots and pans beckon me.

I hope to get a chance this week to sit down and do a really flavorful post for you guys .. you know the one. You sit down with a pot of tea and crumpets..put your reading glasses on and wrap yourself in a warm blanket type post read-a-thon.

Welp Im off .. take care and stay strong.

Dave.

PS. Im getting that 90 day tingly feeling coming on

[spiritwolf333]

Newbies Nest

Wow, what a thread. I have been so all about me and baclofen that I have never really stopped by to read some of the other threads. I am glad that I did. When I read Mimi's post, it immediately took me back to February of this year (2013). My daily thoughts always ended up with me thinking and feeling that this life was no more valid for living. Same ole routine -wake up drink to numb and not feel.

However, there was just some small thought that kept creeping up saying you can find a way not to have to live your life in the cycle of alcohol hell -as we all know. Even before alcohol became my major problem, I just was never willing or able to deal with life on life's terms.

I kept digging and researching for information. I was not going to die an alcoholic with out fighting to my last breath. I did not want to die as a result of alcoholism. Well, one day I came across a Diane Sawyer-Dr. Ameisen video and MyWayOut.Org and my life has never been the same. For over nine months I have been almost totally alcohol free and a new life has emerged.

Mimi, I guess what I am trying to say is that I was finally out of all my hope bullets. I could see no way out. Life was not going to get any better and I was ready to move on. However, something below the surface just kept nagging at me not to give up, and so, I did not. And then my miracle happened. And it was all the result of my total surrender and my ultimate total point of desperation.

I hope you are doing better and look forward to hearing. To my fellow posters, thanks for letting me ramble. I needed to hear me say just what I said.

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

Mimi, please always remember that you can only control your actions, not his

We are never hopeless, we can go on, trust me I know :l

[aclassicgirl]

Newbies Nest

Came home got water and put on a load of laundry. Goofed around with the kids. Felt so much better than pushing them away...can't believe I've done that to them so that I could indulge my every weakness and get hammered as quickly as possible. So ridiculous to me now. I'm feeling stronger about being sober than ever before. That has got to be a plus!
Thank you all for your stories and honesty. Good night.

[little beagle]

Newbies Nest

Spirit welcome to the newbies nest.
Papa I know being around others drinking is a real eye opener. It has made me really not want to be that person any longer.
Good to hear from you Tess.
Gardener you are sounding strong. I'm so glad you are here.
Overit I am glad you are feeling better now. Just stay close and you will feel fantastic soon.
This is a really busy place and that is wonderful.
Olga your post hit home. Hubby and I have had that discussion many times. I am a child of abuse and , well he is just the opposite. But here we are both in the same boat. I personally feel that alcohol is just a very addictive substance that can trap anyone and it will do so if used on a regular basis. Allen Carr thinking I guess, I really agree with him.
Thank you for sharing a little of your life Byrdie. You are so much a part of the nest and such an anchor for the rest of us.
Have a wonderful mae everyone.

[Gardener]

Newbies Nest

Sorry to hear of your struggles Mimi, please listen to the fine advice you've gotten here and hang in there. Sending you positive vibes, tomorrow is coming, I hope its a brighter day for you.

Classic, Good on grabbing the water and enjoying your children, they grow up so fast, nice you are choosing them over al.

Dave, I will have my coffee and be ready for a good read tomorrow, your posts are long and full of Daveisms, and its obvious how much you love your boys, they are lucky to have you for a dad.

Overit keep that butt velcro on tight tonight.

I had a really stressful evening dealing with a difficult client and the AV was singing to me. Damn that was hard to resist, I stayed on here reading and thinking about what having just one drink would do for me and where it would take me back to and no way am I going back there.

So glad I felt good in coming here to talk about it. Taking a bath and off to bed. It will be Day 4 tomorrow and I hear it gets better after that.

Thanks for listening, ByrdieLAV, where's the butt velcro.

Good night all, another successful day won.

[Pavati]

Newbies Nest

MAE -

Oh, lord, I just got back from my counselor (well, about two hours ago). I have been seeing her for a few years and have talked about moderating, etc., but have never been honest about it all. Well, she heard it ALL tonight - the last year of my life that has been hell on wheels as I have slowly become the alcoholic I have been so determined to avoid becoming. She listened and listened as I spoke, cried, rambled, tried to remember things from this weekend, and finally she said, "You know what the coda is, right?" and I said "I have to quit drinking." She said, "you, my dear, are an alcoholic." Let me tell you that was a slap in the face, but like an old Bogart/Bacall movie slap in the face - where it brings the end of panic and a look of relief and acceptance. Boy oh boy was that one of the hardest hours I've ever spent, but boy oh boy was it worth it. We have a plan for this week that includes my having another phone appointment with her on Friday, and a check in tomorrow when I am at work.

Which brings me to my question for you all who have been around a bit - what was that like? That day when you went to work with the acceptance that things need to change but the anxiety and fear that naturally comes from the end of a long road of alcohol abuse? I am looking forward to some structure and routine, but I am afraid I will be a crying mess at the drop of a hat.

I am honestly in fog right now - relieved, scared, accepting and grateful. I am very grateful to have the support of you all here - it means so much to be typing this to a group of people who I know "get it."

I still feel anxious and tired from the hangover/withdrawal/agony I have caused myself, but I am still relieved to be on the path of recovery. (I also now finally get THAT word as well. Amazing that these words actually mean what they say).

I will now go back and read some posts and try to respond. Thanks for listening.

[Pavati]

Newbies Nest

gambler;1594263 wrote: Hey hey Nesters

Mimi .. just saw your post and really felt for you. Yes these feelings can slam on you pretty hard but its the bounce back feelings that you get after pushing through it. Oh yea.. I have been curled up on the floor alone..thinking..and the feelings were excrutiatingly dark. You must realize though that AL is really screwing with your ability to think and feel clearly. Its not you..so dont take it personal or be too hard on yourself about thinking like this when you get through it..ok..:l Stay close and keep posting.

Dave, not sure if this quote thing will work for me - I'm still learning. This said a lot to me tonight. Curled up on the floor, alone with dark feelings. AL IS screwing with our abilities to think clearly. I was trying to journal about my past year just now and there are a lot of scrambled signals up there. I am looking forward to some clarity.

[available]

Newbies Nest

Gard I am with you on the difficult patient. I hung up on this woman twice and then she rang to say she had put in a complaint and i said "good now i dont have to talk to you anymore" and hung up. god the urge for AL hit me in the face but i am not going to let her get to me. Another woman had to wait for her appt as she was put in as an extra and accused me of making her wait as she was black. I was like wtf. It was due to she did not attend a previous appt and we slotted her in.

So the al brain is in overtime atm but i am taking some deep breaths and still have another hour and a half of work so the drive will be straight to my door. Sorry to rant but i am so mad.

[Samstone]

Newbies Nest

Pavati;1594301 wrote: MAE -

Oh, lord, I just got back from my counselor (well, about two hours ago). I have been seeing her for a few years and have talked about moderating, etc., but have never been honest about it all. Well, she heard it ALL tonight - the last year of my life that has been hell on wheels as I have slowly become the alcoholic I have been so determined to avoid becoming. She listened and listened as I spoke, cried, rambled, tried to remember things from this weekend, and finally she said, "You know what the coda is, right?" and I said "I have to quit drinking." She said, "you, my dear, are an alcoholic." Let me tell you that was a slap in the face, but like an old Bogart/Bacall movie slap in the face - where it brings the end of panic and a look of relief and acceptance. Boy oh boy was that one of the hardest hours I've ever spent, but boy oh boy was it worth it. We have a plan for this week that includes my having another phone appointment with her on Friday, and a check in tomorrow when I am at work.

Which brings me to my question for you all who have been around a bit - what was that like? That day when you went to work with the acceptance that things need to change but the anxiety and fear that naturally comes from the end of a long road of alcohol abuse? I am looking forward to some structure and routine, but I am afraid I will be a crying mess at the drop of a hat.

I am honestly in fog right now - relieved, scared, accepting and grateful. I am very grateful to have the support of you all here - it means so much to be typing this to a group of people who I know "get it."

I still feel anxious and tired from the hangover/withdrawal/agony I have caused myself, but I am still relieved to be on the path of recovery. (I also now finally get THAT word as well. Amazing that these words actually mean what they say).

I will now go back and read some posts and try to respond. Thanks for listening.

Truthfully
I have to ask which time? Which brings the point home, I can never ever think I can be complacent about my quit. The harsh reality of this thing that some call the voice, the beast, the bastard is so conniving and will lure me back. Please do not misunderstand me, now that you get it, don't forget it is all I'm trying to say. This thing has been a damn monkey on my back for soooo long.

I'm truly glad you had a break through!!
Sam

[Gardener]

Newbies Nest

I know just how you feel Avail, I was so close tonight to the old WTF, but the visions of my hungover face came to me and I was scared straight ! I'm feeling good physically, but stress is my trigger, just like with you when a client questions our abilities.

Kept reading, drinking water and ready for bed. Onward to Day 4 tomorrow! It gets better everyday, cant wait to have these days behind.

Pavmati read and post everything on your mind. We can learn tidbits from your counseling that have helped you as well.

Lb Except for this today I am feeling stronger. Nice to come here and find someone to listen. Have a good night Beagle and available and anyone else still up.

Good night nesters.

[DreamThinkDo]

Newbies Nest

MAE Nesters

Happy hump day!

Sam, Gardener, I see you two are still about and about in my yesterday - want some coffee before bedtime? Hot chocolate?

Right Nesters, coffee made; LC will pop in just now with something healthy for breakfast.

Have a happy AF Humpy Wednesday, Nesters!

[Samstone]

Newbies Nest

Hey Dream, the time thing really is interesting. Hot chocolate sounds good to me

[Mr Vervill]

Newbies Nest

Hey Nesters,
Been a while. 10 days or so. Went back, and there are over 50 pages of posts. Sorry, I'll have to read later.
Just finishing up day 8. First time I've been sober this long in nearly 15 years. Last time was a forced quit, due to the job, when I found my self in rural Central America, following Hurricane Mitch, where finding potable water and food was a feat, much less, AL.

So really, this is the longest I've been sober, purposefully, in nearly forty years.

I've stayed away recently because I felt a bit of a a fraud here, encouraging people to reach goals I have not yet achieved on my own. To me, 7 days is huge.
I could go 2-4 days then fail. But, I'm trying.
Like so many here I have a fear of the never again.
Surprisingly, this time, I don't feel much difference after 8 days. No real cravings. But, also, no more energy than when I was drinking. The only difference is I don't feel regret when I wake up in the morning.
I slept last night for 10 hours, more than I have in years. Most nights, I'm lucky to get 4-5 hours. I guess the body is adjusting.
Wishing everyone the best on this journey.

[HumbleRider]

Newbies Nest

Like Mr Vervill, I will have to read all the posts since my last one yesterday later. I'm bushed and am going to bed.

Just wanted to wish everyone well today. Day 30 for me! I don't drink. Today, I got to say that to an old friend I hadn't seen in a while, and it felt great. It's the first time I think I've said the words with the appropriate feeling behind it.

Have a great MAE all and thanks for the support over the past couple of weeks.