Newbies Nest

[available]

Newbies Nest

Im on Zoloft, an AD OP. I take it and then feel great and think i can go off it and then after six months or so i start to go downhill and dont realise it until the depression hits me like a brick. I just need to stay on them forever really. I mean, its not as if I worry that I take them. Go figure!

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Evening Nesters...I totally poached this off a friend's FB page. It speaks to the affect our drinking has on those around us.

Quote:
One definition of denial is: The refusal to admit, or acknowledge, reality or the truth.

I could admit that my ex-husband drank too much. What I could not admit was that he is an alcoholic. My reason for believing that way blows my mind. The truth is I did not want him to be an alcoholic. In my mind, the word "alcoholic" has a negative social stigma. It never occurred to me that all the excuses that I made for his unacceptable drinking behavior - he forgot to eat lunch, he had a really horrible day at work, etc. - would not remove the negative "social stigma" of his drinking behavior. Somehow in my mind the word "alcoholic" was a life sentence, whereas "drinking too much" was a quick fix.

It never occurred to me how self-depreciating it was to believe that he drank the way he did - because he did not love me enough and wanted to deliberately hurt me, verbally expressing that he would rather drink than be with me and will always choose the alcohol/drinking over me, or that he drank the way he did because somehow it was my fault. It was easier to be the martyr, victim or villain, than it was to believe that he had a disease. A disease that even though it could not be cured, it could be arrested. I had some pretty messed up thinking for sure.

Through my recovery journey, I began to realize that I only had this one life to life. If I wanted to "live" and not just "cope" my way through life I had to change. Every day wasted (11 years) waiting for him to get sober so I could get on with my life, was a day I could not get back again and relive in a more fulfilling way.

Each of us were given our own life to live as we see fit. Not one of us are born for the purpose of being a human sacrifice for anyone else. If we sacrifice ourselves to their disease, it is our choice. Having said that, I want to say that does not mean we have to leave them or that we have to stay. I did both.

Learning to be happy, whether they are drinking or not, is not easy but it can be done. I know, because I did it. Gaining self-esteem and self- confidence while they dissolve before our eyes does not mean that we don't love them or we don't care. It means we are making healthy choices for ourselves.

My journey was challenging and, at times sad, but most important of all, is that through this process I matured and became an adult in charge of my own life. I learned to love him unconditionally and I learned to set healthy boundaries for me. I made mistakes along the way, still do on occasion, but now I know to get up, make amends where necessary and move forward.

For me - I don't believe I could have done it without the love and support of my friends here. They help me be honest with myself. Love me without pity and encourage me when I need it. I thank God for my friends.
End Quote.

Wow...I know I couldn't have gotten sober without my friends here. Thank you all. Byrdie

[gambler]

Newbies Nest

Hello Fellow Nesters !

I fell asleep watching TV last night lol .. so no check in for yesterday ..

Pavati;1594305 wrote: Dave, not sure if this quote thing will work for me - I'm still learning. This said a lot to me tonight. Curled up on the floor, alone with dark feelings. AL IS screwing with our abilities to think clearly. I was trying to journal about my past year just now and there are a lot of scrambled signals up there. I am looking forward to some clarity.
Yup .. when I look back over the past few months its almost like looking at someone else. When I started my AF life I made a pact with myself to not worry about what I was feeling and thinking as I knew it was not really who I was. However it was going to be it was going to be. Yea I was dealing with alot of other stuff..but still I could not grasp what IT was going to be like. Just go with the flow is what I suggest...ups and downs Will happen and it is what it is. My AF life started kinda like untangling a wad of Christmas lights. At the beginning its all just a tangled mess..then as I progressed in my de-tangle I found that it was well worth the effort instead of saying screw it and jumble it all back thus leaving me with the same crappy ball of lights ( Well in my case it would have been Much MUCH worse..I might not have had any lights ). Nope..cant just throw it away and go get another set at the store..I was eventually going to have to work things out. While Im eventually get it untangled I have the opportunity to do what I will with them. I can even start using what I have before I finish. The Reality of it is the "Finish" isnt really important..its the relentless effort to keep going at it..Never stop.. and apply what I have 'untangled' to my Tree of Life.

Byrdlady;1594477 wrote: HumbleRider! You get MORE than a moon! You get the Ultimate! A HAT!!!

Hey hey now !! How come Humble got a feather ! .. .. oh thats right I got a sporty Fedora .. never mind .. Congratulations Humble on your 30 days. That was my favorite one actually. I hope you take time to pat yourself on the back. Most of the chicks around here go get a mud bath or a manicure ( dont know what men get 'cured' ) or some strange thing like that. I suggest a good rib eye dinner !

Overit..you sound real good there man ! I agree that waking up feeling ready to rumble is better than ready to call in with a brown bottle flu. Keep it up and you get to see cheeks and get some really cool undergarments later on. Never seen boobies yet though

MindE..Welcome to MWO ! You have all the support in the world here. Use it as much and as often as you need my friend. The amount of love and support is mind blowing. There is someone that will have the same style of sobriety as you .. Im sure of it. So your not alone.

To every other perched newbie nester fluttering tiredly I want to exemplify just how much the members here can help you change your life. Without going into a great diatribe about my past AL life I would like to suggest that without this forum and the support I received here there would most likely be a Very lost soul out there in the world. Drunk Bitter and angry..sad lonely and desolate. My life and what I chose to become is directly tied to my acceptance of the Help offered here. It is such an extreme difference of the opposite that its almost too hard to put to words. The choices that I have now..the positive outlook and directions available..the awareness and control that has been gained is not only "worth it" its akin to being Outside of life looking in. A totally different perspective on life that you get by being AF..looking at others including myself when I was drinking is a curious feeling. I see the allure and seduction of booze.. being able to do all sorts of nifty things.. like forgetting about the past ( although you forget about now and the future as well )..or subduing unwelcome feelings ( bummer that those good feelings are hollow and empty ). But in the end we become empty and apathetic to everything around us..including ourselves. I digress. Bottom line .. please accept the True Spirit of the MWO forums to help you get yourself back. If you posted here..then you have found not only a must have Tool..but you have found true friends ..and most of all Loads of Loving companionship. I owe a great deal to the people here..that of which I can never really repay ( Unless I hit the lotto..then we are All rich !! ).

Im planning on having a great time with you guys Sunday ;-) .. but for now I have to get going. Have a good night and Enjoy your day.

Dave.

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Dave. What a great post. You should put that in the tool box. Our sober life is so much better. Hard to believe most of us were so reluctant to try it!

BTW, OverIt's a girl! I know it's hard to tell with the bag and all. She's got boobies under there! Bah, Sorry OI! B.

[Gottaquit]

Newbies Nest

Gotta start somewhere!

I'm not sleepy and ashamed that I drank today! How do I stop killing myself with alcohol? All help welcome!:new:

[Dottie Belle]

Newbies Nest

Welcome Gottaquit you ave found a wonderful, supportive group.
There is a "tool box" that has lots and lots of great information. The link is below my signature.
If you can tell us about yourself maybe we can help you more.

[Gottaquit]

Newbies Nest

Thanks Dottie. Still trying to find my way around the site........lots of posts to read and much help needed! But this is first step to asking anyone for help. I have abused drink for over 20 years and although not until recently an everyday drinker, when I have one I have a bottle! Now I can't get past midday without a drink, so things have to stop. Today I don't want to drink.....let's see if I can do it!

[Dottie Belle]

Newbies Nest

Yes gotta u can do it....as u are reading there are lots of us who were just where u are right now...Read, read and post here..there are lots of folks here with many different quit dates but what we all have in common is the desire to quit and stay that way...
Hang with us..

[Cat Belle]

Newbies Nest

Hey everybody- been a week or so since I posted. Everything is going great here, on day 67! It has been a really busy week as the upcoming week will be also. I have been sewing like the devil to get gifts finished. Next week will be just as busy.

We get our grandson next Friday, and then turn around the next day to travel to th in-laws for the weekend. I am a little nervous because we all drink when we go there, but not this time. My husband, who is my greatest supporter, has decided he will not drink since I am not. But he's never had a problem with it and hasn't had a drink since I quit. It's just that the in laws house is chaotic and noisy, the opposite of the environment I like...lol

Dottie, I am with you on the prednisone, I hate it and cannot tolerate it,

Welcome to all of the newbies! Life is GREAT without AL!

[sixtyfour]

Newbies Nest

Hi everyone

I imagine it's evening now in the US where it seems most people are. I'm in Oz so it's the middle of the day. I'm very happy that I've done 13 days now. The first week or so of that was because I was too ill to think let alone drink, but I'm gradually getting back to normal and still not wanting to drink. Hope all is well, I've done a bit of reading to try to catch up since I was on here about a week ago. Good to see so many people doing so well.

Sixtyfour

AF since 23 Nov 13

[Myluck]

Newbies Nest

Hi all, good evening here in US. Great work Cat and 64!!!

[NoSugar]

Newbies Nest

Great job taking advantage of the running start your illness gave you, 64! I'm glad to hear you are feeling better.

Cat Belle - you sound wonderful - so confident in your quit. I bet the gifts you are sewing are made with love.

Welcome, GottaQuit. Like Dottie said, you've come to a great place to do this. (Just do what Dottie's been doing for nearly 100 days!).

Dave and Byrdie, you guys are the Poster Laureates around here! Thanks for always reminding us why we're doing this and how much better life can be.

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

Good to see you again Sixtyfour & glad you are doing well

Cat, IF your in-laws are going to cause so much angst, why go? You could always come down with a last minute case of the 'flu' or something! I would allow anyone to screw up a 67 day quit - just sayin

Hello & welcome Gottaquit, glad you decided to join us
A good plan & a firm commitment to quit will take you far. Stick with us!

Dottie, glad you are feeling better too!

Wishing everyone a safe & cozy night in the nest!

Lav

[Luckyflower]

Newbies Nest

Hi Nesters,

Just checking in on a round day.
Haven?t been posting for a while. Day 50 here and it only gets better.

Truthfully, my secret is you guys.

Never ever been successful by myself. If only I had joined the site a few years ago when I had discovered it.

50 feels great. Still not willing to set goals. For me what works is only ONE DAY AT A TIME and checking in before I go to work and when I return.

For the last 50 days, I did not miss a day reading the newbies nest.

I love you all nesters.:h:h:h

Wishing you a wonderful and safe AF weekend. Stay Sober it?s euphoric.

[available]

Newbies Nest

Welcome Gotta as everyone says you have come to the right place.

Just a quick checkin. I went for a lovely walk at lunch time. Felt a bit anxious for some reason but by the end I wanted to walk further, damn this employment thing.

Making plans for the weekend, I need to keep busy and occupied. Definitely a sleep in tomorrow and i may clean the garbage truck out which is my car. It will be nice to have all my shoes back in the wardrobe and scarfs and overcoats and and and.......