Newbies Nest

[HumbleRider]

Newbies Nest

Hi all,
I'm going to have to carve out time later tonight to read all the posts since my 'speech,' and will respond in more detail later. Welcome to the newcomers.

A couple of things, though.

Moretoit--I lost my only child, my son, when he was 20 in a freak accident, no drugs or alcohol involved for him. I spiraled into major alcohol and marijuana abuse as a result, for a LONG time. All I wanted to do was block out the pain. I worked FT, came home and got completely blotto, passed out and did it all over again. Happy to say I don't do that anymore. I'm rooting for you.

About this Gift I've been given, no desire to drink. That does not mean I don't have to be on guard. It does not mean I haven't experience guilt, shame, remorse, withdrawals, etc. I could at any moment get that AV going and let it control my life. I do not have rose-colored glasses on. I still come here everyday, find out how everyone is doing, and recommit to my AF life.

Today is going to be a trial for me. This is one of three memorial days I celebrate with one other person each year. The expectation is that I will share in those memorial drinks. But I won't do it because I don't drink now.

Have a great AF MAE everyone!

[Dottie Belle]

Newbies Nest

MAE all,
Sleeting here and snow is on the radar..glad we dont have to go anywhere...
I had a drinking dream last night....I was sitting at a table in a bar and when they asked me what I wanted I said I live too far away to drink so give me ?? and I dont remembre what I said but do remember that part...strange dream..
Hello to all the newbies....u can do this...dont ever have to have another day 1 EVER!!!

[Janewalker]

Newbies Nest

Hi everyone
Day 1 for me still

[NoSugar]

Newbies Nest

HumbleRider;1595516 wrote: This is one of three memorial days I celebrate with one other person each year. The expectation is that I will share in those memorial drinks. But I won't do it because I don't drink now.

Hi, HumbleRider

I'm so sorry you've lost 3 important people, including your dear son, but your meeting to celebrate and honor these people in yearly rituals seems like such a wonderful way to remember and keep their spirits with you :l.

It is interesting how drinking alcohol seems to be almost required for for toasts in general. The most resistance I've received in all of this has been because of my unwillingness to "lighten up" and participate in toasts with an alcoholic drink. An AF substitute wasn't considered ok -- as if the toasts weren't real without it.

I hope your friend doesn't respond that way but if he or she does, know that you are honoring your loved one by being the best woman you can be and like you said, that woman doesn't drink anymore.

I'll be thinking of you today. Love, NS

[Overit44]

Newbies Nest

As I sit here I'm contemplating not taking my AB so I can drink next week at a party but I know that is ridiculous and so I talk to THAT self and say "oh no you don't" and hurry up and pop a pill before THAT self knows what I'm doing. It's scary. Usually I'm OK if I can distract myself for a few minutes but I'm finding myself sitting here this AM constantly thinking about drinking. I'm just not happy or excited about an AF life this time. I've got to change that thinking or I will be right back at the bottle.

No worries. Definitely CANNOT and WILL NOT drink while on AB. So, I'm safe for today. (actually probably 3-4 days with what's in my system) So, as long as I TTDP, I'm sober. I just have to get back to wanting to be sober, for me, for my husband, for my health, my son, my grandson, my career, my physical appearance, my physical fitness etc.

I'm sure this will pass, just grieving right now that I can't go home and enjoy that buzz tonight after work.

Geez, what a Debbie Downer huh?

Maybe I'm just tired.....someone must have been stealing the covers last night because I'm tired and obviously cranky. Was it your big moon Byrdie?...or maybe my boobies

[moretoit]

Newbies Nest

Oh Dear Humble, I also have lost a son, except he still breaths, I only hope I never feel what you have gone through, my youngest son has chosen his life and there is nothing I can do for I do not know where he lives with his lady and two children, I have three kids and 7 grandchildren and only not allow to see those two, I am told when they become adults or late teens they will want to know about me and their cousins. I only hope I am alive to see them, My brother I am just beginning to talk about him, I called a grief counseler and they want 100 dollars, I called the nearest church, they told me to read the bible, what ever happened to simply talking

[Overit44]

Newbies Nest

Moretoit-that's why we're here

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

moretoit, I'm sorry I missed your post earlier!
I also lost a brother back in July. Very sad because I hadn't actually seen him in 7 years. But I am also grateful that he is at rest now & no longer suffering. I had a lifetime in nursing & stood at people's bedsides when they passed. It's true that it's harder on the family left behind but it's important to recognize that extending someone's suffering can feel criminal. As long as someone's needs & pain level are being addressed the best thing we can do is say goodbye & appreciate the time we had with them. Don't use your brother's passing as an excuse to continue drinking. Use it as a tool to help get sober & stay that way for a better future for yourself & loved ones :l

Jane, what's your plan?
You absolutely have to make a plan to succeed or risk repeating the same behaviors
Go to the Tool box & use whatever you need to use!

[Tess-2]

Newbies Nest

Dear Overit,

To walk away from the bottle IS painful. And there IS grieving. Lots of grieving. I honestly feel your pain.

Try -- try, try, try -- to remember the joy you felt after you were mostly recovered from your most recent hangover.

You've made a decision to take "that pill" every day no matter how you feel. Stick with that commitment. Before long, before too long, you will be grateful to be living a sober life.

You are loved.

[moretoit]

Newbies Nest

Oh Lav, you are so right, my brother never saw his 59th birthday, he suffered horribly, lost his eye sight, but his relexes were as sharp as any, when the night nurse got him to accept the fact that he was terminal, it did not take long for him to go. I have just been drinking non stop since he passed, and I wish to stop.l I have stopped before, but started again thinking I had it under control, I do not and that I know. Since I sleep alone most of the time, this scares me, I was told by the night nurse that looked after by brother that I had night terrors, and recently when I went to California that I stop breathing when I am sleeping and that I seem to have night mares, what am I to do, do I have sleep apnea poor spelling, all I know is I am always tired and I wake at odd hours, not always to drink. I have to get ready to work boy wish I could say no but my bank account tells me this is something I must do. DAMN

[moretoit]

Newbies Nest

Lav my Brother made it past my birthday, which was in Sept, he passed near the end of September and did not see his 59th birthday, we were always the same age for a month, now I am older than he is, this is so strange to be talking about my pain where Dennis is concerned, we argued like brother and sisters do, but he protected me boy do I miss him and it has only be 2 months, when does it end

[Overit44]

Newbies Nest

Huh....just went back and read all my posts in my personal story...........where is that person?

[Gottaquit]

Newbies Nest

Hi guys,
Well.....24 hours and no drink!!!!! Never felt so ill tho! Off to bed and hoping to do it all again tomorrow. Thanks for support, good luck to all of you too!!!!
Good night.

[Overit44]

Newbies Nest

Gottaquit-I know that feeling SO WELL! Sleep well.

[Londoner]

Newbies Nest

Hmmmm, mood isn't so great atm. Feel really angry/aggressive for some reason. And lonely. Really am a recluse atm. And it's not healthy.

That's when the brain wants to relapse. Gotta concentrate on strategies to not have that first beer ovrr the next few weeks.