Newbies Nest

[DreamThinkDo]

Newbies Nest

MAE Nesters

Poppy, Friend, welcome here!

:l : LB :l :l You know that I'm thinking of you and the awful situation you're in. But, as the LadyByrd one said, stay strong and don't sabotage yourself.

Pav, treat yourself tonight when you're home alone - SoA, or a bubble bath with candles, whatever takes your fancy.

NoS, spot on - as usual. When I started posting here, the thought of 30 days + AF was just too much - I was worried about making it to the next day. I got a lot of inspiration from the people just ahead of me, because they had just been where I was.

Londoner, what is going to change if you drink? This is a difficult time of year, but drinking is not going to fill that empty shell - it's just going to make it even worse.

Avail, would love to join you for coffee, but if I do, I'm not going to sleep tonight. Can I just sit here and chat to you? Love the new avatar - gorgeous! It took me a while to figure out how to post here, but its easy peasy - once I fixed the Photobucket problem. Let me know if you need help when you want to post the wedding pics.

[available]

Newbies Nest

YF i thought about AA but not for me either although if i fall this time, which i have no intentions of doing then the option is always there. I could not have gotten to 11days (at first attempt) to 40 days (2nd attempt) to 14 days again without the help of MWO and people on here and my children.

It will be hard with a drinker in the house as well, i am lucky that is not me. Have you spoken to him about giving up al?

[DreamThinkDo]

Newbies Nest

Humble, 40 days! You must be so proud of yourself!

[Londoner]

Newbies Nest

I guess the best way to describe it is that I have corrupted myself.

That guilt free enjoyment of life that children have has left me.

Feeling like I won't enjoy anything again.

Annoying, as my past posts had me in a good place, but maybe I was just kidding myself.

[allankay]

Newbies Nest

Londoner,

I don't know why we feel guilty after drinking but it is a quite common thing. May be your life needs direction or some planning.

Try to figure out what you really want out of life. Make goals and draw up a plan of action to achieve those goals. Having focus and a sense of purpose is a great antidote for guilt.

Just my thoughts.

Allan

[Londoner]

Newbies Nest

I'm not guilty from drinking at all.

Just feel like the innocence in life has gone. Like shit got real.

I seem to be following in the footsteps of my Mum's siblings - depressed.

[Dottie Belle]

Newbies Nest

Londoner I get it....I feel flat these days but drinking is only going to make me drunk and flat and guilty, remorseful etc....wine was calling my name again today...I am just stressed out. Hand in there we dont have to drink to feel....

DH is having a stress test on Tuesday at the same office as my appointment for the palpitations. Good grief we are falling apart...he has gained 10 pounds in 2 months...makes me mad as he has always kind of picked on me about my weight which by today's standards it not all that bad...gripe, gripe, gripe...but drinking wont help....

[available]

Newbies Nest

Wait till you hit 50 London, god i wonder where the time has gone, where did the fun bits go, when did life get so serious, when did i become a grown up? Whats the point to it all? Then I think, I will be a long time horizontal so why not just go with the flow and see what happens. I figure as long as I dont intentionally hurt anyone and try and be a nice person then i have contributed something to this world.

I suffer from depression and i have started on my meds again. I have been in a bad place having a nervous breakdown a few years ago, i dont want to go back there. AL did not help in all of this life and we all have choices to make for the better or the worse. It is ultimately up to us how we choose to live life and I always think there are a lot more people worse off than myself. Doesnt make it any better but i then i dont feel so bad.

Hang in there London you can do it and i loved your positive posts before. Life is good on the sober side.

[Londoner]

Newbies Nest

On a second thought, I wouldn't even say I'm depressed.

I'm just fed up. Empty. Emotionless. And in that sort of place, why not drink is the thought.

Thanks for the comments.

[allankay]

Newbies Nest

Londoner,

It is called the quarter life crises.

Every one of us has to find our own way in this world. So I don't think anyone will help you figure out what to do with your life. But that is the beauty of life. You write your own story!

[available]

Newbies Nest

I can soooooooooooo relate to that London. I feel resigned and empty. Like not that i want to drink as i dont but what am i going to do? NS posted a good point which i will try and find. As long as we dont drink then that is a huge positive to achieve. What i need to do is get some motivation and do something, not sure what but only I can figure that out. I know al is not the answer as then i will have different feelings and they are ones i dont want to have anymore so resignation it is at the moment. It will pass, my favourite hobby was drinking, loved it, miss it but can live without it.

[Yourfriend6116]

Newbies Nest

Avail-I have spoken to him about ME quitting, but I'm not sure he can admit he has an actual problem.

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Nesters, I wanted to copy a post I did a while back....to those feeling FLAT. Understanding that this is normal may help!!
I wrote:

I posted something yesterday on another thread about the person feeling 'flat' around this same time.
If you think about it....we are really in grief over losing such a major relationship in our lives. AL was becoming the #1 relationship we were having....to the exclusion of our spouses, and family and our jobs!! It will not quit until it takes everything...as you know. So divorcing it is tough. The first stage of grief is anger. That's prolly when you came here....feeling like "I've just HAD it!" "I can't live like this" "I'll be damned if I'll be led around by a bottle". This is followed by denial. "maybe I'm not so bad after all!" "There are people on this site far worse than I am and THEY are doing fine". "If I can stop for a few days or even a month, that proves right there I don't have a problem!!" . The next stage of grief is bargaining. "Maybe if I just drink on weekends that will do the trick, that way I can be sober all thru the week for my job and such, and unwind on the weekends!" "I think I've got a handle on this now, I'm more aware of the problem....I WILL MODERATE." " If I just limit myself to a couple drinks at a time, and not every night, it'll be a win-win!" This stage is followed by Depression. This usually hits right around where you are now...30-45 days. it's a period of "now what?" Is this all there is? I've proven I can do this, now what is the point? The euphoria of being amazed THAT we can do it is now replaced with a 'so what' attitude. We don't know what to do with ourselves. This is where an awful lot of growth happens. I think our emotional selves catches up to our chronological selves. When we start abusing AL I think our emotional growth stops. We learn a new set of coping skills (escape from our problems instead of facing them). Depression takes some time to get thru, but once you are on the other side, it's like stepping out of a world of black and white into a world of COLOR!! The final stage of grief is ACCEPTANCE. While it sounds like you are throwing in the towel, this is actually the very best place to be. The voices in your head accept that you can't drink like a normal person ever again. That ship has sailed. Once you cross that line into addiction there is no rewiring that. NoSugar explained it's like riding a bike...your mind will take you exactly back to that bad place and worse. Once you accept that you are an ALK, and you take responsibility for it, the space in your head will be a much simpler and more peaceful place to live. Take the CHOICE of drinking off the table for good, and you will find peace. There is no going back for us. I've been on this site now for almost 4 years, I have NEVER SEEN A CASE WHERE IT WORKED! Never! And I've looked! I want it to work!! But here's the good news! Once you get some good distance between you and AL (and 40 days is great, but it takes months, really) you will see that you don't need AL at all, and you'll wonder why you were so obsessed with it at all. You will not having that longing to go back. I sure don't. This takes time. So please give Time, time. Please try to get it out of your head that you will be able to go back. This is the hardest thing to give up (hope is a killer here). In your drinking career, have you EVER been able to control it? Doesn't it always just get worse? This is a progressive disease...and one drink keeps it going.
I didn't listen to anyone about this, and it wasn't until my husband of nearly 25 years packed his clothes and left that night. Don't let it get to that for you!
You know in your heart of hearts what must be done!! Don't go backwards, only forward!!! XXOO, Byrdie

[Dottie Belle]

Newbies Nest

Thanks Byrdie I needed that post!!

[available]

Newbies Nest

Oh Byrd you are a wonder and a wonderful person. Tried the modding, worked NOT, now facing the acceptance of no al and resignation that i cant drink. I cant put EVER after that as yet but that will take a bit more time to sink in.

I told my best friend today who lives 11 hours away i had not had a drink for 2 weeks and she said "but you will drink for your 50th"? I said probably, why, i dont know as i know I sure as hell CANT drink and I will be fun anyways, I am still the same person just one with not a drink in my hand, falling into walls, falling over, not remembering the night, passing out. Thats not fun!