Newbies Nest

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Hey Pavoti! I always wait for the recipient to check in before doing the awards!! Nesters, please help me in presenting this most coveted award to the one and only Pavoti!!! My dear, your hat!

:goodtime:

This is an achievement that not everyone can accomplish! It eluded me for a year!! We all know that these days don't just happen, it takes a concerted plan and constant reinforcement to become reality. I hope you will give us a few words as to HOW YOU DID IT! Great job and well done!!

(P.S. your name sounds like a wonderful Italian dish)

The Gang

[Neddy Merrill]

Newbies Nest

Happy New Year

Hello Nesters,

I haven't been around much lately, but I just wanted to wish everyone at MWO a fantastic 2014! If you are new here, hang about and you will receive much wisdom from those who post regularly. Byrdie, 3J, LB, were all especially so good to me in the early days and that's me heading up for 6 months now. You gave me a great foundation folks and I will be eternally grateful to you all for that. I am going to regular AA meetings but my NYR is to get back on this forum more often. Thanks again and stay safe everyone.

Neddy

[hadit]

Newbies Nest

Hello everyone, Hope you all had a wonderful NYE and that all your dreams for 2014 come true. The first sober NYE for many that I can Remember!!! Feel amazing. Thanks sooooo much for all your support.

[Pavati]

Newbies Nest

Thanks for the hat, Byrdie, and the congratulations all. Here is my speech.

How I did my 30 days and am armed to stay alcohol free – by Pavati (not an Italian pasta dish, but a Hopi word for “still water.”) Beware – long Pavati post coming.

1. Stop my denial. Face what I have become. I did this by telling my whole sordid story out loud to a therapist, which means I said it out loud to myself. I am an alcoholic – no two ways about it. I didn’t lose my job or end up in a gutter, but that doesn’t matter. This was EXTREMELY difficult – I do not like to admit “failure,” or admit that I don’t have control. The first step in this was finally posting here after lurking here and there for a long time.

2. Accept that I cannot drink. This was difficult, too. I spent a lot of time over the last two years in particular making deals with myself – if you go X days without you’ve proven you’re not in trouble. Just drink beer and wine. No more than two measured drinks on weeknights. Tonight is a Monday, but I’ll drink because (fill in name of reason). I drank Monday night, so I may as well drink the rest of the week. I’ll have AF weeks starting NEXT Monday. You know the drill. This time, I have accepted that I cannot drink, and that has brought a complete peacefulness to this 30 days that I have never had before. I didn’t have to white knuckle or count the hours (other than the first three days when I was in a haze). I have certainly had my ups and downs, but they were more related to “really, forever, how did I let this happen to me,” than “I NEED a drink NOW.” I have what I have heard called “mind peace.” I have stopped the bargaining and chatter in my head and that has made this so much easier. I didn’t understand the “acceptance” part of sobriety until I felt it myself. Many of us mothers have mentioned that we didn’t have a problem quitting for 9 months when we were pregnant. I have come to realize that the reason was there was NO CHOICE involved. We know what alcohol does to unborn children and we weren’t willing to do that to our babies. Well – we know what alcohol does to our own bodies – why would we be willing to do that to ourselves?

3. Read, read, read and post, post, post. Reading all I can on here serves a number of purposes. First, it lets me see that I am not alone. There are other intelligent, professional mothers here who have gotten in the same predicament I am in. It is so helpful to read the stories of others and to find fellowship in their company. I am shy about AA or face-to-face meetings in my small town, but I can truly let it all hang out here. Also, in reading I find great advice – from cultivating an attitude of gratitude to learning to forgive, I have found great techniques and tools here. Those who have paved the way and stay here to support us are of course helpful, and so are those who are at the same stage as me – they know what I am going through in the moment. In addition, many people on MWO post resources and ideas for further reading, all of which has helped me focus on the prize – sobriety. Not one, not ever. Posting serves to help me sort out my own feelings – it acts as a journal. I find that whether I am musing on my own or typing words to support someone else, I am thinking about sobriety in new ways every time.

4. Find a thread and attach myself to it, but look elsewhere, too. I found Ladies on a Mission through a recommendation. It is important for me to check in there with everyone who posts – I want to support the people who post there, but I also know that they have my back if I’m feeling down. I actually believe that I would be supported in any thread I attached myself to around here – there is so much acceptance and welcome everywhere I turn. I have ventured out a bit and am finding new connections all the time. Did I mention that posting a lot was one of my tools??

5. Adopt an attitude of gratitude. Wow – this seems so simple. I have changed my focus from “I can’t have alcohol” to “I get to live my life with a clear head and no regret.” This helps most when I have the inkling of deprivation – I turn it around immediately to focus on what I am gaining by getting alcohol out of my life – not what I am supposedly “losing.” I can’t believe how well this works. I didn’t believe it, in fact, until I got to #2 above.

6. Work to become and stay sober. This is fact. You can’t hope or pray or wish to be sober, you have to actively work to be sober. That doesn’t mean it has to be your focus all day and night, but it means creating a plan and sticking to it. For me, this also means telling people out loud or in writing what my plan is. I have proven fairly good at lying to myself over the years, but not very good at lying to others. This has meant, for me, MWO as well as individual counseling. And a daily plan, written here or in my journal, to stay sober.

7. Understand one day at a time and the serenity prayer. I am not a religious person, but these words speak to me: “…grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to tell the difference.” Until now I have focused on the first part of that saying, but I have come to realize the importance of the second part, too. As a perfectionist I needed to learn to accept what I can’t change, but waking up from denial has made me realize that I also need to work on changing the things I CAN change. One day at a time was a revelation. Although I have heard it MANY times, I finally realize the power in that statement. I don’t have to worry about the camping trip next summer without AL – I just have to make it through today sober.

OK – I am sure there are a million more reasons that I am not just sober but happily sober right now, but I will stop here (and PS – I’m not reading back for typos or spelling errors). It has truly been a pleasure to get to know you all over the last 30 days – I am eternally grateful for the wonderful support and strength I have found here. You are all funny, honest, vulnerable and strong. Getting alcohol out of my life has been a gift that will influence the rest of my life in a positive way. Thank you from the bottom of my heart!

[DipGal]

Newbies Nest

Wish there was a "like" button on this forum.. I'll join in soon, but loved your post Pavati! Happy New Year to all!

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Dip, I'm with you, that was a powerful post, Pavati! I hope you will consider putting it in the Tool Box!! When we first get here and are reading at 2 in the morning, these 30 day testaments are really powerful. It is amazing the changes that can happen within us in such a short amount of time! Thank you for taking the time to put thought into words! B

[Guitarista]

Newbies Nest

8.55 a.m. here on New years day. And i feel great. Happy new year everyone!

Hope all are safe and sound.

Congratulations on 30 days Pav, and thanks for your beaut post. Keep it going.

Byrdy, you've given me a business idea. Collapseable toasting glasses. I could engineer a fold up pocket glass for those pesky occassions for us non drinkers! It's got legs i reckon!

And with that, here's to a happy, healthy and magical 2014 for everyone.

L8tr, Yo!

[DreamThinkDo]

Newbies Nest


Happy 2014 Nesters!


I hope that every day of this year will be an AF one for each one of us.

Mr G, I'd like to order some of your wonky sorry, I mean collapsible, damn, fold up toasting glasses! Brilliant idea!

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

Just past 5 pm here in my part of the world. Happy New Year to all of you already in 2014

I had a nice visit with my girls today & now I'm ready to just sit back & chill
Not even sure if I'll wait up to see the new year arrive tonight - it will be here tomorrow :H

[hadit]

Newbies Nest

Ah Mr G, Can I order a doz pls ha ha ? Alls well here near Melb.....first af NYE for as long as I can remember!! Looking fwd to saying NO to al for the rest of 2014!!!:wow::wow: JUST love this !!!

[Dottie Belle]

Newbies Nest

Congrats Pavati your post was wonderful...I agree that it is tool box worthy....
We are in for the night. Will watch the ball drop if I am still awake...
Wishing you ALL a wonderful and AF new year....2014 has lots of promise and great expectations!!

[Guitarista]

Newbies Nest

hadit;1605885 wrote: Ah Mr G, Can I order a doz pls ha ha ? Alls well here near Melb.....first af NYE for as long as I can remember!! Looking fwd to saying NO to al for the rest of 2014!!!:wow::wow: JUST love this !!!
Great stuff Hadit. You are kicking arse.

Dottie Belle;1605891 wrote: Congrats Pavati your post was wonderful...I agree that it is tool box worthy....
We are in for the night. Will watch the ball drop if I am still awake...
Wishing you ALL a wonderful and AF new year....2014 has lots of promise and great expectations!!

You betcha Dottie!

[Unwasted]

Newbies Nest

Just wanted to stop by and wish all of us Newbies a VERY HAPPY NEW YEAR. LET'S MAKE IT AN AF 2014 so we can become Oldbies.

[little beagle]

Newbies Nest

Pav wonderful post. Congratulations on 30 days. :wave:

[finallydone]

Newbies Nest

Happy New Year!! Thank you to everyone in the Nest for being there for me and all the great support I have gotten from everyone. All of you mean a lot to me! I am looking forward to my first full calendar year sober and all of the wonderful things that will come with it. This place has been a life line during a challenging year from a car accident to a few bad slips. But I my resolve on sobriety has never been stronger. Be safe everyone!

K9...thank you for being a great friend and keeping me on track. You are dear to me and you will always have a friend here. :h

Byrdie...you are one wonderful woman with words of wisdom. And I am more than happy you gave up the bottle when you did. We need you around for a long time. You are a friend to me and I look forward to your posts as always.

Samstone..thank you for picking me up and reminding me to keep sticking around. That meant the world to me.

The G man for always being the type of guy with amazing posts and insights.

Lavande for her calming presence on here and your complete kindness.

Kradle for always being a sweet heart of a woman and a brilliant mind.

Mamabear for being also a sweet heart of a woman and one very successful woman.

Pav Dottie hadit and the list goes on and on. You are what makes this community what it is. 2014 will be the best year for all of us. Congratulations to everyone who sticks around and fights the demon of AL every day. Have a blessed new year to all my MWO friends. Love you all!