Newbies Nest
Byrd my thoughts are with you today, funerals are never good and being so young also is so sad.
Thank you for your honesty with why it was your worst year drinking. I can relate to all of what you said though Byrd i was impressed with the 37 litre casks. My immediate thought was "god i didnt drink that much" but if i had to hide and collect all of the bottles i am definitely sure I did. Its funny that I used to read posts and think that i didnt drink that much so i am not too bad. As you say it is amazing what our al brain tells us. I, like you read the "mod threads" after a few days af and thought YES YES YES i can do that. I think it was a reason to celebrate with a VIKING glass also. Why did i not listen to you wise ones, because i didnt want to believe that i could NEVER drink again EVER. That was my hardest thought to get my head around. I loved my best friend, i cherished him, he was my confidante, my advisor, my world. How could i just let him out of my life permanently? It clicked when after my last try at moderating and definitely not succeeding that I realised you and Lav and every other wise person on here was correct. If i was to succeed in getting al out of my life i had to realise that i could never ever drink again. That was when giving up became easier, like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. The not fighting with myself is a blessing and Byrd you are my greatest inspiration in this battle which is getting so much easier everyday and for that I thank you and Lav and K9 and Dot for your words of wisdom on here. Its not easy to give up al but it is doable. Thank you.
Byrdlady;1608368 wrote: Morning, Nesters.
Welcome back, Badger. No time like the present, let's get this thing started and begin your new life. There is no drink that feels as good as being sober does.
Available, Jan 31, 2010, I gave up vodka because my hubs was on to me...he found my stash and had really had it with me passing out at 8 on the couch. I switched over to wine because I'd never had any problem with that. (BTW, AL is AL no matter what form it's in....don't madda...wine was vodka with a mustache) That's when I found this website. I was ready to quit when I joined....I knew the jig was up. I got a few days in and was wandering around the boards one day and happened across the moderating boards. Those folks seemed to have it all! They had CONTROL, self- discipline and got to drink! And were happy! It is amazing what the addict brain reads into things....so that was the year I tried to moderate. I never drank harder. I would go several days sticking to 2...then 3. Then VIKING GOBLETS of 2 or 3, but was quickly on my way down. Then I tried just drinking every other day, then on weekends or whatever...the trouble was that when I finally allowed myself the AL, I grabbed onto it like a drowning person...it literally WAS my life preserver. I drank out of panic. My hiding it and sneaking around about it GOT WORSE. It was the worst year of my life in terms of what AL took away. One day I went to empty my hidden empties and I had 37 one liter boxes! And I still didn't quit!! It was only when my hubs left me that I had to make a choice (and it was a hard one at the time, believe it or not) Get sober and HOPE he would come back to me or drink myself to death and give in to it. Those were my ONLY 2 choices. Thank God I fought for my life back. Being a slave to AL is worst prison sentence there is. I am reminded of that movie 'Flight' where Denzel Washington said he didn't have another lie in him. So that is why the year I was 50 was a train wreck. I have never seen anyone successfully moderate on these boards long term and believe me I look. NOT ONE. EVER. (if that tells you anything) Those are pretty strong words....that's why I try my best to help people get that hope of moderating out of their heads...because as long as hope is there, people won't let go of it. They can't let go of the addiction until they starve it to death, that's the only way. I'm not making this up, either....one drop springs it back to life, it is like the most stubborn weed you've ever met....one ounce of life in it and it will take over. Funny, in the South, Kudzu is like that and now here it is a supplement to help with cravings...I also thought that was ironic.
The reason this 'habit' is so hard to beat is because this is addiction...big difference. It can be beaten tho....there are plenty of examples right here to prove it. There's just one thing you gotta do and that's not pick up the first drink. It really does get easier....if it stayed as hard as it does that first week nobody could do it. Stay the course and starve this bastard. AL has done nothing to help me at all. I hate it.
Long day today....my step son in law's memorial service. Thank God above I am sober. Byrdie
Welcome back, Badger. No time like the present, let's get this thing started and begin your new life. There is no drink that feels as good as being sober does.
Available, Jan 31, 2010, I gave up vodka because my hubs was on to me...he found my stash and had really had it with me passing out at 8 on the couch. I switched over to wine because I'd never had any problem with that. (BTW, AL is AL no matter what form it's in....don't madda...wine was vodka with a mustache) That's when I found this website. I was ready to quit when I joined....I knew the jig was up. I got a few days in and was wandering around the boards one day and happened across the moderating boards. Those folks seemed to have it all! They had CONTROL, self- discipline and got to drink! And were happy! It is amazing what the addict brain reads into things....so that was the year I tried to moderate. I never drank harder. I would go several days sticking to 2...then 3. Then VIKING GOBLETS of 2 or 3, but was quickly on my way down. Then I tried just drinking every other day, then on weekends or whatever...the trouble was that when I finally allowed myself the AL, I grabbed onto it like a drowning person...it literally WAS my life preserver. I drank out of panic. My hiding it and sneaking around about it GOT WORSE. It was the worst year of my life in terms of what AL took away. One day I went to empty my hidden empties and I had 37 one liter boxes! And I still didn't quit!! It was only when my hubs left me that I had to make a choice (and it was a hard one at the time, believe it or not) Get sober and HOPE he would come back to me or drink myself to death and give in to it. Those were my ONLY 2 choices. Thank God I fought for my life back. Being a slave to AL is worst prison sentence there is. I am reminded of that movie 'Flight' where Denzel Washington said he didn't have another lie in him. So that is why the year I was 50 was a train wreck. I have never seen anyone successfully moderate on these boards long term and believe me I look. NOT ONE. EVER. (if that tells you anything) Those are pretty strong words....that's why I try my best to help people get that hope of moderating out of their heads...because as long as hope is there, people won't let go of it. They can't let go of the addiction until they starve it to death, that's the only way. I'm not making this up, either....one drop springs it back to life, it is like the most stubborn weed you've ever met....one ounce of life in it and it will take over. Funny, in the South, Kudzu is like that and now here it is a supplement to help with cravings...I also thought that was ironic.
The reason this 'habit' is so hard to beat is because this is addiction...big difference. It can be beaten tho....there are plenty of examples right here to prove it. There's just one thing you gotta do and that's not pick up the first drink. It really does get easier....if it stayed as hard as it does that first week nobody could do it. Stay the course and starve this bastard. AL has done nothing to help me at all. I hate it.
Long day today....my step son in law's memorial service. Thank God above I am sober. Byrdie
Thank you for your honesty with why it was your worst year drinking. I can relate to all of what you said though Byrd i was impressed with the 37 litre casks. My immediate thought was "god i didnt drink that much" but if i had to hide and collect all of the bottles i am definitely sure I did. Its funny that I used to read posts and think that i didnt drink that much so i am not too bad. As you say it is amazing what our al brain tells us. I, like you read the "mod threads" after a few days af and thought YES YES YES i can do that. I think it was a reason to celebrate with a VIKING glass also. Why did i not listen to you wise ones, because i didnt want to believe that i could NEVER drink again EVER. That was my hardest thought to get my head around. I loved my best friend, i cherished him, he was my confidante, my advisor, my world. How could i just let him out of my life permanently? It clicked when after my last try at moderating and definitely not succeeding that I realised you and Lav and every other wise person on here was correct. If i was to succeed in getting al out of my life i had to realise that i could never ever drink again. That was when giving up became easier, like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. The not fighting with myself is a blessing and Byrd you are my greatest inspiration in this battle which is getting so much easier everyday and for that I thank you and Lav and K9 and Dot for your words of wisdom on here. Its not easy to give up al but it is doable. Thank you.
inkele: :applause2: :yay:
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