Newbies Nest

[gracieb]

Newbies Nest

No! Not at all! I've been thinking about the same things. I'm pretty stubborn and prideful too. I don't want to tell people I "quit". For one thing, my husband wouldn't believe me. (Guess I can't blame him.) But I just can't bear to see the look of "Yeah, right." on his face. He brought home some wine last night (though he hasn't opened it.) I decided I'm just going to tell him that red wine has been making me feel sick lately. I just don't want to bloody get into it right now, or why I think this time will be different, or anything. It won't help me towards my goal. What will help is when it's been a few months and he realizes that I'm different.

I've never wanted to go to AA because I don't want to stand up and say "I'm an alcoholic." I want to say something like it just doesn't agree with me, I'm happier when I don't, heck, maybe I have an allergy! (They say you crave the things your're allergic to. I see my daughter having the same struggles with gluten. Can't eat what everyone else does, cravings, knowing it will bite you in the end, etc.) I just don't want the drama of the word "alcoholic". I don't want to have that word as my identity.

[Cherokeer]

Newbies Nest

Yellow, I think I am going to be okay with it. Again, I am so damn stubborn. I have you guys and you are all a lot more wise and experienced than I am. In the end, I have to ask myself, am I a victim or am I in control? That glass of wine doesn't pick itself up and pour itself down my throat. I make the conscious decision to drink it or not. In the end, I have to make the choice. Tonight when I am at Applebee's and I order a water with lemon and my girlfriend is drinking a tall boy even after she said she wasn't going to drink. I can say Cherokee 1 Demon 0. Screw you. LOL

My real challenge will come in about a week and a half. I will be very hormonal. I will really have to challenge myself to cope differently at that time. I should have all my goodies from the website by then.

[Cherokeer]

Newbies Nest

Gracie, the allergy issue is quite true. I am severely allergic to wheat, corn, soy, peanuts, pecans, and walnuts. It's as good of an excuse as any. I understand what you are saying about your husband. When your so raw and vulnerable anything can shatter you. Don't give up. My husband has said some cruel things in the last year. I deserved some of them. But that isn't going to stop me. Time for me let go and start living today without the weight of yesterday. Peace and strength to you Sister.

[Bastet]

Newbies Nest

Gracie and Cherokeer, I get exactly the same thing in my family. I am on day 5 and really don't want to mention anything to my family. I am sure my husband has noticed me not drinking and going to bed early but I feel like I have to figure this out on my own. It's also kind of discouraging that to him or my daughters 5 days is nothing and hasn't proven anything. So like you Gracie it will have to be a few months down the road of being sober before they even acknowledge me trying. Meanwhile they think I need residential treatment or AA at the very least. I feel fine and I have been at work everyday this week obviously I don't need residential help. Oh well I know all of you have my back and I just have to work this through on my own. I hope everyone has a peaceful AF Friday.

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

I just wanted to jump in for a second

I often remind folks that it truly is not necessary to justify your decision not to drink. Anyone who questions your polite but firm 'No thanks' is being rude & insensitive in my book. We are all adults & when we say 'No thanks', do it with conviction & without excuses! It works, trust me

[gracieb]

Newbies Nest

Thanks Cherokeer, and peace and strength to you too. And to you Bastet. It's great knowing you guys are here.

It's true Lavande we shouldn't need excuses. Sometimes it feels like the peer pressure of high school never ends. But as I get older I'm less concerned with what people think, THANK GOD. I do like to cut conversations short sometimes, or not have to grapple for words, so it's kind of nice to have a few things ready.

[Cherokeer]

Newbies Nest

Basket, it's hard to see judgment, condemnation, or even worry in the eyes of the people you love. I am thinking (and someone correct me if I am wrong) that the conversation and decision to stop drinking and get sober has to be one on one with yourself. Ultimately, the internal war has to be won internally and without that hard won struggle and victory its really just window dressing. Not that I don't believe we need support but the "the bottle stops here". I don't want to say anything to my husband because I don't want him to try and help me manage me. I will learn to "own my shit" and deal with life. Are there going to be days when I would rather do anything but feel? Hell to the yeah, but that is where I learn a new way to deal with those emotions. That is when I, not anyone else reaches out and says "I am not feeling so strong to today" and can I hear an amen. I have guilt, I have shame, I have past behaviors that I wish I could never remember again. But I am going to work on forgiving myself for being a flawed human being. And when I want to drink at the world I am going to try and remind myself who is really getting F%#$@&! here. Newsflash to me... it's not the world. It's me.

Stay Strong Basket, much peace and love your way.

[Dottie Belle]

Newbies Nest

MAE all,
Quiet day..laundry now asked dh to fire up the snow blower. I need to get out tomorrow morning and I am not into shoveling...Snow is pretty and am glad I dont have to go out today.
Hang tight to the nest newbies...it gets better..come here and post and learn....U can do it!!

[Starfish1]

Newbies Nest

Hangin tight, Dot! Thanks! Feeling a little anxious, here, but I know what I need to do. Head straight home and get started on cooking that big pot of chicken soup and relax with some tea or lemonade. Tomorrow I'll be glad I did!

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Everyone doing so well!
Jane, I know I felt flu-like the first couple weeks...achy and tired, but my night sweats stopped as soon as I quit...I have not heard of these things coming on after 10 days, so that is a bit odd! Hopefully, it won't happen again and was just a 'one off' thing?

I got a good lesson a few months ago on the question of caring what other people think...
A neighbor a few streets back has advanced stage ovarian cancer. She used to be out walking all the time and she also worked at a local dress shop...everyone knows her. On this day, my neighbor and I were walking and we passed by her sitting on a lawn chair out on her driveway so we went up and asked how she was. She was getting chemo and had lost her hair and was wearing a wig. To me, it looked just like her hair! I said, 'I haven't seen you out and about' and she replied 'I look so bad with this wig I have not left the house in 2 months, I don't want anyone to see me like this'. I gotta tell you, I couldn't see any difference at all! There she was making a prisoner of herself because of what other people night think and nobody cared!!! Do you think I'd think ill of her because she was having chemo and was wearing a wig??? That told me right then and there that I am tired of trying to please everyone else because they don't care anyway. As this relates to drinking, I spent more time worrying about everybody was going to think if I didn't drink and it turns out they didn't care either! All that worrying for nothing! The only people who care about what's in your glass are other alkies, because they don't want to think they have a problem. The only folks that have ever really pushed the issue hard were other hard core drinkers. I actually have ulcerative colitis, so I use that if I have to pull out a good excuse. You could say you think you have an ulcer or something and AL irritates it. I used to say that I found it irritated a couple things I had going on...I didn't mention it was my marriage and my liver! MOST of the time, just No Thanks works great like Lav says. Antibiotics are good, but that one bit me in the butt Velcro one time, I forgot I used it and the person remembered! Lesson: get your excuse and stick to it! eheheheh. Tell them you made a bet with friends like on Seinfeld!

Friday is just another day in the week, not a free pass to BoozeVille! Tomorrow you will wake up wonderfully refreshed and proud that you get to post one more AF day!! No drink is better than getting sober feels! Protect your quit with your life!! Hugs to all, you are doing great and we are so proud of you!! Byrdie

[Starfish1]

Newbies Nest

Hey Byrdie :l I hope your step daughter is making out okay!

Sorry about those pesky night sweats, Jane. Those are the worst. I don't have many of them anymore, but sometimes they do just show up "out of the blue"...hopefully, like Byrdie said, its just a random incident. Have you been eating a lot of extra sugar? I know I used to get horrid hot flashes if I drank those sugar-laden wine coolers. With the alcohol and the sugar, it was like a double whammy, so I know the sugar can do it to you too.

Well, I am home and have my pot of soup on the stove and am sipping Crystal light lemonade, but it ain't been as easy as it sounds, unfortunately :upset: I have had a day full of wicked triggers- to name a few: a terrible headache (withdrawal?); workmates who are inconsiderate of your time; my dtr's future mother-in-law sticking her nose where it doesn't belong (about the wedding planning) and believe me, I am about as hands off on this event as you can be, but it still sort of irritates me that she is trying to run it all; beginning to shop for a "mother of the bride dress and stressing out about that and then having Bridezilla (my dtr.) say to me "Its just one dress, stop freakin out about it" I mean, Geez! Oh yeah and some yahoo blew the horn at me as I was walking across the street to the parking lot after work (right as he approached me! )How rude!
Rant over! Feel better! Stay strong everyone. I am glad there is no booze in my house tonight!

[Hypernova]

Newbies Nest

Byrdlady;1614530 wrote: Everyone doing so well!

Friday is just another day in the week, not a free pass to BoozeVille! Tomorrow you will wake up wonderfully refreshed and proud that you get to post one more AF day!! No drink is better than getting sober feels! Protect your quit with your life!! Hugs to all, you are doing great and we are so proud of you!! Byrdie

Great Concept, thanks

[Cherokeer]

Newbies Nest

Birdie, "My marriage and my liver" LOL that is quite priceless. I am most concerned about those friends that are closest to me. We have been through thick and thin together. Tears, heartbreaks, and joys. Not having a glass of wine will be noticed and will be questioned. I just don't have a good answer for that would with them. If they were strangers or casual acquaintances it would be easier to just blink at them and walk away.

[available]

Newbies Nest

MAE one and all, check in time for me. It is now 20 degrees cooler and life is good but i am totally exhausted from the bone sapping heat of the last week. Had all these plans of cleaning and shopping but blah atm. I am just happy my 11 year old dog made it through the hot and myself. So many homes lost in fires and 30,000 plus hectares still burning. If i ever think my life is a struggle there is always someone worse off.

Newbies keep going and be strong to al, it does us no favours at all, ever. that one drink will take you back to day 1 and we never want to be there and i certainly dont.

Star my daughter just got married in November to an Italian, like you i was "just get it over with" and she was marrying an Italian. The MIL was always suggesting things and my daughter did her own thing. It was her wedding! After the wedding i said to MIL what she thought of it and she said "it was like no italian wedding we have ever been to" and i thought, yes as my daughter organised what she wanted not what the italians expected and it was the best most enjoyable wedding. The dress, now my advice dont buy off ebay. I am lucky my mum is a sewer as boy the alterations were unbelievable but get what you can afford and you will find the one! As someone said "after the bride you are the most looked at", i freaked with that comment! Totally understand!

Byrd love your stories, you are a wealth of "been there done that" and you received the best gift of all, sobriety due to hard work and determination and now yours and Lav's gift is to return that 100 fold to us on MWO. I know it took me awhile in the early first tries to really listen to you both but now that wisdom and truth means so much to me. I felt sometimes it was like "good cop, bad cop" ha ha. I only know that when i get to your distance that i will be here for those starting out like you both. 3 years for you Bryd in 2 days, i am in awe!

Well today is day 49 for me, i think my children are sick of me telling them that. At first when i gave up drinking they thought "oh well a few days for mum not drinking is good but she wont last, she never has" and to prove to them otherwise has been the greatest gift of all. I am not out of the woods yet but I will get there.

Keep it up everyone, it is doable and if i can give up the beast anyone can. Its hard not butts about that but the end result is life and what a good one it is, everyday, every single day!

[Fat fella]

Newbies Nest

Hi all. 21 days today. Three weeks today. Sounds unbelievable whichever way I say it! Feeling strong tonight. Friday night has always been a big night for me. End of the week, pub on the way home, off license after pub, drunk by mid evening (feel embarrassed just admitting to it) but not this Friday. Not any Friday from now on.
DTD I think my fellow quads are all still here somewhere. I see Hyper is on today and hope WW and DD are still hanging in there. If you're out there give us a thumbs up team!