Newbies Nest

[HP and TJ]

Newbies Nest

Hi Nesters

Just a quick update for today. Been busy working repairing computers and delivering spider plants!! But TJ is doing fine on Day19! Another mini wobble but SHE stayed strong! Well done.

Ill be back tomorrow to look at all the new posts and send encouragement to all.

Sleep well

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Dottie Belle;1617778 wrote: MAE all,
I got a spam PM today about balcofan..had a hard time deleting it so not sure if it contains a virus too.
Off to doctors appointment. They called early this morning with a cancellation.
Congrats to NS, Eloise and Rivergal!!!!!!!!!!!

Dots, I reported it to the Forum Moderators. Mine was addressed to 4 or 5 names starting with B, so apparently, they were going down the list of members. B

[K9Lover]

Newbies Nest

Dottie - I got the same Spam IM. Annoying!

I've been that woman with the one tomato too...but usually I was buying candybars for my daughter, and I just happened to buy them at the liquor store. I also used to buy chips and salsa to go along with my 12 (or 18) pack so it would look like I was having a few friends over. Not drinking is just so much easier! (Not to mention cheaper)

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

NoSugar;1617822 wrote: Thank you for the fine looking underwear and for starting that Congratulations thread for me, Byrdie :l! And thanks to all of you in the nest who were looking forward to this day with me and offered such kind support: I'mStrong, LB, Lav, DB, Bastet, friends on the LOAM thread, and all the people on Roll Call who are working together to get this done one day at a time. Those days really do add up more quickly than you'd expect.

Last night while I was escaping the frigid temperatures we are having here by going to the dry sauna at the gym, I thought about the last time I tried to escape the stresses of life by drinking - one year before. I remember that night, but not very well, and in a way it doesn't feel like that was me. Or that that was me in the years leading up to that night. I had become someone I could barely recognize - sneaky, asocial, full of lies, guilt, and shame, apathetic, disengaged, sad, and lonely.

The changes over the last year have been greater than I would have thought possible. I think that is because before I got it back, I didn't fully understand how much I had lost - how much my personality had been altered and I had become that unrecognizable person. I didn't realize then that my life had in many ways become no more than an existence. While we're in the clutch of an addiction, it seems impossible for us to objectively evaluate the situation we're in. The drive to feed the addiction trumps everything.

I very rarely consumed alcohol until my mid-thirties and became a non-drinker in my mid-fifties. What happened during those intervening 20 years was so gradual as to be imperceptible for a very long time. For many years it did not seem that I or my life had changed very much. We just don't notice progressive incremental changes. When I finally became aware that I had a problem, it was too late to simply stop drinking, or so it seemed.

I say "or so it seemed" because really, that is all a person has to do: Simply Stop Drinking.

January 23, 2013 was pretty much like all the days before had been for what seems like years. I was doing my job, meeting my responsibilities --- functioning. We sometimes use that term like it is a good thing: 'a high-functioning alcoholic'. Machines function. People are supposed to live.

And now I'm living again - doing, planning, feeling, dreaming, remembering. Life isn't perfect and sometimes it is downright painful but I'm once again fully participating in it. I could not have done this alone and I know this is true because I tried. Hard. I was a secret drinker and I've been a quiet recover-er, except here where I've revealed more of myself and learned more about the inner lives of others than I ever have before. It has been uncomfortable sometimes but more than worth the shame, embarrassment, and awkwardness I've experienced -- all of which I've spent my life avoiding. Those burdens were lessened by the sharing, the unconditional love, support, and acceptance offered, and finally not feeling so alone.

I am grateful to whoever truly invented the internet :H and to the people who established and maintain MWO. I fear that I would have had to experience a "rock bottom" before I would have sought help in person. MWO spared me that. I especially want to thank FallenAngel, Byrdie, and Kuya for assuming I could do this when I was full of doubt and helping me figure out how. Thank you, also, to the people who began this with or after me and have trusted me to share their struggles. You help me stay strong. The words that I write in posts and private messages solidify the commitment I have made. I once again trust myself to mean what I say and to live up to those words. That is worth everything.

I went to the grocery store yesterday and as I checked out, noticed that the woman behind me was buying a tomato, deodorant, paper towels, and two bottles of wine. My head snapped up to look at her and I recognized the empty eyes and expressionless face - her studied lack of interest in her purchases. I doubt that she really needed to come out into the zero degree day for deodorant, paper towels, and one tomato. I wish there had been some way for me to tell her that she didn't need the wine, either. Even if I had, she probably would not have believed me. I wouldn't have if someone had been so brash as to confront me.

I hope someone reading this, someone who has joined or is reading a stop-drinking website can believe it and makes the simple choice not to drink. There is always another option. It isn't easy, but if you make the commitment and use everything that is available here, it is possible.

All the best to all of you. Thank you, :h NS

This is an amazing post!!! I'd like to see it in the Tool Box! You just can't make stuff like this up! It's priceless reading when you are lonely and desperate. GREAT JOB, Miss NoSugar!! Thank you for taking the time to write that!! Your fan, Byrdie

[Dottie Belle]

Newbies Nest

Women and drinking on 20/20 tonight...Elizabeth Vargas and her story...saw a clip and it was interesting....

[Marylou123]

Newbies Nest

NS -- You are my angel today. Tough day and just catching up on today's posts. Your inspiration was perfect. Thank you for the wonderful post.

Once they put wine in a box, I stopped buying tomatoes entirely. . So glad I've stop buying boxes too, at least today. The love and support here is incredible and has so helped me stay on track.

Like previous posts, I've denied my drinking problem w/doctors too. I'm taking back that bs by actually going to the doctor's next week, with a copy of the plan in hand and asking him about Topiramate (and getting an Rx if that's the right course.). I'm not looking forward to it, but I can actually FEEL the fear and I WILL deal with it AF!

Have a wonderful evening friends.

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

I was about to report that spammer myself Byrdie - annoying

Marylou, I really hope you get the help you want from your doc. Most of them are so uniformed about this & will just tell you to go to AA. Why don't you think about printing out some info to take along with you. Sometimes it helps get your point across to them

NS, I hope you are having a fabulous day!!!!

Going to wish everyone a safe & cozy night in the nest!

Lav

[TheSunFlower]

Newbies Nest

NoSugar....congrats on one year! I can so relate to everything you wrote. I like the part on the "high functioning". Seems like some wear it as a badge of honor. All it means is that you did not get arrested, lose your job....you are really good at covering things up and lying.

I always love your posts. Welcome to one full year in the land of the living.

Hugs-SF

[broken halo]

Newbies Nest

NS, that was a fantastic post from a fantastic person! We are blessed to have you here. :l

[gracieb]

Newbies Nest

Hi everyone. Just checking in. My eyes are all tired and I haven't read back but I hope everyone is doing well. Day 11 for me tucked safely away. Now it's time for sleep!

[Pavati]

Newbies Nest

NS - a wonderful post! It sounds so familiar. For me it was a bottle of vodka and some chips and salsa (I was having a party, too, K9)!

OK - I'm tired. My son was in the school play tonight. Great to go sober and with no wondering when I could get home to get to drinking. Just pure enjoyment at seeing him do something he loves.

Sleep well, nest. Happy weekend!

[little beagle]

Newbies Nest

That really was a wonderful post Nosugar. The part about life and participating in it even though it is uncomfortable is so poignant. That really struck home with me.
Sleet and snow down south today. I have never seen it white here before. May never again. Doggies don't know what to do with their feet. Funny.
We are getting our wagon tricked out with it's float equipment tonight. Next sorting all the beads and buying the stuffed toys for throws. And making the little doggie treat bags. Lots of fun. This parade is the one where the dog spectators get throws. :H
Have a good one all.

[STEADFAST]

Newbies Nest

Congratulations, NoSugar, on your major milestone! :goodjob:

And thankyou for your eloquent post; as Byrdie said you cant make that stuff up, it came from the heart. So much of your post resonates with me.

Thanks again for sharing your journey.
love,
Steady

[Darkest Diamond]

Newbies Nest

Greetings all,
And another huge well done No Sugar, fantastic achievement and lovely post.
Hi, especially to the quads! Last night I drank, but far less than normal, suffered some nasty withdrawals in the night, (today and tonight will be alcohol free) the next few days might be a bit tough but it will be so worth it in the end!
DD xxx

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

Good morning Nesters,

Everything is still frozen here in Lav-land!!!! Awaiting the arrival of a few more inches of snow as well, ho hum.

DD, stick to your AF plan - a few days of discomfort is nothing in exchange for a lifetime free of AL

Wishing everyone a great AF, warm & cozy Saturday!

Lav