Newbies Nest

[Marylou123]

Newbies Nest

Ps: I did try AA. It wasn't the right approach for me personally but many member find benefits from the AA approach.

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Good Morning, Nesters!

Great to see everyone making plans for an AF life! It IS hard to get your head around the thought of NEVER drinking again, but that's the reason for my signature line...all I have to do is get thru THIS day AF, and I know I can do that. In fact, after all this time, I know I CAN go a lifetime without it now. That was a really SCARY thought in the early months, tho. It is scary because my addicted brain kept telling me so. Now, my healthy brain (and the brain that wants to survive) is telling me to go for it! I try not to compare myself to other people who CAN drink normally, that is NOT apples to apples. I must compare myself to other people who have life threatening diseases...like the peanut allergy people or the bee sting folks. To them, ONE is life threatening...and so it is with me and AL. No, one DRINK is not going to kill me, but it feeds the addiction and thus the downward spiral into the bowels of hell. No thanks! Been there, done that. Like Cherokeer said, there is NO AL that feels better than being sober does!

Change your thinking out of the deprivation mode and turn it around and look at the benefits of getting away from this dragon will give you! Freedom from addiction! It's priceless! Leave the pity party...trust me, there is no future for you there! Pull yourself up and look forward only! Have a great day, everyone!

[Dottie Belle]

Newbies Nest

MAE all,
Had a great time at dance class last night. Learned the Tango...dh stepped on my poor big toe a few times and we laughed and had a really good time..so much better than sitting at home drinking and watching TV...I am really enjoying this...stepping out and having a life..what a concept!!!

[NomoreJim]

Newbies Nest

Byrd after reading your post I wanted to comment on the part about addicted people being like people with food allergies. One of my favorite meals in the whole world is shrimp scampi just couldn't get enough. I found out the hard way that I am allergic to shrimp. One night one of those delicious meals of scampi had me wondering if I needed to go to the emergency room. I didn't put 2 and 2 together until the next time I ate scampi and had the same reaction (only slightly worse). I haven't eaten shrimp scampi for almost 20 years. When I decided that I could no longer drink (42 days ago) I remebered the scampi incidents and have used that same train of thought to stay away from al. I Know that I am going to have a horrible reaction even if I have just a sip so I stay away from it. Once again you've Hit the nail squarely on the head with your wonderful advice!

[K9Lover]

Newbies Nest

Hi Everyone!

Just checking in with my Nestie peeps! Haven't had a chance to read too far back, but I see Byrdie, as always, is dead on with her posts. Listen to her folks, she really knows what she's talking about...and she doesn't just talk the talk, she walks the walk. Thanks to her and Lav I have 2 years sober, and the rest of you CAN do it too. But like she says, don't look too far into the future. Nobody knows what will happen tomorrow or next week, just decide that today you won't drink. Worry about tomorrow, tomorrow. Hang in there everyone, you can do this....and stick close!

Remember, a craving will never last as long as a hangover, and you'll never wake up in the morning wishing you'd drank the night before!

:l
K9

[NoSugar]

Newbies Nest

Hey, Rahul, It is good to see you back. I know you want this out of your life - remember how happy you were during those 40 AF days?

There are some other people who have drifted away who also truly want to be AF but as we all know, it is so hard to get started. This is something I posted in a thread awhile ago when I was really hoping that some people I cared about would come back and try again.

I'm feeling that way about you and some other people now - people who can do it as soon as they want it enough - want it more than just about anything else and are willing to do whatever it takes. I hope this gives you something to think about and maybe some lurkers will decide to join and maybe some good friends will return.

xx, NS

NoSugar;1583496 wrote: A perfect day to have as day 1 is what I think a lot of us were or are waiting for. I know I was: the first day of a new year, the first day of a new month, or at least, the first day of a new week. And, best if it was not the same week as a holiday or family birthday, or a big challenge at work, or stressful visitors, or? I?m sure you get my point. There is always a seemingly rational and justifiable reason not to begin.

When I found MWO in the middle of last January, I lurked for awhile and started to get interested in this approach but it occurred to me that since my day 1 couldn?t be 1/1/2013, maybe next year... Some active posters had that date in their signatures and I thought they were so lucky to have started ? too bad for me, I had missed my chance. Well, maybe on February 1 I could start, but?well, I just can?t imagine how I would make it through the dark, cold days without some sort of refuge? Spring ? yes, that will be a time of New Beginnings. That would be a perfect time to start.

Now what kind of thinking is that? That is the messed up mind of someone who is looking for any possible excuse not to quit drinking.

If you?re lurking or have joined but not yet decided on the perfect day 1 or need to start again, don?t over-think this ? there is no perfect day to begin and there never will be. Today might be as good as your drinking life is ever going to be.

Just begin now. If you haven?t had a drink today, today is day 1; if you have, dump the rest, and tomorrow is. These days will be no better and no worse than any fantasized perfect day 1. It is never going to be convenient.

My day 1 was a Thursday towards the end of a month. The preceding Wednesday had been much like any other day ? no better and no worse. There was no rock bottom or ?near miss? ? I just decided to jump in. My plan was simple: Don?t drink. Otherwise, I had no idea what I was doing but had blind faith in myself and what I thought MWO offered.

STOP LURKING, STOP PLANNING THE PERFECT DAY TO STOP, JUST JUMP IN!

Find a couple people ahead of you that you trust and can relate to and do what they do. Ask them questions on the boards or by PMs. Anyone who is actively posting here is interested in helping anyone who wants it. Find a buddy or two who are quitting at the same time. Encourage one another and be willing to take and receive constructive criticism. After awhile, find some people who are a bit behind you and try to help bring them along ? you?ll also be helping yourself.

Start now ? don?t wait for 1/1/2014! By then you?ll be heading for 2 months AF ? you?ll be one of the people welcoming and helping those who decide that the first of the year is the perfect day to start their AF lives. And all the best to them! But you?re reading this NOW ? there is no reason to wait to jump in and get this done. Don't think about it - just do it.

You will always be able to convince yourself that ?now isn?t the time? so you have to take the leap of faith and let what is offered here make it turn out to have been your perfect day 1.

:h NS

[NoSugar]

Newbies Nest

Jane,

You sound like your realizing how complex this problem is and dealing with it so well! There is the "stop drinking" part and that part can be done whenever you choose. You just do it. It doesn't take very long for the physical reactions to lessen. Then there's the whole other mental/psychological/emotional aspect of stopping and that is where the real work comes in, as you talked about -- learning to manage life.

One thing you wrote really struck me:

Between then and now, little by little I've been cleaning house- sorting through my life just like an overstuffed closet (throw away, keep, box it and deal with it later).

I feel like I've been doing that house cleaning over the last year and now, finally, I'm starting to take down some of those boxes I put away for dealing with later. I think this is important because we need to understand ourselves and try to figure out why we took this wayward path.

But - I don't think it has to be done the very moment you stop drinking. I tried to do that for my first few months on MWO and was churning around in the guilt and regret and why oh why did it happen angst. It wasn't until after I decided to wait and deal with all of that "later" that I was able to relax, notice what was so good about the AF life I was living, develop that essential 'attitude of gratitude' , begin to feel secure in the choice I'd made, and really heal.

I still want to do the work to figure out why I did the things I did and what needs to change to avoid going down that or a similar path again but now I can look at everything more clearly and calmly and I'm not crushed by guilt and regret (feelings that totally interfere with any self-evaluation!). It still is a painful process and I don't have much figured out yet, but I am glad I didn't continue to try to do everything all at once. I feel strong enough to do it now.

Well, that turned into a ramble! I guess my point is, giving yourself the best chance possible to succeed may mean waiting awhile to do all the soul-searching (or losing weight, or getting in shape, or repairing a relationship, or finding a new career, or whatever thing you think you "have" to do but that maybe could wait until you're ready).

xx, NS

[roxane]

Newbies Nest

No sugar, i wish there was a 'thanks' button.

[sweetpea29]

Newbies Nest

roxane;1625694 wrote: No sugar, i wish there was a 'thanks' button.

Same here Roxy

[mr.furlong]

Newbies Nest

Hey everybody. Thank you so much for the warm welcome. I'm on day 2, and when it turned noon, I had that feeling. Instead of boozing, I had a nice lunch and a cup of tea. It helped a lot. Coming on here, reading other posts, and seeing the support everyone gives helped more. Today is not so bad. Thanks again.

[K9Lover]

Newbies Nest

Great post Jane! :l

p.s. That's my girl in my avatar...we do look like twins, but I'm not quite that young-looking. LOL :H

[TJAF]

Newbies Nest

K9Lover;1625727 wrote: Great post Jane! :l

p.s. That's my girl in my avatar...we do look like twins, but I'm not quite that young-looking. LOL :H

K9 Ya had me fooled, same pose as all of your selfies... She could be your twin!. I'd do a selfie but I come from the land of big headed people. there wouldnt be room to type.

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Hey Mr Furlong! So glad ypu are getting along ok on day 2. If you ask me, theres just no day harder than day 1. Stick with us, kiddo! Here's the butt velcro!!! Well done! Byrdie

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

Checking in before I freeze to death - geez!!! Whata winter we have had - so far

K9, I was wondering where you were & then you suddenly pop up 20 years younger :H :H
Great pic btw!

Rahul, welcome back. There is no easy way to do this, you have to decide then just get the job done. We are all here behind you 100%.

mr. furlong, great job getting through day 2 - nice!

Wishing everyone a safe & cozy night in the nest. We've been told to expect a foot of snow tomorrow night, no kidding
Be well everyone!

Lav

[Rahulthesweet]

Newbies Nest

Hello Nesters,

Thanks for wonder replies its been quite inpiring indeed. Its morning and I came to a park walling and reading MWO and just poring my heart out. My liver id aches from last nights sesion, its been like that since several morning now. By evening its looks like its ready for abuse or maybe my mind says to shutup.

Then I wonder how much technology has changed in last 15 years. I could not imgine acessing and chatting with all you folks from around the world from a simple smartphne in middle of park. How much things all around has changed. And how much I have changed. Although in mid 30s I feel lathargic, stopped playjng badminton, getting stressed at work as well. And then have gained weight, this double chin. While trchnology has improved I certainly have not. What time I should spend with family and freinds am spending with AL.

This patrern needs to be broken. And I wonder how long will I suceed another attempt be sober. Thats not I was 15 years back. Life was in control, I had too much time, too many dreams, life was full. I was smart healthy, thin. People used to actually like me and not like today when even my wife dont feel like seeing me.

Then I wonder how will my kids remember me when they grow up ? Will they remember me as Dad or as someone who was not there ...

I read somewhere that AL causes nothing but divastation. Well I am not there yet but it looks like on this chilly morning that certainly I am heading there.

I also read its a better approach to convince yourself why AL aint good for you rather than using willpower approach. This morning all this seems confusing but one thing I need to change is my life. This life with Al is not worth it. What am I giving up family, friends, work, health, peace of mind and what I am getting ... few minutes of high and next 8 hours of troubled sleep.

As I introspect why I drink is it that am too satisfied ? I did well so deserve a drink ? Or bored so need one. Today it dies not matter as I drink for all these and many more reasons.

I have been also watching this TV series called Elementary. Its a modern day sherlock homes, living in NYC with a twist ! He is a recovering addict, watson is a female sponsor. The ironybis I am watching this brilliant series while drinking alone. As the series progressed its shown how sherlock is committed to the rehab doing good in career and also becoming a sponsor himself. The producers certainly have bround a recovering.addict a main character around which the wholse series revolve around.

Why am I sharing all this ? To be honest I sincerly hope by doing this somehow I will not go to beer today evening. I want to make a change. I want to become healthy, I want to become free.