Newbies Nest

[Pavati]

Newbies Nest

MAE:

K9, I thought that was you, too. I swear you look that young always - glad to see you here.

Jane - amazing stuff. I agree with the closet stuff. I am starting to unpack some boxes and feeling like it may be a little too early. There are definitely some things I used to neglect regarding my relationship with my husband that are surfacing, and I don't have a drink to fall back on to push aside the feelings for now. Very raw, for sure.

Sarah - the thing that is different for me this time is the complete and total understanding that I will not drink and I do not drink. I realized that as long as I kept those possibilities for drinking open (camping? Thanksgiving wine? FFS, I even thought about my sons' weddings), then I would continue to fight myself and have to decide DAILY whether I was going to drink or not. It is so much more relaxing and so much easier to just say, I don't drink. I don't have to think about all of those events now, but for now, I don't drink, and I won't drink today. One day at a time. If there was a possibility of drinking in the future I know I would start talking to myself - well, Thanksgiving is a special occasion, so I guess my birthday is, too. And Halloween. Mardi Gras? Festivus? Thursday? I would constantly be making rules and regulations about what a special occasion was, etc. Honestly, so much easier to just say no.

One of my most often used quotes (thanks to 3J for these words) - If only one, why not none? Sure, I like the taste of wine, but not enough to risk all the other s#!t that goes with alcohol.

OK - good night for me (as some of you are waking up). Sleep tight, stay sober!

[Sarah42]

Newbies Nest

NS, Byrdie and everyone else...very good stuff tonight!!! I too wish there was a thanks button. You guys and gals are giving me much hope that I can do this. THANKS!

[maji]

Newbies Nest

K9 I also thought that was you and I was thinking my goodness I can't wait to look as bright eyed and fresh given enough AL free time! What a beautiful daughter you have and you most certainly do look alike.

Rahul, my experience is that children are much more resilient than we think, no doubt they love you and want you to be happy and healthy. I recognise the rationalising, truly, drinking alcohol makes no sense whatsoever, and I am sure the overall 'problem' within the human population is much greater than we know.

For me this only works (and I did 8 months a few years ago then thought I would be ok !) when something clicks in my head, as others have said really wanting this. For myself not doing it for someone else but for me. Having self-esteem, unconditional love, forgiveness and compassion for oneself first is essential for me in succeeding in this. After all drinking is quite the opposite as in self-sabotage, punishment, slow suicide, mental torture, and downward spiral into guilt, shame and more punishment.

I decided that if I really wanted to kill myself then just get it over with instead of this slow death by alcohol. I realised that was not what I wanted, death, so here I am, I choose life.

Maji

[Stupot]

Newbies Nest

Back again. Yesterday was really bad. A new low for me. I just don't know how to get better. I hated AA meetings. I can have the odd day AF but they are really rare and usually only borne out of shame and a hangover. I have people who love me and who are worried so I know I would have the support. I just always end up doing that thing of kidding myself that it "wasn't that bad", and then before I know it, another disaster happens. I don't want anyone to know just how bad I am, I am so ashamed. I am so sick and tired of this illness. At the risk of sounding like a child - it just isn't fair.

[Sarah42]

Newbies Nest

Thought I would wait to post my results of today once I had my last drink of the evening. Another decent day for me IMO. It's right at 4 a.m. my time, and I had 6 light beers and 2 1/2 small glasses of wine. I started at 5:00 p.m. So, 11 hours and only 8 1/2 drinks. For me that is good. Normally I would drink that by 2 a.m. and stay up til 5 -6 a.m drinking more.

In between my drinking time, I ate a good meal and even treated myself to a pudding cup to make myself more full. I normally hardly eat. I just took a sleeping pill and made me a hot raspberry, no caffeine, hot herbal tea and it's yummy!!! This should help lull me to sleep nicely.

Most might think "8 drinks in one night is good?" I would say 'over 11 hours and for ME..yes!" I hardly feel a buzz at all. Makes me think I even wasted money on what I drank cause I didn't even get any effects from it. The even BETTER news is I'm very much enjoying this tea that my hubby so graciously went out and bought for me today. And, he said he is going to pick me up some nice fruity yogurt this week when he goes shopping (per my request) so I have extra snacks or desserts on hand to help keep that 'full' feeling in between meals.

It's small baby steps for me, but I am feeling encouraged I can do this. I will be going to bed in about 15 minutes and it will be the earliest i've went to bed in over 30 days. Baby steps, but steps nonetheless. Good night my fellow warriors...will try to update tomr. Good night and Good Luck!

Sarah

[roxane]

Newbies Nest

stupot, maybe stop lurking and start posting? even if no one responds (you know it can happen, missed, dont know what to reply) it makes your thoughts more objective. it takes them out of the emotion you are feeling and you can look at them better.
cough... toolbox!

sarah,you stay up all night drinking?
do you stay up/plan to when youre not drinking?

if its your routine, then that is an ideal thing to change, as it helps to break the urges.

[DreamThinkDo]

Newbies Nest

MAE Nesters

Found our very own Nest-friendly coffee pot - nice and well-used, don't you think?


Maji, you're so right about about quitting for yourself - you simply cannot do it for somebody else. Yes, it will benefit the people you care about, but essentially the desire must come from within yourself and for yourself.

Mr F, well done on eating that craving away! I was sceptical when I read about it here, but it really does work. Some more good meals, and you'll have Byrdie losing her pants for you!

Mein, where are you? I hope you're feeling better today.

[Sarah42]

Newbies Nest

roxane- I go through stages I guess. I had myself on a fairly normal schedule before, but yes sometimes if I am highly stressed I stay up quite late. I still sleep 8 hours...just have a stranger schedule. Alot of it comes from a previous biz I owned wherein I had to conference with some programmers overseas so it required me to stay up late. The sleeping pill is kicking in now..so I better to to bed.

See you all tomr!

[Stupot]

Newbies Nest

I think you're right Roxanne, I am a long-term lurker. Another of my problems is that I cannot take criticism and I hate being wrong. So whenever someone suggests I stop drinking, it kind of makes me drink more, if that makes sense, a bit like "that'll show 'em"! When of course, it actually just reinforces the fact that I have a problem; annoys everyone; as a progressive disease, it means I just keep getting worse; and then I am so ashamed that I drink more to act like it's no big deal. I wish I could take myself off to rehab somewhere, get better then come back and be a new me and never struggle again. Oh, how I wish.

[TJAF]

Newbies Nest

Sarah
The fact that you are posting here is a good start but you are fooling yourself if you think that drinking 11 units of Al and then popping a sleeping pill is a positive. Couple that with your sleeping pattern and no amount of yogurt and raspberry tea will offset the lifestyle. Please please please work on a plan. Life without Al is so much better. What you describe sounds so exhausting.

[TJAF]

Newbies Nest

Rahul What can I say that I havent already posted. I'm glad your are back and I'm pulling for you. You just have to decide what life you want. Having followed you for a long time it is clear that you cant beat this thing alone. No shame in that but I think it is time you seek out help. Whether that is rehab or AA or a close network of friends is up to you. Good luck my friend

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

Good morning Nesters,

Preparing for another major snow storm in my portion of the nest. This is getting tiresome, to say the least! But, I am grateful to be clear-headed & as strong as I can be to handle whatever comes my way!

Rahul, stupot, Sarah & anyone else struggling - please put a plan together, make the commitment & get started. There is nothing to fear, your sober life is waiting for you. Nothing will change until you decide to make the changes yourselves. You can all do this!!

Wishing everyone a great AF Wednesday!

Lav

[poppy62]

Newbies Nest

A very wet Wednesday here guys. For those struggling I am sending you positive vibes you can do this the though of drinking maybe scary but once you get a plan and stick with it after time the thought of drinking will scare you more !!!.

Have a bit of a personal work related/ previous drink related crisis going on here for me at the minute. Fortunatley being af is enabling me to remain calm and roll with it. Unfortuately some things we do while drunk remain with us for ever ( this incident was 8 years ago and still coming back to haunt me and always will professionally !!). Only compensation I now have piece of mind that all that crap behaviour is in the past, I am a level headed sober lady these days who can get situations and life in perspective and not head for the bottle at any excuse or at the first sniff of anxiety, pain, anger, uspset, hurt or a million other emotions and situations that gave me free licence in my mad brain to justifably wreck my life, poision my body and mess my life and brain up big time !!!!. And people ask me why I dont drink !!!!! . Just such a shame that society has such a negative judgemental attutude toward al problem as I could never say any of this in my ' real life' I just smile when asked why i dont drink and say it makes me ill !!! talk about the tip of the ice burg !!!!!.

Sorry for rambling on a bit guys but much better to let of a bit of steam than grab a bottle. I will never allow al to create new rubbish in my life again !!!!.

Just got my call its all cleared up now so onward and very sober upwards !!

[Mein Sonnenschein]

Newbies Nest

Hello Nest, I'm a bit late on here today. I just saw this article and it made me feel sick. Why anyone would ever think this is a good idea is beyond me.

Why do some of our young girls want to drink themselves into oblivion? | Mail Online

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Morning, Nesters!
It is fowl outside! :chick:

So good to see everyone this dreary morning in the South!

To anyone struggling....this is tough medicine to swallow, but getting sober is a choice. If you feel that you just can't do this, think again. That thinking tied me in knots for a year. You CAN do it, you are choosing NOT to. This afternoon, when the time comes and you are making the choice 'do I, don't I?' Try NOT drinking today. No matter what. Yes, you CAN...I know you can, because I did it and others just like you are doing it. Make the choice to NOT put yourself thru the meat grinder today.

The Alkie brain is a different animal. It needs to be fed. If you feed it, it's yours.
When I was in the throws of trying to cut down and moderate (insert eye roll here), I fooled myself into thinking that at the end of an evening where I'd had only 4 or 5, that I was still coherent and sober! Newsflash, I wasn't...my tolerance was just so high that it took more to get me to where I was. I still felt unfulfilled and thought I deserved a pat on the back for cutting down. However, normal people don't drink half of the day nor do they drink every day and they don't drink 4 or 5 units. This is the ALKIE loophole we can get stuck in. For an ALKIE, ONE DRINK IS TOO MANY. Our goal is zero. So try and set your goals to that and not compare yourself to your worst behaviors because ANYTHING is better than that. Don't get caught up in the ALKIE thinking that you are controlling AL. It's a dead end, I can tell you that. Zero. That is the goal. Sorry to be a wet blanket, but this can cost you precious time and health...and relationships....and self esteem....and the list goes on. Cut AL loose, you will never be sorry! Let it go. Take a leap of faith from others that have gone in front of you. There is nothing to fear! Byrdie