Newbies Nest

[K9Lover]

Newbies Nest

Way to go Jane! I am "considering" going to the gym tonight. May give myself one night to be a bum. Had to work until 10:30pm last night, yes with a hangover and feeling crappy mentally. But I pulled through and tonight I may just be a couch potato!!

New Dreams - If you are fighting the AL brain, please read back and see what I went through on Monday night. After 2+ years, the Beast got me. Thankfully I caught it quickly, reached out for help, and got right back on the wagon...but it's soooo much easier not to have to go through all of that!!! I had NO FUN drinking and only felt like sh*t all day yesterday. Don't do that to yourself, nothing is worth the anguish. There is no BUZZ worth losing yourself over....please believe me.

[Bastet]

Newbies Nest

Hi Newbie Nesters - I hope your AF hump day is going well!
New Dreams I am so glad that you and your husband are both abstaining. Even though he is not a joiner I bet some of the tools you learn here rub off on him.
K9 glad to see you up and around!
Dottie did you and your husband take a lot of trips in your RV? We considered it at one point but figured we would end up killing each other before we got to the Grand Canyon.
Stupot how old is your little girl? She will always need a strong role model in her life, one that lives life positively and purposely. She will also need to see you enjoying life so that she knows life is to be enjoyed and not taken for granted.
Jane I am sorry you are so unhappy. I have definitely had times in my life when nothing makes me happy. I don't have much to tell you but at the time I was told to fake it till you make it and that seemed asinine. But I think in the end a lot of life comes down to expectations and attitude. I told myself I would get out of life what I put into it and what I expected of it and if that is negative that's what I will get. I hope you feel better soon.
Petrel congratulations on double digits!!
Mein I haven't seen your postings in awhile I hope everything is alright with your MIL!
Frances one of my greatest pleasures is crossing things off of my to do list so they don't get transferred to the next day. Of course I tend to write pretty mundane things - take a shower, clean the litter box, mail bills ect.
Brydlady it seems like you have saved the day again! Just add to your long list of accomplishments.
I have a long day today,10 hours, but I am off tonight yay! I think my husband will be sking this weekend which means I am alone. This is both good and bad. No one to keep me accountable but I get to put on pjs at 7 and watch netflicks in bed!

[New Dreams]

Newbies Nest

K-9 I have been following your journey over all the post the last several days....
as I said I am resolved....I know when it's my AL brain as you call it ...I call it my booze brain...it's harder in the evening....we need to find thing to do...!

Thanks!

[available]

Newbies Nest

MAE all

I had a downer night, trying to figure out what was the whole damn point of giving up al. You made me think K9 and that is never a good thing for me. I was talking to my daughter about you and i said to her "what is the farking point" and she replied with "because we love you mum, that is the point". That totally got me back to where i was and i can only just imagine what you are going through with your daughter as like me with my children they are our life. Believe me K9 i was not going to drink at all but just the thinking that this is soooo forever. I wanted to take some of your pain and make it all better, but thats not to be. I do know from your fark up that i will be on here till i am 100 so you all get to put up with me till then and I now completely understand why Byrd and Lav account for themselves daily on NN. I am sending you big hugs again today and giving al up is a journey that has its ups and downs and i am so glad you are on the up again K9. You did not fail as for 2 years you gave up al and that is something to be so totally proud of.

Waffling again but i had to get it out and now i had better get my lazy arse up and get ready to face the day.

Love to everyone and Sam yes being 50 and sober is going to be so farking great!

[Dottie Belle]

Newbies Nest

Bastet we didn't use it as much as we thought...I didn't enjoy it much at all. Mu idea of a vacation does not include hooking up the sewer line or cooking....or taking a shower in the campground communal shower...and his driving was a bit iffy at times..so it was not a total waste of money but so glad we didn't buy it new....so I wont really miss it at all....and we pay insurance all year round and there is maintenance on the vehicle....can save some money as I see it..

[K9Lover]

Newbies Nest

Ava - I can SO relate to that conversation you had with your daughter! Sometimes WE don't even care about ourselves, but we can't forget that our children do! What would they do without us? How unfair would it be to remove ourselves from their lives? Just remember the blasted hangover feeling...and the brick of anxiety that settles itself on your chest at 3:00am....can any buzz be worth that? I feel bad that I let my daughter see me like that again, but honestly, I feel worse that I let MYSELF down. I hope the Newbies will believe me when I say that self-esteem and confidence WILL come back in time. And there is nothing, or no-one that is worth giving that up for again. I had a glimpse back into my self-loathing days, and it's not where I ever want to go again.

[Rahulthesweet]

Newbies Nest

Hello Nesters another day AF free ... Not much Al thoughts .. Day 11 Or 12 (depend upon time zone) complete

K9 we can now all hold your hand and you can take us along with you ... Towards long term sobriety ...

jane what a beautiful post for K9 and you have so Mich wisdom dont feel sad, Byrdlady is right when she suggested about doing something to help others, even small things. Its a powerful re enforcement that how lucky you are and how attitude decided how we see reality especially present moment which we tag as wonderful or terrible.

I goes Al is also a poison for our spirit and attitude, it pollutes how we see life. If gives a false notion about escape from troubles. but reality is we create troubles ourselves, in our own mind !

I remember how confident I was about life and my attitude towards life about 10 years but today I am not the same person I am weak, I have allowed AL to consume me ..

Life is great !! And we all are lucky to be at MWO to find its true meaning ..

[drangonfly]

Newbies Nest

Messed up last pm a bit. Back at it today. Truly hate day ones. Keeping my feet moving forward today though. Grateful for another day/chance, but wise enough to know someday that may not be the case. Trying to not be too hard on myself, but need to keep that fact in mind next time that nasty AV whispers in my ear. :bang

[narilly]

Newbies Nest

Way to go Rahul. You are on the right track for sure. You can beat this thing.

Dragon, just keep going. tomorrow is day 2 right? Keep posting, we are all in this together!

K9, Girl, it just goes to show how difficult this road is. That is why we are all on here everyday posting and keeping it fresh in our minds. You are only human and slips are part of this addiction. Glad that it was only one night. I love reading your posts, you have some great insights.
Ava, the talk you had with your daughter was amazing and I can so relate to that. I know K9 can relate to that too. In all your posts both Ava and K9, you talk a lot about your daughters. I have a beautiful daughter myself and I want her to be proud of me. I don't want her to think her mom's a drunk!
I want her to say, "ya, my mom doesn't drink and I am proud of her"

Love all your posts.

[Bastet]

Newbies Nest

Dottie, I'm not so sure I would use a camper either.in fact I told dh awhile ago I was done with tent camping. I like to go on hikes but I like to come back to a hotel room and a dinner someone else cooked.

[K9Lover]

Newbies Nest

Narilly - The BEST feeling in the world is to be able to have a conversation with your daughter at 9:30 or 10:00pm and not act like an idiot because you are drunk. I love it when I know, and SHE knows that I'm sober, without either one of us even mentioning it. Nothing beats sober being "normal". I honestly don't know how I functioned drinking every single night! Makes me pooped out just thinking about it.

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

OK K9 - no more pooping out on us :H :H
WE need you here in full functioning capacity
I'm very happy for you!

Narilly, how are you doing? Good to see you too

Granny Lav is tired after a long but decent day so I'll just wish everyone a safe & cozy night in the nest! Buckle up everyone!!!

Lav

[little beagle]

Newbies Nest

Rahul that you are posting such posative things again is wonderful. I love the "rewiring my brain" that is honestly what I have tried to accomplish. I really want you to make it out of this alcohol trap this time.
Jane I just feel my heart hurting for you. I wish you could join our little meetings. :l
Thank you K-9. You have helped me in ways you will not know. Your honesty and experience shows us the truth of how easy it is to fall and how getting back up hurts but must be done or we are lost once again in the nightmare alcohell.
bad internet so good MAE everyone.

[Pavati]

Newbies Nest

Hi, All:

K9 - I hear you about not wanting to be strong all of the time - it gets exhausting, and I'm only three months in. Blah blah blah, sober, sober, sober, blah, blah, blah.

That's where Lav's attitude of gratitude comes in for me. As you said, being a drunk is MORE exhausting than not, more difficult, feels terrible, prevents good things from happening, etc.

Three days ago I stopped taking blood pressure medicine that I have been on for SEVEN years. I never believed that alcohol was causing it - my mom, aunts, grandparents all have high blood pressure so I assumed it was inherited. They're all pretty good drinkers, too. Now I wonder what other inevitable age-related ailments will be helped by my not drinking - arthritis? Heart palpitations? Those are all over my family of drinkers. So today I am grateful that I am going to be around longer and in better shape for my kids and grandkids because I have stopped drinking. That makes me feel strong and in control.

When long-term sober people drink it throws me for a giant loop - I have read the statistics on relapse that we all have, and I think what the hell?! If it is going to happen to me anyway, why not now? As Ava says, what's the farking point? So I HAVE to believe that it won't happen to me. Like Dreamy says, I have to stay vigilant, keep talking and thinking about staying sober even when I'm tired of it, work the system. Of course even that isn't fool proof, and I pass NO judgement on anyone - how could I?

For those of you who are sad, compulsive or otherwise feel funky, I have to recommend meditation and mindfulness as a way of finding peace with yourselves.

My son is studying Buddhism right now and the idea that suffering (anxiety, unsatisfactoriness) is inevitable. We can seek to understand the cause of the suffering and can seek to end the suffering by understanding the cause. (sorry if I butchered that) That is the same as the serenity prayer to me - the BIG a ha moment for me so far in getting sober was understanding the second part of the prayer - grant me the courage to change the things I can. That is POWERFUL. I can change things - I don't have to wallow. I can get out of bed and get exercise. I can meditate. I can eat an apple instead of a candy bar. I can follow advice here and do my best to stay sober by working hard at it.

Now I guess I'm waffling. Sorry, Nest, I usually reserve these long posts for other threads.

Jane - your post to K9 was spot on. I'm with Byrdie, all of the responses have been spot on.

TJAF - LOVE Yeats (not like I read a lot of poetry, but I love him when I see him!) Thanks for sharing that.

Carpe Diem, Nesters. Butt velcro, triple ply, firmly applied.

[Luckyflower]

Newbies Nest

Hello dear nesters

Me again, not able to get it over with.
Drinking, again after months of no al.
I need help. Not kind words. Seriously, why did I lose myself again?
I?m so confused. I thought AL is way behind.
I thought I got this. Boy was I wrong.


Sorry for the honesty. It is what it is. Back to drinking.
:upset: