Newbies Nest

[summering]

Newbies Nest

Day 4 and feeling good ..going to the resort on Suday and Monday is giving me something other then AL to look forward this weekend .

[TJAF]

Newbies Nest

KENSHO;1637262 wrote: Easy Y'all! I don't recall mentioning that my "moderation plan" would include 30 days AL Free to begin with?. I agree with this idea. I may absolutely be naive in hoping that I can one day enjoy this stuff once in a while, and I may very likely be on the total abstaining boat. I honestly apologize if I offended anyone!

I HATE that I cannot control this and what it does to my brain. So naturally, I hope that I can someday control it. I would never speak of how wonderful that ONE drink was. Please know that I will be absolutely supportive and respectful. I can't tell you what it means to me that there are ears out there that are listening to me say things that I haven't shared with another single soul!

I have read the book, and it DOES suggest that moderation is an option. (And there are no posted rules here, so I might mention that the newbies are likely to say anything for this reason). I have ordered kudzu and begun many other supplements. It's once the hypnosis CD's arrive that I will state in earnest that I will begin my 30 days of AF, if not an attempted lifetime.

Thank you Byrdlady for your thoughts on the possibility of moderation only based on my reaction to the 30 days of AF. I struggle with the idea of total abstinence because so many of my relationships include alcohol ? including family, and I know this will be a challenge.

Ciao ? and please give me a chance.

I have read the posts and with over 220 days of sobriety behind me I think I've earned the right to weigh in as well on the topic of moderation and whether or not it is appropriate for a newbie to post about moderation on this thread. The debate on abstaining or moderating alcohol consumption as an effective treatment for alcoholism had been raging for years. It may be heresy but the moderation argument has merits. If anything it is as effective as abstinence. As long as someone is actively seeking to responsibly manage their alcoholism and moderation is successful who am I to judge. Which leads me to the next point. Our path to freedom is an individual choice that varies from one to the next. As such I can only speak to what works for me. As I have stated before, I lack a cutoff switch so moderation doesn't work for me. If I have a drink I'm only thinking about the next one. So for me moderation means only one path for me:

• I will drink to excess
• At some point I will drive drunk
• At some point I will get into a damaging argument with my family because I'm drunk and my judgment is impairedAt some point my job will be threatened...either my work output will fall off, I'll miss days because I cant get out of bed or I'll do something stupid at a company functionMy health will continue to worsenI will die a drunk and my life will be defined by bad choices and disease instead of my potential

Beating this thing is hard enough. If you look at the stats it isn't very promising and so for me why worsen the odds by metering in gasoline onto a raging fire. Abstinence is the only answer for me. We have threads on this site that deal exclusively with moderation. Perhaps that's the best place for those honest and well meaning folks to post. I think this place should be sacred ground and abstinence the only way. I know the counter argument will be that we also have an abstinence thread so what's good for the goose is good for the gander but that isn't a fair comparison. The Nest is for folks just starting out and sobriety at this point is so very fragile. Moderation for those of us that can is doable after graduation from the nest but we have to protect our sobriety at this stage even to the point of absolute dogma.

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Good Morning, Nesters!
FinallyDone, I'd be remiss if I didn't give you the most coveted award of all! For 150 days, you have earned Flying Underpants!
:flyingunders:

Here's for knowing where your bloomers have been for over 150 days! For waking up with a clear head, heart and undees. We are so happy for your success!

Daisy, GREAT to see you....let's get started, there is nothing to be gained by waiting.
AllanKay, you have taken life by storm! What a C change you have made! GREAT JOB!!!
Hypernova, I hope your hat fit over on roll call! Well done!!
:goodtime:


I see in the news that a drunk driver killed 2 and wounded 10 yesterday. He was fleeing from a sobriety checkpoint. The lives of his family and the 2 families of the victims are touched forever and tainted by an AL related incident. I imagine that driver would give absolutely anything for a do-over. We all have that opportunity. We have the chance to start over and take AL out of the equation. Don't live with AL regrets one more day. Life is too precious...it is a gift. Go out and make this the best day you can! We do not need AL to live!! It lives thru us. Kill it, you will never be sorry!

New Newbies and lurking Newbies....use this site as a real Tool! If you see someone that you relate to, follow his/her posts back and see their journey. This site has 7 years of real life experience on it. It gives you ability to see the past, present and future....all of the data is right here for the taking. MWO could be the most valuable tool you can find, so use it!! Memories fade, but posts tell the story as it happens. We are glad you're here!

Have a great day, everyone! Byrdie

[NoSugar]

Newbies Nest

KENSHO;1637446 wrote: It's morning. It so amazes me that I can feel so optimistic in the morning... No desire for a drink, no problem admitting that I spend way too much time thinking about AL, no excuses for my behavior.

And then afternoon hits, and a totally different me arrives... with excuses and the "just one more" line, and all ration flies out the window.

It is so perplexing to me that two such different mindsets can be in one day. (every day).

Hey, Kensho - I was confused by this, too. Have been for years, really. I could not understand why something I had firmly decided to do in the morning was not what I actually did later that day. Self-control has never been a problem for me until it came to this.

I had avoided learning about the biology of addiction (head in the sand approach) until I finally just jumped in here. It turns out, the rational part of your brain that has those great ideas in the morning is not the part of your brain that is calling the shots (literally ) later in the day. The pleasure-seeking, evolutionarily less evolved portion of your brain will get its way unless your much more evolved, human, rational, morning-brain has set things up so that it can't. This is why a plan is so important. Rationale you has to know what to do in all circumstances without allowing a moment of internal debate (the agonizing conversation between the rational and pleasure-seeking brains --- the latter almost always wins). There are all sorts of ideas for plans throughout the threads of MWO. Some specific ones are detailed in the Toolbox. So while your overall plan should be Not To Drink, you need to have procedures in place that will allow that to happen.

All the best, NS

[KENSHO]

Newbies Nest

Boy do I regret using the “M word”. While I am glad it made for some good discussion, I feel labeled and judged. I came here because I struggle with this sh*t every single day, and I’m tired of doing that. Whether or not I will ever be able to include AL responsibly in my life again is something I have to figure out as part of my journey, just as you have. For now, let me tell ya folks… I haven’t been AF for more than 3 days in 8 years. 30 days is going to be tough for me, and I could sure use some kindness. I have so many questions. And I feel I found a forum where others are asking the same questions, and sharing strategies that have worked for them. I would like to be part of it.

[NoSugar]

Newbies Nest

KENSHO;1637479 wrote: Boy do I regret using the “M word”. While I am glad it made for some good discussion, I feel labeled and judged. I came here because I struggle with this sh*t every single day, and I’m tired of doing that. Whether or not I will ever be able to include AL responsibly in my life again is something I have to figure out as part of my journey, just as you have. For now, let me tell ya folks… I haven’t been AF for more than 3 days in 8 years. 30 days is going to be tough for me, and I could sure use some kindness. I have so many questions. And I feel I found a forum where others are asking the same questions, and sharing strategies that have worked for them. I would like to be part of it.

I'm confused, Kensho. The 2 posts above I directed at you were intended to be welcoming and helpful. I'm sorry if I've misunderstood something or have spoken unclearly. I don't think others have criticized you, either. You've been very clear about your goals and we're here to help you get those 30 days done, if you want the support.

Take care, NS

[KENSHO]

Newbies Nest

We must have been writing at the same time! Not directed toward you NoSugar! I really appreciate your thoughts... I will look more into the biology of our brains - it is so confusing, feels like I'm being controlled instead of controlling. Thank you.

[Dottie Belle]

Newbies Nest

MAE all,
Back from yoga class and I feel good...first day at the gym tomorrow. Still too darn cold for any outside activities....drat....
If I thought I could moderate I would but I know it will spiral back down the worm hole and I am not sure I have another quit in me...but if that is what u wish then do what works for you. The moderation talk here doesn't bother me but then I have 6 months behind me so I am in a different place.
I am just happy to be AF and finally enjoying life!!

[lifechange]

Newbies Nest

Nursie, is this what you meant?

March 12, 2014
HOW CAN JOY AND PEACE BE FOUND? by Pema Chodron
Recently I was teaching from a Buddhist text called The Way of the Bodhisattva, which offers guidance to those who wish to dedicate their lives to alleviating suffering and to bringing benefit to all sentient beings. This was composed in the eighth century in India by a Buddhist master named Shantideva. In it he has an interesting point to make about peace. He says something along the lines of “If these long-lived, ancient, aggressive patterns of mine that are the wellspring only of unceasing woe, that lead to my own suffering as well as the suffering of others, if these patterns still find their lodging safe within my heart, how can joy and peace in this world ever be found?”

Shantideva is saying that as long as we justify our own hard-heartedness and our own self-righteousness, joy and peace will always elude us. We point our fingers at the wrongdoers, but we ourselves are mirror images; everyone is outraged at everyone else’s wrongness.

if you like it, it's from a website called Pema Chodron Heart Advice and they send a weeky "teaching" -- It's only the 2nd I've received, but they really speak to me, too.

[lifechange]

Newbies Nest

Dottie! Good on you with the yoga and the gym! I am also planning my first day back to the gym tomorrow.. see you there!

[lead366]

Newbies Nest

allankay;1637398 wrote: Hello All,

long time no see.

This is just a quick check in from me. Sometimes when people go away for a while it could mean that they are doing terrific or could also mean that they may have fallen off.

I am happy to report that everything is going great at the moment. Over 18 months sober and very happy. My weight is at ideal point according to BMI index, I am starting my own company and learning so many things every day, due to all the time now available to me.

There are a lot of new faces here. I would just like to say welcome and hang in there the first month is the hardest by far... But it is so so so so so worth it in the end.

Good Day everyone.

Allan Kay

Great words Allan..thanks...they mean alot to me and I look forward to month 18

[lead366]

Newbies Nest

Amazing posts today folks! Agreed...the AL voice certainly settles down after a few weeks.....and then again a huge decline after 30 days. We are all making some great headway on this discussion...it is qualitative, substantial, and very productive. I would tend to agree that the newbies nest is for those wobbling through those first very delicate days, weeks and months to find a solid footing. I appreciate everyone here. Thanks

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Is Phuket an actual place on Earth?? I thought it was a state of mind!!!:H:H:H

Ava, have you met Mick over on the AF (insert today's date here)? He is on his trip to Thailand AS WE SPEAK! He is a great friend, you should consult him about what to pack. He got the tummy bug right off the bat, so be sure to pack something for that...and don't drink the water!! Byrdie

[New Dreams]

Newbies Nest

Day 13 doing fine today...yesterday was b***h. I had a busy stressful day on the job, have a sore throat so not feeling on top of the world anyway...by 4 o'clock my booze brain was really shouting at me. Luckily hubby who is also going AF with me on this journey was very supportive & I got through it without heading to the liquor store. I've been accustomed to treating myself to a flavored blackberry brandy when I have a cold & my booze brain was really trying to talk me into my "medicine" LOL:H

[Rahulthesweet]

Newbies Nest

Hello Nesters,

My day 19 ended sober.

Good to see all active ...

Good night