Newbies Nest

[Petrelhead]

Newbies Nest

Go for it Ava. You'll learn to love it!!! I promise

Good morning Lav.

It's the end of the day here.

My bed time.

Night everyone.

[frances]

Newbies Nest

Good morning all! DTD, I think I will join you for that cup of coffee...if sure looks good

Baseball season starting so up early to take my son to his scrimmages. Feeling great! Had a family dinner yesterday and every adult but me was drinking - I had my water and was happy and noone said a word. It was perfect. At first it was a little hard seeing all the wine and beer but I prepared mentally before hand and it wasn't that hard after that first hurdle.

Glad to hear everyone is doing well and staying strong.

[DreamThinkDo]

Newbies Nest

Frances, mental preparation is key, I've found. Initially I turned invites down, especially when I knew the evening would revolve around booze, then I went to (small) things where I knew the people well, and then took it from there. Even now, I rarely accept spur of the moment invites - I need some time to get my mind in the right place. Baby steps, as you can see.

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Good Morning, All!
Marylou, great to see you!! Summering, you are doing GREAT! Petrel, living the dream!! Ava, Jane and Nursie, MWO has been funky lately, but it will straighten out, it always has. Maybe we'll get that LIKE button this time!

Frances, it's just getting over that FIRST drink situation at an event that is the rough edge! After that, it's smooth sailing. For some reason, when you initially get to a place and that first drink decision comes, you feel like Paris Hilton at a spelling bee! ALL eyes and the spotlight are on you! They aren't, but it feels like it. After you get that AF drink in your hand, you are golden! Great job!
Hope everyone has a wonderful, EASY day! Being AF is like finally going home....and there's no place like home! XO, Byrdie

[3June2013]

Newbies Nest

Hey there nesters, good to see you all! I feel out of the loop, but I've gone back a few days to see where everyone is at.

Allan Kay Mr V nice to see you pop in!

Rahul, I am thrilled to see you're almost done week three! I know boredom seems to be the theme for you when you're AF, can you come up with some new activities that will help? Include your wife perhaps? Dance lessons? Couples massage? Just throwing it out there.

Moderation vs Abstinence. Well I have to agree, when a person is new here the last thing they need to read about is someone drinking. So whether you're AF or trying to quit or trying to mod, I'd say the main thing is don't go posting about drinking here. I remember feeling pretty vulnerable in the beginning. I needed to know it was safe to read the posts here. That they would help me not send me into tailspin.

I also remember being petrified of a life without AL. If you'd have told me a year ago I'd be here today I'd have laughed. I had no intention of quitting. I came here knowing I had a "problem". I refuse(d) to call myself an alcoholic. I had a job, a house, a family, I thought that proved I wasn't an alcoholic.

Start now, day one. The first while sucks, hugely. It hurts physically, emotionally, mentally. Hurts like hell. But the days get better and sooner or later you will do whatever it takes to protect that quit. Avoid people, change your route home, sit for hours typing till your hands cramp here on MWO, read everything you can get your hands on, watch every sad video. Stay home when others are partying, go out if staying home is a trigger. You will find your way. We did. And we're here to help.

[DreamThinkDo]

Newbies Nest

Byrdlady;1638106 wrote: Paris Hilton at a spelling bee!

:H:H:H:H:H:H
Oh Byrdie, this is just one of the reasons I love you so much!

[summering]

Newbies Nest

Day 6 ...this is the day that I usually wake up hungover , go to work then do it all over again ... not today though ...this week was the beginning of a new season of my life one I'm looking forward to enjoying ,

[Dottie Belle]

Newbies Nest

MAE all,
I still avoid social situations where there is booze...fortunately for us we have lots of church events and they dont drink so we attend those.
Errands today and an event at church tonight. Pot luck with some historical videos. Food should be good and good folks too.

[New Dreams]

Newbies Nest

DreamThinkDo;1638009 wrote: Sarah - :yay: :yay: :yay:

Saturday would have been better, but stick to your plan of re-reading the Toolbox and then jump in on Sunday. I promise you, this is one thing you will never ever EVER regret doing!!!!!

Change "I'd like to hope I can at least commit to that" to "I will commit to Sunday." Short, sweet, to the point.

So where is this Toolbox??

[Pavati]

Newbies Nest

MAE, Nesters:

I had a long day at work yesterday and missed all of the action. I think what Jane did was a great reminder for us all - post here BEFORE you go to uncertain situations or BEFORE you decide to drink. The advice and support you'll get might just be the key to maintaining your sobriety. Jane - your posts read like a novel - you should consider collecting them all in one place. Your style is captivating.

Gracie! Good to see you - your posts are right on. You wrote something that really struck me, but unfortunately I can't remember it and can't remember the page. It will come back to me... (another great thing about being sober is realizing that when I don't remember something it wasn't because I was drunk).

Frances - I remember when I was just three weeks in I went to a dinner with some great friends and then to hear music. We had dinner at German restaurant known for their delicious beer (a favorite of mine). Everyone got their first beers and was toasting and passing them around for everyone to taste, and I was sipping my bubbly water, looking longingly at those frosty mugs. Then it was over - the rest of the night went on, I truly enjoyed the music sober, and by the end of the night one friend was on a silly alcohol-infused rant as I laughed and drove soberly home. I have found that those first few minutes are like - well, being Paris Hilton at a spelling be. But they end more and more quickly.

Petrel - I worked so hard this week that I barely eeked out some exercise only one of the days - I can feel it both physically and mentally. You sound great.

Marylou - Hotsy Totsy. You'll blow them away, and remember it all. How wonderful. I have realized that part of not being as unique as we think is that most everyone I know has family issues to deal with. Of course, some are worse than others. I keep telling people how many alcoholics are in my family, and I swear everyone has the same story. My one friend is the only non addict - her mother, father, brother, two sisters are all addicts (all but one in recovery). They call her "Normie."

Ava - was Southern Comfort even tempting to you? I'm sure I would have had some in a pinch, but blech. I get a hangover just thinking about it. Glad you're getting some rain. We're having beautiful, sunny weather which is nice but eerie as we are so stricken by this drought.

Sarah, I hope Saturday is the day. Toolbox, plan, read, post.

Summering - Way to go - It feels so good to make it through a productive and un-hungover weekend!

Dreamy, Byrdyie, Lav, NS, Dot - Thanks for your support here in the nest. I'm sure I missed a few this time - I'll be back.

Happy sober Saturday, All!
Pav

[DreamThinkDo]

Newbies Nest

New Dreams - hallo and welcome from another Dream! Here's the https://www.mywayout.org/community/f1...box-27556.html - fascinating reading!

[New Dreams]

Newbies Nest

Where is the toolbox?

[New Dreams]

Newbies Nest

DreamThinkDo;1638138 wrote: New Dreams - hallo and welcome from another Dream! Here's the https://www.mywayout.org/community/f1...box-27556.html - fascinating reading!

Thanks

[New Dreams]

Newbies Nest

From the toolbox

Originally Posted by A Work in Progress:

Do You "Deserve" a Drink, Today?

I can't count the number of times I have seen someone come here and write a post in which s/he says that s/he has relapsed, or "slipped," because s/he had been doing well for a while, and decided that s/he "deserved" a drink.

And our alcoholic thinking does this to us. It totally bypasses the memory of the devastation, humiliation, and destruction that alcohol has brought into our lives, and it presents alcohol as a GOOD thing, a prize, a reward, something we want to give ourselves for a job well done.

I wrote a post a few days ago, about this way of thinking, but it was kind of buried in another thread. And I saw people talking about "deserving a drink," again today. What I wrote about was about changing our way of thinking from this self-destructive "Deprivation Mode" to a winning, successful, positive "Gratitude Mode." Here it is:

I don't think we can begin to truly grow into a successful, lifetime, AF plan until we have managed to make the shift in our thinking from the "Deprivation Mode" to the "Gratitude Mode."

In Deprivation Mode, we think alcohol is a good thing that we are being deprived of. We are sad, and grieve the loss of what had felt like a friend to us. We consider it a treat that we never get to give ourselves again. We are envious of others who "get to drink."

In Gratitude Mode, we recognize that alcohol is (for us, because of our brain structure, genetics, physiology, etc.) a toxin, a poison, something that nearly destroyed us. Mentally, physically, and spiritually. We recognize that we have the most amazing opportunity to rid ourselves of something that makes us very sick in all those ways. We recognize the craziness of voluntarily damaging our brains, minds, bodies, families, jobs, futures. We are really, really grateful for that opportunity, and we guard it and cultivate it carefully.

Most of us start a recovery program in deprivation mode. Some people stay there forever. Those people tend not to be able to create a consistently successful program, or life, of freedom from alcohol and its devastation. Some of us transition into gratitude mode.

For most of us, Gratitude Mode does not just happen all by itself. We have to make it happen. If we want to shift into gratitude mode, we learn to cultivate it. We cultivate it by being careful about our thoughts, and about what we notice. If we find ourselves thinking about how wonderful it would be to have a drink, we deliberately shift attention away from this train of thought, and we deliberately choose to think about how good it is to know we will never humiliate ourselves with alcohol again, never again have another horrible hangover, never disappoint our children again with the way we are when we get drunk. We notice alcohol advertising, pay attention to how it makes us feel, and detach from the message by noticing how distorted the message is.

That kind of thing is crucial. We literally can BUILD a new way of thinking and feeling about things. And I think that's something to be grateful for, in itself!

wip



Lavande...you(&others) often speak about being in Gratitude mode...I think after reading WIP summary I understand a little better....definitely have experienced the deprivation mode...looking to making the switch

[Rahulthesweet]

Newbies Nest

New Dreams,

Great post. This the attitude I am working on. I thank myself for not drinking. I thank to all of you who made me realize the how AL can be the root cause of all issues and how we must be grateful for being sober.

It is only this attitude which is keeping me sober and also I dont fesl deprived or miserable when I see people dinking around and "enjoying".

I am a Rotarian and today there was a big party and while my friends were aurpised seeing me with a glass of coffee, I was feeling so grateful to be out of the trap. I didn't want to DRI k at all. I was feel so good and grateful that I dont "need"all to enjoy. I also see. These guys thirsty and desperate like dogs searching for another drink as there were ques to fill up glasses. Wow I am free .. I was not hunting for it.

They were suggesting let's to someone house and drink the whole night ... Yikes !! That's the LAST thing I wanted to do. 3 weeks ago it might have sounded good but it sounded solo foolish to think about it. Again I felt pity for these guys ...

"Hey wheres your beer ..."
"No thanks I had too much yesterday !" (No I didn't and why should I ... I am free !!!)
"So what we drink everyday ..."
(I pity you ....)

I am celebrating my sobriety ...am proud of myself ...!!