Newbies Nest

[Pavati]

Newbies Nest

Hi, Nest!

Jane - great question, and thanks to the oldsters for answering. I do wonder what it was about that specific day or hangover, K9, that made all the difference? Why that time over all the others?

I actually sometimes consider myself lucky in that the last four days of drinking were MUCH worse than those that came before. I had so much anxiety and fear - I thought I was going to die like Amy Winehouse! Thankfully, my husband came home, gave me Gatorade and took good care of me. So that was rock bottom for me. I didn't lose my kids or job, didn't get a DUI or fall down in public, didn't cheat - but I had caused myself to feel so physically and mentally bad that I literally thought I was going to die. My kids were home that night, and I couldn't even really face them. They thought I had the flu. The reason I say I was lucky is that that weekend took alcohol off the table for me forever. I had to admit that I no longer was in control as long as I took one sip, and I had to admit that I couldn't drink. When I told my therapist about it (after dancing around the subject for a few months) that cemented it - I might be able to lie to myself, but I wouldn't be able to lie to her or my husband.

Sometimes I get anxious when I think long term, or I get sad or mad at myself for "letting this happen to me," and then I have to use my tools - think one day at a time, post here, get and give advice, exercise, sleep, eat. I look forward to the 2 year freedom that Byrdie describes, and I will continue to keep myself open for that peace as NS suggests. (Mick, I appreciate the reminder to remain vigilant). I'm not there yet, but I have confidence that if I keep listening to the wise folks here, I'll get there. As NS told me in the beginning, fake it until you make it. Play like a sober person, take it one day at a time, and something will click.

Star - Welcome back! I hope you have read that post by Kuya (NS just found it) about loving yourself in spite of your foibles. Love yourself, forgive yourself, dust off your plan, make some significant adjustments, and apply the triple strength butt velcro. You can do this! We're here for you!

New Dreams, You, too. Glad you dumped that out, and hang on tight here - you can do this.

Bastet! Good to see you. Hope all is well!

BND - good to see you around, too. I like to hear you looking on the bright side of your sobriety. Keep it up.

All you other nesters - (sorry I can't get through all of the posts!) - stay strong. As I learned here, Saturday is just another day...

xo
Pav

[DreamThinkDo]

Newbies Nest

MAE Nesters!

Hope everybody is having a delightful AF Saturday!

[Sarah42]

Newbies Nest

Hi all, just checking in. i have lot's to read back on. I've been sick the last the few days (cold/allergies,etc). Of course, I didn't drink much the last 4 days, but I don't count those days. I mean who drinks much of anything when they are sick? Not me.

in retrospect it's probably a good time to stop drinking. I've had very little over the last 4 days.

I need sleep now, but will will look back,

sarah

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

Good morning Nesters,

Up before my chickens this morning :H
One of my dogs is an early riser, I'm so fortunate.

Sarah, I hope you feel better soon.

Pav, it is a good thing when we finally dump the BS & admit (at least to ourselves) that we are indeed out of control. That was one hard thing to do & is just one of the reasons I wake up every day & choose to be AF. Living AF is beats bondage by AL any day

Wishing everyone a great AF Saturday by choice

Lav

[frances]

Newbies Nest

Good morning everyone! Jane - that was just the question I was wondering but did not articulate - thank you for asking it and for all of the responses - they have been very helpful to me. I hope one day I will be sharing my own experience of when my thinking turned around and I accepted that I could never drink again! Day 39 here feeling very good and so glad it's the weekend after a stressful week at work.

Have a wonderful day everyone!

[Starfish1]

Newbies Nest

Good Morning, Friends :l

Thanks again for all the love, wisdom and support. You all mean so much to me and your words have helped me tremendously.

As it turned out, my dtr said she would forgive me and that was such a relief. I told her I was finished with alcohol and how sorry I am for what it has done to our relationship. I think she will still be guarded, but at least she isn't giving me the "silent treatment". We have lots of work to do to get this wedding done! I am determined never to let her see me in that shape again.

I am trying my best to forgive myself. but as you all know, that's probably the most difficult thing of all. I went to bed very early last night and, after a few hours sleep, woke up to the terrible guilt, shame and remorse. I tried to be grateful, and I am, because it truly could have turned out much worse than it did. It's just so hard to keep going when you feel like such a loser and you know other people now see you for the drunk you have become. But it is what it is and like you all say, the only way to go now is forward.

I have a really busy day today with the usual weekend chores, plus taxes and wedding planning. I really just want to stay in bed! Dreamy, I love the coffee mug! Nothing IS my favorite thing to do and sometimes, I think, if I could just DO NOTHING, I wouldn't have to drink. Doesn't work that way though, does it? And Ava, I had already decided, before I got out of bed this morning, that I would just take the day minute by minute. Thanks!

I will check in as often as I am able today, and post, if possible. I promise to post if I even get the slightest urge to take a drink...which I won't! I hate al with a passion!

Love to all and have a great day, friends!

[available]

Newbies Nest

MAE one and all

well after another damn day at the airport have finally arrived at Phuket for 10 days. I mean why cant you just ring up the airport and tell them you are coming instead of arriving bloody hours early to sit around and stare at people. I did get some great shopping in at Bangkok and will get into that again in Phuket. Tomorrow is massage day for me.

Funny thing happened at breakfast this morning. Mum was telling me what she can and cant eat now and she said she cant eat white/green grapes they upset her tummy. I replied with (not sarcastically) that she would not be able to drink white wine then. She retorted back very quickly with "had i not noticed that she had not drank in front of me" and wine was different (for some reason). I just smiled and said she could drink what she liked as it did not worry me.

We were met at the resort with drinks and i asked the staff if they had al in them straight away and mum says "of course they dont" and the the waiter "she does not drink al". Well i dont need to say a word really. So mum is having a vodka and pineapple juice and i am having a well earned cold diet coke. Its really not that hard to say no to al anymore. If you had of asked me 8 weeks ago how i would have coped, i dont know but i dont think very well. The more time that goes on being al the more distant the want/need/urge is.

Star keep up the one day at a time and one minute at a time. I too love to do nothing on weekends and i dont seem to get myself into trouble anymore. My weekends were filled with drinking and hangovers and hitting the repeat button.

Sarah nothing stopped me from drinking al, i slipped two discs in my back and was in bed for 6 weeks basically and i still managed to guzzle wine, nearly had pneumonia last year and managed to guzzle wine. It was just another day to drink.

Well everyone is sounding great and strong. Its just a weekend after all.

Lav now if i knew how to post i would. Seen a funny sign today that said "salad farm". I just imagined plants with all kinds of salad veges hanging off them.

Where are you Petrel?

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Sarah42;1645201 wrote: Hi all, just checking in. i have lot's to read back on. I've been sick the last the few days (cold/allergies,etc). Of course, I didn't drink much the last 4 days, but I don't count those days. I mean who drinks much of anything when they are sick? Not me.

in retrospect it's probably a good time to stop drinking. I've had very little over the last 4 days.

I need sleep now, but will will look back,

sarah

Hey Sarah! GREAT to see you.
:sofa:
Who drinks when sick? Um, I did. I used to load up my Thera-Flu hot drinks with vodka, it was awful, but I didn't care! I am so ashamed of some of the things I did to get my fix. Holy Moly, it is a miracle I'm still alive....all while claiming I didn't have a problem! UGG....I hope you feel better soon! Sorry to get off on that tangent, I had forgotten that I did that. I am thrilled to hear that your intake has drastically reduced! All good news from you, Missy!

Star, way to go on your update! I tell you, just getting a couple days behind you will go a long way in lifting your mood! I can't wait to moon you next week this time!

Ava, so glad you are surviving your mom!! It's so funny when I go out to eat with people my age we end up talking about what we can't eat anymore!! Bahahaha!! Hang tough with the old bird!!!

Jane, a 10 day cleanse sounds like community service, did you do something wrong?? ehehehe. Gads, girl...take it easy, does this cleanse make you feel better? You already look gorgeous! BTW, your new avatar just cracks me up!!! I love the look on that lion's face!! Grrrr! Looks like she can't be bothered!! Wow, that is something about A2...holy moly. Good luck with that one. Sounds like you have your hands full! I am just amazed at the good work you do around these boards...you should be very proud!! I will look for your book, you are destined to write all this down and help others with it!

Pav, your post was amazing. You have come such a long way! What a transformation...if I hadn't seen it for myself I wouldn't believe it! But it's a scene that plays out all the time around here....getting AL out of our lives is the BEST thing we ever did! Go you!!!

Hugs and strength to everyone today! Do whatever it takes to get thru this day sober! Happy Sattidy!! Byrdie

[Luckyflower]

Newbies Nest

DTD ? I loved your mug this morning.

Starfish- I am happy to hear that you are feeling better today and had the talk with your daughter. This period will be a great time to bond with her planning the wedding and all. I know you still feel bad but once you get a few AF days, the feeling will be much better. Just remember to be kind to yourself and fight the fight. I think that the first few days are the hardest and once you pass them it gets easier. Make sure to stay hydrated and eat if you experience cravings. You can do it. I believe in you.

Pav- I?m glad to hear that you are staying strong. I want a massage too? :upset: Thailand is the place for that. Also great attitude dealing with mom. Her wine excuse made me laugh.

Everyone have a wonderful AF Saturday.:l

[Luckyflower]

Newbies Nest

Sorry Avail, I wrote you a message but addressed it to Pav. I keep getting confused between you too partners in crime:H

[Icanwithoutacan]

Newbies Nest

Hi all starting another difficult day.... Day 112 AF though.... I am really struggling with my OCD/anxiety right now and it's making staying AF very hard .... I have the subtype of ocd that involves obsessive thoughts which drive me mad.... Like my latest one is that my husband is attracted to one of my good friends. He says he is not. He does everything in his power to show me love and support. Still the thought won't leave and I look for signs when we are with the other couple that he may be. It's exhausting. I know my husband would never hurt our marriage - it's really my own obsession about feeling "not as good as" someone else. Anyway we just spent two days on a trip w them (the friends) and they are coming for dinner tonight. The obsession has cranked up again. I don't want to end the friendship but it's frustrating as hell! Additionally they all have drinks when we are together and start laughing and such and I sit there ith my obsession looking like the uptight bitch.... I hate it and I'm mad about it. I want to drink to fit in .... I am on medication for ocd incase anyone is wondering.... I could use some support com y'all as I'm walking a fine line here

[free at last]

Newbies Nest

Hi ICan,
Saw your post and wanted to just quickly respond. You have done AMAZING. Don't blow it tonight. My biggest solution these days is to breathe through any stress. Even if you have to go to the bathroom and take a dozen deep breaths. My other prevention method is that before I take a drink, I have to say 108 times "I don't want to drink." The sheer tediousness of that action plan has kept me on the straight and narrow. You can do this. Stay with it.

[Icanwithoutacan]

Newbies Nest

Thanks free I'll try

[Luckyflower]

Newbies Nest

I Can- Just read your post. Please, please stay strong tonight and don?t drink. Fix yourself a nice colorful AF drink when the rest are drinking. I would do as Free said and if you have to excuse yourself to the bathroom and breathe. Maybe after tonight you should take a little break from meeting with this couple. It seems a bit intense being with them three days in a row if you feel your ocd is taking over and remember like you said your husband loves you it?s just your obsessive thoughts. Stay strong and sober. This too shall pass ?:h:h:h

[lifechange]

Newbies Nest

Ican!!!:l Hang in there. I wish I had some words of wisdom for you-- the only thing I know, as you as well know, drinking to fit in will only make you feel a million times worse. I would have to agree with Lucky that maybe it would be good to spend a bit less time with these friends-- and maybe tonight, you could disappear as often as possible to breathe as mentioned, to check in here. Make it your absolute goal to get through this evening without drinking. The last thing you need are those f******* GSR brothers visiting you tonight and nothing will make you feel more insecure about yourself. Stay strong, honey.:h