Newbies Nest

[available]

Newbies Nest

mae nesters

Home day for me, well in 16 hours or so. It has been a great holiday and an amazing emotional discovery. Without al i have realised what al totally did to my relationship with my mum. As lav once said to me i will miss her when she is gone and i thought that yes i would but i was still bitter but i loved her. Now i have no bitterness just love and admiration for putting up with a shit of a daughter that would grab the past by the horns and go with it and hurt her, not realising what i was doing as al had a grip. We have not spoken about my drinking, we have no need as yet, that time will come when i apologise to her. She is not perfect and she has been through so much in life and now its a different relationship we will have, a mother daughter relationship, one i have missed for a very long time. A heartfelt thanks to lav for helping me to realise that this was possible. Its funny how one word from another can stick and be so very true.

Well enough waffling, i am getting sentimental. I cant wait to be home again though. Thank you for keeping me sober on this holiday nesters. Now to be sober for my birthday, double bonus!

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

Ava, wishing you a safe trip home. I'm glad to hear your relationship with your Mum has changed & grown I still can't believe it's been 28 years since my own Mom passed away. I think of her every single day.

Rahul, the majority of us here are DUDETTES :H :H
The guys are outnumbered but that should make you happy :H
Don't forget about Mr. G - he pops in occasionally too!

Wishing everyone a safe & comfy night in the nest. For some unknown reason winter seems to have returned to my part of the nest & I am seriously not happy about that - oh well.

Lav

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

Good morning Nesters,

Where the heck is everyone?

Wishing us all a wonderful AF Thursday!!!!

Lav

[available]

Newbies Nest

i am here lav, waiting to book out of the motel and begin the journey home. i was wondering exactly the same thing but it is easter so maybe everyone is busy buying eggs which you dont have to do.

If i never see a shop again it wont be too soon for me.

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Yikes, it WAS slow over night here! Hope everyone is ok!
Ava, your story sure makes me smile! Last night I was reading around on the boards and it is absolutely amazing the strength and guiding light you have become. I'm so happy that you are getting a new perspective with your mother...a second chance to right the wrongs, that's really how I feel about getting sober. I can't go back and fix ALL of it or even MOST of it, but I can change a lot of things for the better, and I'm doing it! It feels good....it feels RIGHT. I am so happy for you. Life begins at 50!

Hope everyone has a great day today...I'm taking Friday and Monday off, I've had all the fun I can stand at work!! Hugs to all, Byrdie

[Dottie Belle]

Newbies Nest

MAE all,
Beautiful day and the sun is out..woohoo.
Going to work in the garage while waiting for the stove guy. I dont think the power boil thingy works correctly. Takes forever to boil water for my tea....
No plans for Easter. Church then back home...I looked at some brunches but they are very expensive and I dont eat most of the stuff they had to offer.
Saturday we are helping with an egg hunt for the kids at a local park...I have my bunny ears ready.
Off to get my tea...back later.

[Rahulthesweet]

Newbies Nest

Jane,

Hey I too sometimes feel lost ... Rather comfortably numb .... As if I am sitting and seeing everyone doing what ever and I am sitting. Kind of they show in movies where the actor is moving in slow motion and all stuff around is moving is full speed.

I have been working a no physical craving for alcohol. No longing for it in the evening. But then a friend and a potential customer called me hey u going to Germany next month, I am planning to go too. I told him I got an apartment and you can stay with me ... Immediately thoughts to me boozing with him .... Doing pub hopping came. I visualised myself talking hi thru various pubs and places and getting pissed drunk ! Then reality came and thought hey ... I don't drink any more what will I do ? Maybe I can order and drink loads of alcohol free beers to I've him company. Or maybe I should not drink. If I won't he won't and he will curse he for screwing up his trip. Maybe you CAN drink now it's been 2 months well.. Mlmost ny the time you go there it will be 2 months and maybe 2 weeks... BOOM !

Ok that's was a new situation for me ... Today. I left my office and straight to courts, played badminton. Played singles ... Although game almost defeated the guy but was almost ... But am proud of myself for the game. Later ate a whole pizza, top up with ice cream. Strange after the game I was not even feeling hungry ... But out of habit image ate it.... For fun ... ( warning u used to drink for fun !!... Danger danger .. Am I substituting it with junk food ?)

Jane one more thing... I remember everyone evening last month or so I used to come back home and was solo grateful for been sober... It felt soooo great .... Now it is starting to feel ok ... What's the big deal... I am sober .. So what ...

Hmm .... Brain playing clever tricks.... I need to tame the beast ... Come on boy back to cell enough to jumping for the day ...

[Pavati]

Newbies Nest

Hi, Nest:

'Tis quiet here. Hope all are ok.

Camping was great - no problems with alcohol. A minor longing when first sitting around the fire, but quickly passed. I slept like a log in the cool, crisp air. Another big af milestone out of the way. Keep 'em coming!

Remember those reading and not posting - participation in a sober community seems to be a key in staying sober. Participation means posting, too. Go ahead and write what you're thinking - it wouldn't be something one of us hadn't said or thought before (some doozies here, for sure!).

Sorry I missed your big 100 Jane. I answered your 85 questions - that will keep you busy and occupied for a while!

xo
Pav

[Pavati]

Newbies Nest

Hi:

And here's a blog NoSugar shared on another thread: The Masks of Addiction and Recovery.

One paragraph reads:

To be addicted is to be an actor--a chameleon whose changing faces camouflage the centrality of the drug relationship and its growing consequences. The masks hide a thousand broken promises to self and others. They provide a veneer of normalcy and can exude charms that obscure one's growing capacity for manipulation and exploitation. They feign laughter when tears are flowing inside, and they project rage to cover our fear.

Good reading. Thanks, NS!

[roxane]

Newbies Nest

Jane, from what I've read and you must have too is you will get settled in your mind eventually. In the meantime your brain is sorting itself out after longtime headmess.

Don't panic in other words. I pray for the day I'm in your shoes in that respect.

Rahul, you are playing an old scenario, you know what happens next.

I know the theory, forgive me for saying what I have, I don't have the experience.

[StuckinLA]

Newbies Nest

I'm no expert or anything, but last year I had just over 7 months alcohol-free and I'm coming up on 4 weeks now. I go to the same bar I got sh*tfaced in every day all the time and drink AF beers. Whenever I feel like it, I go. Sadly, that's not as often as it used to be 'cause, well, not being there for the purpose of getting drunk, it isn't as much fun as it used to be. And I don't stay nearly as long as I used to - I have an AF beer, maybe 2, and then go home. Just chirping in to say the AA logic of 'you know what happens next' or 'you only go to an apple orchard if you're looking for apples' doesn't necessarily ring true. Different things work for different people.

The first time I went AF and tried AA a couple years ago, I broke down in tears passing that bar on my way home. Now it doesn't matter either way - it's simply a non-issue - if I feel like it I go in and hang out and flirt with the hot-as-hellfire bartender. Most of the time I have more important things going on at home and don't find the time for the bar.

[Petrelhead]

Newbies Nest

MAE all! I hope everyone gets a bit of chill out time over this Easter weekend.

Rahul, I'm so glad you're working your way though the challenges/temptations that life is throwing at you. Stay strong.

Jane, I hope you're doing okay. I don't have any definitive answers to your questions. I know life has plenty of good stuff to offer. Sometimes you just have to go and find it. An elderly mentor of mine, many years ago (he's no longer with us, bless his soul) used to say, the harder I work, the luckier I get. It was his standard response to people who complained about other people who were successful in life/business etc.

Also, happiness is incredibly important. Sometimes easier said than done.

Jane, I know that probably all sounds very subjective, but keep moving forward and stay positive. You're a strong person. I know you are. Better times are ahead. And there's no reason you can't go looking and researching for we're they might be. I hope that makes sense. Better times ahead Jane.

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Miss Jane, I hit a real FLAT spot around 4 months (remember, it took me longer to get to these things than my contemporaries). I just had to put into place the strategy, FAKE IT TIL YOU MAKE IT. I felt as if I were just going thru the motions....'is THIS all there is?' I'm here to tell you, this is all part of it. In retrospect, I think you are passing thru the NORMAL stages of grief. Yes, grief. We have just lost a very important relationship, and I think you are in the depression stage of it. The good news? The next stage is ACCEPTANCE and let me tell you, this is the place to be! I pulled out this post from the archives, maybe it'll help get you connected again. There are many phases in this journey, just ride them out and you will be so glad you did. Feeling normal is such a wonderful thing....and it's right around the corner!!

Here's the post about the stages of grief:


Joe, I will ask my friend, NoSugar, to come by and share some of the science behind the sugar cravings you are having. This is normal. So many people on here swear by the L-Glutamine supplements (GNC) to help with that.
I posted something yesterday on another thread about the person feeling 'flat' around this same time.
If you think about it....we are really in grief over losing such a major relationship in our lives. AL was becoming the #1 relationship we were having....to the exclusion of our spouses, and family and our jobs!! It will not quit until it takes everything...as you know. So divorcing it is tough. The first stage of grief is anger. That's prolly when you came here....feeling like "I've just HAD it!" "I can't live like this" "I'll be damned if I'll be led around by a bottle". This is followed by denial. "maybe I'm not so bad after all!" "There are people on this site far worse than I am and THEY are doing fine". "If I can stop for a few days or even a month, that proves right there I don't have a problem!!" . The next stage of grief is bargaining. "Maybe if I just drink on weekends that will do the trick, that way I can be sober all thru the week for my job and such, and unwind on the weekends!" "I think I've got a handle on this now, I'm more aware of the problem....I WILL MODERATE." " If I just limit myself to a couple drinks at a time, and not every night, it'll be a win-win!" This stage is followed by Depression. This usually hits right around where you are now.... it's a period of "now what?" Is this all there is? I've proven I can do this, now what is the point? The euphoria of being amazed THAT we can do it is now replaced with a 'so what' attitude. We don't know what to do with ourselves. This is where an awful lot of growth happens. I think our emotional selves catch up to our chronological selves. When we start abusing AL I think our emotional growth stops. We learn a new set of coping skills (escape from our problems instead of facing them). Depression takes some time to get thru, but once you are on the other side, it's like stepping out of a world of black and white into a world of COLOR!! The final stage of grief is ACCEPTANCE. While it sounds like you are throwing in the towel, this is actually the very best place to be. The voices in your head accept that you can't drink like a normal person ever again. That ship has sailed. Once you cross that line into addiction there is no rewiring that. NoSugar explained it's like riding a bike...your mind will take you exactly back to that bad place and worse. Once you accept that you are an ALK, and you take responsibility for it, the space in your head will be a much simpler and more peaceful place to live. Take the CHOICE of drinking off the table for good, and you will find peace. There is no going back for us. I've been on this site now for almost 4 years, I have NEVER SEEN A CASE WHERE IT WORKED! Never! And I've looked! I want it to work!! But here's the good news! Once you get some good distance between you and AL you will see that you don't need AL at all, and you'll wonder why you were so obsessed with it at all. You will not having that longing to go back. I sure don't. This takes time. So please give Time, time. Please try to get it out of your head that you will be able to go back. This is the hardest thing to give up (hope is a killer here). In your drinking career, have you EVER been able to control it? Doesn't it always just get worse? This is a progressive disease...and one drink keeps it going.
I didn't listen to anyone about this, and it wasn't until my husband of nearly 25 years packed his clothes and left that night. Don't let it get to that for you!
You know in your heart of hearts what must be done!! Don't go backwards, only forward!!! XXOO, Byrdie

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Hey Stuck! Good to se you in the nest! B

[Luckyflower]

Newbies Nest

Byrdie - as always a great and inspiring post. You are my favorite ?professor? in MWO University. :h

Pav- you cracked me up ?slept like a log?:H

Jane ? I?m no expert but I think that meditation will be a great treat to yourself and help calm down your mind and thoughts. You are doing so great.:goodjob:

Wishing everyone a great sober day.