Newbies Nest

[available]

Newbies Nest

MAE all

Lav i am home at last.

Today i was a mess, overtired, jetlagged and a total cow. I even had to apologise to the boys for my bitchiness, they were amazed and stunned that i apologised as before i just yelled and thought they deserved it. Now my drinking haze and days are no longer around i can realise my behaviour was not their fault, i was tired. I cancelled my early pre dinner bday with my children but i have 4 stubborn kids who didnt listen. They let me sleep and when i woke there were my 4 precious, adorable children that said there was no way i was waking up on my 50th without them there. We ate pizza, drank cups of tea and had a wonderful night. They are so proud of my sobriety and having a holiday with mum sober also. We joked about my having a wine to celebrate and that was all it was a joke and i say to them now "one glass for an alcoholic mother wont do it" and they know i am an alcoholic and the support they have given has been a blessing each and everyday.

My sober holiday mended a lot of bridges with my mother, i came to the realisation that i was 90% of our problems, or al was 90%. For 77 years my mum has tried her best and i held every grudge known to mankind with her. When i now take on board that she is what she is and that is my mum then its not hard anymore. She has more to forgive me for than i have to forgive her for but now i will do my damn hardest to be the best daughter that she deserves.

No-one needs al in their lives, it hurts your loved ones, it hurts you, it destroys what you hold dear as it is a barrier to truly being ones self and we are not bad people, we are us with so much to give sober.

[Tavistock]

Newbies Nest

back in the nest on day 1 AF and day 1 SF.

Had two throat swelling episodes in the last month. Doctor's finally realized it was either my blood pressure med or my asthma med. The experiences were not only costly but terrifying!

So the only way out is to give up both Al and smoking at the same time. Difficult, yes, but I really have no choice at this point.

I'll be settling in the nest for a while.

Have a great day all! Happy Easter and/or Passover!

[Dila]

Newbies Nest

I didn't stop...I drank all week. I feel so weak. I don't know why but I feel less in control.

[peppersnow]

Newbies Nest

Good morning - I hope most of you are enjoying a beautiful spring weekend! I'm rather jealous of desciptions of beautiful mornings and going out for runs, etc. It's still so frickin cold and gloomy where I live, including snow drifts so high they're still blocking my view of the woods out my windows. But I've gotta say that waking up on a Saturday morning feeling refreshed, renewed, enjoying coffee because I LOVE it and not because I have a hangover, and ready to get stuff done today versus nursing a hangover is a beautiful thing. I'd still like to see the sun, though, but am grateful for this day!

Sarah - I've been drinking at a relative, too -- someone I love very much whose rejection has been extremely painful. In fact, rejection and fear of rejection from those I love are what trigger me more than anything else in my life. Rather than dealing with that I've been self-destructing. Others in my life think I have this huge self-esteem and self-confidence, when the opposite is true. I've been faking it to hide the self-loathing, and AL let me hide it from myself. Until I'd wake up in the middle of the night or the next morning filled with self-loathing again, that is. Try to put your family on the back-burner for now and just focus on trying to take care of yourself.

Ava - Happy Bday! I loved your description of your experience with your mom and accepting her for who she is.

Tavi -I gave up AL and smokes the same day as well. Actually I think it was easier to do both, because I associate one with the other as both were secret addictions that I hid from the rest of the world. I know some people find cigs make quitting AL easier but for me quitting both made quitting AL easier. I hope you find the same!

Happy weekend to all - Happy Spring and Happy Easter to those who observe!

:h

[Pavati]

Newbies Nest

Morning (A/E) Nest:

We went to a nice restaurant for a family dinner last night. All the adults ordered drinks first off, and for a split second I felt sorry for myself that I "couldn't" drink. Really for just a split second. The meal was delicious and the setting was beautiful - windows all around with stunning views. That is the first time I have been in that situation - very nice restaurant, very nice setting, family but no kids - since I quit drinking and I am happy to say it was wonderful. I was sitting by my mom and had funny, clear conversations with her, the scenery was amazing, the food tasted wonderful, and I laughed and laughed with my sisters and spouses. No alcohol necessary. I didn't have to TRY to be grateful - I didn't have to shift my thinking - it was already shifted. A moment of clarity. That's what these nest moms keep saying is coming, and now I see what they mean. Day 139 for me.

Tavis, Dila, Sarah, Gracie - life REALLY is better without alcohol. Yes, I grieve the loss, but NoSugar put it eloquently in another thread. I also miss my little kids but am so happy for the wonderful teenagers they have become. Look at Ava's relationship with her mom - made whole again because alcohol is out of the picture.

Ava - so happy you're back! I'm pretty sure it is your birthday where you are, although you still have another day to go here. HAPPY BIRTHDAY my wonderful quit buddy. You are in such a great part of life.

Happy Saturday, Nest (Sunday to you, Ava and Petrel).

Pav

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Morning, Nesters!
Gosh, it's good to see some familiar faces. Mimi, I was looking back at my 4 month posts in the nest yesterday and saw your posts and wondered how you are doing. That was 3 years ago. Maybe the answer you are looking for is in those old posts. I tell you, things are not going to improve unless we take action and change. We cannot have it both ways, I'm afraid AL demands full attention. For us, either we drink or we are sober. It's like being pregnant....you can't be a little sober. Do yourself the best possible favor...get AL out of your life. It is a ruthless lover...it plays for all the marbles....like the mob. Get out of the cycle. I know this isn't what you want to hear, but you can give it a try, or we can be here in another 3 years wondering what happened. I know I wasted a year of my precious life fighting the inevitable. I lost. The cards are stacked against us...we are in the fight of our lives. If you can just get some distance between you and AL, you will begin to see what a toxic relationship it really is. Please try...you will not regret it.
Sarah....I feel for you. Gosh, it is amazing that my sis and mother were really close and very religious. I sat in the same church pews as they did, I don't know how there could be such differences but there are. I agree with the others, this is YOUR time now...time to concentrate on making you better...the others can fend for themselves. I know you wish they could share your joy for your son....maybe that's why you have us! I am so happy for him I could pop! My education is my first proudest accomplishment...my second is getting sober! Stay connected with us, I know you will get your wings soon. Hugs!
Tink, welcome aboard!!
Tavistock, hop on up! There is a great world out there just waiting for you!
Stay strong over this holiday weekend everyone!
Remember....all you gotta do, is get thru THIS day!!! xxo, Byrdie

Edit to add:
My post took so long to write that several others came in after!
Pav, what a beautiful note....I got goosebumps.. I know just what you mean! I is a wonderful feeling of life in COLOR!!

Happy Birthday, Dear Ava!!! We missed you so much, and glad you are safely back. Sorry you are grumpy....we love you anyway! Hope you have a most wonderful 50th birthday...the best is yet to come! Happy Re-Birthday!!
:bday7:

[Dila]

Newbies Nest

I read the book, listen to the CDs, take the supplements so that should make me stop drinking right! Wrong...I need to find the strenght to not drink. Sitting here all morning feel like $%&* because I'm hungover. Missing a beautiful day because I drank too much last night. I know better but yet I still did not stop.

[rednose]

Newbies Nest

Here for day 2. Feeling depressed but determined.

:thanks:

Rednose

[Rahulthesweet]

Newbies Nest

Red rose,

You hang on. First few days are though but what comes after that is the best reward ...

[Dila]

Newbies Nest

Pav - you are so right life is better AF. I feel so good when I don't drink and so bad when I do.

[mimi911]

Newbies Nest

Byrd, I know I can't have it both ways and I know I go back a long way. I still drink the same. I can go a few months then I drink a bottle of wine and feel terrible the next day. Both because of the alcohol and the guilt.

I'm not drinking now because I'm on Antibuse. It's terrible stuff but like I told Lav, I don't know how to get to the point of giving AL up completely.

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Great job, Mimi! Whatever it takes! I am so happy you are here... This is YOUR time!!
Dila, you doing ok?
Hope everyone has an easy evening! Byrdie

[Guitarista]

Newbies Nest

Top of the Sunday morning to y'all from downunder.

Ava, that was the most beautiful post above. Thank you for sharing, and for being here. Happy birthday my friend! :day5::rockon::band2:

Stick with it Mimi. You can do it. And you are taking action to reclaim your precious life. :goodjob:

Good going on day 2 Red! Keep it going friend and get this first week out of the way.

Good to see you Dila.

Now Nester's. It will require approximately 30 burpees per each easter egg you eat to work off the calories.

Wishing everyone a safe, sober and magical weekend. Think positive.

[Guitarista]

Newbies Nest

I've just re-read Little beagle's brilliant 'I didn't drink' thread, where she mentions celebrating her rebirth.

LB. I love the way you put that. On day 12, I am now celebrating my rebirth this easter too!

G bloke.

[available]

Newbies Nest

MAE nesters

thanks Mr G but honestly today is not Easter Sunday it is my birthday and i am not sharing lol.

byrd thank you lovely and today i feel human, well nearly. It was just enjoyable to spend the day/night with my children and my girls went and bought coffee this morning, made me breaky in bed which compared to when they were young was delicious and bought me the beautifulest orchids. There was a bottle of wine in the fridge and since that was my drink of choice i told Mia to take it with her, i will not be led into temptation. There is beer and vodka and bourbon in the fridge but they were never my drink of choice.

Red get over the depression and celebrate being af every day, it is worth being proud of not depressed. Everything is better sober, always hold that thought and when you waiver just tell yourself that for today you will not drink. Seemed to work for me and today is 140 days.

Dil get rid of the al out of your house, i quite happily gave the bottle in my fridge to my daughter, as i said i will not be led into temptation ever again, i'm done with shame, guilt, depression, anxiety, self esteem issues.

Mimi good on you for taking steps to becoming sober, whatever it takes is what you should do. when i completely accepted that i could NEVER EVER drink again then the battle stopped and i think that is the hardest part to accept. I used to feel deprived that i could not drink but now i know i am not a "normal" drinker, i am an alcoholic. Just like my son is a drug addict, he knows he can never use again and he has been clean a year.

Well i am going back to nap, this is the worst jetlag i have had or else i forgot the last one!

Happy Easter everyone and be strong. xx