Newbies Nest

[Rahulthesweet]

Newbies Nest

Hello Nesters,

Feeling a bit low today. Didn't feel like working and hence out to catch a movie. Call me crazy but have escaping from work so many times to be with myself ... not feeling like having AL no going there but feel tired and lonely. A bit of heavy head due to flu which is still not gone completely.

Planning for Germany next week. 2 weeks there alone , I better find out what to do there ....

[available]

Newbies Nest

rahul its hard when you are sick to focus on much except for feeling down. I am sick also but the thought of al makes me sick to the stomach.

You could get internet access like it did at the resort i stayed at so i could always check in at mwo. The gym, walks, sightseeing, reading. The only plan you need to take that is the highest priority is not to drink. You are doing so very well Rahul and maybe you are over worrying as we all seem to do as when the time arrives its not as bad as what we thought it was going to be.

Keep posting! Big hugs.

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

Good morning & happy Thursday everyone!

I am up & out of here by 7 again to watch grandkids for a few hours. It's definitely a work of joy

Mimi, I am so happy to see you seizing control of your destiny
That's what this whole thing is about! First we kick AL out of our lives then we move forward taking definitive steps to live our lives the way we were meant to all along.

Rahul, are you spending any time with family lately? Isolating yourself just seems to fuel those feelings of being lonely - at least it did for me for a period of time.

Wishing everyone a great AF Thursday!

Lav

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Good Morning, Nesters!
DrinkThinkDo!! I didn't notice that typo, but what I DID notice was that you are so right about gratitude and the little things adding up to really good things and feelings. Lav preached it 1000 times but I wasn't receiving it, but when I took down my wall and actually took it on board, I quickly learned that dwelling on what we don't/can't have is a recipe for relapse. Appreciate ALL the things we do have and CAN accomplish (like going back to school, Mimi!) is where growth lies. It absolutely was the different in success and failure on this journey. Staying mired in the pity party will get you nowhere fast. I consider myself LUCKY to be here. I got a second chance at life and I'm taking it!
Have a great day, everyone! Byrdie

[Snapdragon]

Newbies Nest

Embarrassed to be back

:blush::blush: Well - hi everyone. I am back with my tail between my legs. I hope you can find a small space in the nest for me here. To be honest, I'm not really sure where I should be - I'm not really a newby - just a failure!

Anyway. Today, I've decided to give sobriety another bash. I've been sitting around drowning my sorrows for too long. I look awful, skin is yukky and I feel awful, miserable etc.

I have just taken an Antabuse (fortunately I have a stash from my AF stint last year). I'm hoping that I will only need it for a month and then take it from there. I won't let myself fall from actions of those around me like last time.

Great to see so many familiar 'faces' here still.

Snap x

[NoSugar]

Newbies Nest

Hi, Snap - so good to see you back :l.

[Dottie Belle]

Newbies Nest

Welcome back snap...stay close.
I am still hacking and feeling yucky....meds have to kick in soon....will stay in today and chill...

[DreamThinkDo]

Newbies Nest

Snap, you're not a failure - unless you give up fighting the battle against the bottle. Make yourself at home - there's always room for one more!

[DreamThinkDo]

Newbies Nest

Rahul, I'm not sure how much free time you will have in Germany, but researching things to do while there should make spending it (free time) so much more rewarding. And you can play at being the tourist just as easy with a coffee as with a glass of whatever. Have you made any plans how to spend "business time" where Al is involved? Hope you feel better soon - mentally and physically. You too, Bellest Dotty!

[gracieb]

Newbies Nest

Hi Snap!

I'm starting over too. Better to keep trying though. Even if I have a bazillion day ones, those are still days I won!

Blessings to you.

Mimi, you go girl! I am 45 and have been thinking about school when my little ones are older, or maybe online. I don't quite know where to start, and there are so many things I would like to study it's hard to make up my mind. I mean really, 50 could be middle aged, we could both have 50 more years. It isn't impossible! :P

Dream, I didn't mean anyone should feel guilty, but when the kids are pestering me for stuff or they need the computer for school work I have a hard time finding time to post. Then a day turns into a week. And I feel bad if I don't look back over what everyone has said... anyway, it's just my issue, not to make anyone else feel bad.

[peppersnow]

Newbies Nest

Snap - I'm also starting over. I want to tell you not to feel ashamed, but who am I to tell you what to feel? I felt tons and tons of shame in my own failure. What you need to remember is that shame is a dead end. There isn't anything constructive about it - it's how you convert feelings of shame into constructive energy - like trying one more time - that matters.

I made it 60 days last year and relapsed. It was my b-day, and my family took us all out, and my parents bought a very expensive bottle of wine. I hadn't told my parents I'd quit drinking. So I "just" had one glass. That went so well, without any cravings hitting me afterward. I ordered desert, drank coffee, and left so proud of myself! I had no cravings whatsoever the rest of the night, or for the next several days. So I decided maybe I could moderate. (If I were playing music right now, you would be hearing the theme from "Jaws" when the shark is approaching)

I bought a nice bottle for the weekend, and had "just" one glass four nights in a row. Then I bought another bottle the next week, except that one only lasted me 2 evenings. Then I bought another one the next night, and another, and within 2 weeks I was drinking a bottle an evening. By the 3rd week I amped it up to vodka, because I was barely getting abuzz from a bottle of wine. Within a few days of buying that first litre of vodka, I was coming home from the store ever 3-4 nights with a new litre and drinking it faster than I ever had before.

What kills me is that I knew better. Somehow I thought maybe I would be one of the few who could moderate and drink like a normal person. I don't know why, but I know now that I can't. I'm still hit with shame but I'm trying to look forward, and I hope eventually you will too, because you're absolutely not alone!

:h

[frances]

Newbies Nest

Hearing everyone's successes and failures are one of the things that makes this site so special. Everyone can take their own wisdom from other's stories. Pepper, I needed to hear your experience right now - thank you for that. I am coming up on 60 days myself and a small voice has been nagging at me lately. I need to hear stories like yours to know my experience will be similar! (in fact I have already had similar experiences). But that damn AL keeps trying to convince me this time is different!

Funny, I was just logging on to read a little and was thinking I should start a thread "addicted to MWO"! I find myself checking in here so often and am feeling guilty at work for it. But this time, I think it was meant to be. I needed to see that post!

Thanks!

[j-vo]

Newbies Nest

Gonna stick my nose in here as I just read Pepper's post. Pepper, what happened to you with the first idea of moderation and how it played out is exactly how it goes for all of us. We "think" that we can mod after only having that first glass, get so excited, then it's all downhill from there. It took me too many times to actually grip that idea and believe it. Lots of precious time wasted in denial. Modding doesn't work for people who have crossed that line, and if you're here on MWO, chances are you've already swum into Jaws territory.

[SpiritGirl]

Newbies Nest

Hi Snap ~ if I didn't know better, I would have thought that I wrote your post... I, too, have my tail tucked firmly between my legs, head hanging low and feel totally unworthy of being welcomed back to MWO yet AGAIN.... I also have some Antabuse that I am going to take tomorrow...I am afraid to take it today because after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night I am afraid I might still have some in my system... I am praying that once I get "jump started" with the AB that I can stay sober with the help of this community... Glad to be in this "nest" today....

[Rahulthesweet]

Newbies Nest

Welcome back snap. I found a great centre place in the nest, listen to pepper, she is not all. We all had similar experience with relapse and every time you go deep in the pit.

So good you realizes, tomorrow is another day, lease past in past. Use the tools you know post daily, share dialy stay sober for day then a week and see how life becomes so great !