Newbies Nest

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

Dila, there's a thousand things you can do on a Friday night that don't involve drinking - choose one
You'll be so happy tomorrow morning that you ignored the beast tonight

Rahul, I think most of go thru those 'is this it moments'!
I have found the easiest solution is to work on your gratitude list. Sit down & write about all the things & people in your life that you are grateful for & if you find the list is too short - do something new. Now is the time to reinvent yourself! Step out of your routine a bit, try something new.

[Dila]

Newbies Nest

Sitting home unwinding after a hard week is not a good idea. You are all right, I have to plan an activity. All of my friends meet up at the bar for drinks so I have been avoiding that.

But I sat here for a hour reading other posts and eating chocolate. I am going to get fat but I don't care as I lost the urge to drink!

[j-vo]

Newbies Nest

Eating is the best thing for you, and you're right, eating chocolate or a nice meal kills the craving for alcohol! Can you rent a movie and take your mind off of drinking or thinking of your friends out? I'm gonna watch some of my shows that I DVR'd. Hang in there Dila!

[j-vo]

Newbies Nest

Pav posted about Sarah Allan Benton, author of Understanding the High Functioning Alcoholic. I bought the kindle edition of the book. Here are highlights from the book:

BTW, thiis soooooo me:

Perfectionist • Overachiever • Good student • People pleaser • Need for other's approval • Fear of other's opinions • Motivated by praise • Belief that doing well will lead to positive feelings of self • Ability to hide true feelings • High standards of personal achievement • An innate ability to manipulate other's perceptions

Wow, hit the nail right on the head! All except for the last one, I think...

And this...

Often, through failed attempts at controlling drinking, HFAs are led to their bottom, which can be defined as "the place an alcoholic must reach before he or she finally is ready to admit that he or she has a problem and reaches out for help."1 It often takes repeated defeat in controlling drinking for an individual to chip away at his or her denial enough to see that he or she is alcoholic.

and...

To high-functioning alcoholics (HFAs), controlled drinking appears to be a solution to the problems they experience when they drink too much. If they could drink moderately, then they could have alcohol in their lives without suffering the consequences of excessive drinking. Control is the glimmer of hope that enables their infatuation with alcohol to continue.

Just some food for thought... After building up our AF days, we tend to think that we've got control over this beast. We have that glimmer of hope that we can drink moderately. That is an alcoholic brain.

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

Hey j-vo,

I believe I hung onto that glimmer of hope for a bit longer than I should have
What lit a fire under my ass to quit for good was the arrival of the first grandson. Then, I finally knew what I had to do. Thank God for him, huh?

Speaking of grandsons I spent a full 9 hours chasing, running, playing, feeding & cleaning up after them today. I am exhausted & rightly so :H
Wishing everyone a safe & cozy night in the nest!

Lav

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

j-vo;1656624 wrote: Pav posted about Sarah Allan Benton, author of Understanding the High Functioning Alcoholic. I bought the kindle edition of the book. Here are highlights from the book:

BTW, thiis soooooo me:

Perfectionist ? Overachiever ? Good student ? People pleaser ? Need for other's approval ? Fear of other's opinions ? Motivated by praise ? Belief that doing well will lead to positive feelings of self ? Ability to hide true feelings ? High standards of personal achievement ? An innate ability to manipulate other's perceptions

Wow, hit the nail right on the head! All except for the last one, I think...

And this...

Often, through failed attempts at controlling drinking, HFAs are led to their bottom, which can be defined as "the place an alcoholic must reach before he or she finally is ready to admit that he or she has a problem and reaches out for help."1 It often takes repeated defeat in controlling drinking for an individual to chip away at his or her denial enough to see that he or she is alcoholic.

and...

To high-functioning alcoholics (HFAs), controlled drinking appears to be a solution to the problems they experience when they drink too much. If they could drink moderately, then they could have alcohol in their lives without suffering the consequences of excessive drinking. Control is the glimmer of hope that enables their infatuation with alcohol to continue.

Just some food for thought... After building up our AF days, we tend to think that we've got control over this beast. We have that glimmer of hope that we can drink moderately. That is an alcoholic brain.

Great post JVo. And so true. Thanks for finding and posting for us. B

[available]

Newbies Nest

Hi nesters

Well i feel the best i have for over two weeks, woo hoo for me i say. I think the depression was starting not being well enough to work and enjoy my week off after my holiday but going out today with my girls so hopefully that will bring back the happiness i want to feel.

Lav i need a grandchild lol, you have a couple spare, send me one for a bit please. As much as i coax my girls into getting pregnant they wont have a bar of it. I think after seeing me raise the four of them they are quite content not to endure sleepless nights etc but i do keep telling them they were well worth all the effort and change to my life. I am off to a baby shower today for my daughters best friend so i can coax a bit more! The keep saying just because i am sober does not mean that they need to give me a grandchild to occupy my time! Why not i say!

Dil, good on you for getting through a friday night. I think i had shares in a sweet factory for about 4 months but now the sugar intake has lessened. I never ate when i was drinking, my thoughts were i was eating grapes (wine) so bugger the food. Going back to Day 1 and repeating again keeps me well away from drinking.

Rahul, we all go through different emotions the more sober days we have. To be normal is hard after burying it in al for so long but we can only do the best with what we have. Change comes slowly and so does sorting through how we are feeling. I wish i could take back the last ten years but i cant but i can move forward. You are a strong person and you are showing your strength in so many ways on mwo. I am proud of what you have achieved and i know you will keep up the fight against al. Maybe start a diary on how you are feeling and in a month or two read back and things will be different again to how you were feeling. Remember to take one day at a time, we cant do more than that and you are in early recovery still.

have a great weekend everyone, we are sober and cant ask for anything more.

[peppersnow]

Newbies Nest

Dila - I agree with others that ice cream is definitely one way to go on Friday nights. I've stocked my freezer with low-fat ice cream treats and had 4 tonight for my dinner - nothing else! It was heavenly. :h

I shared with Frances that my DH now knows I'm not drinking - but there's a story to how he found out (I hadn't planned on saying anything yet to him)! Wednesday night, I had this dinner I had to go to for work. Almost everyone drank, except me and another person who was driving people. My DH is out of town on business. I got home about 10:00 and was getting ready for bed and my cell phone rang, which had been in my jacket pocket. It was my oldest daughter in college, who NEVER calls me, so I was afraid something was wrong. "Mom, are you okay??" she asks me frantically. I assured her I was fine and ask her if she's okay. She is all concerned about me, saying, "Are you sure you're okay??" Yes, I'm sure, I told her, and she says, "I thought you'd had a stroke! What was that text about?" Well I had no idea what she was talking about, but before I could find out, I get another call, and it's my husband calling me so I put her on hold and picked up. And now he's demanding to know whether I'm okay. I assured him I was, and he says, "What was with that text?" So I put them both on hold, and read the group text I apparently sent them a few minutes earlier. It's just a jumble of words that make no sense in sentences...like "my brother is a pusher and the fire is out". I suddenly realized my Iphone had been in my pocket at the dinner, and apparently I BUTT-TEXTED them! Now I've drunk-dialed and drunk-texted, but butt-texting is a new one! And it was a really long text, too. Apparently, in my pocket all these random letters got pressed accidentally and my phone auto-corrected them into words. I realized what had happened and started laughing super hard and got back on with my DH, and he's still very serious and asks "Are you sure you're not drunk?!" That made me laugh even harder because some of those sentences could have totally come from a very drunk person, which is when I choke out, "Not only am I totally NOT drunk, but I haven't had a drink of alcohol in 40 days". But given my history, I don't blame him for thinking I was wasted.

Anyway, we talked for about a half an hour and so now he knows for sure I've quit. It turns out he had suspected, but didn't want to say anything to jinx it. The funny thing is that every day I experience moments when I want to prove to someone I'm not drinking. When I'm driving in the evening and see police, there's even this part of me that kind of wants to get pulled over. So after being one of 2 AF adults at that dinner of 25 people, it was ironic that my family thought I might be wasted. And it makes me sad that based on their experience, it could have been true.

So beware of Butt-Texts, people. Because if you're a recovering alkie, butt-texts are a sure-fire way for everyone to think you've fallen off the wagon

[Sarah42]

Newbies Nest

available;1656289 wrote: There is never a good time to stop drinking Sarah. We can all procrastinate that we are going to stop and we all have procrastinated. The reality is biting the bullet and stopping but no one can do that but yourself. I wonder what is holding you back that scares you to become af. None of my business but its a thought i have.

Good question Ava, IDK really. I'm going to think on it for a little while and will post in a bit, but I want to read back thru first. will try to respond shortly...

love,

Sarah

[Sarah42]

Newbies Nest

j-vo;1656624 wrote: Pav posted about Sarah Allan Benton, author of Understanding the High Functioning Alcoholic. I bought the kindle edition of the book. Here are highlights from the book:

BTW, thiis soooooo me:

Perfectionist ? Overachiever ? Good student ? People pleaser ? Need for other's approval ? Fear of other's opinions ? Motivated by praise ? Belief that doing well will lead to positive feelings of self ? Ability to hide true feelings ? High standards of personal achievement ? An innate ability to manipulate other's perceptions

Wow, hit the nail right on the head! All except for the last one, I think...

And this...

Often, through failed attempts at controlling drinking, HFAs are led to their bottom, which can be defined as "the place an alcoholic must reach before he or she finally is ready to admit that he or she has a problem and reaches out for help."1 It often takes repeated defeat in controlling drinking for an individual to chip away at his or her denial enough to see that he or she is alcoholic.

and...

To high-functioning alcoholics (HFAs), controlled drinking appears to be a solution to the problems they experience when they drink too much. If they could drink moderately, then they could have alcohol in their lives without suffering the consequences of excessive drinking. Control is the glimmer of hope that enables their infatuation with alcohol to continue.

Just some food for thought... After building up our AF days, we tend to think that we've got control over this beast. We have that glimmer of hope that we can drink moderately. That is an alcoholic brain.

This is me too! I think I need to order this book. Thanks for this!:h

[Pavati]

Newbies Nest

Happy Friday night, nesters:

I backed out of a fundraiser I was supposed to attend - DH and I both had the tired Fridays. We ordered pizza, watched a bad movie with the kids, and now to bed.

Sarah - I think the answer to that question of Ava's is key - once you know what is holding you back you will be able to create a plan around it. If you don't do it, you'll never do it, right? Fear was also what kept me back - fear of losing my friend alcohol, fear of doing things sober (like camping and hanging out with friends), fear of revealing my "secret" to my family and friends. I know you can't know this without experiencing it, but I can say that my own fear was unfounded. I am 5 calendar months sober today - it really gets easier and better. Jump on in, the water's nice.

Pepper - hilarious story. I also want to get pulled over at night - such a funny compulsion.

Dila and Frances - ice cream is my go-to as well. I actually lost weight when I quit drinking because I avoid the hangover munchies now, and I take the time to eat more healthy meals. Now I didn't lose much, and I'm getting to the age where ice cream every night will add up, so I'm slowly weaning myself off.

Lav - 9 hours is a lot for anyone. Do they still nap at least? Does Stella help out?

Rahul - I hear the word "bored" used around here a lot. Maybe you could change those thoughts to "different." I had a very nice dinner with my folks and at first was sad that I couldn't have some nice wine with my meal (well, ok, I was first sad I couldn't have two martinis to start off the night, but I digress), but then I realized that I had a much sharper focus on my conversation with my parents than I can ever remember having. I imagine seeing the sights and sounds of Europe without a buzz or a hangover will essentially be a new experience. I hope you have a solid plan before you go!

I missed yoga today because my back is tweaked - slept funny or something. Hopefully tomorrow...

Good night all.

Pav

[Fat fella]

Newbies Nest

Morning all. Survived last night so am into day 7!

J-vo that book sound interesting, I think I'll download it so thanks for posting that.

Pepper - hilarious story. You're right though, it takes much linger to persuade people it was an innocent mistake when they're usel to you being under the influence. Hope he was impressed with your 40 days as it's a great achievement. Hoping to join you in about 33 days time!

Have a great Saturday all.

[Sarah42]

Newbies Nest

Sarah42;1656656 wrote: Good question Ava, IDK really. I'm going to think on it for a little while and will post in a bit, but I want to read back thru first. will try to respond shortly...

love,

Sarah

Hmm well, been thinking on this awhile. I suppose first, I never really thought I had a 'problem'. In fact, when I joined here that was one of my first statements, as I wasn't sure I had a problem.

I've NEVER had an entire bottle of wine in one night, I rarely drink enough to get drunk (still don't) and rarely drink liquor. (maybe a margarita on holiday).

So, I suppose I thought "I'm not like these folks". I'm still not entirely sure I am, which is probably one reason I hold back...cause the truth is ...I enjoy some AL. alot.

I also thought, Germans, Italians, Mexicans, Greek etc. drink as part of their culture, so what makes us any different??

But, I realized I wasn't drinking a glass of wine with dinner. I was drinking when the clock said 5:00 pm. and I realized that enjoyment became a 'habit'. Irregardless of how much I drank, I realized it was a problem, cause I couldn't go one day without AL.

Fear is a factor. I mean...going to the Island and fishing with no beer?? Who does that???
The Alabama/Auburn game...or any football for that matter...are u serious? So yeh, I can't visually or emotionally expect myself to NOT drink during those times. That would be hard.

And I drank AT things...like failed first marriage which resulted in a huge custody battle that costs me $$thousands and my parents of course who were so 'sufficating' I had to break out on my own to 'make' it. Yet, I still want/need their exceptance..which I doubt i ever get cause I'm not a 'holy roller' like them...

Oh hell, I could write you a book...

ALL excuses! And I get that..the bottom line is I want to stop/control my drinking or I'm gonna go stark raving mad. THis is why I'm here. I don't want to hit 'rock bottom' or otherwise before I learn a lesson..I want to nip this now, and the fact I want to drink daily (irregardless of the amount) tells me I have a problem.

So here I sit...loving every single one of you and caring about your lives and mine.

I suppose I can only 'try' to stop, and hope all u fine people will continue to accept me while I go thru this process. While I'm not abstinent, I hope any participation by me on this thread helps someone (or me) so i can be where most of you are.

Ava- sorry for the long answer, but u did ask LOL.

Love to all,

Sarah

[little beagle]

Newbies Nest

Funny story Pepper. I am so proud of not drinking I too think of getting pulled over.
Rahul I too get the blahs. Feel that I am just sitting and spinning in a circle, but when I look back to where I started out, the whole picture reveals a lot of progress. I see the same thing in you. Lots of forward progress. Hang in there, that feeling will change.

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

Good morning Nesters!

I think I am still alive after yesterday's marathon day with the kids
Pav, no naps, they are past that stage but Stella does what she can to help out :H

FF, glad you survived your evening - day 7 is awesome!

Sarah, if you feel you should/want to quit drinking then it's probably a good idea. Regardless of the amount you are consuming now it will only increase at some point - it always does, AL is sneaky. I completely understand feeling suffocated by parents but it just doesn't matter any more or least it shouldn't. My parents are long gone & it took me a long time to put all that stuff away. Put all that stuff away & move on. There's nothing worse than being an adult & still feeling like a major disappointment to your parents. That's really just a waste of your time & energy. Think about what you want, what is good for you & your family & move in that direction

pepper, that is such a funny story about your phone :H
Now that he knows, I hope you get loads of support!

Wishing everyone a great AF Saturday! I'm meeting a friend for lunch today, neither of us drink

Lav