Newbies Nest

[Icanwithoutacan]

Newbies Nest

Coming in looking for encouragement. I am almost at 150 days, and I feel like I am on a slippery slope. Not sure exactly what is going on, but I will try to share and hope someone will be able to give me some advice. I know you are all going to tell me not to drink and that drinking won't make anything any better, but I feel like I need more than that - I don't know what but something....

Anyway, as many of you know, I struggle with OCD/anxiety for which I take medication. I recently switched medication because I was tired all the time and gaining weight on the old one (Not sure of exact dates, but I switched medication probably at about 2 months sober). I really liked the new medication at first so I increased the dosage with my doctor's approval. But now I have NO emotions. I mean I'm not a zombie or anything but I am very apathetic/bored....nothing excites me or interests me but nothing makes me sad or anxious either. So, the good is that I am not on the rollercoaster of extremes but now with the boredom, I am finding myself thinking, "it's bc everyone else around you can drink, you are left out, and you are bored." I just cannot imagine not being a part of things anymore - I mean EVERYONE here drinks, maybe not to extremes like me but drinks nonetheless. I am also wondering if maybe it is not the medication and maybe this is a normal part of getting sober?

I don't want to sound whiny or ungrateful. I really enjoy being sober. I guess my life revolved so much around alcohol. Planning when to drink, looking forward to drinking, hiding my drinking....that now I am just sort of lost.

I try to talk to my husband and friends about it, but it's not possible for people without the problem to understand. I did cut my medicine back down again, but then I am at risk of the extremes in thinking ....we shall see.

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Ican, please see a thread started by Mollyka by the name of "What drinking was REALLY like at the end". Its about EUPHORIC RECALL. It is priceless. If you REALLY look at it, EVERYONE else does NOT drink...but it does depend on where you are looking. Yes, most everyone DOES drink in a bar, but out in a restaurant, its about 50/50. I notice these things because I am an alcoholic. So do you. Dont fool yourself. Drinking is going to be the WORST thing can can do if you are looking to improve your life.
Rahul posted something yesterday that was also incredible....one of his own posts after he had fallen, he was in an airport lounge, feeling the GSR's. A dignitary came into the lounge complete with entourage....guess what he was drinking? TEA. AL adds nothing for us except MORE misery. Look at adjusting your meds first. For us alkies, AL is never the answer. NEVER. Dont undo all your hard work. Give yourself TIME. Al is a first class ticket back to hell.. You have been here since 2008, nothing has changed. Please stay the course! Do NOT give in!!! No matter what!!! Byrdie

[Icanwithoutacan]

Newbies Nest

Thanks Byrd

[Dila]

Newbies Nest

Ican, you are incredibly strong to make it to almost 150 days. Stay strong! I know boredom is one of my triggers and it is hard not to drink but you have come so far, don?t stop now. Drinking will only make it worse. Hopefully reducing the meds will make you feel better. We are all here for you.
FF ? we are on Day 8! First week was hard but I feel good it is behind me. I know you do too.

Marty ? I wish you the best in your journey.

Mesh ? congrats on Two weeks!

DTD ? your puppy is so precious!

Sarah & frances ? I agree with summer being hard as all activity tends to be around drinking with my friends, if at the beach, boating or our spa days where we sit by the pool and drink all afternoon.

Long day and I did it without drinking?going to get an ice-cream. Hope everyone has a good night.

[Icanwithoutacan]

Newbies Nest

Thanks, Dila. Congrats on Day 8. You must be feeling good. I know when I got to a week I felt so much better. I hope I am not discouraging anyone by complaining at after all this time. Really, it has not been hard not to drink most of the time. For some reason I am just having a really hard time right now. I think I am at the point where I am realizing I have to find a new passion/life that doesn't involve drinking, and it is really new for me. I mean at first the passion was the challenge to not drink itself. But, now that I have sort of settled into sobriety, that has kind of lost it's challenge if that makes sense.

[NoSugar]

Newbies Nest

Hi, Ican

FallenAngel posted this for me at a time when I felt like you do now. I hope it helps you like it did for me:



In-between
by Melody Beattie

Sometimes, to get from where we are to where we are going, we have to be willing to be in-between.
One of the hardest parts of growth is the concept of letting go of what is old and familiar, but what we don't want, and being willing to stand with our hands empty while we wait for them to be filled.
This may apply to feelings. We may have been full of hurt and anger. In some ways, these feelings may have become comfortably familiar. When we finally face and relinquish our grief, we may feel empty for a time. We are in-between pain and the joy of serenity and acceptance.
Being in-between can apply to relationships. To prepare ourselves for the new, we need first to let go of the old. This can be frightening. We may feel empty and lost for a time. We may feel all alone, wondering what is wrong with us for letting go of the proverbial bird-in-hand, when there is nothing in the bush.
Being in-between can apply to many areas of life and growth. We can be in-between jobs, careers, homes, or goals. We can be in-between behaviors as we let go of the old and are not certain what we will replace it with. This can apply to behaviors that have protected and served us well all of our life such as care-taking and controlling.
We may have many feelings going on when we're in-between: spurts of grief about what we have let go of or lost, and feelings of anxiety, fear, and apprehension about what's ahead. These are normal feelings for the in-between place. Accept them. Feel them. Release them.
Being in-between isn't fun, but it's necessary. It will not last forever. It may feel like we're standing still, but we're not. We're standing at the in-between place. It's how we get from there to here. It is not the destination. We are moving forward, even when we're in-between.

[Icanwithoutacan]

Newbies Nest

A beautiful NS love you!

[j-vo]

Newbies Nest

Ican,
150 days! Keep it going. Just one day at a time. I'm familiar with meds - going on/off and it's a hard adjustment. Maybe your dose is a bit too high and you can talk to doc about reducing it? Or maybe it takes time for it to get into your system. I know for me, some of my meds took 2-6 weeks, so you have a good while to wait, but it would be best to wait and see if you're responding to the meds, especially without drinking. If you added Al into the mix, it could change the whole dynamic and direction of the medication. Being bored a bit longer won't kill anyone, but drinking kills people. Strength to you Ican!

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

Ican, you have to protect your quit no matter what else is going on!
You know that drinking again will solve nothing & probably make everything worse. I know that changing & adjusting med dosages can be tough but you have to hang in there with the process. Years ago I was on an AD that left me feeling numb & didn't lessen my desire to drink. What was the use of that? I ended up on herbals that did a better job for me & within a dew months I was ready & able to stop drinking. You owe it to yourself & your beautiful quit to keep working with your Doc to get the meds straightened out!

Wishing everyone a safe night in the nest!

Lav

[little beagle]

Newbies Nest

Pretty pup Dream.
Ican I love the in between post by NS. All I know is drinking never made me feel better, I went through several tmes I just didn't feel great, but perseverance pays off. Those times pass and I feel better. Not only that, I feel stronger. Hope that made sense.

[Pavati]

Newbies Nest

Hi, Nest:

Ican! Good on you for posting your feelings - the mental game is a big part of staying sober (or so I've read - I'm still a work in progress).

I get very BLAH days, but I don't take medication. I have found that exercise, even a short walk around the block if it is all I have time for, really, really helps. Lately I have been listening to the Bubble Hour podcast while walking - two birds with one stone. You don't post here much - from what I've read participation in a sober community is an important part of staying sober, too. Not that it has to be daily, but maybe turn it up a notch when those feelings come in?

Dreamy - Wowza is that puppy adorable. Good luck sleeping in the next few months... Start making lots of that delicious coffee you always have.

Night, all. Headed to sleep, speaking of. Let's all hunker down and stay safe and sober here in the nest.

Happy Monday.
Pav

[DreamThinkDo]

Newbies Nest

MAE Nesters!



The birds have not even started singing, and I'm on my second cup of coffee. Pajama drill - do I have to say anything else? Thanks for all your lovely compliments about Coquelicot. It's the French for the Flanders poppy - one of my favourite flowers, and a word I loved ever since I came across it. Thanks for all your suggestions re a name - at one stage I thought of using all of them, but I doubt if I'd remember them .

Ican, could you get involved in a community project - something that would keep your hands, mind and heart busy? I know that when the blahs hit, being involved in anything is the last thing we want to to, but I think that's exactly when we should be doing something. Also, what Pav said about exercise (not that I'm practising what she's preaching :blush

Pav, looks as if you're still up - have a good Tonday. And everybody else - have a great AF Tuesday!

[available]

Newbies Nest

Hi Ican, congrats on your 150 days.

As you posted to Dil "after a week you felt so much better". why the hell do you want to do that week again. Oh i could go a drink or 100 but i never want to do the first week or fortnight again. Just take one day at a time. i too think i should find a passion, an interest, exercise like others, cook, yoga, swim, garden, etc etc but you know what as long as i dont drink i am happy and the rest will come when i feel ready. i feel ready but yep nothing has "grabbed me by the balls" so i just take one day at a time. I am happy doing that. Sure i would like to climb Mt Everest, win a million dollars but it isnt going to happen. I think as time goes on we think "is this it" and yes at the end of the day this is how "normal" people live without the shit of al taking over their lives and what it does. I am grateful that i am five months af, that i dont want to drink, that i know drinking will not ever make me happy or content. That if i let al into my life i certainly would not have any interest in anything and i would be back to the living hell i used to call a life.

Give yourself time Ican, we are still in the early stages of recovery and whats the rush? When drinking we used to plan our drinking from the time we woke up till the time we drank and we used all our energy and skills on that planning. Now we dont. You will be fine Ican, you have come so far on this journey and can you honestly say that if you drank again your life would be complete and fulfilled? I know mine would not be. xx

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

Good Tuesday morning Nesters,

I hope everyone had a safe night in the nest
Not sure what all I'm doing today but a little retail therapy may be in order.

Wishing everyone a wonderful AF Tuesday!

Lav

[j-vo]

Newbies Nest

Good morning!

Hope everyone is good. Goin to DC tomorrow with a 130 8th grade kids tomorrow. Touring, pizza and swim parties, national zoo...should be a busy three days.

Ican, how are you doing today?