Newbies Nest

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Newbies Nest

momofthree;1659685 wrote: Hello everyone, back again here on Day 1. Last night I drank too much once the kids were in bed, well I started earlier then that but finished later in the evening. Don't remember going to bed, my husband coming home from his night shift. I went four days, then drank, then another two days and yesterday was supposed to be my third day. Back at it. Is it horrible to keep trying to quit and failing, or is it even worse to just give up completely and not even bother trying anymore?

Hi Mom, what made you pick up that glass and drink? After 3-4 days we start to get complacent and think "oh one drink wont hurt, ive done those days, im really not as bad as i thought". This is where grit and determination step in. Get all al out of the house, do your shopping at a different time so you dont buy al. Eat and feel full, eat whatever you feel you need, a few kilos gained is better than pouring al down your throat and post on here daily or twice daily. MWO is my AA except i dont have to leave the house to talk about my addiction and being an alcoholic. I have gotten to 5 months through being on here and posting like a lunatic in the early days to avoid going to buy al. Once you realise you are an alcoholic and you cant moderate the fighting within slows down. Accepting ALCOHOLIC and never drinking again is hard, we are losing our best friend, our companion but al is our worst enemy, it gives nothing and takes everything. never give up trying Mom, i started in 2011 and finally in 2013 i got it and i wish i had been more determined in 2011.

Big congrats to Dil and FF on your 14 days or 2 weeks, a wonderful achievement guys.

[NoSugar]

Newbies Nest

momofthree;1659685 wrote: Hello everyone, back again here on Day 1. Last night I drank too much once the kids were in bed, well I started earlier then that but finished later in the evening. Don't remember going to bed, my husband coming home from his night shift. I went four days, then drank, then another two days and yesterday was supposed to be my third day. Back at it. Is it horrible to keep trying to quit and failing, or is it even worse to just give up completely and not even bother trying anymore?

Hi, Momofthree, and welcome back! It is great that you came back quickly. I remember your post from last week and how much it scared you that you had put someone you love in possible danger. We have to remember that stuff. I've posted these links elsewhere but maybe they would be useful here, too. They talk about why it is so difficult to use our negative memories to keep us on track. That is why it is so useful to write them down so you can read them later when you're feeling weak. Satz mentioned just this morning that she has a 4 page Word document describing how she felt the last time she drank.

Anyway, here are the links:

Why you Only Remember the Good Stuff of a Relationship ? Part I |

"Time's Up!": Why You Only Remember The Good Stuff of a Bad Relationship--Part II

These articles are about human relationships but the are relevant to one with alcohol, too.

I hope you stay connected here - it has made all the difference for so many people.

Have a Happy, Sober Mother's Day!

[meshellrn]

Newbies Nest

Hi Mom of 3,

I am a mom of 3 two, 2 of my own and a step daughter. I have had many 1 day starts. Now it is day 20. I did have to join AA with a friend though. I just helps me remember that i am a alchololic like it or not. I do feel better, have more energy and wake up refreshed with no guilt of passing out, forgetting the night and waking up with a half glass of Chardoney I never finished at my nightstand!!! But..... that being siad, the cravings for a nice glass of wine are there. I have to keep busy and drink seltzer water or diet pop in a wine glass to get me off the thoughts. I wish you the best of luck. I know how hard the obsessions are and the thoughts of the drink are. Hang in and think of AA as another tool to get you through.

meshellrn

[j-vo]

Newbies Nest

Hi NN,
I'm back from a three-day trip with 8th grade class. It was great, and I have to attribute so much of my good time to being abstinent. Sites, relationships, and feelings of peace and happiness appear when we stay away from that al. Proof is in the pudding!

Dila, I hope your frustration decreases. I'm glad you and FF are on board together. Jane said something in another thread that I put in my signature because I loved it and having a group or partner on this journey is so much more meaningful. Congrats to you and FF on 14!

LB, glad you're taking the time to concentrate on yourself.

Lav, your grandson telling you that you're his best friend is the sweetest thing! Warms my heart.

Rahul, loved your analogy of not being in the deadly water with the crocks and sharks. Amazing what we see when we're not drinking and grateful that we're not drowning.

Pepper, Narilly commented on something similar to what you said about friend responses to our drinking. I suspect my friends also secretly think the same thing, and what's so wonderful is that we don't have to continue being seen in that light. Three glasses at lunch would throw the red flag up that someone def. has a problem with al.

Ginger, I believe, too that we're genetically predisposed, as there are lots of alcoholics in my family. High functioning, but nonetheless, still alcoholics.

Mom of three, continuing to battle is the most important thing you can do. Don't give up ever. Yep, we'll beat ourselves up, but after you're finished, get back on, drink lots of water with lemon, read the toolbox, make your own toolbox, post, read, post. Stay close to MWO. What will you do the next time you're in that situation. Write out your plan and share it here. Do you have someone you can call, skype with, facetime? I'd be happy to do any or all with you. I'll pm my information.

Have a great AF Saturday!

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Afternoon, Nesters!
Great to see the check-ins today!
Rahul, so happy for you, seeing ourselves in others is bittersweet: Glad I'm NOT there now, but really sorry that I was that bad. I cringe at the things I must have said and done. I count my lucky stars that I got sober! I worried that in the business world, especially in SALES, it was not only expected, but encouraged to drink (heavily). But I am living proof that it can be done, and so are you! Not everyone drinks like I thought they did!
Dila, I was at a fancy dinner several months ago and was handed a glass of champagne....I raised it up and clinked it, but PUT IT RIGHT BACK DOWN and no one said a word. I was then amazed at how everyone complained about the taste of it...I thought to myself, "THANK GOD I didn't blow my quit over BAD CHAMPAGNE!!!" Can you imagine? So hang tough, like the others said, indulge on something else, you can have ANYTHING else you want!!

It is just wonderful to see that others have people in whose wake they follow. Mine is Lav! I know I'm in good company, too. She is NOT going to waiver!

Momofthree, my heart breaks for you because I was you. All those starts and stops, it was exhausting. Admitting that we are Alkies is a tough thing to do, but alas, here we are on an ALK site, we joined, we participate, and we drink when we wish we didn't. There is only one thing that will fix this and that is to quit once and for all. I can tell you this, it is NEVER going to get any easier...in fact, it gets harder every time. I had the choice you are facing, too....do I just give in and die from this or do I fight for my life and family? I don't think anyone sets out to die a drunk, but I can sure see how it could happen. Gather all the strength you have and set your mind to this task. Our disease does not improve by itself, it takes change (as you know), but each time you give in, you reinforce the addiction (wrote the book on that one). ALK is progressive, it you don't think you aren't 'all that bad now' just wait to see where you will be in another year. Yes, it is appalling. I am going to post the stages of ALK from the Tool Box, I was a card carrying Stage 3. Knowing what I know today, I wish to hell I had stopped at Stage 1. Trust me, it only gets worse, the only way to live with this beast is to starve it. If you will just give your quit some TIME, you will be amazed at the outcome. Wouldn't it be GREAT to NOT crave that dam stuff? Wouldn't it be a dream to get thru the day without THINKING about AL and wanting it and wondering how you are going to get it? Wouldn't it be nice to FALL asleep instead of pass out? Wouldn't it be nice to remember what your sweet children tell you? This is the world of AL Freedom and ONLY TIME will give it to you. Dig your heels in and do not give in no matter what and no matter who. I wish there were an easy way, but on this one, you must do the work. Just do it, and you will find MindPeace!

This is from the Tool Box, posted by Mario:


Alcoholism is a progressive degenerative disease that includes the following four symptoms: craving, physical dependence, tolerance, and the loss of control.

Alcoholism is a complex topic that can be better understood when it is studied and assessed via the four alcoholism stages. And keep in mind that when the term "alcoholism" is used, this also means "alcohol addiction," "alcohol dependency," or "alcohol dependence."

Alcoholism: The First Stage

In the first stage of alcoholism, drinking is no longer social but becomes a means of emotional escape from inhibitions, problems, inhibitions. Stated differently, during the first stage of alcoholism, drinking is, in many instances, a psychological attempt to escape from reality. For instance, early in the disease an individual starts to depend on the mood-altering effects of alcohol.

Another observable characteristic of the first stage of alcoholism is that a slow and gradual increase in tolerance develops, meaning that more and more amounts of alcohol are needed for the individual to "get high" or to "feel the buzz." For example, it is common for problem drinkers in the first stage of alcoholism to start gulping one or two drinks before attending a social function and then to increase social drinking to 3 to 5 drinks per day.

Alcoholism: The Second Stage

In the second stage of alcoholism, the need to drink becomes more powerful. For example, it is common during this stage for the problem drinker to start to drink earlier in the day.

As tolerance increases, furthermore, the individual with the drinking problem drinks not because of psychological tension or stress relief, but because of his or her dependence on alcohol. During this stage of the disease, even though the "loss of control" does not occur on a regular basis, it is, nevertheless, starting to become more noticeable by others such as relatives, family members, neighbors, friends, and co-workers.

Also during this stage of the disease, the problem drinker may begin to feel more concerned and embarrassed about his or her drinking. Often during this stage, problem drinkers are unsuccessful in their attempts to stop drinking.

In this stage, physical symptoms such as hangovers, blackouts, hand tremors, and stomach problems increase. Interestingly, instead of seeing their drinking as the root of the many problems and issues they experience, however, drinkers with a drinking problem in this stage frequently start to blame others and things external to themselves for their difficulties.

Alcoholism: The Third Stage

In the third stage of alcoholism, the loss of control becomes more severe and more observable. This means that problem drinkers are unable to drink in accordance with their intentions. For example, once the individual takes the first drink, he or she commonly can no longer control further drinking behavior, in spite of the fact that the intent might have been to have just "one or two drinks." It should be stressed that an important aspect of this stage of the illness is the following: the drinker often starts to experience more serious drinking problems as well as alcohol-related employment, relationship, financial, and legal problems.

In the third stage of alcoholism, it is common for the problem drinker to start avoiding friends and family and to show a lack of interest in activities and events that once were fun or important. Also typical during this stage are "eye-openers," that is, drinks that are taken whenever the problem drinker awakens. Eye-openers are taken mainly to "calm the nerves," lessen a hangover, or to quiet the feelings of remorse the individual occasionally experiences after a period of time without consuming a drink.

As the drinking increases the individual with the drinking problem starts to neglect most things of importance, even necessities such as food, water, personal hygiene, shelter, and personal interaction. And finally, during this stage, the drinker often makes half-hearted attempts at getting professional medical assistance.

Alcoholism: The Fourth Stage

The fourth and last stage of alcoholism is characterized by a chronic loss of control. In the earlier stages of the illness, the problem drinker may have been successful in maintaining a job. Due to the fact that drinking during this stage frequently starts earlier in the day and commonly continues throughout the day, however, few, if any, full-time jobs can be maintained under these conditions.

In the earlier stages of the illness, the problem drinker had a choice whether he or she would take the first drink. After taking the first drink, the drinker typically lost all control and would then continue drinking. In the last stage of alcoholism, however, alcoholics no longer have a choice: they need to drink in order to function on a daily basis.

During the fourth stage of alcoholism, benders are typical. More to the point, in the fourth stage of alcoholism the alcoholic frequently gets helplessly drunk and may remain in this predicament for a number of days or weeks. The unattainable goal for the drinker while engaging in his or her bender is to experience the "high" they he or she once experienced.

In the second or third stages of alcoholism the drinker's hands may have trembled slightly on mornings after getting drunk the previous night. In the fourth and last stage of alcoholism, conversely, alcoholics get "the shakes" whenever they attempt or are forced to refrain from drinking.

These tremors are an indication of a serious nervous disorder that now affects the drinker's entire body. When "the shakes" are combined with hallucinations, furthermore, the result is known as "the DTs" or delirium tremens. The DTs are a potentially deadly kind of alcoholism withdrawal that almost always takes place unless the alcoholic receives immediate alcoholism treatment. It may come as no surprise that after an attack of the DTs, more than a few alcoholics promise to never drink again. Sadly, most of them do not and cannot fulfill their promise. Consequently, they more often than not return to drinking and the alcoholic drinking patterns and drinking problem start all over again.


From the information discussed above, it can be concluded that the four stages of alcoholism paint a bleak picture for individuals who are alcohol addicted. Perhaps learning about the destructive and damaging outcomes and the unhealthy nature of alcoholism may not make a much of an impact on most individuals who are already chronically alcohol dependent.

It is hoped, however, that by exposing the facts about alcohol dependency and about the stages of alcoholism to our youth BEFORE they start consuming alcohol in an abuse and irresponsible manner will prevent many of our teenagers from experiencing the drinking problems and the unhealthy and devastating realities suffered by most alcoholics

Finding a quality treatment program can be a difficult process. That's why it is important to log on & post here daily and of course other forums or organisations like this,
copied from web.

[Rahulthesweet]

Newbies Nest

Hello Nesters,

They there is a parallel universe or an alternate universe. As we live our life we are faced with choices everyday with each choice we take a path towards that universe which shapes itself based on our decision. IF we are faced with choice A and choice B the both the sets of choices always existing. the theory is complex ...

But sitting here in the chilly evening on saturday night back in the hotel rather early I wonder and feel so glad that if the above theory is correct then I am certainly in the better part or alternate. I could have chosen to drink and maybe in that alternate universe I am drinking heavily and posting on the MWO with feeling of guilt.

I wonder in that alternate universe where I would have brought cans every evening of beer , I would I react and feel. My current thrill of being sober and lack of interest of going out and parting vs huger for drinking and clubbing.

What ever the case one thing is for sure of there is an alternate universe with me there there drinking then for sure that universe is going to end with me in misery, despair, guilt, un happiness etc.

Ok enough of heavy stuff ... I went out for dinner with a client in this german town on a saturday night. He does not drink and is a pure vegetarian. Eats bare minimum just to satisfy his hunger, no smoking as well. With not meat in diet he does not fancy laving food as well. SOOO unlike me, but then here I was enjoying his company with no focus on drinks or food ...

I also FEELS sooooo good to tell and declare that "I dont drink !" I feel so proud ... and soooo free ...

good nite ...

[j-vo]

Newbies Nest

So cool about the dinner partner, Rahul!

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

A bit damp in my portion of the nest, oh well. Tomorrow is supposed to be nicer outside

Glad your trip went well j-vo!

Rahul, I stuffed myself with cake & coffee when I went to Germany - good
Great to hear you are staying on plan.

Momof3, you have to have a strong plan in place if you really want to succeed. For me it was choosing a quit date, getting rid of any leftover AL in the house & most of all swearing that I would never ever buy any again. That was over five years ago & I have kept my promise to myself. You can do the same if you make your plan!

Wishing everyone a safe night in the nest!

Lav

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

Good morning Nesters & Happy Mother's day

Wishing everyone a clear-headed & wonderful day. I hope to be outside & playing in the dirt in my gardens all day - yay!

Lav

[j-vo]

Newbies Nest

Happy Mother's Day to all Moms! I hope your Mother's Day is an AF one spent with your beautiful children!

[Dila]

Newbies Nest

Happy Mother's Day to all the Moms! Hope you have a wonderful day with your family.

Byrdie thanks for that post...it made me see where I am.

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

jane27;1659882 wrote: Well said Rahul!

At least a handful of times I've remembered out of the blue that I'm not shackled to the drinking life and all it's garbage. It feels similar to a recurring dream I have about winning several million dollars in Las Vegas. The thought that follows in each case is disbelief. The dream I've had enough times by now that I'm programmed to remember its a dream (doesn't stop me from feeling the disbelief). With the drinking realization it feels so surreal that it's like a dream. The disbelief is followed by assurance, (yup, it's real). Makes we wonder what else I'm capable of ( I never could have imagined this life or this alternate universe).

Momofthree, You'll be hard pressed to find a single recovering alcoholic who will tell you you're wasting your time by continuing to try again. Nurture each attempt, push to learn something new about what took you down when you fall. There is only one voice that will tell you it's futile to try and quit drinking, the voice of alcohol addiction. It doesn't care about you, and it doesn't care about anything. It roots for you to fail. Team up with your quit, soak up advice from MWO veterans that have proven success, and eventually you will count yourself among them. One day, it just clicks. For me that meant making it a full time mission. If you keep working at it, you'll get it.

Dila, congrats on 14 days!

DAM!



That was an awesome post, Jane!
What a wonderful description of the process!

It does a body good to see what potential we ALL can reach when we take the BIGGEST obstacle out of our own way. We blame EVERYTHING else....The heat, a Brother In Law, a spouse, THE KIDS....we blame hormones, we blame the sugar in wine! We blame everything but the villain himself, and THAT IS ALCOHOL. I am amazed at all of us who have removed him from our lives, we are reaching new heights and trying new things (see Dottie Belle). We aren't imprisoned by having to carve out time for that jealous lover, AL, who demands ALL from us.

So the next time you have a craving or thought to blow your quit (no matter how long....1 day or 1 year.....STOP, DROP and ROLL!
Stop the thought.
Drop what you're doing.
Roll onto MWO or contact someone who can be the voice of reason!

Do NOT give in! Life is too precious to waste ONE MORE DAY on AL!!!
Happy Mother's Day, to all for who it applies! XXOO, Byrdie

[Ginger999]

Newbies Nest

Happy Mother's Day to all you moms out there. Today is one week with no AL for me and this morning I got up looking forward to the festivities this afternoon. Earlier this week I was dreading it because of the AL. I have a plan and I'm excited to see the family.

Take care everyone.... Enjoy the day AF.

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Ginger!
7 days scores you a moon from us!
:moon:
Here's to kicking Al's arse for 7 days! The worst is behind you! GREAT job! B

[Ginger999]

Newbies Nest

LOL Thanks! That, in and of itself makes it worth it.