Newbies Nest

[K9Lover]

Newbies Nest

NS - You are only 2 decades off in my age, but hey, thanks (I think?) LOL :H

I agree, the Nest and MWO in general saved my life as well. I've noticed a decrease in the number of Newbies lately too, but I think it ebbs and flows...sometimes there are so many I can hardly keep track, which is where I tip my hat to Byrdie and Lav for always knowing who's who! It's been a pleasure watching YOU progress, you make my teeny-bopper heart proud! :h

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

Hey K9,
I think it's your turn to start remembering the names of the newbies!!!!
My granny brain isn't getting any younger :H :H

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Yes, activity on the site does ebb and flow. NN saved my life, too! Like NS, I liked having folks around me in all stages of quitting. It was as if I could see the past, present and future! Here in the nest, we do take getting sober seriously. Why make it harder than it has to be? If I ever had a tip for anyone getting underway with this journey it would be this: Get quit and STAY quit. Going back for any reason never works out. I don't use the word "never" lightly. I have, in my 4+ years here, NEVER, EVER seen it work out. I have looked! I would like to see it happen! If you follow people at all, you will see that it never does work out. So why put yourself thru all of that? Nobody likes to fail! I know there at the end I was like a stupid boxer going back into the ring...I'd fight then get hit and fall. I would stagger around and get back up and WHAM, I'd try drinking again, and back on my arse I went. It is a sad cycle. GET UP and STAY UP. It is the easiest, simplest, most humane thing you can do for yourself!

I was reading around the boards over the weekend, and I noticed someone posting virtually the same thing, only 3 years later. The note read that she was still 'struggling' with this. I thought, 'I've been sober 3 years, and sure, I have struggled some, but after a relatively SHORT period of time, it went away!!'. To think this person is still fighting the same head games all this time later is tragic. I wish there were something we could do or say to help people see the future WITH AL and WITHOUT it. Believe me, the one that includes is bleak. It doesn't just go away. It takes work and commitment. It takes checking in here and being accountable to the group, because as a unit, we are much stronger than we are as individuals.

If you are still struggling, hop on up. Put an end to the madness!! It won't stop unless YOU MAKE IT STOP, and it takes work, but like everything else in life, it is so worth it.

Happy one year anniversary to Samstone!!!! Happy 80 big days to Rahul!!! Happy 127 to Jane!! Dots is off the charts, so is Ava, Pav and DTD!! Everyone doing so well!!

Off to my day job!! XXOO, Byrdie

[K9Lover]

Newbies Nest

Lavande;1660694 wrote: Hey K9,
I think it's your turn to start remembering the names of the newbies!!!!
My granny brain isn't getting any younger :H :H

You're right! I will need the help of my trusty notepad and a pencil (old school style). LOL

[j-vo]

Newbies Nest

Thanks for that Byrdie and NoSugar! And I am one of those that kept struggling. Look at my join date! March, 2008, and my addictive voice kept telling me that I was the special one...the one that could moderate. I mean, all of my life, I was determined to reach my goals, and by gosh darn, I DID! All but one. And that's to moderate. When I came back in October to MWO for the thousandth time, I had no doubts in my mind that I could not moderate. When I came back this last time, I KNEW I could not moderate and it was time to bite the bullet and Al. With the help of many people, I was able to get on track, obtain lots of days, but fell a few times. But I got right back up on my abstinent horse and kept riding, learning what I had to add to my toolbox. What did it take? It took persistence. It took listening to others, following the successful people here, reading everything I could, journaling my experiences, posting like it was going out of style. And yet, I'm still a newbie, and so I decided to rejoin this thread, because I don't wanna forget that I still have lots to learn and give. We have to give to each other in order to learn. That's what this site is all about. It's about working together towards our goals. Team work, cooperative learning, and everyone's goal can be met, but maybe by using different tools. Let's get her done here!

[TJAF]

Newbies Nest

NoSugar;1660678 wrote: Hey,the median "age" in the nest is getting up there! Where are all the Newbies ?

This Nest saved my life. And I am not exaggerating. Once I landed here and spent hours reading and posting and asking questions, the path I needed to take became clearer and clearer. Since people at various stages of AF living chime in, I could see what a fairly long term sober life looked like in Lav. Byrdie was behind her but also seemed like a mature "adult" (kind of bummed me out when I found out she is younger than me ) Kuya and K-9... hmmm, they seemed like they were in their late teens or early 20s, I think. Then there were all the other infants with me having tantrums and needling love and discipline. And we got it!! We cheered one another on and helped one another back in to the nest after a bad choice was made. Mistakes were not condoned but they were, and are, understood.

If your goal is to kick AL out of your life forever, you really should hang out with people who have done it and are willing to share what they know. That is how great life is once you're free - you want everyone to experience it.

NS. You aren t exaggerating when you say this site saved your life. I'm sure its been posted elsewhere on MWO but the WHO just released a report that says alcohol kills one person every 10 seconds...for those counting that adds up to 3,153,600 people a year.

[daisy45]

Newbies Nest

The biggest struggle is getting back on that horse after a fall - the wise thing is to improve those riding skills so that it doesn't happen......
Could write a list of reasons why it has been so hard for me, but ultimately, I know now, they are excuses!
Great pep-talk Byrdie and NoSugar!

[frances]

Newbies Nest

I was just sitting here catching up and thinking about this evening when I have to take my son to his band concert. Last year at this time, I dropped him off and said to myself, well I have 30 minutes to kill, I'll go home and grab a quick drink or two and then go back to the school for the concert. It was all I could think about. Same thing when I would drop him for his baseball games - he had to be there an hour ahead of time - what else would I do to kill the time before the game started? Have a drink or two! Of course. How things have changed - I am so happy to say the thought of a drink really doesn't do anything for me right now. I do have some concerns about an evening out I have coming up on May 20 - I looked at my work calendar and noticed an early and important meeting the next day and thought about how that will help me avoid drinking on my night out. I will keep working on my plan - why I won't drink, what I will do instead, and the mantra that I learned here "if only one why not none!"

So glad we are all here on this journey together :l hugs to everyone!

[available]

Newbies Nest

Great post NS. I remember being drunk one night and finding mwo and thinking i cant do this to myself anymore, i was ashamed, alone, getting older and was over it. So i signed up drunk although did remember my password, i read through the posts and thought "im not that bad" and kept on my happy (?) way, all the time thinking i could cut down when i wanted or stop if i was "that bad". I did 11 days and i "had it all under control" so backed off, i did 40 days and well i "definitely had it under control" and came back last December finally realising i "had not farking control". I had no plan except to accept i was a "raving alcoholic" that needed to read and listen and post to at least try and stay sober. I knew this time if i backed away i would lose the fight with al, i would be alone with a bottle and ashamed again. So every damn day of my 165 days i have logged on here before i go to work and when i get home from work. Everyday i read and read and now i try and help the newbies (if i can find them). Do they listen? Well some do and some have the attitude of "i can do this by myself". If it could be done by ourselves then why is there an MWO, why do mwoers with 1 year, 2 years, 5 years still post on here? We still have to be accountable, it is a lifelong addiction and a very sneaky one which will tempt us with such kind words to get us to drink. I realise it will never go away, it is waiting patiently to try and suck me back to the life that i was living. When we come on here of course it is early days and the probability of failing in the first few attempts is pretty much inevitable but we learn our strategies each time to succeed until one day those Day 1's dont happen anymore. Lurking does not work, coming on and off mwo does not work, moderating does not work. A plan works, posting works, pming mwoers works and being accountable on here definitely works. I for one stopped the bullshit excuses, that i had a list a mile long for, and just took it day by day, minute by minute. I wanted to have the approval of the long timers on here, i didnt want to fail anymore. I didnt want to fail myself or my family and finally i have succeeded with beating al. Im still addicted, always will be but for today i will not drink.

As TJAF says al kills someone every 10 seconds, so newbies dont let it be you. It could have been any of us at the end of the day and i am grateful everyday for finding this site in my drunken stupour.

Sam congrats on your one year, Rahul on your 80 days.

[daisy45]

Newbies Nest

One decision I have made today is to spend an hour on MWO every day. I know that people who go to AA commit to meetings.....I'm thinking this would be another way of staying accountable...

[daisy45]

Newbies Nest

Great post Ava! I feel so many posts relate to me personally today. I am so glad I came here this morning - and haven't left all day!

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

That is a good plan, Daisy....after all, drinking consumed about 6 hours of my evening, so even if I do spend an hour on here, I'm still 5 hours ahead of the game!
Here are a few laser guided bullets to help you!

1/ Stay planted in the NN. Feel free to roam the boards, but always stay accountable in the NN. Why, Byrdie? As alkies, we forget just how bad it was. When we find this place at the end of our ropes, the NN is usually the first place new (or returning) people post. This always keeps it front and center, 'Oh, yeah, you WERE that bad, too'. Secondly, helping others reinforces YOUR quit, and there's no better way to do that than with newbies. Third, we have a LOT of success here in the nest, as you can see. I worry when folks wander off, maybe thinking they aren't really newbies anymore. Sometimes they may get involved in a thread that isn't as strong (when one falls they all fall), or isn't very busy...then interest wanes, and the quit isn't far behind. NN is busy. This is a good thing. If I had 6 hours to spend bombed in an evening, I have an hour to catch up on a couple pages of posts from my fellow Alkies! Also, post on Roll Call...we have a ball over there! (at least I do, I get to give out prizes!!) It keeps you accountable and connected. It means you have some skin in the game! Post on Sunday Shout outs too! Post anywhere you can brag about your AF time! It helps you protect it!

2/ Keep a diary of what works and what doesn't. This is so helpful. You will also need this for your 30 Day speech!

3/ When you have a craving....write it out on paper. What will I gain by drinking and what will I lose?

4/ When you have a craving and have written it out on paper, come here and post about it.....do not make a move until you have had a response. Sometimes, just that 5 minute break in your thought process can make the difference between winning and losing. Make a vow to yourself to come here and post before you do anything with AL.

5/ There is a drink tracker on this site.... I can't remember where it is, but that is good to plot your progress. Notice there is a theme in all of these pointers? ACCOUNTABILITY! I can honestly tell you more than once I have NOT fallen because I couldn't justify how I would face the nest and this site!! It makes a difference! It matters that you are part of a group! We KNOW how hard this is!!

6/ Change your thinking from deprivation to gratitude. If you feel you are constantly missing out, you will mostly likely not want to play. Adopting an attitude that you are saving your own life and helping others will help YOU! I am NOT tied to a bottle and I am so happy about that I could bust! However, if I said,' everybody else on Earth can drink but me'....that will not get you very far. Shed the pity party! I know it's easier said than done. Shift your thinking.

7/ Adopt a ZERO TOLERANCE policy! Not one, not ever! THIS is what it takes to tame this beast! I know that it is tempting to say, I'm not going to beat myself up if I fail, but that very thinking will CAUSE you fail. This is a very wily beast!!! He will wiggle in and take root in a fraction of a second. Tell yourself YOU ARE GOING TO WIN THIS! Do not leave anything to chance, because guess who is waiting? Let everything else go to the back burner, getting sober is priority ONE. Everything else will fall into place later.

Before you know it, you will have your moon, your hat, and your flying underwear!!! If you adopt the principles above, like every single one of us have who have just posted, you WILL SUCCEED! Let us hear from you, often! We WANT to hear from you! So let us get underway, you are already coming to the close of Day 1! The hardest day of all! Well done, my dear!! Onwards and upwards!! XXOO, Byrdie

[j-vo]

Newbies Nest

So true Ava, Just lurking and wishing won't work. Posting what you're feeling, going through, and asking for help is necessary. To take action and be a part of a community means everything. We are ALL only one drink away from disaster no matter how long we are sober. We have to keep using the same tools, add new ones to our box, rearrange the tools in a way that meets our needs. But the key is action by members.

[available]

Newbies Nest

No truer words spoken by a woman who has given me unwavering support in my journey to sobriety. God i was never as bad as byrd, who ffs puts al in a hairspray bottle? Yep Bryd did. But truth be told, i had never thought of that idea and thank god i didnt but in my own way i was just as bad for sure. What normal person hides their al from others, what normal people drive to drop off their empties so they dont get caught out, who spends time burying their empties at the bottom of the recycle bin or in others bins, what normal drinker buys 2 tomatoes to go with the two bottles of wine to distract from the wine.

The hours i spent on here when i first stopped was sometimes more than 6 hours, did i feel bad, not if it stopped me from not drinking, do i feel bad now if i am on here for 6 hours, definitely not. Its much better than posting pissed comments on fb or texting drunkenly to friends and not remembering, its much better to have spent the time on here and wake up sober and proud the next day.

As byrd says there is always someone here to be with you when a craving hits and we are all in different time zones which helps enormously.

Dil and FF are succeeding due to posting on there and have a buddy system to keep them accountable. They are dedicated now to beating al and they know the drill of being on here. The accolades from others gives us the boost we need to keep it going and not fail and have to post that.

You can do this Daisy. we all realise how the first weeks are, believe me they may be a memory but one we dont forget and therefore dont want to repeat again. I dont have another day 1 in me so therefore i will not drink.

[NoSugar]

Newbies Nest

Byrdie's post should be at the top of the MWO sign-in page! Follow that advice and each person can be done with the mystifying, miserable cycle that got us here in the first place.

Go back and read Ava's posts from December on and you'll see how it is done.

Look up j-vo's personal thread and see how much time, thought, and effort she has put into this since October.

I believe that to succeed, you have to change the way your brain perceives and interprets everything about drinking. All the romantic notions have to be snuffed out. Rewiring is needed so that old triggers yield new responses.

It might seem a little daunting to immerse yourself so fully in your recovery but I think it is necessary or the cycle will be repeated. I lost 4 hours each day to drinking and more because I was too dull to do anything interesting. I spent at least that much time on MWO or reading and learning about addiction for months and I don't consider one moment of that time wasted.

Most of us dug pretty big holes for ourselves so it isn't likely that many of us will be emerging without an effort similar to that we put into getting, consuming, and dealing with the fallout of drinking.