Newbies Nest

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Wow, some wonderfully encouraging posts overnight here!

We all saw the movie 'Groundhog Dog', right? That's just how I felt with the number of Day 1's I had. The beauty of hindsight is that we can see where we went wrong. I think there are 2 kinds of people; those who put things in 2 categories and those who don't. I like categories and it turns out, I like rules! I really like HARD AND FAST rules! With this in mind, there are really 2 choices we can make about this thing that is destroying our lives: we can give in to it and die FROM it or we can fight it with everything we've got. If we go about getting sober in a haff-assed fashion, that is giving in, right? In this fight, we are sober or we are not (like being pregnant). Anytime we yield to a drink we are scoring a point for AL. Anytime AL gets a point, it becomes stronger. Once it knows you are trying to cut off its food supply it gets pissed off (just like any of us would). There really are no tricks to this. New Rule: You must not put another drop of AL in your mouth, period. Once you adopt this mindset, it becomes EASIER! You are out to slay this dragon, not to appease him, you are not trying to let this demon down easy, or tell him maybe we can get back together later on....you are trying to kill this beast that is taking over your life. You don't get to play nice with AL. You must make a decision that AL will not take one more day of your life. No, HELL NO, I will not drink today....no matter what, no matter who. It isn't scary once you get going. Don't let the fear stop you from trying, the FEAR comes FROM AL! There is nothing to lose and everything to gain. Make a decision. We've just got those 2 choices.

We have so much success going on, so proud of everyone. Ava with her 6 months, Rahul at 99 days, Jane is off the charts, Daisy rocking it, Samstone, NoSugar....everyone is just amazing. Be sure to check out Roll Call today we are going to have lots of awards! And we all are beating this the very same way.....one day at a time. Zero Tolerance. Great job everyone!!

Sarah, my acid reflux went away when I quit drinking....I was flabbergasted. Thought that was something I would have for the rest of my life. Drinking AL was like pouring battery acid on my esophagus. Hop on board with us. Remember how proud you were after that AF day you had? That can be you tomorrow!! If 'just 4' aren't doing it for you anymore, just try none!! Grab on to us, we won't let anything happen to you!!!! I promise!

Have a great day, everyone! Byrdie

[j-vo]

Newbies Nest

Cherokeer,
Toolbox is in the Monthly Abs section below. Glad you're here.

Sarah, Ava hit the nail on the head. 100 percent dedication to not drinking, pure grit and determination. It can be done, as so many here have done it. Let us be your cheerleader now. Let us cheer you on as you get day 2,3, 4, 5....Because that's what we do. We're here for each other. But you have to start the ball rolling. You have to make the decision to stop. It's all mental determination after the first few days of getting Al out of your system.

Minderaser, yep, lots of money to be saved! Treat yourself to something nice!

B Blues, 10 days is freaking awesome! In the beginning, I felt out of sorts in any situation. So it's not unusual for you to be feeling the way you are now, even though it's probably even harder with DH's family. What I do want to say to you is that you are entitled to happiness and to enjoy yourself just as much as anyone! You're a strong person, working to have a better life, and you're entitled to this better and happier life. It may not feel as though right now, but keep putting in the days, and little by little things will get a little brighter and prettier for you. One day at a time.

Welcome back Mein!

Have a great sober Friday! Hope everyone's looking in their toolbox so that on Sunday night you'll be happy with the choices you made and received support from your top 10 list of tools you used to stay sober.

[j-vo]

Newbies Nest

Excellent post, Byrdie!!!!!

[NoSugar]

Newbies Nest

Sarah42;1666198 wrote:
Yes, it's only 4 drinks, but for goodness sakes...4 drinks does "nothing" for me! WTH do I get out of that over 9 hours?
Sarah, you've got to take the blinders off. 4 drinks is over half the weekly limit for women and 4 times the daily limit. Just because you aren't drinking a bottle of wine in 2 hours, like some here have done, doesn't mean you're not "that bad". If you can't easily abstain from drinking for a period of time, you're addicted. There are physical components and psychological components, all of which need to be and can be addressed. It is likely that many of your problems are caused or exacerbated by alcohol. Your change in health might be amazing if you would just give yourself the chance.

Which to me is sooo stupid cause so many have problems that I don't have, and I feel guilty even feeling stressed. Please quit comparing yourself to others in this way, too. I wasted a lot of time beating myself up because I didn't have a tragic history to justify my behavior. I actually felt twinges of envy when people wrote about their alcoholic parents, abuses they suffered, losses they endured --- I felt like they had reasons to justify what had happened to them whereas I had just screwed up. Well, none of that matters. Each person who comes here is at square 1 - addicted to alcohol. How that happened isn't nearly as important as how to get over it.

I am angry. I have been here for 3 months and 1 day AF...that's it.

It would be great if we were celebrating day 90 with you today, Sarah. It would be cool if you were soon to be joining the 100 day thread along with Rahul and Frances and SL and others who will be there soon. In another 3 months you're going to have the same regrets if you don't just make the choice and quit - You won't be with Cherokeer and Minderaser and Donewithit and others as they approach 100 days. And you'll be even angrier with yourself than you are now.

One thing is for sure, I'm not a help to anyone on here...except saying hello or good job. I suppose the only reason I should post is to say I'm backing all of you...in everyway imaginable.

Everyone here appreciates your support but there is no point in martyring yourself for others. It is good to post for their benefit but as you compose your posts, perhaps write out in detail why what they are doing is good and how doing the opposite would be the wrong choice. I think that is how posting and participating here can change your brain - what you write to others over and over and over again can become your reality.


I'm not here to be a cheerleader- I'm here to get help- DAMNIT -and all I have done here is be a cheerleader.

You've been offered a great deal of help, Sarah, and you've rejected it. You've not responded, as least here, to posts that were written directly to you. Several people have recommended that you quit trying to taper given that it usually is an unsuccessful strategy and unnecessary for most people. You have been encouraged to quit because your other health problems make continuing drinking even more dangerous for you than it is for others.

You probably are angry with me right now for writing this, Sarah. I'm taking the risk because I've watched you tie yourself into knots for 3 months and it is all so unnecessary.

Just quit drinking. Right now. And then take the energy you've been wasting on regrets and self-hatred and put it into doing what you have to do to make it through each and every day without a drink. It sounds to me like you're to the point where continuing to drink is at least as difficult as it would be to quit.

There is no point in the future at which you will be wishing you hadn't stopped today and had continued on this disasterous path you're on.. The main regret expressed around here by those of us who have gotten over this addiction is that we didn't do it sooner, especially when we realize that is was not nearly as difficult or as painful as we feared.

Please start taking care of yourself, NS

[Orimus]

Newbies Nest

No more half-arsing it, no more looking for my why. It's staring me in the face every morning! No more day ones period.

Juja - That image can't be easy to shake but just ask yourself why did he put it there? Is he trying to hold on? Is it working? He must learn to stand on his own and you have yourself to take care of. You can do it now or do it later and call the cops about this suicidal image and get past it, let them handle it. Maybe it'll wake him up a little when there are badges at the door.

[Samstone]

Newbies Nest

Orimus
you've hit the nail on the head. there is no half ass with taking back your control of who you are from alcohol. Because booze doesn't play fair. In our world there is no one drink, there are only many. I applaud your decision! Now hang tight and keep up the positive and screw the negative.
Sam

[minderaser]

Newbies Nest

Hey everyone,

WHAT. A. DAY. I made up some b.s. excuse to not go to a party tonight to avoid being around alcohol so early in my quit, and the guy started giving me loads of hassle about it, and slagging me off to our friends. Ironically making me want to drink. Im hoping a nice big meal when I'm home from work will take the edge off the craving. I know I'll feel the better for it tomorrow if I don't have any al tonight.

Phew, rant over haha.

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

MindEr,
You are doing the right thing by going home instead of to a party where jack-legs like that guy are going to pressure you to drink. Remember those HALT signals! Hungry, ANGRY, Lonely, Tired. Maybe you can borrow my big ole wine bottle to smack him up side of the head! What we need is some R & R! So when I get off from this god-forsaken day, I'm going to get a bubble bath, get in my pj's and snuggle with my doggie on the couch! The only pressure will be to rub her belly! I feel your pain, what a week this has been to have only been 4 days! UGG!
Awesome posts, everyone! Show NO mercy on AL!!! Bwahahahaha! Byrdie

[daisy45]

Newbies Nest

Byrdie, I think even if I were to think about a bottle of wine tonight, I'd be afraid! Ye might just slam one over my head when you're at it!

[Pavati]

Newbies Nest

Hi, Nest:

Warning, this is a yarn...

Done and Cherokeer – In spite of not having control of this problem, I am heartened by the idea that in fact I DO have control of alcohol as long as I don’t take that first drink. Of course, that is the challenge – your addicted brain is working against you in that. That is where MWO or another support system comes in – we can help each other avoid that first sip. Even if you don’t feel in your heart you can stay sober, just take the leap of faith and follow what the successful people around here do – self care, post and participate, adopt an attitude or gratitude, guard against complacency, make a sober plan (daily) – among others.

Yes, Rahul, we need to continue to work on other aspects of our lives that are maybe even more obviously misdirected when we get sober – a clear head shines a brighter light. Good news is we have so much more mental and physical energy without the booze, so we can tackle the problems head on and get through them rather than trying to avoid them with alcohol.

Good job, Minderaser. I try to give myself another reward – a yoga class, an ice cream, meditation – for a hard day. I actually look forward to the alternatives now, often without even thinking about the post-work drink.

Good job, Maria! I don’t drink, either!

Sam – I love that post from Sharky. My favorite part says, “I am not the stupid, embarrassing things I did; I am a real person who does not mix well with alcohol.”

BB – See my comment above. You are not the thing you did – you are a person who has a problem with alcohol and did some things you regret because of it. Once you get past the physical struggles with the first few weeks, you can take some time to heal emotionally as well. I always recommend the pod cast The Bubble Hour - a lot of good information and ideas about how to go about that… Of course you deserve to have a good time!

Sarah – I used to get terrible heart burn and have high blood pressure, and now without alcohol I have none of the above. I even stopped taking medication! “Only four drinks” can mean a lot of different things depending on potency, size, etc., and of course you know that the recommended maximum for women is one drink per day. I’m sorry you’re so mad at yourself, but maybe part of your journey has been for you to uncover your frustration and come to the realization that you ARE addicted (mentally at least). Most people recommend quitting for 30 days at least to assess the situation – there are many ideas around here on how to deal with stress without drinking. I say jump in and give it a try! I was very fearful to do that myself, but the anticipation was much worse than quitting ever was – life is BETTER without alcohol. You can do this!

Welcome back, Mein! Glad you’re here.

Juja – sorry you’re struggling. Co-dependency seems pretty common around here. Exercise? Meditation? A nice, hot bath? Maybe those could help you stop your head from spinning if not get it in the right place…

Byrdie! That’s all. Just Byrdie!

NS – That post could be for the me who was lurking for so long before I finally jumped in here! Sometimes we need the tough love. That was a fantastic post for us all.

Ori – Yes! You got it. Half-assed doesn’t work with us. All or nothing. May as well give it your all…

Jane – My sister with a prescription drug addicted husband got a lot out of Co-dependent no more, too. Great suggestion…

And finally, Lav! Yep, just Lav!
r />I know I probably missed some, but phew there was a lot to respond to. I had a drinking dream last night (at almost 6 months sober) and BY FAR the worst part about it was trying to figure out how I was going to come here and confess (well, the worst part may have been “blacking out” in the dream). I believe in the power of this community to keep us sober. As long as we linger on the edges and say “I’m working at figuring out a good time…” we will never give in. Like Ava says, that is denial talking. Jump right in, commit to being sober today. Make a plan to staying sober today. Come post here for support if you feel like drinking. Rinse, repeat tomorrow. It does get better, easier, and less consuming, but for now, let staying sober consume you.

Happy SOBER weekend, all.

Pav

[Pavati]

Newbies Nest

x post, Daisy. Yes, Byrdie does scare (in a GOOD way). :shocked:

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Bwahahaa....walk softly and carry a big bottle.
Daisy, you are doing SO well!
NoSugar, that was a very inspirational post. I got my feelings hurt more than once by LAV!! However, she was speaking the truth to me and I didn't want to hear it, I wanted someone to tell me I could handle this and drink when I wanted to. I picked the wrong person to ask when I came here, huh??? She never let up on me, either! In my case, I kept falling....I'd crawl back and wonder what happened. She got her can of whup arse out on me! It's just what I needed! I didn't need to be enabled, I needed to be TAUGHT how to do this! And the rest is history! THANK YOU, DEAR LAV, from saving ME from me!!!

Pav, congrats on your 180 days!!!!! You're a rockstar!
:disco:
Darkest Diamond has checked in with 30 Days, too!!!
:goodtime:
This hat goes with anything! Congratulations on these big numbers, everyone!!!

Friday is just another day! Hang in there, everyone! It IS worth it! Byrdie

[available]

Newbies Nest

Juj wow nearly to the two weeks, go girl. We started at about the same time and hey if i can get to 6 months (officially tomorrow) then anyone can. I dont know what you can do with the ex except go with the flow and if it becomes too much back away. My ex would tell the children he was going to kill himself and then they would ring me and then i would drive down to see that he was pissed and depressed. Mind you i was drinking too so nothing helped in that situation. There is so much i wish i had been sober for but hey now i am!.

Mind, no one is worth drinkin over. If that person is a "friend" well maybe you should "unfriend" him. Its funny that people will tell us alkies to just have a couple and we will be fine. The problem is we know we cant do that or things wont be "fine", we will be back in the pit where we were not so long ago. You know what is best for you and you sound strong enough to do as you want, not as others do. Keep going.

NS what a great post and it is for all newbies. We can bullshit as much as we want about stopping drinking but ultimately it is up to us and the support is here for one and all. I know i could not have given up without MWO and the wonderful people on here. I was told in certain and uncertain ways that ultimately it was up to me and the choice was mine to either grab an af life or succumb to the self pity and guilt and shame that al was. Luckily i chose to stop.

A great post lovely Byrd, you have always given advice that i have needed to listen to, sometimes i didnt want to listen but if you dont listen you will never learn.

Daisy if Byrd did not slam a bottle over your head, i certainly would! Though i prefer bricks in different colours. You are doing fantastic girl and im still waiting for the backdrop you painted. Bet you were chuffed with the end result that would never have been as good if you were drinking. Proud of your achievements.

Well another sober day to look forward too, tomorrow is 6 months and my first smoke free day. Another journey begins and i know it is not going to be sunshine and roses stopping this addiction as i have been smoking longer than i have drinking but if i can get rid of the booze then i can get rid of the fags and at the end of the day it is my choice to give up and my decision.

[available]

Newbies Nest

Pav 180 days, feels good doesnt it my fellow quit buddy. I am so blessed to have had you to share this continuing journey with. It has definitely been a privilege to share the ups and downs of stopping al and newbies it does help to have a buddy. I felt i could not let Pav down especially, we were in this together and we still are. To know that someone else is going through exactly the same feelings etc is a wonderful help. I was not alone and i am glad to say I am still not alone.

DD fantastic on 30 days, you have struggled with al and you have won. A big hug on this huge day in MWO land.

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

WOW!
CONGRATS to everyone making such great progress

Byrdie, I do realize that I tend to tell people what they need to hear & not necessarily what they want to hear. I learned that early in my nursing practice! It was a necessity to get people out of the hospital, in as good shape as possible before their insurance companies threw them out. You try dealing with a bunch of whining, post-op hip & knee replacement old ladies :H :H
The same theory works here. Everyone can quit drinking if they really want to quit more than they want to continue. Right??

DD, a special CONGRATS to you

Now, to get outside while it's still light & pull more weeds!!!