Hopefulness
Hi Nesters,
Today I am one month sober, I feel thrilled and relieved about this and know that this is the way forward for the rest of my life. It has been the most difficult month of my life as during this time I was diagnosed as having breast cancer, also I got a severe chest infection and then a bladder infection!! ( I am now over both of those) I am still peeing every hour but that is , according to doctor, down to anxiety and will go.
On the first of May I woke up vomiting and feeling wretched, I knew that was the end of my drinking , I had a very strong feeling of "This is it, this is the end!"
During the last month as part of my cancer treatment I have had lots of blood tests, I always ask for a print out and it is lovely to see improvement, now they are all in normal ranges, no liver damage or malfunction!!
![Smile](https://www.mywayout.org/community/core/images/smilies/smile.png)
The joy of this month has been that even in the darkest times I have not wanted to drink as I can see how it would wreck my clarity of thought, damage my health and kill me (either quickly or slowly). When I get better from breast cancer I will stay AF forever.
This month has been frightening, I am scared of what lies ahead.... the surgery and the possible chemotherapy. I have got very stressed over change of dates for my main surgery. I am scared of the general anaesthetic and the surgery itself and staying in hospital, I have never stayed in hospital before.
What has been wonderful is the love and support that I have received from my friends and family and also colleagues at work. It has really helped me. Looking back now I can see how before I became AF how messed up my life was.... I totally kept up with things on the work front but in every other way I was a slave to alcohol. In between all my hospital appointments etc I have started to rebuild my life, have sorted out my home, garden, spiritual self, spent time with friends (I never realised how much alcohol had isolated me). I now feel closer to everything..... nature, cats, dogs and people! I have rediscovered the joy of reading and also delight in going for long walks.
The bottom line for me is that I will not drink, whatever happens I will be AF. If ever I feel the urge I have a support network... here, AA, friends and family and God!!
Thanks to all for support, every day I read in the nest and on several other threads too, it helps me to stay grounded, also inspires me, there is strength in knowing that there are others on this wonderful AF journey xxx
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