Newbies Nest

[Orimus]

Newbies Nest

What is your pain Dilla? We don't need to know what you're numbing but if you can share your pain we can share it with you, divide it and maybe help you let it rest. We are here for you. Maybe I'm just a little behind but here for you none the less. You came to the right place. Spent many days lurking around here and it always helps me find a little peace.

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Maria!
7 days is something to shout about! nesters, you know what to do! Let's pull down our britches and give you a FULL MOON! Each one of us knows that these days are among the very hardest, and they are now behind you! Keep shining!!! We are cheek to cheek with you!
:moon:
Ava and Pav...6 months, wow!
:earth:
What a world of difference! So proud of yall.
Rahul, a big day tomorrow!!!!!
Booze Blues, 3 weeks, look at you!!!! GREAT JOB!
Petrel, we always want to stay in uncharted waters! I am in them too! There is NO GLORY in repeating a day you have done before! 39 days, gosh, did you ever think you would be giving advice on a NO drinking site??? Life is funny that way.
I feel really good about my closets and drawers, that needed doing!!! Hugs all, Byrdie

[Cherokeer]

Newbies Nest

Weld today was a productive day. I haven't done this much in one day in two years. I mowed the yard, cleaned the patio, weed whacked, steam cleaned the carpets, cooked dinner and I am bone tired. Normally I would have been sitting on the patio with a glass of wine thinking "this needs to be cleaned, the grass needs to be mowed" and after my second glass I wouldn't care in the least.

As I was cooking breakfast this morning I looked into my curio cabinet at all my beautiful wine glasses and decided to get rid of them all. I threw all my decorative corks away. I realized I don't drink anymore. There is no reason to keep them around. It's symbolic to me and proves my commitment to myself that I truly in my heart intend to quit for good.

Birdie, you are an inspiration. I want to be able one day to not be afraid and stand the test of time being AF.

Mind, Day 3.....Score!!

[bran new day]

Newbies Nest

Morning All , wow a lot goes on here in a day , 4 pages to read back on .
Its good to see all those doing well , doing well . And those who are struggling , as am I , we just have to keep looking for the reasons why . Day 2 here , BND

[available]

Newbies Nest

Chero, my house was the same, i let it all go but now its back to where it was lol. I never had a favourite wine glass as i kept breaking them when i was drunk but i did put all my wine glasses away where i could not see them. I was going to throw them out but my daughter did say "what about when people come over" so i did keep them. Now they are gathering dust. You had corks????? If i had them they would never have been used, no time, too busy guzzling al.

BND hello and welcome back. My advice to help with your struggles is to keep on here daily, twice daily. You will notice that the ones with numbers wracking up are the ones that are dedicated to their quit and make it their priority. I used to make half arsed attempts at giving up al, come on here whenever and end up drinking. when i did decide i was totally serious, that my life was going nowhere fast then i had to be dedicated, accountable and make a choice not to drink. Seems to have worked, being 6 months today. I used to drink for 4+ hours daily, so replacing that drinking with coming on MWO, sometimes for longer than 4 hours has worked for me. It can work for you if you make not drinking your number 1 priority and when you stop the struggle lessens and then goes.

[Juja]

Newbies Nest

Too many positive things to respond to--it's overwhelming. Way to go everyone!

The cleaning bug must be going around. I did it yesterday, and love it when my environment in clean and in order. I am calmer when I'm organized. Today, I washed down the porch of this old house, and it looks as good as it can. I'm glad I don't own this place. Yikes. Tonight, I wrote bills, and made my budget for the month. I like having that job done.

Now, to a serious matter: Dila, please tell us why you're hurting. What pain do you wish to erase? How can we help? Talk to us, please. I understand wanting to numb it, but it's 5 times as bad after we drink. Right? Come here, and share. We'll listen. You'd be surprised at the good advice that's out there. I received some today.

Have a great evening everyone.

[Cherokeer]

Newbies Nest

Avail, I actually wanted to break them but my husband wants me to put them in the basement. I won't go in the basement because it's haunted. I haven't been down there in 27 years. LOL To me, breaking them would be symbolic of breaking the hold AL has over me. But my darling man and his hoarding tendencies. It's a good compromise.

Juju, I feel the same. Well I used to before I drank myself stupid so I wouldn't care. I sat on my patio ( freshly cleaned and weeded) with my pond and fountain, flowers of every kind and color, listening to my favorite flute music and just closed my eyes enjoying the stillness of the moment. It made my heart glad. Slowly shaking off the shame and looking forward to being happy again.

Dila, I wish you peace and release from your pain.

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Ok, Chero, your basement is HAUNTED? We're gonna need some details on that one!!

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

Looks like it was a good day around here, that's great
Makes me happy & just proud to see all of you making progress day after day!

Dila, I really wish we could do more to ease your hurt. Is there anyone close by you could talk to for comfort & support? :l

Wishing everyone a safe night in the nest!

Lav

[peppersnow]

Newbies Nest

Juja - I'm so glad and relieved you got in touch with your therapist. You sound like an exceptionally strong woman and I know you know you can beat AL, especially with all the support here. But the behavior of your ex isn't your responsibility to handle alone and you absolutely shouldn't try. This community is awesome, but with your situation there's no substitute for professional help from a live person (not that we're not alive, but you know what I mean!) Hang in there.

Also, see Jane's list of do-this-not-that -- I still can't figure out Pinterest, but that's on my list!

Cherokeer - I agree with whoever asked for more info about the haunted basement...for real you haven't been down there in 27 years? We had a similar experience but were told how to get it to leave, and it actually worked - I'd be happy to share the "how to's" if you like!

Way to go, everyone - Pav and Lav, and especially the new folks. The first 14 days can be so rough, particularly dealing with the constant exhaustion, but you can all do this. Hang in there, and you'll eventually realize that life is good again. Every morning I wake up well-rested without a hangover is the best morning I've ever had in my life, and it never gets old!

[Darkest Diamond]

Newbies Nest

Greetings everyone,
Thanks for the many messages of support! It means a lot!

So many important milestones :-
Maria 7 days Booze Blues 3 weeks Av and Pav 6 months Rahul 100 today and every day that everyone has done is a wonderful achievement. Counting the days has always helped me stay sober, also celebrating sober anniversaries helps me too. I liked it in AA when I got a cake to celebrate my one, then two then three year anniversary (all that was a long time ago now, over 10 years, so since then have had my alcohol battles!!) At the time although I was proud of being three years sober I did not really treasure it, where as now I treasure each day (as I know the grip alcohol had on me in recent months, also am more aware of the dangers of al).

Cherokeer you mention the satisfaction of physical tasks Cleaning, gardening etc, I too love all this. Although I dislike the process of gardening I love the results!

Ju Ju I know what you mean about feeling calmer when organised. When I drank everything, except my work was disorganised, that along with the alcohol, led me to feel an inner grief and chaos.

Feeling very nervous now as my surgery date gets nearer and nearer! Also frightened about how I will look after the surgery (mastectomy and reconstruction) and frightened about how I will feel ... not being able to lift heavy things/drive possibly having some pain etc This isn't such a big deal in the grand scheme of things, people are having operations every day........ but it is all new to me. Thank God I am not drinking, if I was the fear would be off the scale!!

I know it is best to take one day at a time but that is hard!

Happy Sunday, it is lovely and sunny here today.

[available]

Newbies Nest

DD when is your surgery date? We will all be thinking of you on MWO on that day and hope that you can let us know how it goes. I have never had an operation either so i can imagine what you must be feeling and as you said thank god you are not drinking. Let others help you, you sound as if you have a great support network, let them help, it will not be for long and enjoy getting spoilt.

Keep postive as you are now DD. You are so right in what you said about "treasuring" each day, i relate to that also now that i am not pouring al down my throat.

[Sarah42]

Newbies Nest

NoSugar;1666275 wrote: Sarah, you've got to take the blinders off. 4 drinks is over half the weekly limit for women and 4 times the daily limit. Just because you aren't drinking a bottle of wine in 2 hours, like some here have done, doesn't mean you're not "that bad". If you can't easily abstain from drinking for a period of time, you're addicted. There are physical components and psychological components, all of which need to be and can be addressed. It is likely that many of your problems are caused or exacerbated by alcohol. Your change in health might be amazing if you would just give yourself the chance.


Please quit comparing yourself to others in this way, too. I wasted a lot of time beating myself up because I didn't have a tragic history to justify my behavior. I actually felt twinges of envy when people wrote about their alcoholic parents, abuses they suffered, losses they endured --- I felt like they had reasons to justify what had happened to them whereas I had just screwed up. Well, none of that matters. Each person who comes here is at square 1 - addicted to alcohol. How that happened isn't nearly as important as how to get over it.


It would be great if we were celebrating day 90 with you today, Sarah. It would be cool if you were soon to be joining the 100 day thread along with Rahul and Frances and SL and others who will be there soon. In another 3 months you're going to have the same regrets if you don't just make the choice and quit - You won't be with Cherokeer and Minderaser and Donewithit and others as they approach 100 days. And you'll be even angrier with yourself than you are now.


Everyone here appreciates your support but there is no point in martyring yourself for others. It is good to post for their benefit but as you compose your posts, perhaps write out in detail why what they are doing is good and how doing the opposite would be the wrong choice. I think that is how posting and participating here can change your brain - what you write to others over and over and over again can become your reality.


You've been offered a great deal of help, Sarah, and you've rejected it. You've not responded, as least here, to posts that were written directly to you. Several people have recommended that you quit trying to taper given that it usually is an unsuccessful strategy and unnecessary for most people. You have been encouraged to quit because your other health problems make continuing drinking even more dangerous for you than it is for others.

You probably are angry with me right now for writing this, Sarah. I'm taking the risk because I've watched you tie yourself into knots for 3 months and it is all so unnecessary.

Just quit drinking. Right now. And then take the energy you've been wasting on regrets and self-hatred and put it into doing what you have to do to make it through each and every day without a drink. It sounds to me like you're to the point where continuing to drink is at least as difficult as it would be to quit.

There is no point in the future at which you will be wishing you hadn't stopped today and had continued on this disasterous path you're on.. The main regret expressed around here by those of us who have gotten over this addiction is that we didn't do it sooner, especially when we realize that is was not nearly as difficult or as painful as we feared.

Please start taking care of yourself, NS

HOLY COW! I'm Cutting and pasting this into my notebook!!! THANK YOU NS!!! I'm not upset at all....it's the kick in the butt I totally need. TY!

Love,

Sarah

[minderaser]

Newbies Nest

Sarah, glad you are taking that post in the spirit I'm sure it was meant

Today is my first non-hungover day off work in an age! I've had a nice lie-in, gonna spend a bit of time looking round on here, then maybe have some dinner, a nice walk in the sunshine and then going to see my grandad who I've not seen in a little while - my folks go round on a sunday, and as I work in retail I'm normally working, or hungover, or both, so I'm looking forward to my day.

I've been worried about how I'm going to deal with certain things this month (e.g. a stag do I'm attending later in the month) but I guess the best thing to do is concentrate on getting through each day to make sure I can get to that point in the first place.
Anyone got any advice on this kind of thing? Drinking will be the primary activity, and not going isn't really an option. :thanks:

Hope everyone has a positive sober Sunday!

M.E.

[Sarah42]

Newbies Nest

jane27;1666683 wrote: NS, I also wanted to thank you for your post to Sarah. Its clear that your comments come from the heart and that you care. Caring requires a lot more energy than ignoring or giving an off-the-shelf slap on the back; And then there's the aftermath/backlash of the reaction that comes because the pot got stirred. I think that what you said, and the spirit in which you said it were passionate and to the point. AL has hurt us all or we wouldn't be wasting so much time try to manage it / keep it in chains. Far worse than being wrapped up in AL addiction is no one caring about it. In general, not to be cared about is such a sad, lonely thing.

Sarah, I hope you don't feel too wounded about what NS wrote. From both my experience, what I've observed on MWO and in speaking with other folks battling AL addiction, quitting is often a process. (AA expression, "Progress, not perfection.")
We didn't become addicted, problem drinkers overnight, and if quitting was an easy as making a decision, there wouldn't be as great a need for support groups like MWO.

I totally got your post, and I remember feeling that same way (why am I such a fuckin asshole?). I think beating myself up felt better than doing nothing at all. (If I cant quit drinking, the least I can do is berate myself for it). I recognize that stop on the train and I don't envy you. Its a very frustrating place to be. I can only offer what I know from my experience and that is, when I was at that stop, the truth is that I wasn't ready to quit- but the bigger piece was the reason why. I wasn't ready to quit because I had nothing to quit for. My life as it was did not contain enough good stuff in it to make quitting worthwhile. (why get sober if your life sucks). I've read a lot of different stories about why people drank and why they quit. Byrdie's story was different- when I pressed her , "But what changed? How is it that what wasn't enough all of a sudden became enough?" Her answer "It always was enough! I just didn't realize or appreciate it."

Understand, that no matter how much time a person has under their belt, AL addiction is a ghost that never leaves the house, and at times it can be hard & painful to manage it. Life without being able to escape into a fuzzy abyss can be hard and painful. When I read NS' post to you, I heard clear, uncut sober pain.

You can quit drinking Sarah, you just don't want to. Give us more than 1 day. Make a goal of 2 days, and during those 2 days try and write what it is that your running away from by drinking. Put the berating yourself card away for a while and man up. I know you can do 2 days, in fact I know you can do 4. Stop fucking around and do it.

All meant with love. You're not a fly by around here. Put some money where your mouth is.

You're right..and your post is also going to be saved. I'm moved that opened yurself up to me and the advice you give is more than fantastic,

I can't thank you enough.

Love,

Sarah