Newbies Nest

[Juja]

Newbies Nest

Dila;1667142 wrote: Juja,
Not avoiding just not sure what I'm feeling. On my job search my husband encouraged me to apply for positions out of state. I asked him if he was willing to move and he said no. He told me to go and he would come visit from time to time. Then he told me if this investment he has pays off, he is leaving.

So after almost 25 years what was I, only the person to pay the bills. It hurt so much. He is far from perfect but so am I. I thought we had a good marriage. I just feel like I have a knife in my heart.

I have to make some decisions I don't want to make. I had it hard for so long with just my daughter and myself before I married my husband. I know I am not that young inexperienced person anymore, but I also don't know if I have the strength to start over.

I feel used.

Dila, we're sisters-in-arms then-- 2 women trying not to be sucked into quicksand by the ending of long marriages. God, it's awful, isn't it? I have no words of wisdom, except that some days are better than others. Pm me anytime. My heart hurts for you, and me. I don't know what else to say, except get professional help.

Well, I had 3 glasses of wine last night. Emotional conversation in a.m. with husband yesterday, a friend came and brought me back to myself, I felt great, and went to the store. End of tale.

I have decided that I am expecting too much of myself by trying to get through this separation and going AF at the same time. I can't expect myself to maneuver both of these new waters simultaneously. I am setting myself up for failure. I am not, however, giving myself permission to drink. I don't want to drink. It makes things worse, and I want to be happy and clear-headed.

So, let the barrage come, but I'm doing the best I can with taking care of elderly parents, death of a marriage, a new place, and AL. As a matter of fact, I'm doing pretty damn well, considering.

I hope my therapist can see me today. I need some guidance. If I can't see her today, I'm going to the bank to set up separate accounts for me. Tiny steps, and not too many at once.

Another AF day.

[available]

Newbies Nest

Good on you Chero keep up the good fight.

Rahul a huge congratulations on 100 days, i am so proud of you that you have gotten to where you are today. I knew you could do it and i know you will keep on doing it. Its not hard now and that day 1 will never happen unless we let it and this is why we are here on MWO so it doesnt happen.

Congratulations again xxx

Juj only you can do what you know you can handle but always think before taking that drink (another bit of poetry). We are not here to hassle you at all, we know the struggle, been there done that, have the badge, we do. We post to you because we care, that is all. Try and think of other strategies before you take that first drink, that is all the advice i can give you. I was married to a drunk and i became a drunk, when i separated from the drunk, i became more of a drunk. I did not do anything sober as i felt i could not cope, so who am i to tell you what to do. You do the best you can and we will be here.

[daisy45]

Newbies Nest

Sarah, good to see you on board - glad you are excited; that should make the first few days easier.
Dil, sorry for what is happening in your life - whatever happens, you do what is best for you - you make the decision on how you move forward......he lost his rights to having any say!
I have heard of situations like this before and more often than not they come crawling back, tail between the legs........be ready! You will be fine - Mr Big will regret this - his loss!

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Morning, Nesters!
Rahul, your post scared the !#$%! out of me when I read Day 1, I wanted to come thru this computer and shake your shoulders and say, WHAT WERE YOU THINKING??? I am so glad that I was wrong! Day 101!! GREAT post, as usual.

Juja, my situation was a bit different, but my hubs issued an ultimatum to me....either quit drinking or he was gone (and he left that night). I had 2 choices, either totally give in to AL, or fight for my sober life back and HOPE that I could also win my hubs back. I had an aging Dad, too, and family troubles out the wazoo. HOWEVER, quitting drinking was the single best thing I could do to help ALL of these things! Getting my own house in order was the foundation to making other key decisions that would come. The voice that is telling you not to take on AL right now, guess who that is? Yep, that's AL talking. I found that working on the AL thing was actually a good distraction to all the other chaos that was going on. Focusing on myself was the right thing to do. Falling back into the grips of AL (for ALKIES like us) is NEVER the answer. It will make every single thing WORSE. If you don't salvage anything else out of this whole situation, don't let sobriety be the thing you lose. You are going to lose your parents (eventually, sad but true) and if your hubs wants out there isn't much you can do to keep him. So what is left? YOU. You are all you've got in the end. Would your hubs rather stay with a sober Juja or a drunken Juja? What would you do if you were him? I'd say your BEST CHANCE at keeping it together will be if you get sober and stay sober. If we wait until everything calms down to start this process, we will be waiting a lifetime (a shorter one, due to AL). Don't waste another day on AL. Pull yourself together and fight this!! You can do it!!!

Sarah and Dila, great going on getting started today!! I'm excited for you!!
Samstone, your rock solid advice is just priceless! (in equal measure to the pay around here!!).

Little Beagle and Steadfast have 400 DAYS TODAY!!!!
inkele: inkele: inkele: inkele:

Hope everyone has a lovely beginning to the work week....Byrdie

[amo]

Newbies Nest

Is this the right place?

I'm just starting out for the eighth/ ninth/ tenth time, I can't remember. I just need to know where on earth I am supposed to be posting my posts? Please help!! I'm actually still drinking but planning on quitting as of thursday.....any help would be appreciated

[daisy45]

Newbies Nest

This is exactly where you need to be! Read back here and you will see many or most came here feeling the same as you.....you will then see how they started and kept going. Dedicate yourself and make a commitment to stay here and post your daily progress - there is a roll call where you can mark your daily AF days; staying accountable to members on this site. In return you will get more support and help than you bargained for! Believe me!
I am 3 weeks today and, like you, came here without intending 'today' to be my day one, but, with the support of these lovely people I just went for it that day - can't tell you how glad I am - in only 3 weeks life feels so different....hop on!

[narilly]

Newbies Nest

Amo, I started out the 8th 9th 10th time myself.
This time it is the last time, I know it! I am 50 days sober today but this is just the beginning of my journey.
It takes a few relapses for many of us before we finally get to the point where we Know we will never drink again. It is proven that 65% of people who try to abstain will eventually be able to. Sometimes it takes multiple tries But that is Ok as long as you get there!

Sarah, I am so glad you are back. One day at a time right? This time lets go for it!

xo

[j-vo]

Newbies Nest

Welcome Amo,
We've all started lots of times, but there's this one time that's most important, and it's now. You're right where you need to be. Read all over this forum and post your thoughts and questions here in the Newbie's Nest. Support will be here for you.

Pav,
That must have been a great Bubble Hour. I, too, have a hard time with acceptance that I am an alkie, kind of like I might keep it a secret to some people forever. The most important is that I/we accept it like someone accepts that they have lupus or diabetes. They have to take steps to encourage healthy lifestyles so that their symptoms stay at bay, as we have to do the same by communicating with others and staying current in our recovery. I need to work on combinations also _________ and sober is possible! Yep. I like that.

Pepper, thank you and I'm glad you got something from that post. Never know when you're gonna resonate with someone and luckily, we have so many people here with different ideas, views, and tools but at the same time, the same goal.

Minderaser, yesterday's Sunday sounded much better than the previous!

Rahul, congrats on your 100! I, too, got a little nervous when reading your post the first time! I liked what you said, "Recovery is like a celebration." Nicely put, as we're celebrating life and our 100 percent participation in it.

Cherokeer, I work in a school, and even though it's middle school, my principal always comes up with some silly alliteration for the day of the week...instead of miserable Monday, we can always have Magnificent Monday. I told a few people that were close to me early on, actually each time I quit. I think that was a great idea because they were supportive of me and wanted to see me do well. I'm glad you retired from the "dumbass" position. I stepped down from that, too!

Juja, I agree with Byrdie. There's so much on your plate, that it would be beneficial to get through your days with a clear head. It just never seems like the right time. Ever. But we'll be here for you!

Have a great day!

[minderaser]

Newbies Nest

Just a quick check in here, I'll have a read back later on. Cravings have been worse today than at any point so far, but I've not given in. My temper is SHORT though! Feel sorry for my co workers, I've been a pain in the arse today I bet!

[DNEMO]

Newbies Nest

:new:
Been trying to quit for a while. I need serious help. I'm finally in a position where I can check into residential treatment. Yay! I'll be admitted Thursday. I'm excited but scared at the same time. I really hate feeling like I'm not in control. Anyway, this past weekend felt like a free for all. In my alcoholic mind I decided that since I would be in treatment Thursday, I might as well drink as much as possible. Yikes! 42 beers in three days. Ideally it would be nice to have the next three days alcohol free before my treatment but I'm struggling with the idea of that. Thanks for listening...

[NomoreJim]

Newbies Nest

Welcome DNEMO you have posted in the right spot there is lots of support and encouragement here good luck on your rehab.
Busy weekend i did a hog roast for a wedding reception. This requires about 12 hours of prep and 24 hours of cooking and processing. It used to be a great excuse to drink non-stop because you are pretty much chained to the smoker until your done cooking. This is the second one that I have done sober. I was very concerned doing the first one because I didn't know what I would do through the night ( no internet access couldn't post but figured everyone would be asleep anyway except maybe the Aussies). I got some books to read and actually slept a little (have to check on the smoker about once every hour). Turns out I can do a hog roast sober and it still tastes good. I am now at 153 days and feel great. Hope everyone has a great day.
Juja and Dil-sorry to hear your news but I agree with Byrdie being sober will help. You will never have to wonder if al or a hangover influenced any of the many decisions you will have to make in the near future.
Just wanted to pop in. I know that when people go awol the first thing to pop into our heads is OH NO! they had a relapse. I have not I am greatfully sober and intend on staying that way forever.

[frances]

Newbies Nest

Hi all! Just checking in - I'm a little tired and suffering from allergies. But doing well other than being overwhelmed with carting the kids off all over the place for their practices and games! Good to see you NomoreJim and to hear you are doing well...it's true sometimes I wonder about folks that were here regularly when I started here in February (my most recent start, that is) - I wonder if they are doing okay, etc. etc.

I am also sorry for both of you Juja and Dil. Dila I cannot imagine your situation and I am so very sorry that you have to go through this. :l Same for you Juja and I understand you feeling you have too much going on right now and I'm sure you know that drinking will definitely not help anything. So that's all I will say on that - you will get where you need to go in your time.

And hi and welcome to all the very new newbies and to the 'experienced' newbies hello and thank you for always being here!

[Sanguinestarfish]

Newbies Nest

I want, need to quit! Spent today reading about the withdrawals. I normally drink a bottle of wine a night during the week. Can I avoid the withdrawls if I cut back to half a bottle for a few evenings then a fourth can I avoid the withdrawal symptoms?
Starfish

[roxane]

Newbies Nest

Welcome sanguine.

First of all, I'm not a doctor etc.

You say a bottle during the week? I take it you drink more at the weekends. The amount you drink, roughly I would say you would be better off just shutting off the supply. Tapering is notoriously difficult. I know that once I had a drink in me, I wouldn't stop at half my usual amount. It would take me forever to taper down!

Major withdrawals are rare and tend to happen to people who are never sober.

You could expect poor sleep, sweats and an angsty feeling, and craving. Or none of the above.they don't last forever though it may feel like it.

Keep posting and let us know what you decide.

[Darkest Diamond]

Newbies Nest

Good Evening!
Greetings all, sorry have not read back tonight as spent over 9 hours at hospital today, more tests and scans and chat with surgeon etc. Tomorrow I have to be at the hospital at 7.00am to have a small lymph operation but come home the same night. Don't yet know the date of main op but have been told it will be round about the date of 12th June. Will then stay at sisters house when I come out. Thanks to all for good wishes xx