Newbies Nest

[3June2013]

Newbies Nest

Saturday Morning

There's nothing better than waking up early, the sun coming through the window, a full day off ahead with no real plans. I was out late but woke up feeling the same as every day, grateful, to you and to MWO and to myself, of making the right decision and sticking with it.

If you're new and you're lurking, believe me, we know how tough it is at first. But as time goes by you'll be amazed at how much better you feel. Just do it. We will help!

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Jane, thank you for the cartoon explanation! I must have been watching Scooby Doo on the other channel!!! Thank you for clearing that up!!
3J, Great to see you and so proud of your one year re- birthday!!!
Xxxoo, Byrdie

[Pavati]

Newbies Nest

Here's the information from the toolbox that Orimus referenced...

Do You "Deserve" a Drink, Today?

I can't count the number of times I have seen someone come here and write a post in which s/he says that s/he has relapsed, or "slipped," because s/he had been doing well for a while, and decided that s/he "deserved" a drink.

And our alcoholic thinking does this to us. It totally bypasses the memory of the devastation, humiliation, and destruction that alcohol has brought into our lives, and it presents alcohol as a GOOD thing, a prize, a reward, something we want to give ourselves for a job well done.

I wrote a post a few days ago, about this way of thinking, but it was kind of buried in another thread. And I saw people talking about "deserving a drink," again today. What I wrote about was about changing our way of thinking from this self-destructive "Deprivation Mode" to a winning, successful, positive "Gratitude Mode." Here it is:

I don't think we can begin to truly grow into a successful, lifetime, AF plan until we have managed to make the shift in our thinking from the "Deprivation Mode" to the "Gratitude Mode."

In Deprivation Mode, we think alcohol is a good thing that we are being deprived of. We are sad, and grieve the loss of what had felt like a friend to us. We consider it a treat that we never get to give ourselves again. We are envious of others who "get to drink."

In Gratitude Mode, we recognize that alcohol is (for us, because of our brain structure, genetics, physiology, etc.) a toxin, a poison, something that nearly destroyed us. Mentally, physically, and spiritually. We recognize that we have the most amazing opportunity to rid ourselves of something that makes us very sick in all those ways. We recognize the craziness of voluntarily damaging our brains, minds, bodies, families, jobs, futures. We are really, really grateful for that opportunity, and we guard it and cultivate it carefully.

Most of us start a recovery program in deprivation mode. Some people stay there forever. Those people tend not to be able to create a consistently successful program, or life, of freedom from alcohol and its devastation. Some of us transition into gratitude mode.

For most of us, Gratitude Mode does not just happen all by itself. We have to make it happen. If we want to shift into gratitude mode, we learn to cultivate it. We cultivate it by being careful about our thoughts, and about what we notice. If we find ourselves thinking about how wonderful it would be to have a drink, we deliberately shift attention away from this train of thought, and we deliberately choose to think about how good it is to know we will never humiliate ourselves with alcohol again, never again have another horrible hangover, never disappoint our children again with the way we are when we get drunk. We notice alcohol advertising, pay attention to how it makes us feel, and detach from the message by noticing how distorted the message is.

That kind of thing is crucial. We literally can BUILD a new way of thinking and feeling about things. And I think that's something to be grateful for, in itself!

wip

[Maria1967]

Newbies Nest

Hi All, I've been thinking today about going back to AA. I would have said no last week but I know that in order to continue to stay AF, I need to share and I need support. I stopped going to AA four years ago because sometimes I was the only woman at meetings and that felt uncomfortable. Also, I did get just a little too close to a couple of male members, enough said. But if I can learn from my past mistakes and go, I know AA will help to keep me away from drink, it did for three years in the past. Has anyone here had that kind of experience?

[Orimus]

Newbies Nest

Thanks for bringing that front and center Pav. :-)

[Juja]

Newbies Nest

I was sure I posted this morning, but I don't see it. Hmm, plus I was worried when I saw Fleur's (?) avatar. Had I been hijacked. No.:H

It's been a strange day. I think the extra days of work this week, and emotional stress have caught up with me. I ran some errands this morning, came home ate well, left again, and thought I was going to fall over from sleepiness. I came home and slept for 3 hours. I'm going to do one more thing, then take a shower, and go to bed with a book. I don't care if it's daylight or not. I can stop.

So much going on in everyone's lives, good and bad. One thing's for sure, AL helps neither.

I'm reading that lots of us are lamenting our mistakes, whether recent or long past. This week my boss said something that has stuck with me: We make mistakes, we sincerely apologize, and move on. We don't let the mistakes define us. I like that, and will remember it. I think it applies here.

[available]

Newbies Nest

Chero good luck with your kyaking trip, you will come back feeling stronger than ever being af. We always over think these situations where there is al involved and being sober is the best reward we can give ourselves. If i can do a two week holiday in Thailand with MY mother, anyone can do a holiday with al involved. Since doing that holiday it made me realise that i dont need al in my life to have a good time and without al my relationship with my mum is getting better daily. Who needs al, when you can have a warm and loving relationship with friends and family, al was never warm and loving to me.

Fleur, i dont think many on mwo can get onto the chat here. It closes down my laptop and wont let me load the program etc. PM if you ever need to chat.

Maria, in giving up al we need to use every resource that we feel will help us so if you want to go to AA then do it girl. Keep away from the men lol, that made me have a chuckle. I seem to be fussier with men now i am not a drunk, funny that!

Good luck Petrel in you mini run today, just the 10k's, makes me tired thinking about it but great preparation for your marathon shortly.

[wagmore]

Newbies Nest

picnic success!

Hi all,

I just got back from my "singles" picnic - the one I was kinda dreading going to sober. I am happy to report that I didn't chicken out. I went, and I didn't drink, and I survived. I didn't meet anyone I'm really interested in dating, but I don't really care. I met some potential friends, and I'm really proud of myself for going. I know it will be easier next time.

Day 37 is in the books, and I also stayed sober while stepping outside my comfort zone. It's like a bonus day! :yay:

Thanks for all your support. :thanks:

[wagmore]

Newbies Nest

Ava - so glad to hear that your coffee date went well. Congrats on that! You definitely should feel good about sober Linda, and I'm sure you are far more interesting and witty sober than you ever were while drinking. Total bonus that he doesn't drink as well, and that you'll be seeing him again. All good steps forward!

[wagmore]

Newbies Nest

sober kayaking

Cherokeer - will be thinking of you and sending you good strong vibes for your kayaking adventure. You CAN do this and hopefully it'll turn out to be the best kayaking trip ever! Look forward to hearing how things go/went.

[Pavati]

Newbies Nest

MAE, Nest:

Wag - Great! I'm glad you went and glad you had fun. My sister just met someone after being in a singles/picnic group for about a year - but along the way she met many new friends. I think it is healthy to get out. I was telling my husband that a lot of things are better sober (like Rahul's post about dancing), but that they take a little effort on my part to get into them - going out with friends is one of those things.

Maria - AA sounds like a good think. They have groups that are for women only - maybe that would be good for you.

Cherokeer - you probably won't be reading on your trip, but positive vibes coming your way...

Juja - I was VERY tired when I first quit, and went to bed early a lot. I sleep so much better now, and am not tired all of the time. Take care of yourself, and sorry you had a weird day.

Fleur, Welcome back! I'll have to sort out the avatars...

I just got a call from my son who needs a ride.

Happy sober Saturday, nest. Stay strong - remember HALT, and, as I heard recently, there are really two big rules for staying sober. Love yourself, and don't drink no matter what.

xo
Pav

[available]

Newbies Nest

Wag, so glad to see you got out of your comfort zone. The internal fighting to do things sober is hard but well worth it at the end. I have put off a few men since i gave up drinking but this one was persistent so thus i pushed myself to meet him and i am glad i did. Who knows what will happen but yes, life is so much better sober and its definitely an adventure that i want to keep on doing. I was telling my daughter about this man and she said "oh mum he will just be like the other A*holes" and i said do you want me to tell you or not. So i did and she then said "mum i think you are ready for a man in your life". I thought that was lovely of her to say that and after 5 years maybe she is right and maybe i am ready. Stay tuned........

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

Had a lovely day around these parts - perfect weather
That's good because it sounds like next week is going to be a rain out, oh well.

Congrats to Wag & Ava on their successful sober outings. Cherokeer, you should do fine this weekend too

Maria, if you think AA is in order then by all means go. Lots of MWO folks go to AA - you have seen the thread, right? It would be nice if you could find a women's meeting.

Petrel, hope your run goes well.

I'm tired, going to call it a day. Wishing everyone a safe night in the nest - hang on

Lav

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

Annoying duplicate post

[Dottie Belle]

Newbies Nest

Hi all,
Beautiful day here in Ohio.
Feeling very stressed out over the work that needs to be done at folks house before we can list it. Have been trying to find a contractor but small jobs are not good....darn...I just want to get it sold and gone but that is stressful too..house I grew up in and all...but it has to be done...these are the times I wish I had a sibling or child but neither of the above. So dh and I plod along...
Stress for me leads to drinking so I am here posting.....this is NOT easy no matter how long the sober string is.....