Newbies Nest

[j-vo]

Newbies Nest

Pav,
I get it now. And yes, the longer I'm AF, the more clearly I can see what happened to me, that I was in denial for a really long time. I was just laying in bed this morning (because I can!) thinking of the times where I had had too much to drink, made a complete ass out of myself, and continued to drink because I was addicted. I remember thinking when do I get to drink, where, how much, with whom (and thinking hopefully just by myself so I can get sloppy and not worry.) I WAS THAT BAD.

Welcome "Just Sarah!" Wow, we have lots of twins in the nest now, Fluer and Juja (avatar twins), Sarah and Sarah. Glad you found us. So many people here wanting to guide you in the right direction. Read the toolbox and make a top ten list of things you can do to stay out of harm's way. Everyone is different, so it's best if you make your own toolbox. And Just Sarah, know that it can be done. One moment at a time. One day at a time. When you feel wobbly, post. When you don't feel wobbly, post. At least twice a day if you can manage that. In order to break an addiction, it needs to be priority. The thing is, breaking the physical addiction is the easy part. Just physically uncomfortable. It's the mental addiction, forming new patterns in your mind, changing habits, doing new things, is the hard part because it takes determination, dedication, and honesty. We're here for you!

Juja, glad to hear that your test results were good!

Have a great AF day all.

[wagmore]

Newbies Nest

Just Sarah;1670169 wrote: Hi. I'm a newbie. I made it 48 (plus) hours and failed tonight. So much to say, but I'm wondering if anyone can comment on ways to combat that well-intentioned (and, in my case, miserable failure) to make it 72 hours and beyond. I had the best intentions this am. Then, all I could do during my afternoon meeting from 4:30 to early evening was think about the drink I was going to have when I got home. And that's exactly what I did. An entire six pack of beer. So disapointed. What to do now? afraid exactly the same thing will happen if I do this again starting tomorrow. I may make it 48 hours, maybe 72--or even a whole week. But I know cravings will rear their ugly head again in short order, and I don't know how to get past what I gave in to (again) tonight. It's always the same thing, different day/ different week. What to do??

Just Sarah, :welcome:

I used to do the same type of thing - sit in my last meeting of the day and almost count the minutes until I got home to my first drink. And then once I'd had that first one, there was always a 2nd, 3rd, etc.

One thing that helped me was to disrupt this pattern at each and every opportunity. When I caught myself thinking about the drink, I would mentally tell myself that I don't drink, or "not today" or something - I would take the option off the table.

Then, I would plan in advance something else to do on my way home or right when I got home. As others have suggested, I would get on here and read/post. I would try to ride out the urge to drink, as it often will pass if you let it. I developed new routines - walking the dog when I first got home, driving home a different route, picking up healthy groceries to cook a good dinner, stopping by the library to browse for 15-20 minutes, just about anything that was different than my old "go home and drink" pattern.

This has not been easy, in fact some days it has been very difficult, but it has definitely helped.

Check out the toolbox - there are loads of additional ideas in there posted b people who have been through the same or similar struggles.

Keep coming here - the nest is a great place to reach out and get support.

One last thing I'll suggest - do not fall into the mental trap that once you have had a drink in the evening, that you might as well continue drinking 2 or 3 or 5 more and then start AF again the next day. I think it's common for people (or at least it was for me) to think, "Well, now that I've blown my quit with one drink, I might as well make it worthwhile and get a really good buzz - I'll start AF again tomorrow." No.

Every drink has the potential to be your last, but the easiest drink to resist is the first one.

[daisy45]

Newbies Nest

On Sunday we had a mass in memory of my dad, then a big crowd to mums for breakfast. Later I had family to mine for dinner......my sister seen the cars and called in with a bottle of wine. Everyone else left and she stayed on for another 4 hours.......I was bored and glad when she left.....she wasn't too bad and was heading home to have a few vodkas.
I have had a busy week with little sleep so was looking forward to a lie-in. Next morning I got a call from my daughter.(her workmate lives next door to my sister) . The neighbour had called my daughte to say that she met my sister outside her house and that she was in a state, crying and rambling, saying she couldn't cope - referring to dads death and her husband working away, and whatever.....
The neighbour doesn't drink and thought my sister had gone nuts - I knew there was alcohol involved.
I called round, took her kids to school. By this point, her 22 yr old son had come out of work as the worried neighbour contacted him too.....mad!
My sister had been drinking until 5 am.....she looked rough! Had text her boss to say she could do with a day off as she was very depressed (diarrhoea would have worked!) - anyway, her boss insisted she come in as she was under pressure - that was a big no-no, which I made sure she didn't.
She then sat and cried about having a drink problem.....how ashamed she was of what happened and that her son had to come home......I took over, got her to go to bed, and done school pick-ups. Her son told her she was not an alcho but just needed to go to bed at a proper hour.
She only drinks at the weekend, but it is all weekend!
I thought this is her 'bottom'.......got things straightened out with the boss ( lies that worked), and I thought now we are going to talk about stopping drinking......too late! Her solution is to never let this happen on a night before work and school. Her husband and son and actually, most people, think an alcho is a down and out who drinks all day every day.......when people have been conditioned (as I used to be) with this mindset, it can be difficult to see the need for change.
She has cried about this to me before yet done nothing.....I basically spent from Sunday to Monday , 24 hours arsing about, listening to her while drinking and then sorting out the mess - happy to if she makes changes but I am getting pissed off.....
She is a good girl, works hard, but if it is not sinking in..........blah, blah, what to do next time.....not judging, just frustrated.......

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

DD, holding you close in my thoughts today.....

Just Sarah, you are describing exactly what would happen to me! I just could NOT get thru a craving! I just caved in. Think of a craving like a spoiled child. Just when it is reaching a crescendo, you think the only way to make this shut up is to give it its way!! Unfortunately, this makes the spoiled child MORE spoiled and HARDER to handle (reinforces the behavior). Once I realized that I COULD overcome a craving, things got much easier!!! Overcoming a BAD craving is the BEST thing you can do! It takes all the power away from it. How the hell do you do that? PUSH those thoughts out of your head. Immediately start thinking of something else....name your cousins, recite The Pledge of Allegiance, look up how many dimples are on a golf ball, name the 7 dwarfs, or dwarves, google whether it's dwarfs or dwarves... you get the idea! GET your mind off that train of thought! If all else fails, go to the bathroom! :toilet: BREAK that cycle of thought because once you get on that happy path, you go down the rabbit hole. I didn't think it was possible to ride one out, until I did it! You can do it, too....this is a skill, like anything else, you get better with practice! Don't forget to EAT!! This is your silver bullet. We are used to drinking our nutrition that we do not eat....so eat until you are full! You know how you've said, I'm so full I can't eat another bite? THAT FULL. You will NOT want a drink! Get all the AL out of the house. I have seen so many nesters taken down by this one (myself included). You do NOT need a safety net. GET IT OUT. If it's there, we will find a reason to drink it. Surround yourself with things you love to do and eat. Go to bed early. Get on the Newbie's Nest roll call. Glue yourself on to this site. These are the things that will help you succeed! We are so glad you're here!

Daisy...gosh you have your hands full. I know when I was 'getting caught' there at the end, when someone told me I wasn't an alkie, I hung onto those words with BOTH hands! They were actually ENABLING me. Maybe a talk with your nephew and her family will help them help her? Telling an alkie they are ok, is NOT ok. It fuels the fire. If she is getting busted at every turn then maybe she will seek the help she needs. Try getting some video of her next time...I know that was an eye opener to me. Denial is a VERY big part of this disease. I wish you success!!

My email is an a knot at work, I tell you, what a time I am having!! Wishing everyone strength and peace today!!! Byrdie

[Mein Sonnenschein]

Newbies Nest

Just frustrated and venting tonight. Quitting is so frustrating. It will be worth it and this will pass... but so frustrating!!! :upset:

[roxane]

Newbies Nest

How was your weekend mein? A long one wasn't it?

[Mein Sonnenschein]

Newbies Nest

Hi Roxane. Yes, it was a three day weekend. I was good for the weekend! I played golf twice, rode 15 miles on my bike, hiked with my dog. But for some reason last night the depression took hold and I downed a bottle of wine. Ugh. Not giving up but I need to stop the stupid, selfish inner child. Just so frustrating. :upset:

[NoSugar]

Newbies Nest

Hi, MS

Is there any way for you to have it completely out of your house? It is just too easy if it is there. Ava used to put on her PJs right after work because she knew she wouldn't get dressed and go to the store. Add that to not having any waiting in the house, and it should help you through those bad times - you might struggle but at least you won't actually drink.

Glad you're still with us :l.

[roxane]

Newbies Nest

Look a couple of pages back on this thread, Just Sarah is finding it the same as you, those damned cravings. The advice given to her could have been written with you in mind.

Byrd likened it to a stampyfooty child, so you're not far wrong, but that's the al, not you. Remember that.

The depression taking hold is al using another tactic to get you to drink, it's sneaky. I say this based on my experience. Maybe not in your case but its something to think about.

Think about how you feel going to bed sober (yay, I did it!) and when you wake (yay, no hungover dread).

Keep trying mein, don't give up giving up.

[done with it]

Newbies Nest

how many of you have been here, done but not done

[Rahulthesweet]

Newbies Nest

Hello Nesters,

Off to china. China has restrictions on internet and am not sure if sites like MWO is blocked like facebook is. I hope not but if you dont see me on roll call for next few days then assume that I not able to get online. Dont u guyz date think I am off drinking ...

Take care ...

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Rahul, we will be waiting right here when you get back...take pictures for us!!!

Done with it, I would dare to say that every one of us felt like you....This has GOT to stop....BUT MAYBE if I can get a handle on it, I can start again and control it....Or MAYBE if I can successfully cut down, I'll be ok. Sound familiar? This is just like giving up any relationship, it is difficult at first, but over time you realize what an abusive lover AL has been. That's why we take it one day at a time. If you are here, then you have a problem with AL and the 'cure' is to stay away from it. It's a rattlesnake waiting to bite us again. Please check out the Tool Box and learn from countless others who have walked before you. You'll see what works and what doesn't. We are glad you've made the first step and that is to reach out for some help. You've come to the right place! Tell us what's on your mind!! We have seen/ heard/ DONE most everything you can imagine....you are in very good company. Welcome aboard! Byrdie

[Cherokeer]

Newbies Nest

Just a quick check in. On day 13, tomorrow is 14 days woo hoo. I haven't went longer than 4 or 5 days in 4 or 5 years without a drink. I'm not even thinking about drinking when I get home. I only had one day and it was a heck of a stressful one and I was thinking about drinking a glass then I realized "Hey dummy, you don't drink"! I used to love to drink alone. Just me and my wine, then in the morning it was just me and my hangover. Again, what the heck was I thinking.

[minderaser]

Newbies Nest

Well done, Cherokeer! I'm just finishing up day 14. That's two whole weeks! it's not all been plain sailing but I've made it! Not been posting as much as I was and that's something I need to change, I need to keep myself accountable I feel.
Yesterday night, I was so close to having a drink, but I just kept putting it off and putting it off, and then it was time to get off to bed, so that's how I got through the night. Hopefully there won't be loads more like that one!
DD - hope your ok.
Rahul - enjoy China!

Everyone else - hope you're all good

[Cherokeer]

Newbies Nest

Mind, I am so glad you held on. CONGRATS!!! On 14 days!! Woo Hoo for you! I'm so happy and proud of you. Here's to another sober night.