Newbies Nest

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

HEY ANDREW!
Great to see you!!! Thanks for checking in!! B

[Orimus]

Newbies Nest

Look forward to it Byrdie. You remind my of a co-worker of mine when I was still at the psych ward. Tough old broad from Vermont. No bullshit, no hiding but you always knew she was on your side. I know you're right. No day with AL is as good as the days I've had without. Enjoy you're bubble bath, might have a hot soak myself sans the bubbles.

Andrew, glad to have you on board. Good night sir.

For the rest of the nest I'll still be around for a bit. Still have a few hours left is EST. If I don't hear from you my thoughts are still with all of you. :0)

[daisy45]

Newbies Nest

Andrew, just read your part 2! Good for you! I remember you from way back.....
Hope everything is still going well for you....let us know.....

[Turnagain]

Newbies Nest

Hi all....I'm a bit of a stranger these days in this part of MWO...but as a grateful Alumnus of the amazing Newbie's Nest...I do still read here when I can and Jane…your post really touched me. I'd like to offer some factual information that I think might be of interest and comfort to your situation.

For many years, I bought into the notion that I was just one of those unlucky and undisciplined people cursed with an "addictive-personality". At one time or another, I found myself battling with compulsive over-eating and then later, compulsive, addictive drinking and smoking... and then there was the compulsive addictive internet usage...you get the idea. I was resigned to thinking of myself as an ever-revolving mess of weak-willed, over-doing it, compulsive, out-of-control behaviors.

Well...science says otherwise. It was a revelation to me to learn about the latest research about addiction. While the details about the mechanisms of addiction are not fully understood yet, researchers now know that all addiction stems from the same place in the brain. In simplest terms, basically our reward system – which involves our dopamine receptors – gets really messed up. Maybe our receptors were damaged by stress early in childhood or later in life. Maybe they got skewed by simply drunk-drinking as a youth…maybe we're all fighting receptor fatigue because of our typical western diet that’s high on sugar and low in real nutrients. Regardless of the cause and the individual path we've taken, we've ended up in the same hellish place that is addiction.

Our brain strives for homeostasis and it works mightily to maintain that balance. One of the many problems with drugs – like alcohol – is that these substances overwhelm the dompaine receptors…..smacks ‘em down and even destroys them and then we need an ever increasing amount of the drug to try to get that same reward. Sugar does the same thing. And add that to another strike against the drug alcohol since it is the jet-fuel of all sugars with a toxic punch of brain-altering ethanol which IMMEDIATELY gets absorbed into our blood system and impacts us instantly on a cellular level - all 200 million trillion of them – depending on how you count them. No matter HOW you add it up…it’s safe to say ALL cells are impacted by this devastating systemic drug.

Jane, your earlier post about substituting the word HEROIN for alcohol is brilliant and absolutely right on the spot. Alcohol really IS a drug. Even though it is legal, even though it is celebrated, even though it is widely accepted and is pervasive in our culture, IT IS STILL A DRUG. The alcohol industry has invested decades of time and billions of PR and lobbying dollars to make sure we – nor or governments - view it as the toxic, carcinogenic, addictive substance that it is. Yup…Big Alcohol has made us believe that it’s OUR problem for taking the substance. We are the defective ones because we can’t ingest a toxic, addictive substance ‘responsibly’? How effed up and ABSURD is this thinking?

Rant over (for the moment) while I return to sharing information that will help you figure out how to deal with ALL addiction. Getting better is all about rewiring the reward system. This takes time…but it can be done. AND…you are ALREADY taking some solid actions toward this.

There are basically THREE KEYS to Freeing your Brain from ADDICTION:

FIRST - With alcohol – the most important thing you can do is keep it out of your system. That’s the starting point. With food…well…we DO have to eat or die. So you have to switch to the fuel that is good for your system. That means nothing processed – whole healthy foods. AND absolutely NO SUGAR. It is part of the chemical trigger that overwhelms the dopamine circuits. Withdrawal is a bitch….but we get through it. Because our bodies will feel absolutely deprived initially without the sugar, I suggest having a stock of healthy fruits around during the acute detox phase but go easy on it. Nutshell: BAD OUT – GOOD IN.

SECOND – Aggressively work on rewiring the brain. Even during withdrawal, - make that ESPECIALLY during withdrawal - you can actively begin changing your brain. Each time you make a positive, affirmative decision to change your old ways….you are forging new neural pathways in your brain. What fires together wires together, as they say. It’s like building muscles…a little at a time adds up to make you a whole lot stronger over time. Give yourself heaps of credit for this. Even the seemingly small acts should get a big round of internal applause.

REWARD yourself early and often. In my early AF days, I actually transferred the amount of money I would spend on booze and smokes each day into a special bank account. It really adds up. My addictions were costing about $22 a day – sometimes more. I made a point of pampering myself – I got my first ever pedicure…I bought some big-ass dahlia plants…I donated to the animal shelter….I set aside money for a huge family vacation… and these days…I’m salting that money away to help one of my kids through graduate school. To date, the amount of money that would’ve got down my throat and up in smoke rings in at $23,188 (1054 days x $22 a day) HOLY SHECKLES, Batman! That ain’t chicken feed now- even by Stella’s standards. I love seeing that number now – makes my dopamine just ping off the charts – in a good way!

Cultivate Gratitude. Nothing causes the dopamine to start flowing again like gratitude. Putting great and grateful thoughts in your head actually changes your brain chemistry. Meditation is another fast and effective way to physically change your chemistry. Got an mp3 player? There are TONS of great podcasts to help guide you in learning how to quiet and direct some of the 70,000 thoughts we churn out every day. And as for gratitude, I start and finish everyday with a list of what I am grateful for. I often do the ABC gratitude list…finding something I am grateful for that matches every letter of the alphabet. Jane…I absolutely LOVE your avatar because I have become awfully GRATEFUL for Zebras!

THIRD – exercise – early and often and vigorously. Interval exercise causes our brains to release bdnf (brain-derived neurotropic factors)– it’s like miracle grow for the mind. Exercise is the GOOD stress our system needs. If you can’t go out and do sprints or spastic jumping jacks (my fav) start with brisk walking. Some people with lower-body disabilities do upper-body boxing moves to raise their heart rates and get the bdnf going. However you do it…Move it - move it - move it !

Bottom line…you can not only take back your life from addiction – these actions can help you discover a BETTER life than you could imagine even before addiction. Orimus…you talk about filling the void. Just 3 years ago, if you would’ve told me I would be living the life I am right now…I would’ve declared you delusional. I was resigned to existing in a small, dark, depressing world world enslaved by my addictions…blaming myself and believing I was defective and doomed. Well…now - after getting in there and doing a massive rewiring of the entire works - it is clear that I am not diseased or flawed or defective. Life is full and good and exciting and each new day feels like a precious gift. And, as if that wasn’t enough…I’ve learned how to play the accordion ! r />
Finally…I am not exceptional. I don’t have iron will-power or great self-discipline. What I DO have is factual information that gave me the understanding and acceptance that was essential in overcoming addiction in all its many forms.

Everyone can have this tremendous peace of mind and freedom – freedom from addiction AND freedom from the fear of ‘relapse’ - once you understand and accept the unalterable physical FACTS of addiction. Alcohol is a toxic drug that damages. Every cell in your body. Every single drink. Every single time. Using drugs is NOT 'normal' despite what the clever ads during Superbowl would have you believe.

I appreciate the opportunity to share and I am so thrilled to see so many of you coming along this path. One foot in front of the other will get you out of this pit…keep going!

[Juja]

Newbies Nest

Cherokeer, Freeby, Daisy, congrats on your successes. I've watched your struggles, and am in total admiration.

Jane, so how does one deal with bulimia? What is the first step? Are you getting help for it?

I've thought about DD all day. I hope all went well.

Don't feel compelled to read the following. I just want to get it out.

Couples' therapy was tough. Really tough. My husband's coming out of his funk, is much stronger, and more himself. While he was talking, and he did most of the talking, I heard and saw some of the things I just can't tolerate about him anymore. His underlying anger presented itself, and I know it well. Plus, he started to play the blame game, and the therapist caught it.

I left crying from sadness, guilt, fear, and self-loathing. I'll get over those feelings eventually. I hate myself for not being what I think is more honest, but this separation is new, and I don't want say something that may not be true 6 months down the road. We're in the in-between stage, and I don't need to rush anything. I need to remind myself that this is painful for anyone, and I'll have to tolerate these feelings for awhile.

On the way home, I became angry. It's the same old crap. His controlling personality, his narcissism, and defensiveness. I'm at fault, too, for never taking up for myself. I didn't know how, and our marriage suffered. I'm articulate, and know what I want and think in individual therapy, but not in couples'. Sad.

Thanks for reading, if you did.

I'm not drinking, and won't. I want to feel strong tomorrow.

Better go. We're getting a helluva a storm!

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

CONGRATS to our 30 day AF reward recipients Daisy & Freeby
Just keep going you two, you'll have absolutely nothing to regret!

Jane, I clearly remember having a few young patients in the hospital due to the bad effects of their bulimia. I don't know whatever happened to them. But I do know that they all shared common traits such as severe anxiety/depression, poor self-esteem & overbearing parents
You have talked to a counselor at some point about your bulimia? Do you think it's tied in with anxiety and/or depression? I'll just bet the longer you are AF & the more stable your mood is the less you'll have to deal with that issue. Can you start thinking about the possible long term physical effects of binging & purging? You are at a crossroads here - AL is out of your life & you have a chance to get yourself in optimal physical & emotional shape

Hello my old friend Turn!!!!!
Wonderful to see you here. Stella still uses her party hat bling you made for her way back :H

Hello & welcome back Andrew!

Wishing everyone a safe night in the nest. I put a full day in with my 3 & 5 year old grandsons & I am pretty much done for the day. Had tons of fun though!!

Lav

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

Aww Juja,
Cross posted. I'm glad you vented a little, hope you are OK.
Just take care of yourself tonight & always. Everything is going to be OK

[Samstone]

Newbies Nest

Turnagain
thanks for a very in depth and right on post. I've copied and saved it.
Best to you
Sam

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Turn, great to see you! I hope you will put your post in the tool box, that was a keeper!!! So thrilled you are doing well!!! Xo, B

[Juja]

Newbies Nest

Turn, that was great, and it was just what I needed tonight. Thanks.:l

[NoSugar]

Newbies Nest

Turnagain, thank you for that clear and inspiring post. I hope you don't mind that I re-posted it in another thread. I agree that it would be a great addition to the Toolbox.

[peppersnow]

Newbies Nest

Pavati;1670502 wrote: MAE, Nest:

One thing I have read/heard about alcoholism is that alcohol gets our dopamine receptors to basically shut down because they are so overwhelmed. It can take 6 months to a year to get them back working properly. That is why we hit "flat" periods where it seems like we'll be bored blah without alcohol, and that is one way in which a relapse is born. Knowing this was coming helped a ton. Understanding that I wouldn't feel this way forever helped me get through the hard times. I have a lot of fun, laugh a lot, and am each day seeing things more clearly.

Mein --- I remember you from last year...I remember thinking about how lonely I would feel in another country trying to quit, when I was already dying of loneliness right here surrounded my family and friends, but only focused on my best friend, AL. I tried to quit about a year and a half ago, but went back to AL after 60 days thinking I could moderate (not). This time, I'm much more confident I'm going to make it so here's my advice for what it's worth:

I think what Pav wrote is right on target, and is backed up by a ton of research. Our brains have been physiologically and chemically changed after years of being soaked in alcohol. At the end of our drinking days prior to quitting, the mistake we made was in thinking AL would temporarily lift the depression, when really it was this big Catch-22 because the more we drank the more incapable our brains were of being anything but depressed when sober. And a depressed and newly sober brain = deprivation mode.

I've done a few things to try to compensate that have worked for me. I take supplements, like L-Glutamine and GABA, but the most important thing I've done to chase off the depression while sober is to add exercise and get the endorphins going very early into my quit. At about 10 days, I began walking in the morning, mainly because it of the novelty of being awake early and hangover-free. But the main reason I kept the exercise up was because I noticed my mood was MUCH better on days I exercised and my attitude about quitting was positive versus being about deprivation. On days I didn't exercise I felt this dark depression and sadness, that I think I medicated before with AL, but which of course just made everything worse. Now I get in a few miles every day and have added weights a few times a week, and I've dropped 20 pounds now in 80 days. I have another 20 to go, but losing weight isn't my primary reason for exercising -- it's keeping my mood regulated and chasing away the depression and deprivation feelings. There's also significant research equating regular exercise to providing the same benefits as anti-depressants, and I for one am a total believer.

So I just wanted to say "hi" and welcome back, and welcome as well to the newbies I haven't had a chance to welcome yet as well. I'd prefer to go back and mention you each by name, but I've been trying to get on this board for an hour and am afraid if I don't post I'll be frozen out again! So please know I'm rooting for you!

:l

[peppersnow]

Newbies Nest

Just read Turnagain's AWESOME post! If I'd seen that, I'd have just wrote "Ditto!" That was fantastic, and I've also copied/pasted it for myself for a rainy day. Thank you!!

[Pavati]

Newbies Nest

Hi, Nest:

Turnagain - thanks SO much for that post. Please do put it in the toolbox. A real keeper.

Pepper (and Turn) - I agree. Another way I sound like a broken record - exercise is key. Really and truly. It is a way to make body and mind (or bodymind as one) stronger in every way. Keep on truckin'.

Good night - after another busy, busy day at work I managed to squeeze a hike in with my sister and now am off to bed.

xo
Pav

[Orimus]

Newbies Nest

So I'm drinking again with work in a little over seven hours. On a positive reached out to a woman I respect that is a psych nurse specializing in addictions. Was a bit tickled she thought I couldn't have a problem. More like she was just being kind. Standing get together at the Ellis institute for Friday night live.
Course she told me about my GF who works at the same hospital and swore me to erase the messages. She also told me a few years ago to get out. Apparently GF isn't looking so good these days health wise. A 59 year old alcoholic with ADHD. And I was scared for her and her daughter for all the years we've been together. Wish she listened, worked with me. It was only my field.
Then again it didn't take long for me to get that sometimes I just need to shut up and listen. And I did everyday for 6 years. The past two I just couldn't listen anymore when the few times I had anything to say meant nothing. Couldn't take one more winter shoveling out a house that would never be mine, a home that I could never share. Just a trick.
In my heart I will always be there for her and her daughter, if she needs I will help if I can. I can't go back though. That's where I learned to hide. I made that choice. Now I'm choosing a better, healthier one. Thanks for listening.

Joe