Newbies Nest

[NoSugar]

Newbies Nest

Heading for the OBX? One of my favorite vacation spots!

[K9Lover]

Newbies Nest

jane27;1671024 wrote: I had a 7 year relationship end in 94. I saw him one time after that. If it hadn't been for him meeting someone else I would have still kept going back to him even though we were a total mismatch. I spoke to him on the telephone briefly 10 years after that. Hed married a girl he met the summer we broke up and had 2 children. He went on to have a 3rd.

He totally shut me out once we had broken up. He wasn't open to counseling, and I didn't really want to go either. There was never any closure, and it eats at me to this day. It's not that we have unfinished business or that things may have worked out, I had no business loving him so much to begin with. It haunts me because it was like sudden death. I never had the opportunity to take car of the wounds because he shut me out. I still have dreams about him. It's like a huge chunk of my life never happened, and it's a terrible feeling.

Jane - I could have written this exact thing, EXCEPT we continued to have an affair for about a year after he married someone else (to my shame). I still didn't get closure, and it eats at me too! I have tried so hard to move on, but I really haven't been in a relationship since him (and it's been 8 years)! I no longer think of him every day, but it took a looong time. On a happier note...glad to see you're doing well!! :h

Juja - :l:l

[Petrelhead]

Newbies Nest

Londoner;1671021 wrote: So the world cup starts today. Challenge accepted - a sober world cup,including all England games

I'm totally with you on that Londoner!!!!

Not that us Australians have ever got much to get excited about at the World Cup, but it's great that our team is there again. Our first game is against Chile tomorrow morning.

[wagmore]

Newbies Nest

Struggling today...

I'm not going to drink - I won't let myself. But I'm definitely feeling down and uncomfortable, and I'm VERY aware that these same feelings would have led to drinking in the past. I'm having to bat away the thought or temptation a lot more today. I am trying to use this as an opportunity to just be in those feelings, not judge them, not try to escape from or numb them. Trusting that I can ride this out, and hoping that by doing so I will become just a bit stronger.

[wagmore]

Newbies Nest

Orimus - As others have said, today is a new day and a new beginning. Pick yourself up, let it go, and keep moving forward.

Turn - Thanks for the great post. I personally rely heavily on exercise to keep me emotionally healthy and motivated. I usually do cardio intervals (HIIT) or functional strength training. The HIIT workouts always bring a badly-needed endorphin lift. Avoiding sugar, both obvious and hidden, is also crucial for me. I never ate or craved sweets while I was drinking, but have craved sugars and starches badly at times since I stopped. Hoping that will diminish.

Juja - Sorry the counseling session was so difficult. I went through a few sessions before my 15-year marriage ended, and I never opened up completely (in the couples sessions) because it was clear to me that things were over and I didn't want him to know how I was hurting or feeling - that didn't feel safe to me, and I felt he no longer deserved the "privilege" of me trusting him with my inner-most thoughts and feelings. Take care of yourself, and get your stuff out of the house soon if you think that would help you. :l

[Juja]

Newbies Nest

Wag, I'm sorry you're struggling today. Please keep close, post, read, and maybe something will hit dead on that will stop you from reaching for the AL.

Thank you for responding to my post re counseling. Yes, I almost feel like it's pointless to bring up how I feel, but dammit, I want to grow. I want both of us to grow.

Hi, Niners.

:l for both of you.

[allankay]

Newbies Nest

Hello all!

Wanted to check in and see how everyone was doing.

I have been very busy over the last few months setting up a business that I had no previous experience with. Building the website, registering with tax authorities and other legal stuff.

It is really tough in the beginning. Finding clients is like digging for gold, it very much hit and miss. I had to learn social media marketing from scratch. But I really do enjoy it and hope it succeeds.

Alcohol still present a big challenge in my life. And it usually comes from other people. Some try to spike my drink for fun at parties. Others get offensive when I reject their generous offer of a free drink. And some make rude comments during outings in pure disbelief that someone would not drink and demand an explanation.

It is still the best decision I have ever made and with two years AF on the horizon I am growing more and more confident that I will be able to stick with sobriety for the rest of my life.

Best to you all,

Allan Kay

[daisy45]

Newbies Nest

Wasn't that a lovely thing Jane, that you and this lovely lady were able to be a part of each others lives.....She would be so pleased at how you remember her - what a lovely tribute....

[j-vo]

Newbies Nest

Jane,
Really sorry for your loss. Your story, though, was beautifully written! What a special woman she was.

[Ginger999]

Newbies Nest

Jane, Thank you for sharing with all of us. I'm so sorry for you loss. It sounds like she had a full life with lots of family around. Your story was a wonderful tribute to her and I hope you get a chance to share it with her family, if they have a celebration of her life.

As for the gazette..... Isn't sharing our stories no matter how long or short what we are all here for? Well, at least that's what I'm here for, which includes the support we all need and deserve.

Sending you a huge cyber-hug!

Ginger

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Jane, I hate to hear about your loss, thats a tough one.
Some days, just getting something out of my head and onto 'paper' is all that is required to put aside agitating thoughts. Your post was beautiful. A sorrow shared is halved and a joy shared is doubled. Hugs dear lady. B

[NomoreJim]

Newbies Nest

Jane started reading your post and was quickly drawn in. Our lives are very often enriched by people such as these. She sounds like she was a wonderful person. Sorry for your loss.

[frances]

Newbies Nest

Jane, in reading what you wrote, I felt like I knew this special person to you - you really made me feel the essence of who she was to you. What a blessing that you contacted your ex at this time and you were able to see her before she passed. It's so nice that you had her in your life and have such wonderful memories. :l

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

Very sorry about your friend Jane. She sounded like a person who lived her life to the fullest.

Lots of wind, rain, mud & wet chickens in my world today. Nothing much more going on but that & that's OK.

MS, wishing you a safe flight to the US. I'll bet you have a great time.

Wishing everyone a safe & cozy night in the nest!

Lav

[wagmore]

Newbies Nest

Jane - So sorry for your loss. It sounds like she was very special to you, and your stories of times with her really conveyed what sounds like a woman who embraced and lived life fully. How wonderful that you had her in your life for awhile, and how fortuitous that you contacted your ex in time to see her before she passed. Hugs to you.

Juja - Thanks for your words. I definitely won't drink today, tomorrow, etc - just struggling. Hopefully tomorrow will be a bit easier.