Newbies Nest

[daisy45]

Newbies Nest

Byrdie, thoughts are with you and your friend....
Yesterday I gave my garden a completedoing over; cut hedges, strimmed, weeded, mowed and cleaned and painted the barbeque......hard work and great result! Feeling great, keeping up with the exercise, feeling at peace, losing weight......
Sounds great! Yesterday, not this morning, I had strong feelings of 'all is good, will have a big barbeque, a few drinks, I can do it now......'
I wasn't planning to drink last night, but soon; lovely weather, etc....
I didn't want to come here and say how I felt because in my head it was a foregone conclusion and I didn't want to be talked out of it........yet, this morning I feel soooo differently.....made me really think where my problem lies.....I sabotage when everything is good......
Does anyone get what I mean? Today I feel back in the AF zone, but this really opened my eyes......I have lost my quit before after a big spring clean or a job well done.....but feeling myself planning it and kniwing that when I am in that way of thinking that I wouldn't want to come here because I knew what I was gonna do and that was it.
I want to stay strong.....

[Sarah42]

Newbies Nest

Lavande;1673370 wrote: Good evening Nesters,

Very sorry to hear about your friend Byrdie. Sometimes it's hard to predict outcomes & the docs don't want to raise everyone's hopes too much. I think everyone involved in her case should be thinking positively though - it will help her immensely!!!

Sarah, I have had to limit my exposure to harsh sunlight because of the SJW & also because I am on progesterone as part of my HRT. They both cause sensitivity to sunlight. BUT, at this point, I wouldn't attempt to live without them I really like Jergens ultra healing shea butter lotions for skin issues - very helpful.

Welcome to the newest newbies! stick with us - we will help you meet your goals
Wishing everyone a safe night in the nest!

Lav

Lav- excuse the dummy in the room but what is HRT? I use Goldbond Ultimate Healing just for the outside, but the reaction or otherwise is inner.

Love,

Sarah

[available]

Newbies Nest

Daisy the good news is you can see the triggers and now you can act on them by saying NO. You know where it will lead and where you will be back to. do you want to go back to day 1, like honestly, really? I used to do the housework on the weekend and think "god i would love a wine doing this", then i thought "oh yeah right", my arse would be on the lounge with a bottle next to it and i would be drunk and the housework would not get done. I did a lot of visualising of what i would be like if i drank, not what that glass would taste like. Trying looking at where you will be. pissed, hungover, ashamed, back to day 1, trying to start this cycle again, hating yourself, embarrassed.

We all want what we cant have and that was our life, that is not our life now. You will have just as much enjoyment, if not more with an af drink and socialising with family or friends without getting pissed.

I was exactly like you when our summer was here. nice weather, time to sit and enjoy it with wine and more wine and more wine until i was not enjoying it anymore. Sure i got annoyed and pissed off but i did not drink. How can you drink Daisy when you will let yourself down and be accountable on here. its not worth it. keep going you are doing so well girl.

DD where are you and how are you????

[daisy45]

Newbies Nest

I know Ava.....feel totally different today.....just shows how strong the pull can be when I am willing to lose everything I have worked for....my wiser self knows the truth, but in that moment......
I read over your story yesterday and that it wasn't sunshine and roses all the way and how long it took to feel that AF was where you would rather be.......that does help and stories like that are what keep me going.....
If anything, I will be more aware, ready, so yesterday was a good lesson after all......
I have wondered about DD as well - hope we hear some news soon....she has so much going on...

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

Good morning Nesters,

Happy Thursday to everyone! We had some nice thunderstorms last night but it looks like it didn't improve the air quality any - still quite humid out there.

Sarah, HRT is Hormone Replacement Therapy
I ran out of my own hormones at a very early age which left me feeling pretty helpless so they had to be supplemented.

Daisy, good job thinking it all the way through & choosing to remain AF

Greetings to everyone & sending wishes for a wonderful AF day for all!

Lav

[bran new day]

Newbies Nest

Hi All .
Daisy that's always my undoing at 30 - 40 day mark . Feel so much better and under control , but at least now I feel like a sober person who slips up now and then , than a drunk trying to get a few AF days together . Just gotta keep on watching out for those relapse triggers . BND

[Juja]

Newbies Nest

Dearest Byrdie, I am so sorry about your friend, and what she has ahead of her. My heart breaks for her son, and for you. She will rely on your strength and commitment to her. Be strong, my friend.

To many of you, this isn't much, but it is to me: I've been AF half of the month of June. No, I haven't had consecutive days, but I'm making progress. Last night I crossed a major roadblock and said NO. All of your advice, thoughts, etc., ran through my mind, and I walked away from AL. I am doing far, far better than I was a year ago. Being completely AF is my goal, and I'm absorbing all the info here, and progressing. Considering what's going on in my life, I'm giving myself a huge pat on the back.

I'm trying to find the strength to tell my husband our marriage is over. Period. The thought of breaking his heart is what's holding me back. I was led to believe at the beginning that he felt the same way, but he has become clinging and needy, and talking about the future. I'm not sure if he truly loves me, or is scared to be alone. This is the hardest thing I've ever been through in my life--and I'm sober!!!

Love, kudos, and strength to all.

[wagmore]

Newbies Nest

Daisy - Way to go with resisting that urge and maintaining your quit. I think it is powerful to have those temptations, resist them, and then realize a short time afterward how they truly do pass if we can ride them out. Nice job!

Ava - Such a great idea to remember to picture the "real" and negative picture of what we are like when we drink. After a few days/weeks/months etc of AF time, I think it's easy to forget the awful reality and AL sings it's sweet siren call with associated romantic pictures of warm fuzziness, relaxation, sociability, etc. The reality is quite the opposite, and picturing that can help resist temptation.

Juja - Kudos to you as well for getting past the roadblock you mentioned. You should absolutely pat yourself on the back for that specific accomplishment as well as for half of June sober. We will pat you on the back as well, so if you feel lots of hands throughout the day, don't freak out The days add up, even when they aren't consecutive. Do you get to talk to your counselor anytime soon (the individual one, not couples)? Maybe s/he can help you sort through how to tell your husband?

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Morning, Nesters!
Thank you so much for the thoughts and prayers... I need them all!
Heading home today.
Daisy, I am so glad you got thru that urge. I have always thought that line in your signature was so true. It's hard to believe that AL has such control over us as to tell US it's a good idea to drink again. It really makes you think that. That is the power of addiction. Do what ever it takes to get to your next milestone....60 days! Way to go, these things make your AF muscles stronger.

Pav, what a great post. What you wrote was WORD!

Juja, thinking of you. Don't let guilt and pity keep you in a toxic relationship. Life is too short. Hugs.

Be safe today, everyone! Keep on going no matter what! You will never regret one day you spent SOBER! XO, Byrdie

[j-vo]

Newbies Nest

MAE Nesters,

Ginger, congratulations on your 45 days! That's so awesome! And I saw that you had another successful AF camping trip.:wd:

Daisy, when we have those thoughts, it's best not to act on them, just ride the storm out in our heads, and the next day, you'll find that you're relieved you didn't take that drink. Just like Ava said, visualize what it's like after that first few. That first few is done in an hour, and that's all the fun we get, because the next part comes the drunk, stupid stuff. Proud of you!

Juja, you're making lots of progress and especially at a time where life is pretty difficult. I'm glad you walked away last night, and I bet you feel good about that. There's never a next day where we can say, "Gee, I'm really happy I chose to drink last night!" That ain't happening.

Have a great AF day all.

[wagmore]

Newbies Nest

Byrdie - I'm so sorry to hear about your friend. What a devastating situation for her, her son and family, you and her other friends, etc. My heart goes out to all of you. I think it is unfortunate that we often need such a horrible wake-up call to truly sit up, take notice, and want to LIVE (not just exist, as generally happens when drinking).

I lost my mom to cancer at a young age, and for a long time I used that as motivation to live my life well in her honor - to be healthy, loving, charitable, involved, etc. This fell apart for me a couple of years ago, which is when I started drinking again (hadn't really for the previous 10-15 years). When things fell apart, they really collapsed hard.

Now that I have gotten some traction with being AF, my mom is a primary motivator again. I know she would have given anything to have more healthy weeks/months/years, and I feel like I'm almost insulting her memory by throwing away and/or taking for granted any of my own healthy time.

Thank you for sharing this very personal and heart-wrenching story. It really is a good reminder for us all to embrace life because we never truly know when the rug might get yanked out from under us. We all face enough challenges in this life - why add to the mix by poisoning ourselves with AL on top of everything else?

Sending love and optimism to you and your friend. :l :h

[frances]

Newbies Nest

wagmore;1673504 wrote: [Ava - Such a great idea to remember to picture the "real" and negative picture of what we are like when we drink. After a few days/weeks/months etc of AF time, I think it's easy to forget the awful reality and AL sings it's sweet siren call with associated romantic pictures of warm fuzziness, relaxation, sociability, etc. The reality is quite the opposite, and picturing that can help resist temptation.

I absolutely agree with this. There was a poignant quote from a post on the one crafty mother blog (highly recommend) - I saved it to remember it and read it when I am feeling weak

"But that woman was me. On my three year anniversary, I force myself to embrace her, hold her close, tell her she's stronger than she knows. Only by staring her in the eyes and reminding myself that she will always reside in me can I remember that she waits for me. Waits for me to think I'm all better, waits for me to feel far enough removed from that day that I can lie to myself, tell myself that I can drink in safety now. That one drink won't lead me right back there. Because it will."

[daisy45]

Newbies Nest

Thank you all for your responses - means so much really does help in moving forward.
Just heard sad news that a friend, only 52, died today. He gave up drinking due to health issues about 10 years ago - sadly so much damage had been done.....he had a liver transplant a couple of months ago....another good man lost to this.....

[K9Lover]

Newbies Nest

:l Byrdie :l Stay strong my friend! Love you lots! :h

Hang in there Daisy, you can do it, we believe in you!

[Rahulthesweet]

Newbies Nest

Byrdlady;1673247 wrote: I sat there thinking that her life is as good today as it is ever going to be. Before it's all over, she may lose her voice (tracheotomy) and have to try and talk thru the microphone thing. That just sucks.

I tell you, this alcohol thing we all share....if I can offer one bit of what I have learned.....GET QUIT AND STAY QUIT. Life is far too precious to waste another ounce of headspace or your relationships or your liver or anything else! There is NO good in AL, no matter how much it calls out to you tonight, resist it with all you've got.

Hello Byrdlady and everyone else.

Sorry to hear about your friend byrdlady. But your comment in the end (above) got my attention. I am right now in Goa in a beach side resort on vacation. A beautiful setting next to beach, great pool and today's lunch was at the beach side bar. So how should this work out ? Take a dip in pool come out have a lazy drink, get high on cocktails, have some fish chips take a dip have another coctail, another and another and more till u sleep there ... Wow sounds awesome ... Right ? Wrong ... That is how it is SOLD ... By society, hotels, TV etc. Picture the setting above and then picture what Byrdlady friend is going thru ... Sitting in hospital waiting for someone to take their voice away for ever. What would you say to society which made the setting of beach, bar and AL. And more important ly making it perfectly normal to drink, rather not drinking is considered abnormal.

AL is pioson ... Sold to us by society as something which make us feel great ... Great during vacations ... Well I tell ya ..what I did ...

Nice bar, playing great bar music. Person with me want to have GIN and Tonic , he is counting calories as its not as bad as beer ... (??) , one down 2 down 3 down 4 down ... See his AL taking him over ... In one hour or so he is high feeling so great ..NOW enjoying the setting , music, weather ....

Me ? Loved the place momen came here, was in swimming costume the whole day ... Looooved the double chocolate milk shake ("y r u drinking milk ? Said someone) ....and swam a lot ... Felt so fresh so alive and so great and free ... So glad to be sober and am loving it .

By another hour or so the gang with me was exaused and went back to sleep and here I was full of energy ... Sat at the bar, listening to music, seeing beautiful setting of monsoon clouds approaching. The rain started poring down, it might spoil mood but I was loving as back home was hot realllly hot. Sat and saw ppl coming and filling up their pioson and going away. I still enjoying the settiing , enjoying the water droplets hitting my skin, cleansing me, my soul, last drip of AL which if remains in my system should go away.

Sitting there enjoying rain, pool, music, nature ... I felt so free, alive, fresh and so awesome that I just cannot describe it. It sooooo opposite to how I would have felt if I would have been drinking.

Monsoon brings hope, prosperity, fresh hope in this path of the world. And I feel sooo grateful that being sober is giving me fresh hope and promise of peaceful and prosperous life ahead which I want to embrace for ever.

Then I noticed something ... Water droplets on green leaves, small earth warms which came out of ground in search of air, fresh flowers which blossomed inviting small insects ... And then I noticed someone smelling "freshly" opened bottle of expensive wine and take a sip ... Yuck !!!!