Newbies Nest

[available]

Newbies Nest

I found that my relationship with my mother became much better when i stopped drinking. I was not holding in all the anger and hurt that i gathered over the years. Stopping drinking was the major step in repairing my relationship with my mother. the past is the past and we all have one of them, dealing with it sober is now giving me time with my mum before she dies and it will be wonderful for however long she has left. She had a past also that she had to deal with just like we do.

[daisy45]

Newbies Nest

Pavati;1674249 wrote: Thought this might help here today:

The ?pink cloud? is best described as a period of time where the addict or alcoholic experiences a reprieve from the struggles associated with early recovery. These struggles are generally associated with the feelings of depression, anger, resentment, self pity and the realization of where their drug addiction or alcoholism has taken them.

Upon experiencing this phenomenon for the first time, the addict or alcoholic is understandably excited. They begin to believe they now ?hold the key? to their recovery. This is where the seed for relapse is planted. They begin to believe more in themselves than in the process they have been following. Without the pain as a daily reminder, they tend to forget about what it took for them to embrace recovery. Denial rears its ugly head and they minimize how devastating their drug addiction and alcoholism really was and that they have a disease of drug addiction and alcoholism that requires attention on a daily basis. Relapse prevention becomes an afterthought as the person becomes defiant and rebellious regarding suggestions contrary to their desires. Without resorting to drugs or alcohol, the individual in recovery is one step away from relapse. Remember, relapse is not an event, it is a process.

Pav, this is a valuable post....Toolbox material?
Day 40 here....it's funny that in the first couple of weeks the weekends are a noticeable trigger as most of us had over-indulged over those couple of days; now, the weekends have changed for me - they have become a space at the end of the week when I feel free of responsibilities and am more relaxed.....which, I believe is what they should have always been.
It was our drinking 'to relax' that actually stole this lovely couple of days away from us. Most people are off work so it is also a time to reconnect with friends and family.....
Weighed myself today and have reached my first weight goal - clothes fitting that have been in my cupboards for over a year.....
Just shows how many calories wine has.....I am eating better and also treats every day....exercise almost daily...just better and without dieting....
Pav's post really hits home with me.....I have days, not too many, that I am consumed with drinking thoughts and then days when I am absolutely sure I will never drink again.....one way I am dealing with this is if I really want to drink, I give myself permission to drink; but 'not' on that day.....have to wait......I can guarantee it passes....wake up next day and 'what the hell was I thinking?'

[roxane]

Newbies Nest

while we are reacting to others, it should be remembered that they are also reacting to us.

Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. Albert Einstein

this could apply to relationships too.

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

Good morning Nesters & Happy Saturday!

I hope everyone has their plans secured for a great AF weekend.
Looks like I have to wait out some rain this morning but the rest of the weekend should shape up nicely

Sarah, back when I first started here someone suggested to me that I should take the 'importance' off of certain problems I was dealing with & drinking 'at'. Be it your husband, your parents or your children - rejection is hurtful & damaging. I was struggling by rejection (not due to drinking) but I did learn that other people's opinions of me is none of my business!!!! We just cannot control what other people think or project on us. We need to keep our thoughts positive, believe deep down that we are OK & deserve to be happy.

Wishing everyone a great AF Saturday!
Go out & do something fun - take the importance of AL off the agenda

Lav

[3June2013]

Newbies Nest

available;1674265 wrote: I found that my relationship with my mother became much better when i stopped drinking. I was not holding in all the anger and hurt that i gathered over the years. Stopping drinking was the major step in repairing my relationship with my mother. the past is the past and we all have one of them, dealing with it sober is now giving me time with my mum before she dies and it will be wonderful for however long she has left. She had a past also that she had to deal with just like we do.

Available, it's interesting how many relationships have changed for me. Some for the better some for the worse. Those who don't know how to relate without AL are the more difficult. That said, I wasn't sure in the beginning how to behave without AL, it took time to learn who I am underneath the boozy facade and to start to really like who I am without it.

Happy Summer Solstice nesters. This is the longest day of the year, make the best of every minute!

[Lostinspace]

Newbies Nest

Thank you for that quote, Wag. It makes me feel better to be reminded that I’m on the right track as I haven’t yet gone up in consumption - only down or stayed steady. I also have an advantage on my side to make the taper easier. I normally hate the fact that I can’t drive in a small town with poor public transportation, and live miles outside of town, but the fact that I take the bus really does help. Since I’m only buying (or at least trying to only buy) the exact amount that I need to complete the next step of my taper, it means that I only have to make it through my time in the liquor store and the forty to fifty minutes (depending on the line at the store) that it takes for my next bus to arrive to take me home. Unfortunately, the liquor store is practically spitting distance from the downtown bus stop, so it’s easy to panic and run back if I don’t feel ready to take the next step. But once I’m home, I’m home. The hassle involved in going back out gives me time to remind myself of my goals and rethink. Of course, not having to work today and having a lot of free time on my hands makes it a little tougher, but I am holding out on going to town as long as possible. I normally go the liquor store after work and don’t want to end up with extra booze on my hands so early in the day!

Ava - thank you for the support. I am determined. I am going to make this the last time I go through this hell.

Thanks, Pav - I will take care of myself and will swallow my pride if need be. My doctor was very understanding in the past. Hopefully he will be again in the unfortunate event that I can’t finish this taper as planned.

I hope you all have a great Saturday! It’s a beautiful day here, so I think I will go sit outside and enjoy the sunshine for a while instead of spending my whole day on the couch watching t.v.

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Quick check in. Heading home. I am behind in PP doodies. I am behind in everything! Hugs to all. Byrdie

[Pavati]

Newbies Nest

Morning Nest. It feels so great to wake up after a great, anxiety-free sleep, and have a cup of coffee that isn't competing with a giant headache and a great deal of remorse.

I post this here from time to time - I think it is helpful for all of us, but your post made me think of it, Sarah.

"We felt different... Only after surrender are we able to overcome the alienation of addiction."
Basic Text, p. 22

"But you don't understand!" we spluttered, trying to cover up. "I'm different! I've really got it rough!" We used these lines over and over in our active addiction, either trying to escape the consequences of our actions or avoid following the rules that applied to everyone else. We may have cried them at our first meeting. Perhaps we've even caught ourselves whining them recently.

So many of us feel different or unique. As addicts, we can use almost anything to alienate ourselves. But there's no excuse for missing out on recovery, nothing that can make us ineligible for the program- not a life-threatening illness, not poverty, not anything. There are thousands of addicts who have found recovery despite the real hardships they've faced. Through working the program, their spiritual awareness has grown, in spite of-or perhaps in response to those hardships.

Our individual circumstances and differences are irrelevant when it comes to recovery. By letting go of our uniqueness and surrendering to this simple way of life, we're bound to find that we feel a part of something. And feeling a part of something gives us the strength to walk through life, hardships and all.

Just for Today: I will let go of my uniqueness and embrace the principles of recovery I have in common with so many others. My hardships do not exclude me from recovery; rather, they draw me into it.


Happy Sober Saturday,
Pav

[NoSugar]

Newbies Nest

Thanks for the reminder, Pav. It is so easy to think we're each so dang special. Of course, in many ways we are, but not in this. That is one reason I have no inclination to experiment with moderation. I'm finally humble enough to know that I'm no different than the 100s of intelligent, loving, funny, multi-faceted human beings who I share this problem with and who have so generously shared their painful stories here. How foolish it would be not to learn from them!

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

NoSugar;1674385 wrote: Thanks for the reminder, Pav. It is so easy to think we're each so dang special. Of course, in many ways we are, but not in this. That is one reason I have no inclination to experiment with moderation. I'm finally humble enough to know that I'm no different than the 100s of intelligent, loving, funny, multi-faceted human beings who I share this problem with and who have so generously shared their painful stories here. How foolish it would be not to learn from them!

Where is the LIKE button?

[wagmore]

Newbies Nest

NoSugar;1674385 wrote: Thanks for the reminder, Pav. It is so easy to think we're each so dang special. Of course, in many ways we are, but not in this. That is one reason I have no inclination to experiment with moderation. I'm finally humble enough to know that I'm no different than the 100s of intelligent, loving, funny, multi-faceted human beings who I share this problem with and who have so generously shared their painful stories here. How foolish it would be not to learn from them!
Byrdlady;1674403 wrote: Where is the LIKE button?

:thumbs: :thumbysup:

[Cupcake]

Newbies Nest

Just checking in..

Lavande, your post came at the perfect time today " I did learn that other people's opinions of me is none of my business!!!! We just cannot control what other people think or project on us. We need to keep our thoughts positive, believe deep down that we are OK & deserve to be happy" - as this resonates with some feelings I'm going through right now. What very wise words. I shall remember them.

Having a chilled Saturday, having a glass of fizzy water and a pizza will be cooked when the next football match comes on. Not really that much into it really but whist hubby is watching it gives me time to sit and read MWO!

[wagmore]

Newbies Nest

Pavati;1674371 wrote:

"... And feeling a part of something gives us the strength to walk through life, hardships and all.

This part resonates strongly with me. I think this desire to feel like I belong to something bigger than me, to feel "part of something," is part of what started me drinking in the first place back when I was a teenager.

Interestingly, I had 15+ sober years starting in my 20's, and it wasn't a struggle at all. I had a very full life and felt part of many things. I got hit with a number of challenges in my mid/late 30's and for many reasons withdrew and became more isolated. Only then did I start drinking, either to be social or to find some solo relief from emotional pain.

Now, a huge part of what is helping me stay AF is feeling part of something again - part of MWO, part of my new outrigger canoe team, part of my new city/community, reconnecting with family and old friends, etc. I've had a few challenges come up in the past 6-7 weeks that would likely have triggered me to drink before, but I feel so much stronger and more secure in my "belonging" that I've been able to stay AF.

Thanks so much for sharing this. Not rocket science or really anything too surprising, but sometimes quotes like these can create "a-ha" moments of clarity or self-understanding. For me, this was the case today

[Cupcake]

Newbies Nest

Hello wagmore, just saw your comments about the exercise. I hadn't tried any more of JM's exercise DVDs but I intend to as I'm so impressed with 30DS. I have heard of Insanity, it sounds difficult!!! Might have to look on You Tube for a demo. Exercise is very healing, I feel much better physically and mentally for doing it. Like I'm doing something positive for myself for a change. Instead of looking at the bottom of a wine glass.

Well don't for your exercise programmes too. Any tips gratefully received!

Happy Saturday to everyone x

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Home at last!
Pav, I agree with Daisy, that Pink Cloud post of yours should go in the Tool Box!! I do not remember seeing one recently about that, but yours is very well written and apropos.

A couple of observations this week. I must say that emotionally, the events of this past week have been quite challenging. Wednesday with the bleak news about my best childhood friend, and then yesterday, helping move some of my step son's wood working tools from his shop (helping my step daughter scale down some of the things he had). Seeing the things he loved being picked thru like a yard sale was gut wrenching. We are not finished by a long shot, but we made a dent in all the 'stuff' he had collected. Dottie Belle, my heart goes out to you with your Dad's things. As emotionally draining as this week was, at NO TIME did I long to run back to the arms of Dick Head (Addiction Head). I can't tell you how happy that makes me. This is what the gift of TIME will allow, so stick with it.

My nephew has some sort of malady where he cannot sit. It's a muscle/nerve thing. He's been trying to get to the bottom of it now for 2 years, it's a real handicap. He is 29 and can't live alone, can't drive, can't really date, can't get a hair cut (sit in the chair). He is in graduate school and either has to lie down or stand. We went to a restaurant on Wednesday night and he stood and ate his food. He leans against the wall and eats standing up. I imagine he felt like he was an outcast of some sort....but he was managing. This is the way I felt when I first went out and was the only one NOT drinking (at least, that's the way I felt). After our meal, we went to get ice cream, and at this event, I was the only one not getting any. After intense pressure to join in, I stood my ground! (I am trying to watch my weight and I was FULL). Again, I was reminded about peer pressure and how difficult it is to be the odd man out. Last night we all ordered Pizza. I love pizza, but it doesn't love me...so I had a peanut butter sandwich. Another round of pressure to have a slice...oh just ONE won't hurt you! One slice DOES hurt me. Same with AL. If you have ever been in a situation where you were going against the flow, you know you can do it. AL is the same way, but we are more sensitive to the AL thing because we are addicted to it. So many times I caved in just because some busy body said those magic words (to an addict) Oh just ONE won't hurt you!! So my point is that there are many situations we ALL get in, but we do just fine in standing our ground. Keep this mindset with AL. Just one WILL hurt us, because it's not the last drink that gets us, it's the first one.

Sarah, gosh, here again, your story resonates with me. Here's what I have found: Like they say in airplanes, get your own oxygen mask on first before assisting others....that's sort of what I had to do with my family. Once I got sober, I was BETTER able to sort thru the feelings (good and bad....mostly bad) and arrange them in a manageable way. I wasn't doing that while I was drinking, in fact, I used that as an excuse to keep drinking. It isn't a chicken and egg thing either (with apologies to Stella). I couldn't get thru it while drinking, only after I got thru the fog of AL, was I able to do this emotional healing. If you have tried everything else (and it sounds like you have), give this a try. You will never regret one day you spend sober! I believe that no one can help an addict except an addict. Maybe I haven't walked IN your shoes, but I feel like I may have been in your pocket. AL gets a hold on us and keeps us stuck in the past. Let it go and you will be amazed at the strength you really do have! AL is to people as Round Up is to weeds. We are all pulling for you!!

Cupcake, you are a mere 2 days away from a moon prize!! Keep up the great work!!!

Rahul, Daisy, huge numbers you are posting, I am so proud of you!!! Rock on!!!

Hope everyone has an easy day!!! Byrdie