Newbies Nest

[Dila]

Newbies Nest

I am climbing back into the nest. I am ashamed to say I have been drinking at my problems and as all of you know that does not help.

Day 1

[Cherokeer]

Newbies Nest

Wag, Birdie-Sorry about your losses. And anyone else who is struggling. I wish you peace and strength.
I have been so busy I need to catch up reading.

Well day 24 and I can't believe it. Only six more days and its 30 whole days. Had a bridal shower and graduation party. Everyone was drinking of course and for the first time I really wanted to. Frustrated with some family members so I am thinking that was the trigger. I stayed strong but then I thought about the 4th of July drunken family bash and boy I am trying to give myself the big girl talk. I keep focusing on the big drunken dumb ass I used to be and the regrets, shame, and feeling like hell.

Prayers welcome friends

[Juja]

Newbies Nest

I've been catching up this a.m. with everyone, and my heart aches for all of you and life's struggles.

Here's what I have discovered about families: I finally learned that I cannot change them, nor should I try. I can't save my mother, though I spent most of my life trying to, I can't change my narcissistic father, I can't change my alcoholic, compulsive-liar, younger sister, and I can't change my controlling older sister. Once I accepted that, I felt free. I no longer needed to be the fixer, and much of my angst melted away. Whatever they may tell me now no longer causes a frantic reaction in me, and I am grateful.

Death and loss are everywhere, and there's nothing we can do about it but grieve. I could get a phone call any day about either of my parents, or my MIL, from whom I'm estranged due to my current marital separation. It all pains me, and I am scared of the grief I'll feel. But, if I have trouble coping, I'll get help. I'll read all I can, and ask questions.

So, dearest Wag and jvo, do what you need to do to grieve, heal, grow. Deal with your situations in a way that leaves you feeling satisfied, regardless of what others may think. They're going to think and do what they want anyway, and throw a little hurt around to boot. It's par for the human course.

I'm sounding like the wise one this morning, but the above is about all I know for sure.

I've had 3+ glasses of wine 3 nights in a row. I'm slipping, and I need to get a grip. I'm tired of thinking about my life, my husband, and the decisions I have to make. I'm tired of screwing up at work because I'm so stressed out. I'm tired of feeling guilty. I'm tired of being depressed, and sleepless. I'm tired of nightmares where people are wanting more and more from me. AL isn't going to make it better, I know, but for a moment it's an escape. That thinking has to change.

I know the things I need to do, but I can't find the energy to do them. I'm no longer excited about my little place, I don't want to go anywhere or do anything, and I make no phone calls. I can't see my therapist until July 3, but I'll make it.

DH emailed me last night and said he missed and loved me. One simple sentence. Great. This is the guy who was going to leave me, until I said I was going. We have a "date" Wednesday evening per therapist's suggestion. I'll be reeling for days after that.

I'm going to make myself clean my apt today. That will make me feel better.

I hope the sun comes out today for all of us. Love to everyone.

[wagmore]

Newbies Nest

Thanks everyone for reaching out with words of support and comfort - I really appreciate all of these gestures.

Ava - Yes, I think this will likely be the time I will more fully grieve my mom's passing, which is probably a good thing. I feel ready. My uncle who just passed was a very spiritual (not religious) and peaceful man, and he brought great comfort to my mom while she was ill and to me as well while I cared for her and after her passing. Losing him is hard, but I recognize that much of my grief is what I buried after my mom passed on. I guess we can't really run from these things, and it's time to learn how to deal with them.

Peppersnow - Surprisingly, I did not drink at all during the year I cared for my mom or after she passed on. This was during the long period in my adulthood when I just wasn't drinking. However, I didn't really process my grief very well at that time, so a lot of it is still buried and waiting for me now. I am grateful that I feel relatively grounded and strong at this time.

Pav - I agree, we do not talk about death very much, at least not in my culture and many others. Death and grief seem to make people uncomfortable - both the ones experiencing it and their friends and family. Your point about accepting the sadness but letting go of the slight is right on target - thanks for your honesty with this suggestion.

Lav - Thanks for your kind words as well. Yes, if anything this loss has strengthened my resolve to stay AF. I know that both my uncle and my mom would have loved to have more healthy time to live, and I cannot insult them by throwing away my own.

Cher - Thanks for sending strength and support - I really appreciate it.

Dila - Hugs to you, and glad you came back to the nest. We're here for you!

[3June2013]

Newbies Nest

Pavati;1674563 wrote: Hi, all:



This made me think of something else. When I first started posting on MWO I would feel slighted sometimes. I poured my heart into posts that no one commented on, and I sometimes felt left out of ongoing jokes. I realized, however, that we're all doing this at our own pace, and sometimes posts have resonance with some people, and sometimes people are busy and the post just gets lost. Sometimes I'm in on a joke, and sometimes I miss it. I thought of this earlier today because of something I read here (for the life of me I can't remember what), and wanted to make that comment to the Newbies. If you don't get what support you need the first time, come back and ask. No one is trying to snub anyone else (well, I guess there have been some kerfluffles, but in general, we're all here to get and give support).

Pardon my Saturday night ramblings.

Sleep tight, all. Get ready for the Super Sunday Shoutouts tomorrow - loud and proud.

Pav

Thanks Pav, I think this is really important. I try to remember that the point for me of posting is venting or opening up to myself as much as to others. So the reactions or responses are a bonus. I sometimes feel bad that I don't come often enough to feel I can comment because I am out of the loop, if a post speaks to me I may reply to that and not another. I'm here to listen, and learn, and if I feel I can add something I do!

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Morning, Nesters!
It's a beautiful Sunday morning!
Wags, reflection on life is a tough one if you ask me. As an alkie, I look back at all the freaking time I wasted being wasted. I grieve that time I lost especially when someone I love passes. I guess I'm grieving the loss of life in general. When we lose someone, it brings up ALL of loss and grief we've had, I think. Remember, for those who were sending out the email, it is not a time of clear thinking...I would bet my lunch money that they didn't INTENTIONALLY omit you from the email list. It is just a matter of 1000 things going on in a person's mind and while we take it personally, I hope you can immediately put aside the slight. I left people off the list, too, when I was notifying people....but I didn't do it with revenge or malice, I just was in a state. I tell you, I am struggling with some life situations at the moment, but THANK THE LORD ABOVE I am NOT struggling with AL!!! Keep your quit FIRST and foremost!! You'll be glad you did!! Protect it like the family jewels!! (more so if you have vulture family members like mine)

I hope everyone has a peaceful day! Good to see you, Dila, you know what to do! Settle in and lets get on with life!!! Hugs to all, Byrdie

[wagmore]

Newbies Nest

Byrdlady;1674741 wrote: Morning, Nesters!
It's a beautiful Sunday morning!
Wags, reflection on life is a tough one if you ask me. As an alkie, I look back at all the freaking time I wasted being wasted. I grieve that time I lost especially when someone I love passes. I guess I'm grieving the loss of life in general. When we lose someone, it brings up ALL of loss and grief we've had, I think. Remember, for those who were sending out the email, it is not a time of clear thinking...I would bet my lunch money that they didn't INTENTIONALLY omit you from the email list. It is just a matter of 1000 things going on in a person's mind and while we take it personally, I hope you can immediately put aside the slight. I left people off the list, too, when I was notifying people....but I didn't do it with revenge or malice, I just was in a state. I tell you, I am struggling with some life situations at the moment, but THANK THE LORD ABOVE I am NOT struggling with AL!!! Keep your quit FIRST and foremost!! You'll be glad you did!! Protect it like the family jewels!! (more so if you have vulture family members like mine)

I hope everyone has a peaceful day! Good to see you, Dila, you know what to do! Settle in and lets get on with life!!! Hugs to all, Byrdie

Thanks Byrdie, you're absolutely right about the omission likely not being intentional. I have let it go. I definitely know how it is to be the one having to make the contact when someone passes on, and I remember the overwhelming mix of emotions I felt when my mom passed. Thank god I didn't drink then, and I won't drink now.

I'm sorry as well about your current struggles. It really seems true sometimes that when it rains, it pours. Hang in there, be strong, and know you've got a whole nest right here sending you love and support.

[Juja]

Newbies Nest

Dila, Good to see you again. We're in the same place, and we'll work on it together. How about we make today Day 1?

Cherokeer, I remember when you first came here. You've come so far in your 24 days. I admire your resolve.

I put an end to my pity party. I'm cleaning now, and will watch the U.S. vs Portugal this evening. I'm a very fortunate person, and need to remember to practice gratitude at all times.

[wagmore]

Newbies Nest

j-vo;1674487 wrote: So many great posts. I've been kind of down, and all of these posts came at the right time. I've been thinking of immediate family, as I can say all of them have some problem with alcohol to a different degree. My mother has already told me that I "push" my ideas on others to the point where I make them uncomfortable, and wow, if that's not a slap in the face for trying to be helpful. Right now, I feel alone and depressed, as both of my sisters are drinking (one where it's not a 'true' problem yet) my Dad is drinking (I think) and my mom is in denial of her drinking and ignores my dad's drinking even though he had pancreatitis a few years ago. I'm angry. Just angry. My sister that doesn't have the "al problem" asked me if she looked drunk on Father's Day when we had a picnic. Well, I lied. I said no, when her eyes looked heavy. She's so small, a twig, she doesn't eat, then she drinks. WTF.

Wag and Cupcake, I like Beachbody workouts. I have two of Chalene's programs, and just ordered her new one PiYo. Wag, I think that's so cool that you're on a canoe team.

For the first time, I took antabuse. I had a shaky night last night, and I had gotten this prescription months ago. I haven't felt this weak in a while, and I'm not taking any chances. We are going away next week on vacation, and I don't wanna blow it. So I'm going to take this while I'm feeling a bit shaky. It's just a tool.

So sorry about all of the stress and challenges with your family. It seems several of us are or have been facing similar issues. I think being angry is a normal and healthy human response, and it can be leveraged in a positive direction.

I will be very curious to hear what you think about PiYo. Please post a comment after you've had a chance to try it.

I've never taken antabuse, but it helped a friend of mine tremendously. You do what you need to do. Far better that than drinking.

Hugs to you :l

[j-vo]

Newbies Nest

Nesters,
Thank you so much to all of you here. Wow, we are lucky to have so many good heads in one spot, all working towards the same goal, getting help when needed, giving when we can. That's freaking special. I'm feeling much better and so grateful that I didn't succumb to that ugly beast on Friday. Wow, that could have happened, but I "TTFP" and moved through those crappy feelings. Just ride it out. I know if I'd drunk, I'd be sitting here this morning feeling like total crap, angry, sad, depressed, anxious, because not only would i have drank Friday, I would have Saturday as well. After I'm done posting, I'm going to work out and enjoy my family. Thank you MWO!

Lav, keeping the good memories and letting go of the rest is a good rule of thumb for any and all situations in life. Take what you can and leave the rest. Something I need to remember to do! Thank you.

Wag, I'm so sorry for the loss of your uncle. What Peppersnow said makes so much sense. Al robs us of our human need to feel the loss and go through the healthy process of the steps associated with grieving. That is so true. Let yourself feel that sadness for your uncle and feel that for your mother, too. I know grieving for a parents goes beyond two years, so let those feelings ride through your body at their own pace. Don't push them or numb them with alcohol.:l

Pepper, what you said about the grieving process to Wag, we pretty much can apply that to all aspects of our sober life. We're learning how to deal with so many situations where we just drank problems away. Now it's time to deal with problems in life in a healthy way and accept that we can have these sad feelings and that these too shall pass.

Dila, glad to see you back!

Pav, I am glad I "TTFP." I really am glad i have it as a back up because I'll use it if I need to. And what you said about your DH and trying to make him what you thought he should be...I'm feeling that comment right now. My DH is such a wonderful person and so much of the time I don't accepts some things about him. There's so much good in him, and I overlook at times. i need to start paying attention to those good things, and let the rest go. Kind of what Lav was talking about, too. He saved me Friday night. He was my hero Friday night. He talked me out of drinking Friday night. :h

Cherokeer, that's exactly how I felt on friday night. Everyone harmlessly drinking. Not a person without a glass of wine in front of them at the restaurant. I know that when I'm feeling frustrated inside like I'd been with my family vs. feeling good about myself, it makes the world of difference in facing drinking situations. When I'm feeling good, I can see it for what it really is, accept myself for what I can't do and be ok. When I"m feeling frustration inside, I'm not able to handle seeing others drinking and having a good time. It's all about what's going on inside myself and how I'll be able to handle those situations. The trick then, is to work on ourselves and feeling good about who we are, accepting ourselves for who we are. Loving ourselves.

Juja, I'm a middle child also, and I like to place blame on that very concept. It's a true thing. I've even read books on your position as first born, middle, and baby of the family. Some of that did have an effect on my self-image problems, but hey, I can't place blame on that anymore. I can, but it'll only hurt myself. I hope that you can get away from the alcohol so that your body and mind has a chance to heal. Have you listened to that episode on the Bubble Hour with John Kelly? It talks about how alcohol has such an affect on our brains. Great podcast to listen to. Hang in there Juju.

3J, everyone uses MWO in their "own way." Whatever works for one may not work for another. That's why it's My Way Out.

[j-vo]

Newbies Nest

But then I thought of this Cherokeer,
We're not always going to be able to feel good about ourselves. That's not realistic, So when we aren't feeling good about ourselves and are faced with a situation that makes us feel wobbly, we need to recognize it for what it is. Say to ourselves, "This makes me feel weak, or vulnerable or whatever." Feel that feeling. Let it ride through us. Because that feeling isn't going to stay forever.

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Reported as SPAM.

[Dila]

Newbies Nest

Juja - Let's do this together. I'm done with my pity party as well.

Wag - I'm sorry about uncle. Hugs to you!

Thanks Byrdie & j-vo

[Cupcake]

Newbies Nest

Evening all. Got thought the weekend, phew. Sorry to be a bit dense but what does TTFP mean?? I may need to use it sometime!! Have been staying close to the nest this weekend and getting to know people. I feel very new, but will settle in. There are some any interesting happy, sad and thought provoking comments, and you feel like a very warm and friendly bunch. I can be quite intuitive but don't use it often enough.

Happy to be here.xx

[Rahulthesweet]

Newbies Nest

Hello Nesters,

Sorry for not being so active lately. Am on vacation and tomorrow it ends. So here a prospective ...

Wow 3 hours flight with kids oh ... Tough ...
Crap plane has so many kids ... Driving me nutz ... I need a drink
Crap y dont they serve beer on board ?
That is God we r on ground ... I NEED a drink ... Off to airport bar ...
Let me buy some booze as in hotel it will be expensive ..
Hmm. Nice ... Let's take this and that just in case ...
Oh its 3 pm already.... Let's start drinking ....
5 pm ... Off to pool ... Time for cocktails ...
6 pm ...
7 pm ...
8 pm ...
9 pm ...
#$%@$%%#@
3 am ... Oh I am so thrusty ... Damn where is water ... Where the heck am I ...oh didn't change ... Didn't brush .. Didn't eat crap ... !! Water water ...
3:30 am ... Can't sleep ... Let me order room service ...
5 am ... Sleep
12 pm .... Oh missed break fast .. Better eat lot so that by evening I have good capacity to drink. Maybe I should change a drink tonite .... Where are kids ??
------------
I am sooo glad and grateful ... To be sober ... Am so glad that NOT how it went ... But it sounds sooo much familiar ...

Good night stay sober .... !!