Newbies Nest

[j-vo]

Newbies Nest

Sorry to get you fired up Byrdie. I don't know if it was residual feelings of deprivation from this past weekend, and when I read that small bit, it just stirred up a few neurons and they started to dance. That's how I've fallen before. Hard. By believing bullshit like that. By letting myself follow anything that talks about how much better they are now that they're moderating. It's not good for me to even consider reading. It should be off limits in my library. It is off limits.

When people say they have their life back, the one they had before they drank, I almost cry at that thought. I was never happy with myself. I had a poor self-image, low self-esteem, anxiety, depression. Then alcoholism. Sometimes I think, "why do I have to have this one more thing when I've already had all that other shit? It's just not fair!" But I do. And I need to own it. I wanna know what it feels like to be comfortable in my own skin. I know it's not too late. And it's not too late for anyone here.

[j-vo]

Newbies Nest

Sorry to get you fired up Byrdie. I don't know if it was residual feelings of deprivation from this past weekend, and when I read that small bit, it just stirred up a few neurons and they started to dance. That's how I've fallen before. Hard. By believing bullshit like that. By letting myself follow anything that talks about how much better they are now that they're moderating. It's not good for me to even consider reading. It should be off limits in my library. It is off limits.

When people say they have their life back, the one they had before they drank, I almost cry at that thought. I was never happy with myself. I had a poor self-image, low self-esteem, anxiety, depression. Then alcoholism. Sometimes I think, "why do I have to have this one more thing when I've already had all that other shit? It's just not fair!" But I do. And I need to own it. I wanna know what it feels like to be comfortable in my own skin. I know it's not too late. And it's not too late for anyone here.

[j-vo]

Newbies Nest

Sorry to get you fired up Byrdie. I don't know if it was residual feelings of deprivation from this past weekend, and when I read that small bit, it just stirred up a few neurons and they started to dance. That's how I've fallen before. Hard. By believing bullshit like that. By letting myself follow anything that talks about how much better they are now that they're moderating. It's not good for me to even consider reading. It should be off limits in my library. It is off limits.

When people say they have their life back, the one they had before they drank, I almost cry at that thought. I was never happy with myself. I had a poor self-image, low self-esteem, anxiety, depression. Then alcoholism. Sometimes I think, "why do I have to have this one more thing when I've already had all that other shit? It's just not fair!" But I do. And I need to own it. I wanna know what it feels like to be comfortable in my own skin. I know it's not too late. And it's not too late for anyone here.

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

Took me a few tries but I finally got in the nest - geez.

NS, hope you had a very happy birthday

DD, keep that positive attitude, everything is going to be OK & we are all with you in spirit

I'm with you Byrdie, I'm not wasting another second of my life thinking or dreaming about drinking. Why would I?

Wishing everyone a safe night in the nest!

Lav

[NoSugar]

Newbies Nest

Thanks for all the kind birthday wishes, Nesters. I had a very nice day. Birthdays can be fun again once you quit drinking. For one thing, you don't have to spend another one beating yourself up because you once again failed to quit drinking by that day . For another, it almost feels like you lose years of age - I've got more energy and enthusiasm than I had for several years. So, give yourself the gift of sobriety before your next birthday - you won't regret it! :h NS

[Samstone]

Newbies Nest

No Sugar, gosh somehow I missed this was your birthday so before the day is completely over:

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

Sam

[Sarah42]

Newbies Nest

Happy b-day NS!!!!

[Samstone]

Newbies Nest

hhmmmm
moderating is for people who can moderate. Moderating for people who like to drink abusively is a joke. An "abusive moderator" ends up playing games of that just one more, no one will notice if I slip off and have another, why did I drink so much last night, I feel like shit, what happened last night? Sobriety allows you to not have to deal with counting drinks, knowing what was said last night, weight loss, enjoying the day for what it really is, dealing with stuff that comes up in some sort of rational manner. Seems like a no brainer...hhmmm... I'm just sayin....

[wagmore]

Newbies Nest

j-vo;1675470 wrote: When people say they have their life back, the one they had before they drank, I almost cry at that thought. I was never happy with myself. I had a poor self-image, low self-esteem, anxiety, depression. Then alcoholism. Sometimes I think, "why do I have to have this one more thing when I've already had all that other shit? It's just not fair!" But I do. And I need to own it. I wanna know what it feels like to be comfortable in my own skin. I know it's not too late. And it's not too late for anyone here.

j-vo - Sorry to hear about how you felt pre-alcohol. That is a lot to deal with for sure. So, rather than trying to get that life back, how about reframing being AF as our opportunity to do exactly as you said - become comfortable in your own skin? There is no magic wand for that, but I'm certain it's an easier journey AF.

It's definitely not too late, and you are already growing so much. We all are, and there's so much we can learn from each other.

Thank you for such an honest and heartfelt post. :l

[Rahulthesweet]

Newbies Nest

Morning Nesters,

9 hours of sleep and still feeling sleepy ! Looks like my body wants to coverup for all those years of collapsing on the bed under influence.

On this discussion on moderation. When I first came here I came with an idea I will teach myself to control AL , I will somehow take a break , do detox, bring up my vitals and start drinking again. I somehow will become "normal"

The idea of not drinking forever gave me shivers. How will I live my life. I needed AL for everything. To enjoy, to face despair, to even sleep. It's turn out I was soo wrong.

Moderation is like depriving : it's like giving a bone to dog and take away just after he had his first bite. Then giving gimme another the next day just a bite. He will always feel deprived and even hate you for it. It's slow torture. Torture with poison (AL).

Abstaining 100% : is like all eat buffet for that dog. Except there is no ham. So what happens he still eats and feels great.

Like is like a all you can eat buffet. There is spicy peri peri chicken , bland baked pasta, neutral steak. There is fried food, and baked one. There is food of different countries, Mexican, Indian, Italian, American etc. then there is salads, ice creams etc etc. enjoy it !

[Sarah42]

Newbies Nest

Dr. put me on anxiety meds. Says I need to go back to him for some blood work and possible Essential Tremors that Byrdie mentioned. I am feeling a lot calmer tonight, but he said it could take 2-3 days to get into my system.

Really tired now so will try to catch up soon.

Love,

Sarah

[Fat fella]

Newbies Nest

Morning all. I have been lurking shamefaced in the background for a while having failed my last attempt. Day two for me today.

DD - you ok?

[Londoner]

Newbies Nest

I'm with you Fat Fella.

In survival mode atm. Haven't had that feeling of actually living for a while yet.

My neurotransmitters are all messed up - the only thing that will heal me is time, exercise, good sleep and nutrition.

[Londoner]

Newbies Nest

I'm with you Fat Fella.

In survival mode atm. Haven't had that feeling of actually living for a while yet.

My neurotransmitters are all messed up - the only thing that will heal me is time, exercise, good sleep and nutrition.

[available]

Newbies Nest

Sarah my anxiety went when i stopped drinking. Maybe you should give that a try and see how it works. I know it worked for me and Jvo and a few others on here.

FF and London welcome back, maybe you two can be quit buddies. Pav and i are nearly celebrating 7 months and it helps on the road to being sober to have a friend. You know if you hide from here that you will fail and drink unless you have other support outside of MWO. We all know we cant give up by ourselves in the early stages. We need to be able to have people that understand what al does to us and how it makes us feel and that is coming on to MWO daily or twice daily. It wasnt easy for any of us when we stopped drinking but we have our own plans and we kept to it. You have too much to lose by drinking, like living a life yo deserve and being happy. Accept that you can never drink and the battle is on the way to being won. Once i accepted that i could never ever drink again, i could never ever moderate at all and the only thing i could do was to not drink then the internal fighting eased off. Al does nothing except bring shame and disappointment to ourselves as seen in both your posts.

London the thing that will heal you is to not drink and that means forever, that is scary when we have relied on al forever but if that what it takes then it can be done. Both of you have great af days up, days that others only dream about so you know it can be done. Keep on here, you both know it helps immensely.