Newbies Nest

[available]

Newbies Nest

Lucky congratulations on 100 days, it was such a relief to get to 100 days for me. Something i had not done in such an awfully long time, well i could not remember not drinking for 100 days. Even when i was pregnant i would have a couple every so often. mind you i did think at 100 days that yep now al will be completely gone but as you know he is always hanging around in our thoughts. So proud of you and onto 121 i say! Hugs.

Chero you bought tears to my eyes on waking up this morning on telling how low you were. It bought back my thoughts that that was how i was and how desperately I wanted to stop drinking and just not knowing if i could. AND look at us now, i have not had a low like that since giving up drinking, no guilt, shame, depression, anxiety. We have it all back plus more now.

London great work on being determined to say no to your so called drinking mates. keep safe and af and you wont regret your journey to sobriety. Your friends will always be there if they choose. I love my four walls..... thought they do need a wash.

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Ava,
Chero 's note made me remember one night I was so sick and tired of the whole mess that I was making of my life, I actually got down on my knees on the floor of my bathroom and prayed for help to stop. Sometimes looking in that mirror is hard to do. I am so grateful to be out of that hell.

Stay strong everyone! Check in and let us know how you're doing! Byrdie

[available]

Newbies Nest

Yes Byrd i got to the stage that i was just crying and looking at myself in the mirror at what i had become and it made me so sad to see what i saw, although the process of what i had become had started weeks before but i still drank. i didnt know how to get out of where i was but i knew that i had been on MWO before and that i needed to at least try being here again. AND as they say the rest is history.

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Same here, Ava. I knew the tools were here, I just had to USE them. Something I was apparently not ready to do til I was given an ultimatum (which ended up saving my life!). This place has been a real blessing! Lav is my shero! B

[available]

Newbies Nest

having the courage to start using the tools was the hard bit as that was when i realised that i was and had to be totally serious in giving al the flick. i have never ever regretted that decision that i made in a drunken state one night. As Chero said we were not homeless on the street drunks, we were functioning alkies. I thank you and Lav for getting me on the straight and narrow and my children. We can never take back what we were but having what we have now is a blessing each and every single day.

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters!

Wow, it was a nice day but a warm one around these parts!

Chero, CONGRATS on your 30 AF days :wd:
Grin away & enjoy your hat!

Luckyflower, awesome on your 100 AF days :yay:
Hop on over to the 100 day maintenance thread!!!!

LL, hope you are settled in now & getting your plan together. Today is a good example of what MWO can do for each & everyone of us - just stick around & you'll get there too.

Wishing everyone a safe night in the nest!

Lav

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters!

Wow, it was a nice day but a warm one around these parts!

Chero, CONGRATS on your 30 AF days :wd:
Grin away & enjoy your hat!

Luckyflower, awesome on your 100 AF days :yay:
Hop on over to the 100 day maintenance thread!!!!

LL, hope you are settled in now & getting your plan together. Today is a good example of what MWO can do for each & everyone of us - just stick around & you'll get there too.

Wishing everyone a safe night in the nest!

Lav

[Darkest Diamond]

Newbies Nest

Good morning to all my friends,
I do love the way we are all in different parts of the world.
Chero
Well done on your 30 days, that is wonderful. When you mentioned how low you got before you stopped I could so relate to that . At the end whatever clothes/make up/jewellry that I wore I could not bare to look in the mirror as my eyes looked dead, my face was blank, devoid of soul. I was a walking frame of emptiness, very sad!!
Ava
You use the word "functioning" that is what could have been used to describe me in so far as I was working etc but I was in no way functioning on a spiritual level I had closed down.
Luckyflower
Huge congrats on your 100 days! We are all different but for me counting the days really helps.
Living Life
I love your username it really says it all!! Good luck in your mission, I find one of the things that helps me the most is going on Roll Call, I like seeing the days mount up (for all of us).
Londoner
Hope your weekend is continuing to go well. In a way you have an extra challenge because of your age and the culture of youth drinking etc. It is considered acceptable to drink vast amounts go on real benders, binge drink etc. I know when I was your age my alcoholism was really setting in, it is wonderful that you see with such clarity what drink does to you. Do any of your friends not drink? I hope for your sake there are some....even one..perhaps?

Last night I slept well. Also I managed to lie down more easily. Can't wait to see doctor next week as I must sort out the pain relief. There are times when it is really difficult.

I had a nice time with a friend yesterday, she bought me some lovely pampering products which was nice, we had a good laugh which felt very healing. One of the nice things was that in chatting to her I realised that one of my consultants had been quite rude and abrasive to me the other day. At the time it was upsetting but I have been able to let it go, I could see things from his point of view he was rushing about, he had performed an operation and was running late so he had built up a back log of patients, I was the first one. He did behave in an inappropriate way with me. (he is never warm but at all my other appointments he has been polite and professional). One of the great things about being sober is that I can see this incident for what it is and keep it in perspective.... if I was drinking I would be simmering and resentful and constantly rehashing it in my mind. Drink for me used to really fire up the more volatile side of me like petrol on a fire, glad to be free of it.

xxxx

[Cherokeer]

Newbies Nest

Thank you Thank you everyone. Life is truly a blessing every day now. I spent my day yesterday organizing the upstairs. Doing things that have been sitting there for the lost couple of years that I just didn't have the energy to do.

DD-you hit the nail on the head, I too, became the walking dead. Glad were not there anymore. As far as the doctor being rude-NO EXCUSES. I work in healthcare and when you are dealing with patients your backlogged schedule is no damn excuse. They are paid a half million dollars a year to be a professional. I'd find another doctor.

[satz123]

Newbies Nest

available;1676871 wrote: Yes Byrd i got to the stage that i was just crying and looking at myself in the mirror at what i had become and it made me so sad to see what i saw, although the process of what i had become had started weeks before but i still drank. i didnt know how to get out of where i was but i knew that i had been on MWO before and that i needed to at least try being here again. AND as they say the rest is history.

That is EXACTLY how I felt. Couldn't have put it better.:goodjob:
I am so grateful for the day I landed BACK here too.
January 2012 -and yes the rest is history.
Was not at rock bottom but getting there ..... just watching and seeing that there was life without alcohol was the key for me.
The Army saved me from myself.
No physical addiction - but deffo dependance going too far.
I decided to 'do it my way' not total stoppage straight away - on & off for holidays etc.
It worked .... the lure of alcohol is gone. :yay:

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

Good morning Nesters,

Happy Sunday to all
Looks like the website is working better today - maybe my post will only appear once

DD, glad to hear your friend's visit helped.
No excuse for the doc's behavior. I am a retired healthcare worker myself & have no problem calling them out on something like that! Good you are able to 'let it go' & not feel offended

Greetings Chero, satz & everyone!
Wishing all of us a great AF Sunday!

Lav

[Juja]

Newbies Nest

Byrdlady;1676359 wrote: Juja, I am confused on your relationship with your hubs/or soon to be, EX?
Are you trying to save the marriage or leave it? Part of this journey we are on is taking control back of our lives. Is this a GUILT TRIP? Is he 'guilting' you into going on Sunday?

I'm 98% sure I want to end this marriage, and thought my husband did, too, but now he's acting differently--all puppy dog looks, telling me he loves me, wants to be with me, etc. I feel guilty and extremely confused. Couples' therapy this week, and for once I'm looking forward to it. We need to get to the truth.

Now to everyone else:

Cherokeer> You are one tough lady. I remember when you first came, and you seemed so broken, but look at you now! To say I'm impressed is an understatement. Congrats.

Dila, Londoner and Lost> I let you down this weekend, or I guess I let myself down. Friday and Saturday nights were not AF, but tonight will be. I need to do this for myself, and not make promises others. My guilt is horrendous for making a promise I didn't keep.

Living Life>Welcome. This a good place to be. Period.

DD>Byrdie said it perfectly. Of course you're sore. I'm glad you had a good visit with your friends.

Hi Daisy, Wag, AV, j-vo, FF, Lav

[Londoner]

Newbies Nest

Juja;1677069 wrote: I'm 98% sure I want to end this marriage, and thought my husband did, too, but now he's acting differently--all puppy dog looks, telling me he loves me, wants to be with me, etc. I feel guilty and extremely confused. Couples' therapy this week, and for once I'm looking forward to it. We need to get to the truth.

Now to everyone else:

Cherokeer> You are one tough lady. I remember when you first came, and you seemed so broken, but look at you now! To say I'm impressed is an understatement. Congrats.

Dila, Londoner and Lost> I let you down this weekend, or I guess I let myself down. Friday and Saturday nights were not AF, but tonight will be. I need to do this for myself, and not make promises others. My guilt is horrendous for making a promise I didn't keep.

Living Life>Welcome. This a good place to be. Period.

DD>Byrdie said it perfectly. Of course you're sore. I'm glad you had a good visit with your friends.

Hi Daisy, Wag, AV, j-vo, FF, Lav

You haven't let anyone down. Wipe the slate clean, learn from the last couple of nights and get back on track

I've discovered that AL has a horrible way of making it look like there is no way out. But only a short time free of AL can help you see the light.

[Juja]

Newbies Nest

This is why I failed this weekend

I didn't try hard enough. I drank to this and that.

After work on Friday, I had to run errands for my mother because my unreliable, younger sister failed to follow through on her commitment to Mom. I drank to irritation. I was in Walmart, heading for the soft drink aisle, saw the wine, and picked up my little box of wine. All the time I kept saying, "Dila, Lost, Londoner, FF, Dila, Lost, Londoner, FF," as a mantra of the commitment I had made to them. I picked up the box anyway, and forgetting to get Mom's Dr. Peppers.

Yesterday, while in a upscale grocery I seldom have the opportunity to visit, I saw a small bottle of prosecco. Oh, how cute. I'll get it. It's not big. Not once did I turn away and rethink it. Not once, either night. I drank because I was happy to be with my friend, and wasn't depressed about my husband. I also drank because I was scared of being all alone last night with my thoughts.

So, why don't I get it? Why am I not committed? I don't want throat, esophogeal, or stomach cancer. I don't want to be foggy. I don't want to stay home because I want to drink.

I need to spend some time in the tool box. I need a plan that will work for me.

12 of 30 AF days in June.

Day 1.

[Juja]

Newbies Nest

Thanks, Londoner. :l:h