Newbies Nest

[wagmore]

Newbies Nest

Lostinspace;1677113 wrote:
Thank you to everyone who responded to me with your kind and encouraging words. I haven't posted the last couple days out of shame. After telling other people not to back away from this community just because they slipped up, I failed to take my own advice. Had I posted yesterday, early in the day, things might have turned out differently. On Friday (which was supposed to be the very last day of my taper), I backslid and drank more than the day before, rather than less. Then yesterday was a total disaster. I started drinking heavily at around 1 in the afternoon and continued on for the rest of the day until I was completely hammered. I'm very disappointed in myself. I was doing so well. I'm not about to give up, though. Today I'm getting right back on track and will finish my taper in the next three days. (I figure that after the last couple of days it would be unwise to just jump straight down to the last day of my taper, withdrawal-wise, so I'll start back with the level I was at on Wednesday). Hope you're all having a great weekend.

LIS - Sorry to hear you had such a challenging weekend. Ok, you backslid... it happens. In fact, I would bet it has happened to all of us. It's understandable that you're disappointed - I think this is a very human response. Have you gotten back on track? Try not to sink into the disappointment and let inertia set in (or worse, backward momentum).

Sometimes what I do is decide I'm going to give a certain feeling (anger, regret, etc.) 10 minutes. I set a timer and really let myself feel it for those ten minutes - crying, journaling, writing an "eff ewe" email I'll never send, screaming into my pillow, or other emotional expression that fits the mood - but when the timer goes off, it's time to move forward. Not saying feelings can just be turned off like a switch. More just switching from "feeling" a certain way to using that feeling to propel myself forward.

10 minutes, then forgive yourself and take a step forward.

You can do this. We're here for you.

[Rahulthesweet]

Newbies Nest

allankay;1677260 wrote:
I never thought this way until I gave up myself but how does a rational society justify such a high cost for no real gain? It happens through indoctrination. It reminds me a bit of religion. My do muslims not drink? Because its not common in their society. This need to conform has got to stop...

Allan, please read my post and my experience about how modern Islamic City like Dubai looks from an alcoholic's eyes :https://www.mywayout.org/community/f1...bad-90977.html

I travel all around the world, I see generally in western society openness and "normal" treatment of AL maximum in western world - USA, UK, Germany, France, Australia etc. In Asian countries its a lot restricted. China, India etc. in I India advertisement of alcohol is any form is banned. Bars close my mid night and so are alcohol shops. No adverts in TV, print media, hoardings etc. same is case with cigarettes. Malaysia and Indonesia are Muslim countries and AL itself is quite restricted. Singapore, Hong Kong are different but still you see people fit. I don't have to say anything about US and Australia.

In Scandinavian countries at least my experience with Finland alcohol drinking in public - trains, trams, busses, parks even walking is considered normal and allowed by law. People may not brand you as alcoholic. It maybe due to extreme climate or history.

Russian and Belarus has massive display and consumption of vodka and I presume if you don't drink vodka shots you are considered as abnormal. If you don't drink beer there is seriously something during with you.

But then you know we alcoholics see place from alcoholic eyes. When I was drinking I was looking for Al and I found if every where ... When I was sober visiting same place again I had totally different experience. For example , dusseldorf and cologne area in Germany where I have been going every year since last almost 8 years now and literally know the place as beer capital of the world. On my last trip one one week end in evening I was roaming on streets with people partying with diet coke. Next morning (Saturday) I woke early and went for a jog and found so many people jogging as well. It turns out the entire city was NOT drinking.

Shanghai where I was there just 2 weeks back in another such example. I remember that city as city of cheap beers. Drinking every where but this time on sober trip I didn't see alcohol anywhere ... I was not looking !

Exactly same experience in Amsterdam . I was once there on Queens Day ( just google Queens day about holland) next time I was sober and saw city forms totally different angle and found it so beautiful.

I think it's a paradigm shift for our eyes. Its like going to a new place not the same you visited.

It's important to get sober for right reasons with right attitude. Not with feeling of deprived or attitude of self control. It's important to remember problem is AL. AL is the poison, and what happens when u take poison you get a disease.

There might be so many studies on alcoholic trying to find out why people become alcoholics. But there is are more conclusive proofs (not studies) that AL is a drug, harmful drunk, which causes cancer, is highly addictive, even in small amounts is a depressant dehydrates us, increases toxins in our body etc.

So we are enlightened ones we know this the hard way. If society considers AL as normal then remember same society considered smoking as normal just about 3 decades ago.

I am a Rotarian, today I went to a meeting and there the usual thing is open a bottle of whiskey and then start meeting on social subjects. Soon someone was talking about his "wonderful" experience of drinking and partying in Korea, everyone watched with amazement and maybe envy. I too was staring but with different eye - grateful that I am not anymore like that, grateful that this is not normal for me. It's not great to get drunk, puke have black outs and people drop me in hotel half conscious. Bit then I too was like that not just long ago ...

Take care sorry for long post ... But thought of sharing ..

[allankay]

Newbies Nest

NoSugar;1677467 wrote: Good to see you, Allan.

I believe this is slowly changing. More and more people are proud non-drinkers, with some of them being people who never drank at all. I don't think the pendulum is swinging quickly but I do think it's moving! It is especially encouraging to hear about the people in their 20s who have no interest in drinking.

I like looking at these lists and see who among people I admire are on "our team" :

Hi NS,

nice to see you too. You are right that it seems that there is a big new trend towards healthy lifestyle, green living among the generation X. These people are proud non smokers, healthy dieters, cycling environmentalists but the only thing they don't seem to compromise on is alcohol. It is a rarity, I would estimate teetotallers adult population in UK to be

[allankay]

Newbies Nest

Rahulthesweet;1677510 wrote: Allan, please read my post and my experience about how modern Islamic City like Dubai looks from an alcoholic's eyes :https://www.mywayout.org/community/f1...bad-90977.html

Rahul,

I have read your Dubai thread. I actually know quite a bit about Dubai, having a few close friends who are Europeans and live their on permanent basis. Dubai is a unique place in the middle east. It is probably the most liberal place and turns a blind eye on alcohol consumption among foreigners. They do not have the same alcohol infrastructure but the alcohol is very easy to come by, even though it costs an arm and a leg over there. They have specialised bars and serve AL in many hotels. So I would say Dubai is not the best example of an Islamic country.

I agree with you about your point of view. I used to laugh at musilms for being so conservative. I still disagree with many of their core principles but strongly support their view on alcohol.

I have lived in Russia for a number of years. And totally agree with you there. Its ingrained in there tradition and they really take offense if you don't accept their offer of a drink. They associate AL with friendship, family, good times, bad times, any time. They are increasingly becoming beer drinkers though.

British, however, are some of the hardest drinkers I have ever seen. They take pride in how much they drink. And drink for the sake of drinking. Shots of vodka with a beer is a typical drink that lasts about 20-30 minutes. As many go out at around 6pm on Friday and Saturday, it means that no less than 6-8 of these will be consumed by closing time. And that is a lot of units!!! I try not exaggerate. But I see this all the time and used to do this my self for many years. In fact some of my hardcore friends could consume 15 Pints on a Saturday every week. God only knows how their organs process that much alcohol.

It is incredible how one persons point of view can change in such a short amount of time. I used to be the one who was annoyed by the people not drinking by my standards. If I drank 5 pints it made me upset that some one else only had 2. And I couldn't stand teetotallers. So I guess I deserve the same treatment now from drinkers....

Allan

[Londoner]

Newbies Nest

Due to a music concert this weekend - that would usually mean a big piss up automatically.

But, today I feel back on my track and I'm thinking about how fed up I am of the rollercoaster of feeling good - terrible - okay - bad - good etc.

AL gives me the perception of enjoying things - but in fact, it sucks enjoyment out of my whole life.

So, a BIG test this weekend.

[daisy45]

Newbies Nest

Wag, just popping in to say Congratulations on your 60 days!

[NoSugar]

Newbies Nest

Thanks for your perspective, Allan. You live in a large city and I don't so that might account for some of the difference. And, drinking on college campuses does remain a huge problem, at least in the US, so I agree there is a long way to go.

[allankay]

Newbies Nest

NoSugar;1677563 wrote: Thanks for your perspective, Allan. You live in a large city and I don't so that might account for some of the difference. And, drinking on college campuses does remain a huge problem, at least in the US, so I agree there is a long way to go.

In smaller communities people drink because of isolation, loneliness or boredom. Just different reasons.

It is sometimes hard to deal with reality. Not everyone is blessed with great family and friends. I bet that there is a correlation between how good of a social structure you have and alcohol dependency.

AK

[available]

Newbies Nest

Allan you should pop over to Australia and see our drinking culture, i am thinking us Aussies can beat the Poms anyday and be so damn proud of the fact, which is so damn sad.

London, do you really need to go to that concert? All of the feelings you are having are normal. Al is trying to get into your psyche to have that drink, you will feel better, go on, it wont hurt you, just have the f**king drink so you dont feel like this. This is what al does London. Al sucks all enjoyment out of life, being sober is the only option for us alkies. I love being sober and i can never say i loved being drunk towards the end of my drinking career. I know you hate al, that is why you are here so if you can possibly not go to this concert then dont. You said you fall at the 14 day mark and you are going to a concert???????? mmmm let me think why you might fail around that time. Give yourself a chance to heal London that is all i can say.

Wag 60 days you go girl, a huge congrats to you. 7 months for me today and feels surreal.

[Lostinspace]

Newbies Nest

Thank you Juja and Wags for your kind words. I'm having a hard time living with myself right now, but am pushing forward. No one ever changed through shame alone (at least I know I haven't). So I'm moving forward towards sobriety.

EDIT: I'm sorry to be such a downer. Please excuse me while I go through the necessary changes.

[Pavati]

Newbies Nest

Hi, Everyone:

I'm back after a three-day family vacation - so much fun and laughter, even with everyone else drinking but me. I was dreading this trip when I first quit and it really was nothing. I had to explain a few times, but not many, and people didn't even notice at first because I still had my funny, witty (and much less anxious) self inside. The fear that kept me from quitting proves unfounded with each large event or milestone I get through.

Hi, Moni and Ican (and everyone else feeling wobbly). I read all I can about relapse - I know it can be a part of the disease, but I also know it doesn't HAVE to be a part of the disease. Here is a scholarly article about it; a blog; and a podcast on relapse prevention. Whatever your medium, take a look. One big part of it is avoiding complacency - focusing on sobriety every day. A large pain in the ass if you think about it one way, or a small price to pay for health and sanity if you look at it another. I know for sure that if I had one drink I would be off to the races. I'm sorry I was vulnerable to alcohol, but those are the facts, and accepting the fact that I CAN'T drink has brought so much relief from the struggle of when, how much, with whom and what.

Anyway - I'll try to catch up with the goings on here. Happy SOBER Monday,

Pav

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

Pav, glad to hear about your family vacation. Just goes to show that we do worry too much about stuff that never happens
Accepting that AL is no longer an option for us really makes this journey much easier.

LIS, I hope you can put your grief away & move forward with the rest of us. No point in worrying about the past - it's history now.

Wag, did I say CONGRATS on your 60 AF Days yet?? Awesome

Allan & Rahul, great to see you both!

Wishing everyone a safe & comfy night in the nest!

Lav

[Darkest Diamond]

Newbies Nest

Ava congratulations on your seven months! That is wonderful. I find counting the days very helpful, I am very good at rewarding myself, each week I buy myself flowers, seems extravagent but is nothing compared to the price of a bottle of wine or two each night!!

[allankay]

Newbies Nest

available;1677630 wrote:

7 months for me today and feels surreal.

Congratulations and I know the feeling

[daisy45]

Newbies Nest

Yay Ava! ......over the hump! .....must feel great to be past the halfway mark!