Newbies Nest

[Rahulthesweet]

Newbies Nest

Hello Nesters,

Right now is small town / village of pattaya. This is place is notorious and is well known "sin city". I am sure no one will believe but came her for work. Came here to see a machine. in the evening they took me out to a great bar but were probably dis appointed as "I dont drink !". We not me I was not dis appointed but my mind was very much pre occupied and a bit tensed by evening due to some more set backs on the work front ! Next few days are very very crucial for us to retain some important business. Such good setting, great beach side property where I am staying and here am I still worried ...

I know its not possible to change any outcome by simply worrying ... but then it does .. now this is a feeling I have not known to me for a very long time !

Take care and have fun watching world cup ... brazil or Germany ! will find out tomorrow !

Good night !

[daisy45]

Newbies Nest

Londoner, you already hate the way things are going - you don't want to go any further down that road.......we all know how hard it is to get started, but really isn't it much worse to feel how you do right now? The past cannot be changed but your future can.......grab hold of it and show everyone what a good person you are....time and a sober, clear head will change how you think and feel.....you won't find this out until you really give yourself the chance that you deserve.....
Rahul, maybe you need to get that camera out and focus on taking more of your lovely pics....a great distraction (and someting for us to look forward to). Stay strong....we so look forward to your posts....

[Petrelhead]

Newbies Nest

Rahulthesweet;1680370 wrote: Hello Nesters,

Right now is small town / village of pattaya. This is place is notorious and is well known "sin city". I am sure no one will believe but came her for work. Came here to see a machine. in the evening they took me out to a great bar but were probably dis appointed as "I dont drink !". We not me I was not dis appointed but my mind was very much pre occupied and a bit tensed by evening due to some more set backs on the work front ! Next few days are very very crucial for us to retain some important business. Such good setting, great beach side property where I am staying and here am I still worried ...

I know its not possible to change any outcome by simply worrying ... but then it does .. now this is a feeling I have not known to me for a very long time !

Take care and have fun watching world cup ... brazil or Germany ! will find out tomorrow !

Good night !

Rahul, hoping you can work through your issues.

Enjoy the World Cup. Germany have just scored!!!

[available]

Newbies Nest

London i am glad you are back. One thing i noticed was that when you said you were going out we asked what your plan was etc and you stayed off here. Avoiding your support network is going to get you into big trouble as you have shown. If you had participated then maybe you would not have gone out in the first place. You so need to do this London and we so want to help you. As you know the ones with the big days are the ones that check in here daily, twice daily. If you dont think this enough, as NS said AB or AA or something. You realise your problem but YOU need to get your plan together and stick to it. You are lucky, you realise at a young age that you are "fucking" your life up, it took me 20+ years and i did the drugs, i did the drink, i was the life of the party and i slept with so many men, i cant even remember their goddamn names. I mean how sad is that but thats life and now the past is the past and the future is what you have to focus on. You deserve the very best that life has to offer but only you (with help) can achieve that goal.

My daughter told me how proud of me she was last weekend, that to me makes ever sober day i have worthwhile. I am an alcoholic, yes and i am recovering, yes and it is hard some days, yes but if i want to be around to see my grandchildren and enjoy the rest of my life then YES i have to do this. I have to stay sober and i want to stay sober. No one understands how hard it is except another alky and we understand London, completely and utterly. It doesnt matter how many days we have up our sleeve, we know the struggles of an alky. Please get rid of your "so called friends", find some new ones that are sober and enjoy your life, we are only given one and i have blurred my way through half of mine but no more will i give in to al. My best friend and companion is gone forever and i am so very grateful for the help of MWO.

[available]

Newbies Nest

TTBH im a fellow aussie and i am doing dry july. Its funny how i hear people say how hard it is to stop for a month and im like "try giving up forever". As you say i dont know how much they drink but i certainly know how much i did.

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Londoner, I know you are searching for answers right now, and I certainly don't have them (even for myself). But I set my mind to one thing and one thing only. I WILL NOT DRINK. I made it non-negotiable. I keep comparing it to peanut allergy people, and if you know one, then you know they are forever vigilant in keeping away from peanuts. That's what AL is to us, only it eats at us from the inside out. You are on day 3, you are now operating under your own power. Why don't we see if we can work on your plan?
Is ALL of the AL our of your living space? Have you some good nutritious food on hand to keep yourself full and satisfied? Are there any land mines coming up? Concerts? Weddings? that we need to plan ahead for and work around? Do you know what you will say when someone offers you a drink? Do you know what you will order if you are out somewhere? Do you know what to do when you hear the voices that tell you it's ok? Do you know what to do when you get the 'Phuck-its'? Do you know how to occupy your time with worthwhile endeavors and stave off boredom? Are you hungry, angry, lonely or tired?
These are all the things that need to be worked out....this is how a PLAN is formulated. It's really nothing more than a contingency route. If THIS happens, I'm going to do THAT. It's the surprises that tend to throw us off our game. In these first 30 days, do whatever it takes to protect your quit like a little baby. Now is the time....You have the gift of seeing all of us who wasted 10, 20, 30 years of their lives on this crap, and it never gets any better! You have an opportunity to change! So let's get these things worked out, and get you set upright again. It only takes a few AF days to make you feel right as rain.
Londoner....WE believe in YOU! You can do this. Hugs, Byrdie

[bran new day]

Newbies Nest

Hi All ,
Day 2 Finally feeling human again , its a long and winding road but I'm sure the view will be worth it . BND

[Cherokeer]

Newbies Nest

Congrats on Your 39 days Petrel. Just a quick drop in. Will catch up later.

[Cherokeer]

Newbies Nest

30

[Andrew from Ireland]

Newbies Nest

Londoner;1680321 wrote: And to add to that, I feel like I have tainted my life in some way by doing the things I have done.

I have entered walks of life that I should not have entered.

I feel like I have let my family down. Myself down.

Only time can heal now.

My man, I'm 32, from Dublin, so we come from a similar binge drinking culture.

You haven't tainted your life, it just feels like that now. I started drinking when I was 17 and stopped about 10 weeks ago. Whatever bad things you've done I guarantee you I have done worse. If you want to talk about heavy drinking, I drank every day at my office job for about two years. In the end I resigned and ended up asking my parents could I come and stay with them so I could sober up. After a week or so they started to soften towards me and now they're proud. In life there is almost always a way back.

You feel bad about things you did when you were drunk? I did the most awful things. In about 20 different countries. Drugs, prostitutes, fights, treating girls like shit and whatever you're having yourself. I was a scumbag a lot of the time. But when I sobered up I knew I was alright. That was the booze. The drugs. Time to move on.

Don't beat yourself up.

I spent the last 18 months looking like Gazza on a bad night. I'd walk down the street and girls would recoil when I'd try and give them the eye. After 6 weeks sober I had lost a stone and a bit and am going out with a 23 years old (sober) Brazilian beauty. Life feels pretty damn good again and there's far more to it than getting wasted at the weekends and trying to spend the week piecing your mind and body back together again.

Get on it!

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

Nice to see you Andrew & you sound good - stay that way

Londoner, it is never too late to straighten up, I hope you know that!
It is your life & you get to choose how it's going to be starting right now. No more excuses, make a plan!

Petrel, my chickens are lucky girls. You can see how special Stella is in my avatar :H
Glad you are enjoying some well deserved time off!

Byrdie, loved your story about the donkey. Saving ourselves is something we all need to remember to do

Wishing everyone a safe night in the nest. Pass the butt Velcro around & use it of needed

Lav

[Darkest Diamond]

Newbies Nest

Good morning,
Thank you to all for thoughts, hugs and prayers, they really mean a lot to me. Cherooker I will send you a pm this eve when I get home from hospital.Wag you are so right even asking for help does take energy!! Also yes I do need to be back in hospital on an antibiotic drip to get better. Although I didn't like it in hospital if they suggest going back as an inpatient I would . Amazingly I slept well the night before last. That helped.
One of the difficult things is that all my friends work, many are also busy with young children of their own and I find it difficult to ask even though they have offered. I will get over that and ask as between them it would work out..... sort of rota system!! I have wonderful people who live in the same building as me, they are wonderful... really helpful doing all my gardening and watering etc, I think they would do more if asked.
Yesterday was very difficult, the nurse who changed the dressing said the infection was going to last another three or four weeks. As the infection is in the same place where I had the mastectomy, reconstruction, then implant removal because of infection number one I am in a lot of pain. I will strive to get this pain sorted out. Yesterday I had to have a bone scan to see if the cancer has spread to the bones, I cried during this as lying down is so difficult now, at home I do not lie down flat at bed time, I can’t! Today I have a CT scan of thorax, pelvis and something else also to see if cancer has spread, I am dreading lying down and hope that I don’t have to lie so flat today.

LIS
Be watchful now, make sure you don't go down that slippery slope!! I would hate you to go through what I did. I was sober for over three years and then I drank, then it was for me almost impossible to get sober again as I kept drinking again every few weeks. Then in the last few years it got really awful I struggled even to do one week sober as my mind and body were telling me to drink , at the end it got even worse, I was drinking nearly every eve after work and at weekends going for it all day. That was an intensly sad phase of my life. Being on this forum helped me a lot and also the occasional AA meeting, now alcohol has no hold over me but it did for so many years!!

Life Change
I know exactly what you mean about the monologue thing of drinking! I would endlessly give them! Being on the receiving end is so boring!

Rahul
Sorry you are finding things "boring" right now but I know you know it is a phase, also if ever you were to doubt yourself and your progress just read back on the posts where you were drinking nearly every day now that really is boring and none of us want to go back there!!

Sarah 42 Did you manage to see the doctor? If you did hope they have given you something to calm the tremors.

Londoner, it is lovely to have you back. I hope now you really manage to stay sober as it is sad to see you suffering. You seem to be suggesting isolating in order to stay sober that would be a tough and hard way of life. I have always lived in London, I did lots of alcoholic drinking at your age in pubs and clubs and i know that that is a big part of the whole youth culture scene, then and even more so now. However in London there are so many other wonderful things to do:- sports clubs, evening classes, museums, galleries, theatre, lots of different types of AA meeting, volunteering...... there are so many other alternatives that are fun, very interesting and a nice way of meeting people, where the emphasis is not on drinking. Hope this does not sound like I am lecturing, I really am suggesting , when I was your age and for another 12 years or so after that I was a member of a tennis club and I did fencing too, also I went to the theatre quite a bit too. Unfortunately these things did not stop me from drinking, but they helped curtail it, I did have bursts of drinking, but I did not have your insight or that feeling of desperately wanting to stop, for me that came later in life. Later on through AA and also some lovely dance classes I did stay sober for over three years. Then I got swallowed up by alcohol again, I think what I am trying to say is simply this.... yes London has got lots of drinking culture but it is also a pretty vibrant place with lots of sober opportunities. Good luck!!
xxxx

[Sarah42]

Newbies Nest

DD- going tomr. Going to tell him about AL too. Scared to death.

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

Good morning Nesters,

DD, glad to see you but sorry you are still so uncomfortable. Please take good care of yourself while going thru all this & get some rest too

Sarah, seeing your Doc & being completely honest may seem like a hard thing to do but it's a step in the right direction for you! Make that visit your first step in a new plan to take back control of your life. You can do this!!

Greetings to everyone & wishing an AF Happy Hump day to all!

Lav

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Good Morning, Nesters!
I hope everyone has a day of healing....
DD I just can't imagine the pain you are having. That area (chest) is the core of everything you do, every reach and turn is affected, I imagine. All of my thoughts will be with you today as you get your scans. I hope they are all crystal clear! XO

Sarah, good luck at the doctor's today. You are on a healing path, too. Hugs dear lady!

Andrew, GREAT to see you and hear that you are thriving! So proud of you! Isn't it amazing that just getting the crap out of our lives makes such a difference in everything else. I imagine the AL and drugs go together quite well. My hubs was asking me last night (due to the legalization of marijuana in two states) if I would be inclined to get some if it were legalized here. I told him, no....I am an addict. I don't want my judgment impaired anymore. All I need is to get loose with another drug...I'd be off to the races! So I can see where both could be a problem. Glad you checked in!!!

Hope everyone has an easy day. Off to check roll call, I know we have a very special award going out today to a certain someone who is approaching triple digits! Can't wait til she checks in!! Byrdie